How to get a 23 year old child to move out ????

[Mudflap]

My 12 year old son won't .... and his mother won't side with me to make it happen, so I dunno.

I have no advice for you, BH. I'm sure you and your wife did the best job you could to raise him, but sometimes our best efforts aren't up to the task. If the Army couldn't straighten him out, the outlook is pretty grim, IMO.

It's time for him to man up and take care of himself. He's an adult. Any thing you give him will not help him or be appreciated. If I were in your situation, I'd put his things in boxes on the curb, tell him he's got to leave my house and is only welcome to visit when he's self sufficient. Again, that's what I would do. I pray to never be in that situation and I'll say a prayer for your family today.

 

[convict3]

BH i believe i have a 11 yo step son that is going down the same road. we have to tell him 5-10 times to complete a task all the way, right a way and with a happy heart. he is comfortable doing the bare minimums to scrape by. his live is very comfortable with new furniture all the games systems, computers , and junks food. and alll we hear from him is thats not fair when can i have this or what are you going to do to make me happy. selfishness is running rampid with him and no amount of spanking or grounding gets though because he thinks he is innocent. after 3 years of trying to get though to him........ i have decided to continue to love him but be less accommodating and make his life less comfortable. first by removing all the things he loves. i only by healthy food. i robbed my own house stored all the electronics in the attic. i turn off the electricity to his bed room and the other tv s in the house.

i know there is a age difference but i vote ,be less accommodating. dont by groceries and you and the wife go out alone. when he gets hungry enough he will figure out a way to feed himself.

i hope i didnt offend . i m a very brass person. its never to later to strip it down to the basics and start over.

 

[beckah54]

You have my sympathy.....what an awful position to be in. I was in a similar situations many years ago and it came to the point of telling my husband, he (the grown son) goes or I go. Make your choice. He did make the grown son move out but things were different between us after that. oddly enough, the relationship with the son remained okay. Seems you lose either way you choose to play the cards.

 

[wazzup592]

Dad?????????

 

[convict3]

and after re reading my post i have decide to raise the ac from 70 to 78. so he will want to go outside.

 

[mlinky]

Dad?????????

thanks for the touch of levity

 

[Big Hitter]

Be glad he's not a daughter dragging grandkids back with her!!!

We all ready have custody of two grand kids from the other son That one is off in rehab

 

[mlinky]

We all ready have custody of two grand kids from the other son That one is off in rehab

Oh man, that means you have a really hard balancing act to deal with. I'm so sorry.

 

[ltrainer]

Well, there's always hope. I caused my parents so much grief until I was 30. I dont know how they did it but they did. I made changes to my life and I am far, far from a perfect person but somehow my parents and I got through it and now have a great . loving relationship.

My cousins son was a huge problem for them. He was heavily into drugs and alchohol. He dropped out of college and took on menial jobs that would last for a while then quit. He was a mess and made my cousin and his wife miserable. He decided to join the navy as I think there were just no other choices left for him. In December of this year he became a navy seal. Now that quite a turnaround. He found what he wanted and went for it. Needless to say his parents couldn't be more proud of his accomplishment(s).

So don't give up. Many find their own way on a different path. Love can be a powerful force.

 

[Delilah718]

Mr. T, I feel for you! (((((T))))) While I agree with many posters here who suggest that you put up some boundaries etc., I would also suggest that you require him to go to a psychologist or counselor of some type for some help. Sometimes kids find it hard to open up about their issues with their parents.

Getting a job used to be a simple enough thing to do... not so much these days. Thanks to the economic meltdown of the last several years, it's gotten so that the Bureau of Labor Statistics have coined the term "chronic unemployment." Employment Situation Summary

With about 14 million people unemployed nationwide, your son has tons of competition. In fact, I saw a report that said that recent college graduates should continue their educations because the job market is so bad these days!

I was one of the unfortunate people looking for work under these conditions a few years ago. With over 15 years of experience and a degree, it took nearly a year before I was able to get a job in my field, and a $10K pay cut from what I used to make! Two months later, I was downsized -- I hate to tell you this, but it was another 7 months before I found another job!

We have three kids like your son in our family, they are 21, 22, 23. My heart goes out to you and to your son and to all the parents of younger people that have to go out on their own and make their way during these difficult economic times. If they can get through these times, they can get through anything!

 

[Delilah718]

Dad?????????

.. ... ...

 

[xoYOmamaox]

I would buy a small camper and make him live in it hook power to the house and make him take a shower only from 7am to 8am and 7pm to 8pm other than that lock the door till he stops the bull crap gets a job and treats me with respect. I would then sell the camer give him the money and good luck

 

[zodduska]

I have no kids of my own but can relate a bit of my own experience in living in my mother's house until my late twenties. She charged me modest rent but in our relationship we got along pretty well, I helped out with some chores but not much really. I think the most important thing before he can consider moving out is getting a steady job that he likes and can keep, which sounds like it will be the biggest challenge for him. Personally I had a good job for quite a while before I moved out so that may not do it by itself.. what did it for me is that my mother sold the house we were in and moved far enough away from my job to make it so I wouldn't want to commute that far (this wasn't her intention, in fact she would probably prefer my company still). That was the trigger for me to secure my own place five minutes away from work in under a month once she found a buyer for the house.

 

[Diablo]

He needs to find a good woman to share life with, that will solve the problem. A young man needs a purpose, responsibilities and something to wake up to and until he finds it he wont be able to settle down, keep a job and lose the attitude. I say this because that was my story back when I was that young and it worked.

Good luck to you on it. I was lucky my oldest joined the Air Force 2.5 years ago at 19 and has never looked back, now I just need to steer the 15 year old down a path.

 

[moonsbabe]

I also had some new rules when he wanted to stay here the last time. Rules: You eat what I eat and nothing more.
I leave the house, you leave.
I go to bed, you go to bed, even if it is 8:30!

He ddn't like it when I had to take my mother to a doctors appt. in a town 40 miles away and he had to get out of the house at 7:30 in the morning!! I made his life hell. No wonder he left again!

 

[illillillillilli]

Thank the economy. I've read a report that more and more twenty somethings are living at home. Lack of job opportunities, high rent, or just the high cost of living. Flipping burgers just doesn't cut the mustard anymore. I know a 36 year old alcoholic living with his mom. He started out with a hardship problem then it ended in laziness because his mom coddled him. Why work when rent and food is free?

 

[zoiDman]

Stop feeding him.

BTW - Is this topic best for an "Outside" forum?

 

[otrpu]

I sorta understand. I didn't leave the nest until I was almost 25 yo. Actually left at 19 for the Navy, but upon return I moved back in at home. From the time I turned 18, if I wasn't attending college, I was expected to work and pay rent. Also, kept my room clean, did my laundry, mowed the grass, and shoveled the snow. I finally married and moved out. . .but, don't think I really grew up until I was about 50. Give um love, give um responsibility. . .you may just be surprised. JMHO

Cheers,
otrpu

 

[Delilah718]

Thank the economy. I've read a report that more and more twenty somethings are living at home. Lack of job opportunities, high rent, or just the high cost of living. Flipping burgers just doesn't cut the mustard anymore. I know a 36 year old alcoholic living with his mom. He started out with a hardship problem then it ended in laziness because his mom coddled him. Why work when rent and food is free?

Sad but true..... 2011 College Grads Moving Home In Record Numbers, Saddled With Historic Levels Of Student Loan Debt

Boomerang kids: 85% of college graduates must move back home - Oct. 14, 2010

85% of college grads return to nest - NYPOST.com

Hi, Mom! I'm ... Back! - Forbes.com

College Grads Heading Back Home - CBS MoneyWatch.com

 

[canoeist]

Be glad he's not a daughter dragging grandkids back with her!!!

AMEN. I will try to remember this