Free Joyetech 650mAh eGo-T kit and eJuice – Contest from High Desert Ecigs

[arkywolf]

here is my joke altough i am not able to enter the contest...

A boy carring an empty pail goes up to the farmer and says..' mister i see you have some milk weed next to the fence, was wondering if you would mind if I helped my self to a pail of milk. ' The farmer knowing there was no milk in milk weed told the boy ' Sure thing , take as much as you can carry' A few minutes later the came back with a pail full of milk to the farmers amazement.


The next day the boy came up and said " I see you have some honey suckle near the woods'. Again the farmer agreed to him getting some honey. The boy left the farmer scratching his head as he left with a bucket of honey.


The boy return the next day "I see you have a couple of ..... willows down by the pond.... " the farmer interrupted saying " hold on boy let me get my hat I am going with you ..."

 

[charady]

Not nearly as funny as the others, but here is one I saw today (and being from Iowa, I had to share!):

A Texas fan, a Nebraska fan, and an Iowa fan were out riding horses one day. At one point, the Texas fan pulled out a bottle of expensive bourbon, took a long swig, threw the bottle to the ground, pulled out a pistol and shot it. "What are you doing?" asked the Nebraska fan. "That was perfectly good whiskey." "In Texas, we have more whiskey than we need,"... said the Longhorn fan, "And bottles are... cheap." They rode along for a while, and the Nebraska fan was thinking. Then he pulled out a bottle of champagne,opened it, took a swig, threw down the bottle, pulled out his pistol and shot the bottle. "What are you doing?" asked the Iowa fan. "That was perfectly good champagne." "In Nebraska,"said the Husker fan, "We have more champagne than we need, and the bottles are cheap." They rode along for a while, and then the Hawkeye fan pulled out a bottle of beer, drank the whole thing, put the bottle back in his saddlebag,pulled out his pistol and shot the Nebraska fan. "What are you doing?" asked the Texas fan. "In Iowa, " replied the Hawkeye fan, "we have more Husker fans than we need, but bottles are worth a nickel! LOL!!!

 

[Lauralie]

True story:

One night eating supper our 8 year asked her daddy, "Daddy, what animal do taters come from anyway?"

I laughed my ar$e off and he explained it to her.

 

[Adrena]

This one it for all my blonde friends enjoy....

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer
persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."
She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.
The blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

 

[Sdh]

Okay here is a quick one liner
Why did god make farts so smelly?
So deaf people could enjoy them...

 

[ZooKansas]

thx for the contest

 

[Brewtus]

thx for the contest

No problem. We figured it was a great way to introduce our company to all you wonderful vapers and bring everyone a smile at the same time. Here's a good one I just found:

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

 

[tofucute]

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, "Tsquare, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?" The Government Worker called to his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

 

[Loveridden]

A woman goes to her boyfriend’s parents’ house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn’t loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend’s father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman’s feet, and said in a rather stern voice, “Ginger!” The woman thought, “this is great!” and a big smile came across her face.

A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn’t even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, “dammit Ginger!” Once again the woman smiled and thought, “yes!”

A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn’t even think about it. She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, “dammit Ginger, get away from her before she sh**s on you!”

 

[Brewtus]

About a day and ahalf for this contest to be over... Here's my joke for today:

A lawyer died and was delivered into the devil's hands. "You will be spending eternity here, but I'll let you pick your own room from three I'll show you," the devil said.

In the first room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a brick floor. "I don't like that," said the man. "Show me the second."

In the second room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a wood floor. "Well, that's better than brick," the man said, "but show me the third."

In the third, thousands of people were standing ankle-deep in a room full of maggot infested garbage, all drinking coffee.

"I'll choose this room," he said.

Into the room he went and the door slammed behind him.

Immediately, the voice of a minor demon rang out, "OK, coffee break is over, back on your heads."

 

[Brewtus]

Last day for the contest. Winners will be notified via email and have 72 hours to respond. If we don't hear back from you we will move to the second choice. =)

Anymore good jokes?

 

[Sdh]

I have allot of jokes...but not appropriate for this forum

 

[Brewtus]

I have allot of jokes...but not appropriate for this forum

Haha, I hear that. I did see a funny t-shirt, it said:

"I don't need Google, my wife knows everything"

~Brewtus

 

[Reddhott]

hahahahaha! i like that one!!!

 

[Brewtus]

hahahahaha! i like that one!!!

=) right, my wife did too.

 

[spacekitty]

GIRLFRIENDS

A group of 15-year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for
dinner.

Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Dairy Queen next to
the Ocean View restaurant because they only had $6.00 between them and Jimmy
Johnson, that cute boy in Social Studies, lives on that street and they
might see him and they can ride their bikes there.

10 years later, the group of 25 year old girlfriends discussed where they
should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at
the Ocean View restaurant because the beer was cheap, they had free snacks,
the band was good, there was no cover and there were lots of cute guys.

10 years later, at 35 years of age, the group once again discussed where
they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should
meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the cosmos were good, it was right
near the gym and if they go late enough, there wouldn't be too many whiny
little kids.

10 years later, at 45 years of age, the group once again discussed where
they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should
meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the martinis were big, and the
waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.

10 years later, at 55 years of age, the group once again discussed where
they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed they should meet at the
Ocean View restaurant because the food there was reasonable, the wine list
was good, they had windows that open in case of a hot flash, and fish is
good for your cholesterol.

10 years later, at 65 years of age, the group once again discussed where
they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at
the Ocean View restaurant because lighting was good and they have an early
bird special.

10 years later, at 75 years of age, the group once again discussed where
they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at
the Ocean View restaurant because food was not too spicy, the restaurant was
handicapped accessible and they even had an elevator!

10 years later, at 85 years of age, the group once again discussed where
they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at
the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.

 

[Reddhott]

A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explains that it's not so easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed.

St. Peter asked the man, "Were you religious in life? Did you Attend church services?"

"No."

St. Peter told him, "That's bad. Were you generous? Did you give money to the poor? To charities?"

"No."

"That too was bad. Did you do any good deeds? Helped your neighbor? Anything?"

"No."

St. Peter was becoming concerned.

Exasperated, St. Peter said, "Look, everybody does something nice sometimes. Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!"

The man said, "There was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Hell's Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her. I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face".

"Wow", said Peter, "That's impressive. When did this happen"?

"Oh, about 10 minutes ago", replied the man.

 

[Brewtus]

Two men are golfing when they get finished with their hole and go to the next they wait for the two women in front of them. The women are taking soo long that one of the men decide to go ask what is taking so long. The man gets half way to the women turns around and comes back. The other man asks why did you come back the man replys...that is my wife and my mistress. So the men wait a little longer and get tired so the other man says he is going to go see what is taking so long. The man gets half way there turns around and comes back. The other man asks why did you come back. The man replys small world!! HAHAHA

 

[oplholik]

Things to do @ Wal-Mart while the significant other is taking his/her sweet time:

1. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
2. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G. I. Joe's vs. the X-Men.
3. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
4. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restroom.
5. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
6. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
7. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "pick me! pick me!!"
8. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

 

[Sdh]