God does have a sense of humor

[Whosback]

Well I might as well share my story too.

It was about 5 years ago and I was working as the returns specialist (Literally they had to create the position to make it my every day job since nobody wanted to rotate in) and this lady walks up to my counter with a can of paint. Now for clarity my store is located in a upper middle class trifecta of suburbs with many people who have more money then brains and think they are better then you because of it, this lady was one of um. She slams down her can of paint and start taping her giant fake finger nails.

So i look at her and smile and say "Hello Miss How are you doing today?"
To which she responds by throwing her receipt at me and shoving the can of paint a touch closer.
"May i ask why you are returning this?" Is my reply.
"I'm done and it's left over." She snaps at me while rolling her eyes and starting to text someone.
I pick up the can of paint and see notice that it's about half empty."Okay, well I am sorry, but mixed paint is not returnable (Big sticker on the top of the can says this as well), and some of this has been used. It's not a bad idea to keep a bit extra around anyway if for future touch up work."

She glares at me and begins howling like a banshie about how her husband makes more in a week then I do in a year and I will do as I am told.

"Well I could give paint a call and see if they will make an exception for you." Was my old response to this very amusing woman.

Her response was equally as reasonable and thoughtful:

She picks up her can of paint screams "You will take it back NOW!" and throws it at me. The Lid to the can of paint flies off and paint explodes all over me.

As the can of paint echoes in the pin drop silence of the following moments and the next few customers in line jaws hit the floor as the wait for my reply. I simply wipe the paint off of my forehead to keep it from getting into my eyes and look into this clearly superior persons eyes and say.

"I'm sorry I can't return this you've used all the paint" With that I walk away to go clean my self up.

On my way back, I find out that a manager has been called and it's the little twerp who is also one of the suburbanites of superior breeding. It turns out he gave her a full refund and "apologized for my terrible ruddiness". Now normally I would be quite angry to find this out, however this time it was a delight to see the result.

As I walk up to the desk I could hear yelling about calling the corporate offices right now to loge a complaint. Naturally i assumed it was the paint lady still spouting off. To my surprise I find that it is not the paint lady, but the other three women who were inline behind her. They have basically pinned the twerp manager against the wall demanding that he call corporate so they can complain about his giving that woman a refund after how she acted and to apologize to me for it.

It was quite nice to watch the gutless wonder sweat bullets as three very nice ladies looked like they were about to rip his eyes out. Well it makes me smile at least.

 

[BostLabs]

That is one cute skunk cookiebun.

I like animals and for the most part they like me.

But they LOVE my wife. Dogs especially. Stuff like this keeps happening. My wife and I are driving down the street. Traffic is moving a bit slow and on the sidewalk is a woman/man (don't remember that person much) walking a Golden Retriever on a leash. The dog seems very well behaved and this event totally took the person holding the leash by surprise. The dog glances over to the car, my wife is just looking at the dog, that's it, just looking, and the dog decides it MUST visit my wife RIGHT THEN.

As stuff like this has happened before I immediately stopped the car. The person on the other end of the leash get YANKED off of their feet as the dog goes to visiting. LOL! The owner, after they had gotten up, was confused because their dog has never done that before. Well the dog has never met Margaret before either.

Like I said, critters like me but they never act that way around me. Just my wife.

 

[BostLabs]

It was quite nice to watch the gutless wonder sweat bullets as three very nice ladies looked like they were about to rip his eyes out. Well it makes me smile at least.

That, my friend, is justice.

 

[daleron]

That is one cute skunk cookiebun.

I like animals and for the most part they like me.

But they LOVE my wife. Dogs especially. Stuff like this keeps happening. My wife and I are driving down the street. Traffic is moving a bit slow and on the sidewalk is a woman/man (don't remember that person much) walking a Golden Retriever on a leash. The dog seems very well behaved and this event totally took the person holding the leash by surprise. The dog glances over to the car, my wife is just looking at the dog, that's it, just looking, and the dog decides it MUST visit my wife RIGHT THEN.

As stuff like this has happened before I immediately stopped the car. The person on the other end of the leash get YANKED off of their feet as the dog goes to visiting. LOL! The owner, after they had gotten up, was confused because their dog has never done that before. Well the dog has never met Margaret before either.

Like I said, critters like me but they never act that way around me. Just my wife.

AGAIN! ROFL That is just priceless! I'ld love to meet your wife

 

[daleron]

As I walk up to the desk I could hear yelling about calling the corporate offices right now to loge a complaint. Naturally i assumed it was the paint lady still spouting off. To my surprise I find that it is not the paint lady, but the other three women who were inline behind her. They have basically pinned the twerp manager against the wall demanding that he call corporate so they can complain about his giving that woman a refund after how she acted and to apologize to me for it.

It was quite nice to watch the gutless wonder sweat bullets as three very nice ladies looked like they were about to rip his eyes out. Well it makes me smile at least.

Well Whosback, I sure am sorry you got treated like that (been there, done that) but didn't ya feel good when they had him pinned to the wall?! And what a great story you get to tell

 

[Stormy1960]

Well I might as well share my story too.

It was about 5 years ago and I was working as the returns specialist (Literally they had to create the position to make it my every day job since nobody wanted to rotate in) and this lady walks up to my counter with a can of paint. Now for clarity my store is located in a upper middle class trifecta of suburbs with many people who have more money then brains and think they are better then you because of it, this lady was one of um. She slams down her can of paint and start taping her giant fake finger nails.

So i look at her and smile and say "Hello Miss How are you doing today?"
To which she responds by throwing her receipt at me and shoving the can of paint a touch closer.
"May i ask why you are returning this?" Is my reply.
"I'm done and it's left over." She snaps at me while rolling her eyes and starting to text someone.
I pick up the can of paint and see notice that it's about half empty."Okay, well I am sorry, but mixed paint is not returnable (Big sticker on the top of the can says this as well), and some of this has been used. It's not a bad idea to keep a bit extra around anyway if for future touch up work."

She glares at me and begins howling like a banshie about how her husband makes more in a week then I do in a year and I will do as I am told.

"Well I could give paint a call and see if they will make an exception for you." Was my old response to this very amusing woman.

Her response was equally as reasonable and thoughtful:

She picks up her can of paint screams "You will take it back NOW!" and throws it at me. The Lid to the can of paint flies off and paint explodes all over me.

As the can of paint echoes in the pin drop silence of the following moments and the next few customers in line jaws hit the floor as the wait for my reply. I simply wipe the paint off of my forehead to keep it from getting into my eyes and look into this clearly superior persons eyes and say.

"I'm sorry I can't return this you've used all the paint" With that I walk away to go clean my self up.

On my way back, I find out that a manager has been called and it's the little twerp who is also one of the suburbanites of superior breeding. It turns out he gave her a full refund and "apologized for my terrible ruddiness". Now normally I would be quite angry to find this out, however this time it was a delight to see the result.

As I walk up to the desk I could hear yelling about calling the corporate offices right now to loge a complaint. Naturally i assumed it was the paint lady still spouting off. To my surprise I find that it is not the paint lady, but the other three women who were inline behind her. They have basically pinned the twerp manager against the wall demanding that he call corporate so they can complain about his giving that woman a refund after how she acted and to apologize to me for it.

It was quite nice to watch the gutless wonder sweat bullets as three very nice ladies looked like they were about to rip his eyes out. Well it makes me smile at least.

That made my day

 

[kelli]

You probably would have been fine. They can't spray very badly until they get pretty big.

....................

 

[bazmonkey]

Of course he does. He created the Platypus.

That's not humor! Body of a beaver + the rest of a duck. Taxonomists the world over had NIGHTMARES until they found the echidna! Marsupials were bad enough, then they had to deal with monotremes. Right when they thought the taxonomic horror of discovering the Australian continent was passed... BAM! Tuatara.

As for skunks being God's sense of humor, ask the skunk! His natural defense mechanism when confronted with something hopelessly overpowering is to basically play chicken and fart. If that was my best defense I'd feel cheated out of the better ideas, like... running away, hiding, or the granddaddy of defenses against cars: listening to and avoiding them.

 

[BostLabs]

AGAIN! ROFL That is just priceless! I'ld love to meet your wife

LOL!

Well if you haven't figured it out by now I'll let you know that we have a small house hold of rescued animals. We currently have 4 dogs and 1 cat. That number has grown and, sadly, shrunk from time to time. There have been many of a time where my wife has been out and about and I get a phone call at home. I have a hard time understanding her because of all the barking in the background. She is at the Humane Society or the pound and has some one I must meet. I've never been able to say no to her when she says there is an animal that, and I quote, "needs our help".

So one time I get this call (I've learned by now and go with her a lot just so I don't get the call) and there is barking in the background and there is a dog that needs our help. So I hop in my truck (long gone now, replaced with my bike) and head for the Humane Society.

Some one had turned in a dog, an older dog, that I had to meet. The dog, we called him Riley, is a Golden Retriever/Labrador mix (big dog) and was probably the most depressed dog I've ever met. He would just lay on the floor next to a volunteer and not move. He was a very sad dog. As the Society was closing for the day we could not take him that night. So we visited for a bit and before we left I told him that we'd be back tomorrow morning to take him home. Now most people say dogs are dumb and can't understand what you are saying, but I'll let you judge that for yourself.

The next morning we are back, bright and early to take him home. We enter the area where he stayed the night and, believe it or not, he saw us and GOT UP and was ready to go home. He went from sad to happy like flipping a switch. we got him home and we discovered that he must have had a really bad experience on a tile floor. He would not walk on it. It took a while but we got him over that and he integrated into our family.

Months go by and he is able to move about the house at will. a few years go by and he is getting older and is starting to need to go outside during the night. The first time it was around 3 am. I remember this very clearly and you will soon learn why.

I'm a fairly light sleeper. I picked that habit up in the Marine Corps. Margaret can almost sleep though anything and does. So I'm asleep, Riley wanders into the bedroom. Walks up to my side of the bed, right by my face and barks. Not a yip, yip or a bark, bark. I mean a WOOF, WOOF, WOOF!!!!! Riley had one of the loudest barks I've ever heard. So I bounce off of the ceiling, hit the bed again and he does it again! WOOF, WOOF, WOOF!!!! I am clamping my hands to my head and saying "Alright, alright, I'm up!". Margaret did. not. budge. Slept through the whole thing.

Before Riley went to the Rainbow Bridge I got to where I could hear him enter the room and wake up and get up before he would bark.

My wife has stated on several occasions that when she dies she doesn't want to go to heaven, she will ask Saint Peter to let her go to the Rainbow Bridge. Let me tell you guys, that will be one heck of a reunion.

In this thread we've said that God had a sense of humor. I am here to state that he most certainly does have a sense of humor and me and my dogs provide him endless hours of amusement. And I'm very sure that we are not done yet.

 

[daleron]

So I'm asleep, Riley wanders into the bedroom. Walks up to my side of the bed, right by my face and barks. Not a yip, yip or a bark, bark. I mean a WOOF, WOOF, WOOF!!!!! Riley had one of the loudest barks I've ever heard. So I bounce off of the ceiling, hit the bed again and he does it again! WOOF, WOOF, WOOF!!!! I am clamping my hands to my head and saying "Alright, alright, I'm up!". Margaret did. not. budge. Slept through the whole thing.

Before Riley went to the Rainbow Bridge I got to where I could hear him enter the room and wake up and get up before he would bark.


Hahahaha!!!! That story started out sooo sad but then the tears in my eyes were from laughing
I would be like Margaret because I'm legally deaf so when I take off my hearing aids & go to bed ... that's it!! Mine have to jump on me to get a response

 

[daleron]

....................[/QUO



Awwwww Kelli ......... that's exactly how I felt when I read that!
We really could have done without knowing that

 

[Mud Pie]

I have always been a "dog person". Got my first dog from my grandmother for my 5th birthday and have always had one since. He lived for 18 years. Then I got a German Shepherd, he lived for 10 (heartworms). Then I got a Chihuahua and adopted a Min Pin. They lived for 20 and 18 years respectively. I now have another Min Pin, now 3. I was never a "cat person". I married a cat person, and the "we should get a cat" discussion began.

I had the standard defenses of a male dog-owner. "If I'm feeding/taking care of a pet, I want one that kisses my .... when I get home, a cat could care less." Dog owners are Masters. Cat owners are Staff. A dog will defend the home, a cat will escort the thief to the good stuff as long as you rub them. Etc.,etc..

My wife was out of town for work for a two week stretch. I had noticed a stray cat hanging on our front porch every day when I got home from work. I shoo'd it away. Damn cat. On Saturday I decided to vaccuum the carpet. Pulling the vaccuum from the hall closet, I notice waaay in the back....a feeding bowl, a water dish and a bag of dry cat food. THAT'S why that cat is hanging out, it's being fed !!

My wife checks in that evening and I relay my closet discovery. I ask if she was feeding the cat hanging on our porch. Sheepishly she says, "Yeah. I know you hate cats. It's such a pretty kitty." (it was...). I say I don't HATE cats, I just didn't WANT one. I relent and feed that stray every day. It begins meeting me at my car every morning and evening. I begin to (gasp) like that cat. It was big and fluffy, I thought it was fat, so I kept calling it Fat Cat.

Two weeks pass, I pick my wife up at the airport. As we pull into our driveway, Fat Cat comes trotting up. I announce, "And heeerrrre's Fat Cat !!" as it makes figure eights around my legs. My wife looks down and says, "Who's that ?". I say, "The cat you've been feeding in secret. I've been feeding it every day for the past two weeks." "That's not the cat I was feeding." "HUH ??" She goes, "It's not fat, it's pregnant !!" S'wonderful.

A few weeks later, we come home from work and Fat Cat gave birth in our front yard. She was obviously a young mother as instincts did not kick in; the kittens were still "attached" to her; she didn't clean them up or anything. We scooped the whole "mess" up, put her and her three kittens into a box and went off to our vet. Our vet cleaned them all up, one kitten had it's siblings umbilical cord wrapped around her leg. The vet said that kitten may lose its leg from lack of circulation, the kitten attached to the cord will die as it was pulled. With trepidation I asked, "What do I owe you ?". The vet said, "You brought in a stray that had a difficult birth. Most people wouldn't. I couldn't charge you one cent.". The kitten with the leg issue did lose it's leg. We called her Peggy. The other kitten died the next day. Fat Cat is now named Momma.

10 years have passed and we still have both Momma and Peggy (the "normal" kitten was given to a co-worker). I am now a "cat person". Momma still meets me at my car every day, rubbing on the edge of my opened car door as I get out and does her damndest to trip me with her figure eights. Peggy runs to the door meowing when she hears my car in the drive. Much to my wifes chagrin, Peggy sleeps next to me at night, her front paw resting on my arm.

They both totally ignore my wife; The Original Cat Person.

Yes, God does have His ways....

 

[BostLabs]

One day, many, many years ago, a boy says to his mother "Can I keep the cat? It's only one."
Time passes by. My one cat multiplied to 17 (over time of course).

Good thing we lived in the country. Feeding time was fun. It wasn't a couple of cats meowing, it was a descending horde.

 

[Robino1]

Oh my, I adore these animal stories.
I'm a cat person myself. Sadly I cannot have one. Mr. Robin would no longer be able to breathe. Maine .... is my favorite breed of cat. When I was married to my ex, our daughter brought home this stray kitten from a relatives one day. I would catch it eating out of the huge dog food bag. Literally I would only see his tail and back legs, the rest of him would be in the bag chowing down. I assumed he got sooo big from eating dog food. LOL. I had to take him to a new vet one time and the vet looks at him and says "Whoa! Monster kitty!" Rocky would intimidate small dogs easily. He could stand up from the floor and put his front paws on the dining room table and see over the table.

I miss that guy.....

 

[cookiebun]

Edit:

....................

Actually, if they were out and about with their mom there were probably pretty close to being independent. They spend time with their Mom learning what to eat. If that wasn't their first outing they may have been nearly ready to be on their own.
My little skunk was nowhere near that. He didn't recognize food or water and let me pick him up. I bet those little skunks you saw probably
wouldn't have let you get that close. My only point was, you don't have to worry about them spraying you badly when they are little. They don't have enough amo. I have a picture of my little skunk with his tail pointing straight up. That's a warning that he wants to spray. Sorry I can't find the picture.
Another thing, if you don't have gloves and you get bit or licked, that's a death sentence for the skunk. They'll kill it to test it's brain for rabies. I wore gloves and used a heavy towel to rescue the skunk. If an animal lets you pick it up then it definitely needs some help. If you can't you just have to let nature take it's course.
Every thing you need to know about rescuing skunks:
Skunk Haven™: Wild Skunk Rescue

 

[daleron]

LOL!!! MudPie
Loved your story .... however; I do have one question. If it wasn't your wife's secret cat you were feeding what happened to the original I wonder?

Dang Robino! That's a BIG cat ...

 

[HauntedMyst]

I am surprised no one has mentioned the second most offensive, yet far more common smelly animal - the junior high school boy. 4 or 5 years ago, my son hit puberty with full force and if you haven't been around that smell for 30 years, its like a punch in the face. Your eyes water, your head reels, logic and kindness are tossed into the wind as you try to escape it. I sat my son down and said "Listen, if I tell you that you stink, then you stink and go shower. I might not sound nice when I say it but I am being nice, to you and everyone around you.

We have thousands of weapons scientists working on high tech weapons when if just one of them could figure out how to weaponize the concentrated stink of a sweaty 6th grader, world peace would be assured for generations for fear of unleashing such a weapon.

 

[Robino1]

Dang Robino! That's a BIG cat ...

Three feet long with his tail. Two feet without measuring the tail. A 'normal' sized cat next to him looked like a kitten that was a few months old.

 

[Whosback]

One day, many, many years ago, a boy says to his mother "Can I keep the cat? It's only one."
Time passes by. My one cat multiplied to 17 (over time of course).

Good thing we lived in the country. Feeding time was fun. It wasn't a couple of cats meowing, it was a descending horde.

I must by law do this. 'FOR THE HORDE"!

 

[Whosback]

Okay aminal story time.

Back oh about 10 years ago I shared a house with a friend of mine. Now we were both cat lovers and decided to get a cat. We went to a shelter and got this little orange bundle of fur we called "Nami" (we liked the un adulterated One Piece back then) and things were well and good. She was sweet and affectionate and all that and was great company.

At the time I was a manager of 3 different pizza joints in my local areas, so I spent quite a bit of time out and about going between the three place. One day one of my assistant managers tells me she is moving into a place that did not allow cats and wanted to know if I could take her cat "Zack" (Horrible name for a cat, quickly changed to GIR after he nuzzled a lamp to death) I of course said yes.

So I took the cat named "Zack"( he had yet to meet the lamp who's life he would take) home with me a few days later.

Now we all know that cats are territorial animals and that there was probably going to be a bit of fusing and fighting between the two until they got used to one another. I however was not expecting the hostility that ensued.

I get little "Zack"(still no lamp) home and let the little bugger out of his carrier. He does the usual cat thing and slowly peeks out and sniffs around. After a few minutes he begins to move out of the carrier.

DASH! A little orange blur flies at him and immediately begins hissing and batting at him. Zack now decides to run and hide up on top of the sofa. The orange car remains near the carrier hissing and spitting at him. I quickly go and get a water pistol (we were 3 guys living together in our early 20s of course we had water pistols) and load it up with water incase more hostility occurred.

An hour later Nami is still glaring at our new arrival and poor little Zack is looking terrified on his perch. So I decide to pour some food into Nami's bowl to try and draw her away.

Success! The orange, fur coated ball of rage has been pacified. Time to get Zack.

To lure Zack down off the couch and do the usual petting, ear scratching, and so fourth to help him relax a bit. One paw touches the ground and orange lightning strikes again. Water pistol time!

This however did not deter kitty for long before she was back at keeping poor Zack on his perch. Okay so we put his food on the couch and his litter box behind so he could get to them and decided that it should cool off in time. It however did not. Not once in the course of weeks did Nami let Girl(he found the lamp) off the couch. So i decided for the cat's own good to keep him in my room.

Now this was going to be a bit problematic since GIR was now terrified of leaving the couch. In the process of moving him he's ofcourse fighting me scared to be away from his safe place. At one point he manages to escape to try and get back to the couch, but this was not so easy.

Apparently Nami had decided that the couch too was now her's. She chased him off the couch and back behind it. That's what I heard and saw the most amazing thing.

I head Hissing and the usual cat sounds then I hear "THUMP" and the entire couch (a sleeper sofa mind you) jumps and slide forward a bit. Next thing I see in a orange ball of fear dashing out form behind the couch and down into the basement.

I still laugh about that one to this day. Just go to prove even the meek have their boiling point.