My 33 yr old brother thinks that mom and dad's house is always a failsafe. They live on a farm, and across the road is an old church that needs minimal work to be liveable, (that we own) yet he continues to let my mom do his laundry and wipe his a##. If you ask me it's their own fault he's still living there, he treats them like crap and they won't give him an ultimatum. He lost his job a few weeks back, and immediately found another one, but in the 48 hrs he was out of work he had already rented out his house and moved back to the farm. ugh. I think the only way to get people like that outta the house is threats of not having a house to come back to. also, if he seriously needs counseling, that could be the best thing for him.
How to get a 23 year old child to move out ????
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Thanks everyone for your input and well wishes.
Things came to a head this morning and he is well aware of whats expected.
Lets hope it goes down as planned this time.
Thank god for REO woodvils at 6v though
Honestly I hadn't touched 6v in several weeks. After this morning I've had two going at 6v with IKV HV attys.
That alone has kept me from buying a pack and doing something stupid to wind up in the slammer.
Thanks for the PM's as well, they made a terrible day much better.
Things came to a head this morning and he is well aware of whats expected.
Lets hope it goes down as planned this time.
Thank god for REO woodvils at 6v though
Honestly I hadn't touched 6v in several weeks. After this morning I've had two going at 6v with IKV HV attys.
That alone has kept me from buying a pack and doing something stupid to wind up in the slammer.
Thanks for the PM's as well, they made a terrible day much better.
I agree with Diablo, specifically "a young man needs a purpose, responsibilities and something to wake up to" though I'd probably change that last bit to, "something to wake up FOR"...
I don't know if a gf is going to be easy for him to find in his current state however. It sounds to me like the son in question is suffering from depression - which leads to apathy, anger, and laziness in my experience.
We all need some sort of driving goal (that WE want to fufill) in order to allow us the proper mentality to "man up"... Problem is (for some of us) this can be truly hard to find if we are dealing with depression (which leads to apathy - and the subsequent "I don't really give a .... about anything" attitude).
I'm not advocating leniency - but I do think the son in question does need an "attitude adjustment" before anything can/will change. Sometimes "sink or swim" circumstances force one to recognize that the reason they get out of bed in the morning is just to get out of bed. Other times it leads to more depression, apathy, and laziness - taking advantage of others instead of those who forced the sink or swim circumstances.
I think the root of cure to these situations is somehow helping the person in question find something in life that motivates them (after some time hopefully the feelings that come from being motivated allow them to understand that being motivated itself is a worthy reason to be motivated).
In my opinion that emotional change has to be worked on first. The kid has to get out of his depression. Has to find a goal worth striving for and experience a few small successes in the near-immediate time frame to keep him encouraged to continue when he fails. Once the attitude changes, so will his actions.
Find what he really wants, what gets him excited, what he can be passionate about... (which is hard to do with someone who is depressed). And then break that up into really small bits which can be achieved (a plan). Give him encouragement, help, and strength to achieve the first few goals, so that he knows he CAN achieve them. Then back off a little from the help while continuing with the encouragement - let him know, he's been successful before - he can be successful again. Hopefully this will allow him to SEE for himself that life is better when one is motivated to make their life positive, and lead him to work towards that end for himself.
DISCLOSURE: I'm just a 34 year old kid with no kids of my own who feels like I can relate somewhat to the son in question. I've had bad times, lazy times, angry times, apathetic times, depressed times. I've lived literally on the street and have suffered from a couple of bouts of madness. I luckily (THANKFULLY) had help. My response is from my experiences and certainly not relatable to each and every circumstance. I just hope it may be able to help a lil.
And sorry about the length of the post
Thanks everyone for your input and well wishes.
Things came to a head this morning and he is well aware of whats expected.
Lets hope it goes down as planned this time.
Thank god for REO woodvils at 6v though
Honestly I hadn't touched 6v in several weeks. After this morning I've had two going at 6v with IKV HV attys.
That alone has kept me from buying a pack and doing something stupid to wind up in the slammer.
Thanks for the PM's as well, they made a terrible day much better.
Under that stressful environment 12 volt vapin wouldn't be enough for me so you did good !!
Or Failure to Launch with Cuckatoos and "nature" going after something "unnatural" ...wait, we know someone with porkies!
Wow, this post really hit home with me, and i really needed to see it today, as I have an almost 19 year old daughter who moved back home 5 months ago, after she abruptly and rudely left with a police escort last fall . . .
We are at are wits end, my two older sons i had no problems with. She is another story. There are some great tips that were posted here, and I hope and pray that i'm strong enough to handle this whole thing with her, and for her to "man up" and do something with her life.
I'll pray for you, and for me!!
All the best,
Jill
We are at are wits end, my two older sons i had no problems with. She is another story. There are some great tips that were posted here, and I hope and pray that i'm strong enough to handle this whole thing with her, and for her to "man up" and do something with her life.
I'll pray for you, and for me!!
All the best,
Jill
Funny how I came across this today, I am almost in divorce court because of my stepson. He is 20 yrs old, works part time and does go to community college, but, has failed 5 courses over the past 3 yrs that we paid for. His father bought him a nice car, that he has banged up and since January has had trans problems so he doesn't want to drive it because he can only go 40 mph so he takes the wifes car when she is home. he also doesn't eat supper but will raid the fridge at 2 am and make a couple sandwiches. as much as I have tried to put him on the right track all I catch is grief from the wife. he does smoke pot, and she doesn't say a word to him about it. says he is a good kid.....he was told to save his money to get his car fixed when it happened and all he saved was 60 bucks. when he does do something she doesn't like, he comes to her with the "mommy" crap. absolutely disgusting. he pays nothing to stay here and she says that is ok. she even pays for his haircuts. I also am at wits end so I know where you are at BH
Interesting post as it sounds so familiar. I had a stepson myself. He really came between my ex and myself when we were married. He knew how to pull her strings and how he manipulated his mother was so obvious to me but she could never see it. If he was decent for a days, which was rare, I knew with up-most certainty that the next day he would want something from her. He lied and made excuses constantly. This went on and on for years. It was always "Poor XXXX, poorXXX, he's just going through a phase"etc. When we were married he was 5 years old. I tried to do what I could but I was always wrong. Excuses were made for him all the time. I am not a big disciplinarian by any means but I would have handled things much differently if I would have had some say in it. As he got older the problems he had got worse; the the bad behavior got worse. He had everything materially that a kid could want as his mothers family was well off financially and spared no expense on him with the best private schools etc. I ended up getting divorced when he was about 16 or 17.
Well yesterday I found out that he is doing a minium 5 years in a medium security prison before his parole hearing comes up. Sentence is for 6 years. Burglary..a felony. He is 29 years old. I guess it finally caught up to him. I could see this coming on many, many years ago. I do feel sorry for his mother.
Well yesterday I found out that he is doing a minium 5 years in a medium security prison before his parole hearing comes up. Sentence is for 6 years. Burglary..a felony. He is 29 years old. I guess it finally caught up to him. I could see this coming on many, many years ago. I do feel sorry for his mother.
I really think this happens a lot ltrainer. mine has already had 2 bouts with theft and the law, and fines were paid by his mother with no punishment. he can do no wrong and I am told to not say anything to him. we have only been married for 3 yrs but together for 5. but it has been getting worse. his disrespect for me is evident, but she will defend him to the end. I also have a 13 yr old daughter that she has begun to really harp on about her room. my daughter is very respectful, but also does not feel comfortable around my wife anymore. It just never ends....enough ranting
BDH I'm so sorry
Thanks Margie....I need it, it will be tough till I find out what else is going to happen
I know what you are going through and its really a tough position to be in. It sucks! The good part for me is that I raised a great daughter from my first marriage. If I was half the person she is I would be a much better person than I am. She graduated from college and is raising two beautiful granddaughters. I love her and she does me and its the best gift I could have ever dreamed of.
congrats on raising a great daughter. I am trying my best with mine
It looks like I'm in good company. There is currently a rift between me and my stepson. He's 12, about to turn 13 on Aug. 18th. I'm the only daddy he's ever known and have been his daddy since he was four years old, but he has a talent for pitting his mother and I against each other for his own benefit. He's really a good kid with a good heart and he's very intelligent. But he's been showing some serious flaws in his character that I refuse to overlook or write off as being natural for his age. He wants us to be buddies, but he doesn't want to show me the respect I deserve and demand. And I'm not talking about saying "Sir" at the beginning and end of every sentence. He knows full well what my expectations are, but if I'm not directly supervising him, he willfully and intentionally disregards them and shows little remorse when I call him on it. Our last conversation was a week ago today and I told him in no uncertain terms I was fed up with his disrespect and his poor attitude. He's been waiting me out. I guess he thinks I'll get over it and things will go back to the way they were, where he felt he had some semblance of control in his relationship with me and my relationship with his mother.
No way. I'm the alpha male in this house and I won't accept that b.s. I hope my marriage can survive this.
Sheesh. I just realized the one thing I should have been doing all along.
No way. I'm the alpha male in this house and I won't accept that b.s. I hope my marriage can survive this.
Sheesh. I just realized the one thing I should have been doing all along.
Prayer.
I didn't come out and say it because I realize not everyone here shares my beliefs and I wasn't comfortable opening the door for potential naysayers. I was erring on the side of caution. I've observed that some folks view that particular topic the way a bear might view a hunk of fresh raw meat dangling just out of its reach. This isn't the place for that discussion and I won't engage in it.
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