I Feel Soooooo Bad!

[madmartyr72]

This has been one helluva week already and it is only Tues! I was informed Sunday evening that I no longer have a job and my boss didn't even have enough brass to tell me to my face! Monday I broke 2 $5 a piece cartos I had just ordered, spilled some friggin juice all over my table and now I have very little left of my main vape until I can order more Fri, and to top it all off, I had received my latest order of juice in the mail and it was the nastiest thing I have ever tasted in my life! Last night I began to have unbelievable cravings for the first time since I started vaping for an analog, and slept about 4 hours due to it. Today I woke up, grabbed the strongest juice I had, and began vaping like a madman in hopes that I could subdue the cravings to smoke. FAIL!!! The next thing I knew, I was standing at the counter of the gas station asking for my old 20 year addiction that I thought was but a distant memory!

After 25 days smoke-free (the longest I have ever gone without in the 20+ years I smoked), I caved in. Words don't describe how disappointed I am with myself right now. I have let so many people down, including people on this here forum whom I have tried to console and encourage in the last month with stories and tips I had used to help me become smoke-free (to all of you, please forgive my weakness I am truly sorry).

I AM NOT going back to the smokers life, I just felt like I had to have something to take the edge off my nerves, i.e. my old crutch. As soon as I can get some more juice ordered this week, it will be 'bye-bye' analogs, and I pray to God for good! The one thing this last month has shown me was how 'controlled' I have been by my smoking addiction and I do not want to allow it to control me again (even though I suppose, it is again in my current mindset).

I can't believe how bad I feel right now. I feel like the world's biggest failure!

 

[robert shohet]

man cut it out a smokers always a smoker when the chips are down isnt that what the cop from sin city said u had a bad week the best course of action is try to find a new job and get a vape setup going stress is awful the people u "let down" probably would respond the same way if they have ahad a week like urs just keep ur head up and tough it out it does sound terrible tho and im sorry for that but dont be so hard on urself its only making things worse i imagine

 

[swedishfish]

You didn't let anyone down. It's just a stumble. And completely understandable with what you've gone through. Just jump right on back on the horse and keep going. It's just a minor blip.

I had to rush my Mom to the hospital a couple months ago and had a cig when I got home. Tasted like crap and I put it out and didn't think any more about it.

Don't feel bad and you aren't a failure.

 

[Keener]

You most certainly haven't failed anything. It's tough, man. Damned tough.

Everybody seems different with this. Some drop 'em and never look back. Some cut down on the analogs and just take it day by day. Last night was a bad night, today was a bad day. It happens.

Slamming yourself down is only going to make it worse and bump those cravings. Look at what you accomplished already--what was it, 26 days without any? You whipped me lol. I got mad at myself because I broke down and smoked an analog on the 3rd night in lol. And in the past 3 weeks since I "started to quit", I've done about the same. But that 1 analog every 2-3 days has went down to 1 every 4-6 days now. And I can be happy with that.

Realistic expectations. Sometimes a bad run comes in and ruins it--bound to happen to a lot of ppl. Recognize yourself for what you've already accomplished, try to focus on just doing better this upcoming month, and take it as it comes. 'Cause one thing's for sure: you're bound to be smoking less than you did, and that already makes you a winner!

Stay strong.

 

[AttyPops]

1) Don't kick yourself, life does that enough for you.
2) I'm totally sorry to hear about your job. Hope you can solve that soon.
3) Time heals... and steeps nasty juice to make it taste better (So does a warm water soak-and-shake if you're in a hurry)!
4) Knock off the guilt trip. Quitting is up to you. Think about how many cigs you avoided, not how many you had.

Hang in there.

 

[swedishfish]

You most certainly haven't failed anything. It's tough, man. Damned tough.

Everybody seems different with this. Some drop 'em and never look back. Some cut down on the analogs and just take it day by day. Last night was a bad night, today was a bad day. It happens.

Slamming yourself down is only going to make it worse and bump those cravings. Look at what you accomplished already--what was it, 26 days without any? You whipped me lol. I got mad at myself because I broke down and smoked an analog on the 3rd night in lol. And in the past 3 weeks since I "started to quit", I've done about the same. But that 1 analog every 2-3 days has went down to 1 every 4-6 days now. And I can be happy with that.

Realistic expectations. Sometimes a bad run comes in and ruins it--bound to happen to a lot of ppl. Recognize yourself for what you've already accomplished, try to focus on just doing better this upcoming month, and take it as it comes. 'Cause one thing's for sure: you're bound to be smoking less than you did, and that already makes you a winner!

Stay strong.

Absolutely!

A bad day, or hour or even a week -- get all of that negative self-talk out of your head. You have to keep going and keep positive. You probably beat yourself up enough over the years. Don't keep doing it!!

I'm ordering you to stop! It's a powerful addiction and the surest way to let yourself give up.

 

[jj2]

It's a set back and that is all it is. A lot of people here have had them. If it takes a cig or two every now and then, you're still doing great.
Just keep up the effort and in the end, you will prevail.

 

[Iluvthearmy]

A few nights back I was stuck at work for 18 hours and ran out of juice. I bummed a couple of cigs at work, then the next day forgot it even happened. Most of us stumble at some point, but as long as you pick yourself back up instead of lying on the ground regretting the fact that you fell, life will be just as good as before you bought the pack. Good luck with your job situation too by the way.

 

[keyzygirl]

You stumbled but you havent fallen.Its okay.

 

[DaveP]

You'll always have a bad day, a bad week, and want to grab a smoke. Lots of people vape and still smoke a few. Consider it part of the quitting curve. You'll be less stressed if you don't have to make the change cold turkey anyway. Some can drop it, some need to taper off. Don't sweat the backsliding, just vape heavy when you feel the need to smoke and drive those cravings away.

Consider how many you DON't smoke and call it a win. Your lungs will thank you for every one you don't subject them to.

 

[want to quit]

I am almost certain that most of us including me went back to a cig while vaping or at least took a couple of buffs of a cig I for sure did. Just smoke the pack or throw them away and go back to vaping as we all know success is a journey and not a destination you will get there and I sure hope I get there too.

 

[madmartyr72]

Thanks everyone, I am already starting to feel a little bit better...

I didn't mean to sound so negative but emotions are running rampant in me right now and I guess I just needed a little venting session. My girlfriend is disappointed that I had a cave in, but she is supportive nevertheless. She has never had an addiction to anything before so I knew she couldn't fully understand, but I knew you all could. A huge part of me can't help but feel like a failure, but another part of me also feels like I am succeeding. The first analog I had today tasted like s**t and I could only smoke half of it before I threw it away, but at the same time it was also bliss. I have gone longer than I ever have without smoking this last month, and I know I will do better and better until I no longer need the damned cursed things again!

When I started vaping, I was vaping 24mg. I figured I needed all the help I could get. After about a week and a half, I started getting nicotine OD symptoms so I wen't down to 12mg. I think this was my fail. I now honestly think 12mg is a bit too low and the reason I caved in today. I think my next order will be for 18mg and hope it is enough and not too much! I diluted some of my 24mg this morning but I can't take how it destroys the taste of the juice.

 

[oplholik]

Sorry about your job. Feel bad about that, but not about having a smoke. As has been said, we all stumble, but you know now that you can do it. I suspect that when you get some good juice it will be better. The counter at the bottom of my post is "pretty" accurate, but not 100% accurate.

 

[Linden]

I love how supportive the people in this forum are. It truly is a special community.
I can only echo their sentiments.
Best of luck in the job situation, prayers for you and your family!

 

[Eddie.Willers]

+1 to the sentiments here...don't beat yourself up anymore - just throw those regular cigs away and get back on the vaping train.

I was out last week with wife, kids and friends when the restaurant was stormed by three AK-47 wielding bad guys. They left with their 'victim' - after keeping us on the floor for a tense three minutes. I bummed a cig off another customer - tasted like such .... I threw it away after 3 pulls and it did nothing to calm the nerves!

 

[madmartyr72]

+1 to the sentiments here...don't beat yourself up anymore - just throw those regular cigs away and get back on the vaping train.

I was out last week with wife, kids and friends when the restaurant was stormed by three AK-47 wielding bad guys. They left with their 'victim' - after keeping us on the floor for a tense three minutes. I bummed a cig off another customer - tasted like such .... I threw it away after 3 pulls and it did nothing to calm the nerves!

OMG!

My week doesn't seem as bad now...wow! Glad your okay and safe...

 

[Eddie.Willers]

OMG! My week doesn't seem as bad now...wow! Glad your okay and safe...

Well, it was certainly a shock but as I have lived in this 'war zone' for 8 years and that was the first time anything has happened in the ongoing 'War on Drugs' then I consider myself lucky.

 

[DaveP]

I have a sister and brother in law in Tehuacan, Mexico who talk about all the issues with drug wars. Luckily, there are up in the mountains on the East side of Mexico and minister to Indians who come from the Aztec line. They are pretty civil, but occasionally they have some crime in their area.

It's Mexico City that they hate to visit, but here and there they have to go. They talk about Banditos who pull cars over, push the occupants out and steal everything. They also talk about others that block back roads with trees and rob people as they pass through.

 

[stillalive]

that sounds like an awful week! Don't be too hard on yourself, I know I would do the same in your shoes. There is a huge difference between having a smoke every so often during a hard time and giving up on PVs to smoke a pack a day! There's nothing evil or immoral about smoking, it's just not healthy. Think of all the nonsmokers who eat an entire bucket of ice cream after going through a hard time! That's sure not healthy either, but it's what you do the other 99% of the time that matters! If you're not going back to an unhealthy lifestyle choice, I see nothing wrong with having an analog if you feel you need one. Obviously my opinion probably doesn't count as much as someone who's been there, but I just wanted to add my voice to the others here and encourage you. Hang in there.

 

[dzlady]

When I quit, I quit. Havent touched another and I dont think I could even inhale it without gagging. BUT...I have friends that started out vaping and smoking. Increased the vaping, reducing the smoking. One has quit analogs completely, one is way down on analogs and another still smoking, just added vaping. Then there is my step daughter. She has a Riva and quit smoking with vaping and then went back to smoking. Dont know what she was thinking. You just slipped and there's nothing wrong with that. Main thing is getting back on that horse and going on. If you slip again, get back on that horse. This is an addiction that is not easy to quit. Keep it going! You'll be fine!