How to deal with mentall ill friend

[gashin]

Hey guys,

I recently met this girl that is mentally ill - she can't make eye contact and doesn't communicate normally at all to the point where she sounds sarcastic in everything she says and always gives a pained look. I'm not sure what her problem is but it's bothering me because no one talks to her because of her problem and I see her all the time at Church and everyone leaving her out. Would you try to maintain a friendship with such a person or is it not worth the trouble?

 

[Bobnoxious]

Ok, so what makes you think she is mentally ill?

 

[gashin]

Ok, so what makes you think she is mentally ill?

No normal person replies sarcastically to EVERYTHING, including asking simple questions like - what time did you get here? Or where do you want to sit? Also she cocks her head to avoid looking directly at your face and always has a pained expression when talking to people. Or do you think that's normal? It's pretty bad to the point where people she's known for 10 years (and her own brother) avoid talking to her. I've only known her for 3 weeks and I'm the only one even talking to her out of a group of 50 people. There was also this episode where she came up to me in tears for no reason and didn't even attend service.

 

[Bobnoxious]

You're describing .....iness as a mental illness. That's a bit extreme. Maybe I'm reading this wrong. But I would keep talking to her, if only out of morbid curiosity. What would it hurt?

 

[gashin]

Haha I know .....iness and this isn't it I think - those kind of people are usually sociable while this girl never says anything unless people talk to her and seems to avoid personal interactions with people in general (the time she came up to me in tears she had driven 30 miles to Church and just stayed outside by herself in pretty cold weather for 2 hours until she came up to me). Now this might be normal for some teenager but this girl is in her mid 20s.

Today I just got frustrated with how she replied so sarcastically to literally everything I said which I guess is why no one talks to her. I don't know if I can keep dealing with that!

You're describing .....iness as a mental illness. That's a bit extreme. Maybe I'm reading this wrong. But I would keep talking to her, if only out of morbid curiosity. What would it hurt?

 

[Lab]

talk to her .. but that sounds like major psychological problems.. avoiding looking at ppl is either severe insecurity or sign of abuse

 

[Lab]

talk to her .. but that sounds like major psychological problems.. avoiding looking at ppl is either severe insecurity or sign of abuse

 

[Bobnoxious]

An insecure female in southern california? Maybe she is just lost.

 

[yanks21]

Not to sound harsh but I really wouldn't go out of my way.

I've had very good friends who were gambling addicts, depressives, alcoholics . . . you name it and it becomes VERY DRAINING.

If she is really mentally ill you will not be able to fully help her (unless you're a shrink on the side).

Everybody wants to be a hero, be needed, save someone BUT People cannot be saved unless they want to be saved and based on her behavior she's not ready to be saved yet.

 

[NatureBoy]

Umm.. sounds like possible 'schizophrenia'. I knew someone when I was younger that was diagnosed with so-called 'schizophrenia' - which is usually what they label people when they're not sure what to call it, but it's usually associated with paranoia, hallucinations, dis-associative or avoidance disorder (sarcasm, avoiding eye contact, etc). This person I knew was very sensitive to interacting with people to the point he suspected every little nuance, body language, etc and it got to the point much like you describe.. little to no eye contact, sarcastic responses (defense mechanism when they think you're judging them, either verbally or mentally).

You can try being straight with her, ask her what's bothering her and communicate your concerns with how she's acting. Either she'll lower her defenses and actually talk to you about it, or she'll remain closed. If you genuinely want to help her, or at least understand why she acts the way she does, the only way is to talk with her about it. Don't beat around the bush, just be straight forward and honest with her.

I was able to talk it out with this person I knew, and I'm not going to get into specifics as I don't feel like being confronted with skepticism, but this guy had very lucid and vivid things going on in his brain. I really felt for him because it would be a very difficult thing to manage, however in the end I had to distance myself from him as he was too unstable to be around.

 

[DUFFMAN]

I know....give her a PV and tell her to vape on it for a while....then maybe she'll chill out....but I doubt it. I bet that if you talk to her family they'll be able to give you the run down on her strange behavior. She probably should be on some type of medication...or is just not taking them like she is supposed to.

 

[MacArthurBug]

Sounds potentially like aspbergers (It's like Autisum Lite) my youngest sister (16) has this. she says her words oddly, and has a lot of difficulty with meeting peoples eyes and social interaction.

I'd say it's up to you. You shouldnt force yourself to interact with her out of pity. Quite a few slightly disabled people realize they're "odd" And would prefer to be left alone then to recieve pity. That said my sister is amazing. She's obsessed with Japanese pop culture. Aspbergers folks have the ability to hyperfocas on things and will soak up any and all information on those things. She can tell me anything I'd like to know about Manga, pokemon, Japanese television shows (those that she can get access to here), food, etc. She's funny but talking to her is odd because she has difficulty with the inflections of emotion in her voice.

So- like I said. It's up to you. If you enjoy hanging with this girl then continue. If you don't then back off.

 

[Madame Psychosis]

I'm with MacArthurBug.

The avoidance of eye contact and inability to read conversational tone or lack of empathy (leading to sarcasm, impatience, etc.) sounds like a form of the autism spectrum (such as Aspergers).
It doesn't sound much like medicated schizophrenia, or substance abuse or depression or bipolar, for what it's worth.

But really, the biggest point is that there's no way for you to know what's going on for her in her daily life. She may not want the intrusion. (I'm a very different case, but I know when I'm not doing well, I'd rather no one on the outside try and save me. It's well-meaning but misguided.) She may be fine with the relationships she has -- people with Aspergers or autism can have a very low threshold for social interaction, for instance. She may act like that in church because it's overwhelming -- way too many people. Someone trying to make a connection during what may be the hardest hour(s) of the week could be just too much for her.

This is not to be discouraging to your kindness -- this is just a cautionary note. It is wonderful that you care for those who are ignored by others.

Still, one of the hard parts of having any mental illness is the misunderstanding of the outside world -- and that can mean they pry too much or avoid too much. It's also easy to misperceive concern as pity, and pity is unwanted.

If you can talk to her as an equal, and understand that her struggles and desires are not necessarily something you can or ought to help with, you might make a connection. Maybe you have a common interest -- factual topics of interest will be a better source of conversation than small talk, and if she does have Aspergers or a related issue, a lot of minor social patter/rituals can be difficult and annoying.

You might want to read up a little on adult Aspergers or autism spectrum (try to find a well-respected book or author's website/articles, there's a lot of hooey on the Internet, I'm told by Aspies) if you're curious. Though it's impossible to be sure about what she may or may not have, it might ring true and help you to understand her responses whether or not you make a connection. Don't take it personally if you find she's not receptive at all. Every understanding outsider is still an asset to those who struggle.

 

[dgriego]

Hey guys,

I recently met this girl that is mentally ill - she can't make eye contact and doesn't communicate normally at all to the point where she sounds sarcastic in everything she says and always gives a pained look. I'm not sure what her problem is but it's bothering me because no one talks to her because of her problem and I see her all the time at Church and everyone leaving her out. Would you try to maintain a friendship with such a person or is it not worth the trouble?

My best advice would be to talk to her. If she is at church it seems she is not antisocial and perhaps is seeking companionship, understanding and help.

Pretty sad that nobody talks to her.

 

[keyzygirl]

Just be kind and friendly.

 

[tribalmasters]

I have asburgers and have the same problem only not quite as bad If she really does have Asbergers she won't seem to mind if you don't talk to her! In fact, inside she could feel shyness and anxiousness talking to someone who isn't her close family or friend she has known a long time!

 

[Aunt Cranky]

I agree that she could very well have Aspergers. I have a few friends who have it (one of them I actually had a few "dates" with), and they frequently end up "outside" the social circles because of the perception that they are odd and don't want to interact with others. She may welcome some friendly chit chat as long as you keep your expectations in check and take whatever friendship that may blossom, very slowly.

 

[Bobnoxious]

Wow. I'm actually amazed you guys have diagnosed this girl from a loose description of her personality. So, what do we have? Asbergers? Like the guy from Boston Legal?

 

[AJMoore]

This from Wiki re: Asbergers type characteristics (verbal skills). Sounds a little like your friend.

Speech and language
Although individuals with Asperger syndrome acquire language skills without significant general delay and their speech typically lacks significant abnormalities, language acquisition and use is often atypical.[5] Abnormalities include verbosity, abrupt transitions, literal interpretations and miscomprehension of nuance, use of metaphor meaningful only to the speaker, auditory perception deficits, unusually pedantic, formal or idiosyncratic speech, and oddities in loudness, pitch, intonation, prosody, and rhythm.[1]

 

[BradSmith]

I wouldn't jump to any conclusions. I would suggest asking her family or friends what is going on. You might even consider simply asking her.

I don't believe there is any way to diagnose a person based on what little is known here. It's not always easy for someone who is a professional and spends a good deal of time studying the person to get it right.

I have by 4 year degree in Psychology. I remember the first year taking abnormal Psych. I was pretty sure I had diagnosed every person I know with one disorder or another. It wasn't until many classes later that I understood that it's not such a easy thing to do also that a label isn't always that helpful anyway.

As for it being a type of autistic spectrum disorder. Some of it seems like it but others not so much. My oldest son is mildly Autistic however what is considered mild is still many times more severe than this young woman. My wife likes to say that Autism is like a box of crackers. It's not really that useful to say it's a box of crackers. Just think how many types of crackers their are. You won't find any two people with autism who are exactly the same in symptoms.

Well good luck and if you can talk to her family it might clear things up.