Two cannibals are eating a clown, one cannibal looks at the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?"
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What do a tornado, a hurricane and a redneck divorce have in common?
In the end, someone is going to loose a house trailer.
In the end, someone is going to loose a house trailer.
A blonde had locked her keys in the car. She called her Husband to bring her the spare key. The husband became aggrevated because this was not the first time and told her 'I can't believe you did this again'. She replied, 'I know honey and I am sorry. But could you please hurry because it's starting to rain and the tops down!
Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”
The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”
The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”
MOM OVER FOR DINNER
You don't even have to be a mother to enjoy this one...
Ben invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Ben's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Ben's roommate, Jennifer, was. Ben's mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Ben and Jennifer and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ben and Jennifer than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Ben volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Jennifer came to Ben saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you"'
Ben said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mom,
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Ben
Several days later, Ben received an email back from his mother that read:
Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love, Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY -
NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER
You don't even have to be a mother to enjoy this one...
Ben invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Ben's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Ben's roommate, Jennifer, was. Ben's mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Ben and Jennifer and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ben and Jennifer than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Ben volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Jennifer came to Ben saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you"'
Ben said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mom,
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Ben
Several days later, Ben received an email back from his mother that read:
Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love, Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY -
NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER
You know... I don't expect everybody to go back and read through ALL of the other posts, but I've been pretty much keeping up with it since the beginning and I am starting to see a lot of duplicates...
But what REALLY got to me was when I saw someone post the same exact joke I had just posted, on the same page!!! And only 4 posts down from it... Sheesh!!
It was a joke about cats, so maybe they were just being a 'copy cat'...
LOL!!
But what REALLY got to me was when I saw someone post the same exact joke I had just posted, on the same page!!! And only 4 posts down from it... Sheesh!!
It was a joke about cats, so maybe they were just being a 'copy cat'...
LOL!!Bubba and his neighbor penguin Sean were chatting about Bubba's new purchase. "What is that thang?" sez Sean.
"It's a thermos bottle," responds Bubba. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
"What you got in there?"
...
"Chili and iced tea."
"It's a thermos bottle," responds Bubba. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
"What you got in there?"
...
"Chili and iced tea."
A penguin gets shipwrecked. When he wakes up, he's on a beach. The sand is
dark red. He can't believe it. The sky is dark red. He walks around a
bit and sees that there is dark red grass, dark red birds and dark red
fruit on the dark red trees. He's shocked when he finds that his skin is
starting to turn dark red too.
...
"Oh no!!" he says, "I think I've been marooned!!"
dark red. He can't believe it. The sky is dark red. He walks around a
bit and sees that there is dark red grass, dark red birds and dark red
fruit on the dark red trees. He's shocked when he finds that his skin is
starting to turn dark red too.
...
"Oh no!!" he says, "I think I've been marooned!!"
Q: What do a penguin and a jalepeno have in common?
A: They both look fabulous in a sombrero.
Q:What do a penguin and a snake have in common?
A: Neither one can say "sassafras" without spitting.
Q;What do a penguin and a duck have in common?
A: They're both birds with webbed feet. Wow don't you know anything?
A: They both look fabulous in a sombrero.
Q:What do a penguin and a snake have in common?
A: Neither one can say "sassafras" without spitting.
Q;What do a penguin and a duck have in common?
A: They're both birds with webbed feet. Wow don't you know anything?
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A man and a penguin were sitting in a waiting room. The man turns to the penguin and says “You know I’m 55 years old and still have all my baby teeth.”
“No” replied the penguin.
The man says “Yep, all 37 of them. In a box I keep under my bed. I’m saving them for when I retire"
The penguin says. “You do know there’s no tooth fairy.”
The man replies “Yeah like I‘m going to believe that from a talking penguin”
“No” replied the penguin.
The man says “Yep, all 37 of them. In a box I keep under my bed. I’m saving them for when I retire"
The penguin says. “You do know there’s no tooth fairy.”
The man replies “Yeah like I‘m going to believe that from a talking penguin”
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A man walks up to an intersection waiting for the light to change. He looks over and sees a penguin standing there waiting with a dog. He asks the penguin "Does your dog bite?" "No" says the penguin. The man starts petting the dog and it bites him. "Hey I thought you said your dog doesnt bite!" The penguin replies "Thats not my dog."
A man knocks on his neighbors door, when he answers he asks "Do you know there is a penguin and a pelican on your roof?" "Yeah I know" said the man, "They have been up there for 3 days." The neighbor asks "What are they doing up there?". The man answers "Playing Monopoly"
A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. While doing this the clerk spots two penguins sitting on the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?" The man in the car says, "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them but, I haven't a clue."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."
"Yeah, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car. "Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo!"
"Oh, I did," says the driver, "and we had a great time. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."
"Yeah, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car. "Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo!"
"Oh, I did," says the driver, "and we had a great time. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
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