I hate to be a ex-smoker snob but..

[donnah]

Today my 13yr old son was invited to a friend's house. My daughter took him. I picked him up a couple hours later. When the kid's mother came out, she had a cigarette in her hand. Now even though I used to smoke, I NEVER smoked in the house or around my children. I was horrified to see that people still smoke inside a home with children present. My son's clothes reeked of cigarette smoke and I'm on the second washing (this time with vinegar) because the first washing didn't erase the cigarette smell. Other than that, the woman seemed nice and my son said he had a good time. We have invited the kid to our home tomorrow. What happens when they invite my son over again? I'm not so much worried about him being around second hand smoke for a couple hours but they whole thing bothers me. I'm having to wash his clothes multiple times to get the smell out. A few years ago, a cousin gave him a really nice coat for Christmas. But the cousin smoked and the coat was very smelly. It took me several (like 5) washings and then hanging it out in the sun to get the smell out.

Should I let my son go back over there? Should I give an excuse if he's invited again, (which I'm sure he will be)? Should I just come out and tell them that we don't smoke and are having problems with our son being in a closed up home, subjected to second hand smoke and that I'm having trouble getting the smell out of his clothes? Should I tell them that their son is welcome to come here but I'm not comfortable letting my son come to their home?

I don't want to be a snob. But I have a nice home.. clean, and well.. nice. I take a lot of pride in that and work hard to make it and keep it that way. She seems nice but sorta acted like she was "on" something.. like valium or some sort of pain killer that makes one kinda slur their words a bit. Or maybe that's just the way she normally is. She obviously didn't think twice about coming out of the house (that my son was in) with a cigarette in her hand. She seemed thrilled to have my son come over and even gave him some chicken to take home since he was leaving before they had supper. She sent home enough for all of us and it was pretty good!

Anyway, I don't want my son to go back because of the cigarette smoke. Any suggestions of how to handle this?

 

[supergerbil]

Just be honest; you dont want your son around second hand smoke. Seems perfectly reasonable to me.

I used to be almost a PAD smoker and I never smoked inside and NEVER around kids. Personally I cant understand people who do.

 

[supergerbil]

[QUOTE=silversx;

Dude..... really?

 

[Flyer]

[QUOTE=silversx;

I'm not sure I got the point of this response.

 

[donnah]

I'm not sure I got the point of this response.

I got it and don't find it relevant to the questions I asked. But yes..I think the proper thing to do is leave out the stinking clothes and just tell her I'm not comfortable with my son being subjected to cigerette smoke. And that her son is welcome in my home.

 

[potholerepairman]

Donnah ,since you asked which is just a disclaimer for do not be mad at me,your son is 13 he can see dirt in parents he needs no more coddling make your example the norm.Teach him values, when he is a young one with google eyes(girls or friends) they will not be as clouded as you think.Dirt makes kids much more uneasy than you think.Restricting never did much for anyone near me as a child.

 

[Butters78]

Don't hold it in.. Go Madea on her!

"Woman your house is nasty, my son's clothes got so much tar on them from your cigarettes I'm going to have him put some on the roof it's leaking. He smells like you had him be an extra for mad men for gods sakes. Your chicken is good girl but you need to stay off the wacky pills you talkin like you partied with Courtney Love, you need to find Jesus"

 

[donnah]

Don't hold it in.. Go Madea on her!

"Woman your house is nasty, my son's clothes got so much tar on them from your cigarettes I'm going to have him put some on the roof it's leaking. He smells like you had him be an extra for mad men for gods sakes. Your chicken is good girl but you need to stay off the wacky pills you talkin like you partied with Courtney Love, you need to find Jesus"

LMAO!! Oh Eric..you're priceless! Are you kicking a sb yet?

 

[Butters78]

LMAO!! Oh Eric..you're priceless! Are you kicking a sb yet?

Yup, it's working great thanks. I set it to like 8 watts and it's working great my next project is a rebuildable, probably a Zen.

 

[swedishfish]

You know what they say, nothing worse than an ex-smoker.

Would you have felt this way a year ago before you started vaping? Just because you didn't smoke in the house doesn't mean you didn't smell like cigarettes.

I could see if you were someone that never smoked. Your life, your kid, but are you really going to punish the other little boy because his mother smokes? How would you feel if people didn't let their kids play with your son because his mom smelled like cigarettes?

It sounds like you have other issues with this woman besides cigarettes. But you could try to get to know her and tell her about vaping.

 

[Butters78]

I never smoked in an enclosed space with my kid. That is just wrong.

You know what they say, nothing worse than an ex-smoker.

Would you have felt this way a year ago before you started vaping? Just because you didn't smoke in the house doesn't mean you didn't smell like cigarettes.

I could see if you were someone that never smoked. Your life, your kid, but are you really going to punish the other little boy because his mother smokes?

It sounds like you have other issues with this woman besides cigarettes. But you could try to get to know her and tell her about vaping.

 

[Clovery]

I would encourage the boys to get together at your house instead, but I don't think you should alienate your son from his friend just because the mom smokes. I could understand if he had asthma or some other medical condition, but if it's just because of a smell... send him over in old clothes or stuff he's about to outgrow. Besides offering to host whenever they want to get together, I would just leave it alone. Or maybe talk to the mom about vaping and drop some subtle hints like "I couldn't help but notice <son>'s clothes smelled like cigarettes last time he was there... I used to smoke but I quit using an ecig and I couldn't be happier."

 

[Berylanna]

You know what they say, nothing worse than an ex-smoker.

Would you have felt this way a year ago before you started vaping? Just because you didn't smoke in the house doesn't mean you didn't smell like cigarettes.

I could see if you were someone that never smoked. Your life, your kid, but are you really going to punish the other little boy because his mother smokes? How would you feel if people didn't let their kids play with your son because his mom smelled like cigarettes?

It sounds like you have other issues with this woman besides cigarettes. But you could try to get to know her and tell her about vaping.

I *still* smoke and I don't smoke in the house. I smoked in the car before I got a new car, and luckily, started vaping before my will power ran out on my first road trip. I did not smoke in the car with minors. Nor adults w/o their permission.

I see a huge difference between smelling like smoke (which I do) vs. sending kids home smelling like smoke!!!

I used to do all that stuff 20 years ago, when I was raising my kids it was normal to smoke in the grocery store! But it "just not done" these days, at least in my state.

Now I don't even vape in the car with minors, nor with adults w/o their permission. But I would not be afraid to smoke outside in sight of kids that are school-age or older.

 

[donnah]

You know what they say, nothing worse than an ex-smoker.

Would you have felt this way a year ago before you started vaping? Just because you didn't smoke in the house doesn't mean you didn't smell like cigarettes.

I could see if you were someone that never smoked. Your life, your kid, but are you really going to punish the other little boy because his mother smokes? How would you feel if people didn't let their kids play with your son because his mom smelled like cigarettes?

It sounds like you have other issues with this woman besides cigarettes. But you could try to get to know her and tell her about vaping.

Yes I would have felt this way 2 years ago before I started vaping. I never exposed my children to second hand smoke and would never expose someone else's child to it either. Smoking is nasty..ithought so when I was smoking that's why I quit. And I admit that I do have other issues..she had no qualms about walking out of the house with a cigerette, letting me know that she smoked in a home with children present...something that I would have been deeply embarrassed to do.

I was a closet smoker..I only smoked outside at night after the kids went to bed..almost no one knew I smoked. I was ashamed of it. I don't feel like I'm punishing anyone. As a mother, I feel that it's my responsibility and my right to monitor the environment that my child is exposed to.

 

[AJMoore]

You are over reacting BUT in a good way. I understand. What if she let the kids ride in the car without seatbelts? It's his safely your concerned about and exposure to things by otherwise acceptable adults that aren't really acceptable in today's world. What if she took them to R rated movies, sure, no one was immediately harmed, no blood, but the lasting impressions aren't good.

I'm just happy to see an involved parent, you must be lonely, you're a dying breed. You go, it's your kid.

 

[swedishfish]

I would encourage the boys to get together at your house instead, but I don't think you should alienate your son from his friend just because the mom smokes. I could understand if he had asthma or some other medical condition, but if it's just because of a smell... send him over in old clothes or stuff he's about to outgrow. Besides offering to host whenever they want to get together, I would just leave it alone. Or maybe talk to the mom about vaping and drop some subtle hints like "I couldn't help but notice <son>'s clothes smelled like cigarettes last time he was there... I used to smoke but I quit using an ecig and I couldn't be happier."

Yea, you could have that conversation while you eat the chicken she made you.

Listen, I think it's great that we're all vaping. I'm thrilled. But lets be honest here- many of us are a battery charge away from a cig so I wouldn't get too carried away. Especially when I look at the signatures and see people have upwards of $1,000 invested in PVs.

 

[dragonbone]

JMO, If you really feel that you have to unburden yourself on this poor woman who sounds so nice.... Just tell her the truth, but leave the personal attack against her smelly house out of it.
Tell her you are an ex smoker and admit that you are now a a terrible snob, and that you now vape. Then PIF, and give her one of your old eGo batteries or whatever, a charger, a cartomizer and little bottle of juice lol.

Easy and everyone is happy.

 

[donnah]

I really couldn't care less if she smokes, just because she's a smoker doesn't mean my son can't go to her house.. but I do care that she's smoking in an enclosed area with my child present. That is something I never did to my children or anyone else's.

 

[donnah]

JMO, If you really feel that you have to unburden yourself on this poor woman who sounds so nice.... Just tell her the truth, but leave the personal attack against her smelly house out of it.
Tell her you are an ex smoker and admit that you are now a a terrible snob, and that you now vape. Then PIF, and give her one of your old eGo batteries or whatever, a charger, a cartomizer and little bottle of juice lol.

Easy and everyone is happy.

I don't feel that I am a terrible snob. Really.. would you guys let your children go to someone's home where the parents are smoking in the same room!? I wouldn't not have tolerated it back WHEN I smoked and I certainly don't feel like I should tolerate it now just to spare the poor woman's feelings. If she gets offended when I tell her that I don't want my child in a "smoking" home then she'll just have to get offended. I didn't do it and I don't want anyone else to do it either. I can and will be nice about it.

 

[swedishfish]

I really couldn't care less if she smokes, just because she's a smoker doesn't mean my son can't go to her house.. but I do care that she's smoking in an enclosed area with my child present. That is something I never did to my children or anyone else's.

I'm not trying to give you a hard time, honest.

In your first post you said the issue wasn't second hand smoke or anything like that but the smell. If it's that, I'd do what dragonbone said and make sure your son wore old clothes if he went over there. Lets face it, 13 year old boys don't smell all that great to start with.

To me, it sounds like you have other issues with this woman- you like nice things (I guess her house is a little not so nice? the impression I'm getting), the way she acted- plus the cigs. Sounds like it's more than the cigs.

I do feel a little bad for her son (not because of you), sounds like he could use friends or some nice people in his life.