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- Thread starter Mary Kay
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Please, when you can, keep us informed on her condition and yours too. You have gained a lot of friends here that care for you and your Mom.
Thank you! Right now I am dealing with Hospice, I just found out it wasn't a place but a program! Mom should be able to go to a nursing home thurs so now I need to decide if Hospice care is the best thing. She is suposed to have the feeding tube back in. I don't want to put her on hospice before the surgery is done.
This is all so confusing. I will get some advice tomorrow,
This is all so confusing. I will get some advice tomorrow,
From everything I've heard about hospice, it's a great thing. Let us know what you learn today.
Well she is in the Nursing home. She is on the feeding tube, but is raising hell about no one feeding her. She can't seem to understand she can't swallow..she can, but not well enough to keep liquid out of her lungs or to cough if food goes the wrong way.
I decided against hospice for now. I need to see how she does first. I also need to figure out how the secondary home aide/ nursing home plan is going to work. Right now the nursing home is going to cost above $350 over and above her medicare a month. She doesn't qualify for medicade because she owns a home. She owns an older home in Tampa and has some saved money (which I transferred most of out of her account to keep it safe Plus some of it was mine! She added it to her money market account.) Now I need to get the house out of her name.
This could get very expensive very fast. I will know by tomorrow.
The home is older then I first thought. But it's clean and the staff seems nice. There are a few people in wheelchairs in the hall and I asked about that, the L.P.N. said they are taken to different areas for rehab, activity rooms or speech therapy, but they seem to end up back near the nurses station because they like the chatting and activity. Most were moving around on their own. The few that were more like mom were there because they get upset when left alone and can't see other people (or they need to be watched all the time).
The main dining room serves as an activity room when not in use. People were watching a big screen T.V. that had a movie on it and some were playing jigsaw puzzles or reading the paper. There is a patio and garden that seems to be popular.
There is a small dining room for those who need help with feeding. When not in use it's a bingo room or a place for a family to gather for visits.
Mom will not avail herself of any social things. She never has. But it doesn't matter as long as her mind is on hiatus.
I had to go to walmart and get her house coats to wear as they insist on street clothes in the home. Why I have no clue! She can't wear most of her clothes because she can't stand up for long. Pants would be too hard for her or an aide to get on. I did buy some cute P.J. pants with matching shirts, that could be worn outside! I even found some light sweaters to match.( the sweaters look good with her house dresses too!) But those will have to wait until she has to go to the dentist for teeth fittings or when she has company other then me and she is stronger. I found a nice lap robe and matching pillow for her wheel chair. No rag bag look for her!
I decided against hospice for now. I need to see how she does first. I also need to figure out how the secondary home aide/ nursing home plan is going to work. Right now the nursing home is going to cost above $350 over and above her medicare a month. She doesn't qualify for medicade because she owns a home. She owns an older home in Tampa and has some saved money (which I transferred most of out of her account to keep it safe Plus some of it was mine! She added it to her money market account.) Now I need to get the house out of her name.
This could get very expensive very fast. I will know by tomorrow.
The home is older then I first thought. But it's clean and the staff seems nice. There are a few people in wheelchairs in the hall and I asked about that, the L.P.N. said they are taken to different areas for rehab, activity rooms or speech therapy, but they seem to end up back near the nurses station because they like the chatting and activity. Most were moving around on their own. The few that were more like mom were there because they get upset when left alone and can't see other people (or they need to be watched all the time).
The main dining room serves as an activity room when not in use. People were watching a big screen T.V. that had a movie on it and some were playing jigsaw puzzles or reading the paper. There is a patio and garden that seems to be popular.
There is a small dining room for those who need help with feeding. When not in use it's a bingo room or a place for a family to gather for visits.
Mom will not avail herself of any social things. She never has. But it doesn't matter as long as her mind is on hiatus.
I had to go to walmart and get her house coats to wear as they insist on street clothes in the home. Why I have no clue! She can't wear most of her clothes because she can't stand up for long. Pants would be too hard for her or an aide to get on. I did buy some cute P.J. pants with matching shirts, that could be worn outside! I even found some light sweaters to match.( the sweaters look good with her house dresses too!) But those will have to wait until she has to go to the dentist for teeth fittings or when she has company other then me and she is stronger. I found a nice lap robe and matching pillow for her wheel chair. No rag bag look for her!
Despite her condition, your mother is very lucky to have such a wonderful and caring daughter such as you. I don't know if you've ever heard it, but your situation makes me think of the last verse of the song 'Somebody's Hero' by Jamie O'Neal.
Thanks for the update. As much as any of us hate having to take that route with a loved one, sometimes it just can't be avoided. Others have said it, but I'll repeat it. Your mom is lucky to have you. Some many get 'dumped' by their relatives who can't be bothered.
How difficult a time this must be for you, I just can't imagine...... nor do I have anything appropriately comforting to say 
I'm glad you have a group to help support you though.
MaryKay, please consult an estate attorney, usually moving assests at this point not only doesn't work, but in many states can get you in trouble, but there are often ways around it, if you know where to look for them.
I'm glad you have a group to help support you though.MaryKay, please consult an estate attorney, usually moving assests at this point not only doesn't work, but in many states can get you in trouble, but there are often ways around it, if you know where to look for them.
Oh well they can come and find me, The money is in both our names.
Anyway, Mom's back in the hospital. She was in the home a whole 53 hours! The feeding tube is causing food to back up (like acid reflux) and go down into her lungs, because she can't swallow or cough it out. They took x-rays and it show one lung to be all white, they thought collapsed, but it was full of fluid. Her B.P. is like 64 over 34 with a pulse of 34..not good! her kidneys are not working well and she is dehydrated. The E.R. Dr. said this didn't happen in a couple of days. This was from her time in the hospital..he was really mad about them releasing her.
Anyway, back to square one.
Anyway, Mom's back in the hospital. She was in the home a whole 53 hours! The feeding tube is causing food to back up (like acid reflux) and go down into her lungs, because she can't swallow or cough it out. They took x-rays and it show one lung to be all white, they thought collapsed, but it was full of fluid. Her B.P. is like 64 over 34 with a pulse of 34..not good! her kidneys are not working well and she is dehydrated. The E.R. Dr. said this didn't happen in a couple of days. This was from her time in the hospital..he was really mad about them releasing her.
Anyway, back to square one.
Mom Passed away this morning in her sleep. That was a true Blessing and what I wanted for her.
Thank you all for your kind support. I know the words were hard for you to say..no one ever has the "right" words handy, but all of yours were perfect!
Thank you all for your kind support. I know the words were hard for you to say..no one ever has the "right" words handy, but all of yours were perfect!
MK, *hugs* and condolences. Glad to hear she passed peacefully, it's the best way to go.
I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I will definitely keep your family in my prayers. I was on vacation about two weeks ago and got a call that my mom was going to the ER (luckily it was just her gall bladder that has since been removed). I remember all the thoughts going through my head during my 4 hour drive back home. Some of the worst 4 hours ever. I can't even begin to imagine how hard your situation must be but it shows a lot about you and your mom's characters that you are both still able to put on a smile in your pic.
Oh no I'm sorry I'm new to this forum but read your entire story about your mum. Again I'm very sorry, glad to hear it was in her sleep and peaceful though.
I'm new to this forum but read your entire story about your mum. Again I'm very sorry, glad to hear it was in her sleep and peaceful though.
Kelly, Pharsyde, Thank You and Cowgirl..I refuse to call you Ghetto after such a sweet post! You are Welome here in the Womens Room and In ECF.
It was a relief today when the call came. Each call for the last month has been nerve racking to answer. She has been ready to go for a while and it just doesn't happen because you decide you are ready. She is with Family now and at peace.
It was a relief today when the call came. Each call for the last month has been nerve racking to answer. She has been ready to go for a while and it just doesn't happen because you decide you are ready. She is with Family now and at peace.
I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sure your mother was a lovely woman (she raised a class act after all), who lead a full and interesting life, and I am glad her end was a peaceful one. Its all any of us can hope for, really, for our loved ones or oursleves. Hugs to you!
I have stayed up as long as I can. So many phone calls and e-mails to answer in between the posts here. I need to go get some sleep. Thanks ladies, you made a very stressful day, a bit easier.
Night!
Night!
Hey Marykay.. I just noticed the post.. I've been so busy lately I havent been keeping up with people. *BIG HUGS*
Ditto above....she is with God now, and hopefully reading these posts. Please take care of yourself and be glad you had her as your Mom. And remember, she is always with you in your heart.
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