I hate to be a ex-smoker snob but..

[r77r7r]

There's a lot for me to think about.

I believe that your choice to take time and think about it might mean that you're not a snob. I think a real snob is very selfish and doesn't consider others feelings- you are. You seem willing to let it play out and are trying to be flexible. Sounds like a good Mom to me. All this shows that you care about your children. Good thing.

In the end, if you've indeed made a mistake, that's you're right too. Everybody does, and then we learn how we might do differently next time.

I'm sort of going thru the same thing, I have a 9 and 12 year old and have not allowed them to play with other kids that in that kids backyards if their backyards are being used as pet toilets. I don't care if they clean it up eventually. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong, that family made a choice and I made mine. I'm willing to change my choice at a future date.

 

[swedishfish]

Donnah, I think you're a good person and will make the right decision for you. If we can't vent or ask here, where can we do it?

The old expression, "Hate the addiction, not the addict" goes through my head every time I'm sooooo tempted to tell my sister to put out the cig on our way to the gym for crying out loud. But, her lungs, her choice I guess. And her car. Why she won't even try vaping boggles the mind. One sister is a convert- two others are not.

Trust your mother instincts. I'm no therapist, but I sense that your reluctance might be about more than the cigs. I wouldn't bring up the cigs to her or your son. Kids are blabbermouths especially when you say something you don't want repeated. Have him over to your house.

 

[menthall]

Word. If you're going to wear a helmet on a bicycle...then just wear it everywhere.

Lol is that a baseball helmet.

 

[bnrkwest]

I think all of us ex smokers smelled bad from cigarette smoke even when we didn't smoke indoors. I always smoked outside, my hubby does not smoke, he was very considerate of me even tho my clothes smelled of smoke. He is a saint for putting up with it! Once I quit I remember noticing how bad my clothes smelled, yuck! Had to hang things outside and wash wash wash to get the smells out. So maybe be a bit more understanding about what we as smokers did to others around us??? I do agree tho, smoking indoors is not good for kids with the second hand smoke. bnrk

 

[phonedude]

I would change my phone number and move far far away. Maybe into a bigger and nicer home.

 

[Berylanna]

And yes, I'll admit that there are other things that bother me also. The fact that she acted stoned (or whatever it was) has me worried.

I don't think a couple hours of exposure is going to harm him if he's enjoys spending time with the other child.

I'd want to get to know the other kid *really* well. Probably good for both kids to have more choice in adults mentors anyway.

But I'd also make sure I was vaping HUGE clouds of vapor (as someone said on this thread) but from something that looks like a cigarette and has a pretty blue or green or purple LED in the end, when I went over there. Since you seem to have a mod, I'm guessing you use 510 stuff, but I suspect if you get a cig lookalike and some cartos with 2.5-ohm resistance you could interest her. Don't say a word, let her ask. And mention it's cheaper too.

Too bad you probably don't want an 808, since Bloog has these GREAT-looking anodized 808's with pretty diamond-lens blue LED's that make a lot of vapor with their 808 cartos.

 

[rookbartley989]

^ I see your goblin is ...... and ready to battle Deathwing!!! lol

Ron -

*Sorry get back on topic people...

 

[VapingRulz]

Really ? 99% of there live is smoke free ? I find that hard......

Not at all. The truth is that I only know a handful of people in my town/area who still smoke - and none of them spend any time at my house. I don't know where you live but it seems that a non-smoking environment has become the norm in the US, at least when it comes to children. I never thought I'd live to see this day. I miss smokers, in a way.

 

[juicejunky]

In another thread http://www.e-cigarette-forum.com/fo.../309194-most-embarrassing-analog-moments.html there is an embarrassing moment about someone's son coming home crying off the bus because another kid wouldn't sit with him because he smelled like cigarettes.

Please don't do anything to make her son feel bad. While he is older, I bet it would still hurt. Middle schoolers can be mean.

Also at 13, they probably aren't hanging out in the same room as the mother.

 

[Roxxette]

Not at all. The truth is that I only know a handful of people in my town/area who still smoke - and none of them spend any time at my house. I don't know where you live but it seems that a non-smoking environment has become the norm in the US, at least when it comes to children. I never thought I'd live to see this day. I miss smokers, in a way.

Lol the problem is that theres more car/fuel etc smoke than cig smoke my friend im not talking about second hand cig smoke but the other smoke others dont seem to care about and they exposed everyday with no complaint.

Just google "radon".

 

[JENerationX]

When I was young my parents smoked. My father in his office, and my mother in the garage. There was a faint smokey smell that hung around, but it wasn't OMG I need to wash these clothes bad. One of my friends on the other hand had 4 adults in the house chain smoking everywhere. Every time I came home, everything smelled. If she would borrow clothes and bring them back washed, they still reeked of smoke. My mother never said anything to me, to her, to her parents, she just took the clothes, cleaned or not, and washed them again. Years later, I found out there were kids that would never go to that friends house because it smelled. I'm glad my parents never prevented me from going. That girl has been my best friend for 33 years through everything. I don't know what I'd do without her.

 

[donnah]

Thanks for all the great replies, advice and suggestions! It's really made me think about some things. I have decided to let my son go to their home and not say anything about the smoking. Her son is here right now and he's a great kid... well mannered, polite and they're having a ball. I don't believe that being in the presence of cigarette smoke for a few hours here and there will make any difference in his health since he doesn't have asthma and is healthy. I can always wash his clothes. I think it's more important to let this friendship continue than it is to forbid him to go to their house and say something to the Mother. If he were younger it might make a difference, but he's 13. When they want to get together, I'll try to steer them here but I'm not going to keep him from going there.

It was just that I was initially horrified when she came out of the house with a cigarette.. I would have been equally horrified if it would have happened and I still smoked. I have not had this situation come up before and I didn't know what to think or what to do. I've listened to everyone's opinions and it helped me take a step back and ask myself what I needed to do.

I remember 19 years ago when my daughter was a baby... I took her over to my next door neighbor, an elderly man I'd known all my life.. he was terminally ill and not going to last much longer. He always had a cigarette in his mouth and did when I took the baby for him to see. Even though I smoked (outside, at night) I still kept her away from cigarette smoke. When I took her in the house, he reached for her...with a cigarette in his mouth. I let him take her, hold her and tell me how beautiful she was and the cigarette never bothered me at all.. it was part of him and it didn't hurt her at all. It was only for a few minutes. I thought it was more important for him to see her, this man I had grown up with, than it was to keep him from seeing her just because it would mean she would be exposed to cigarette smoke for a bit.

 

[sidetrack]

This reminds me of an incident I had with one of my daughters friends. Back in the late 70's musk perfume was all the rage with young girls. I cannot stand the smell of musk and it will actually make me ill. What to do to not embarrass or hurt 2 young girls feeling? Basically I told both of them that I was allergic kinda like some people have allergies to strawberries...bee stings..peanuts, presto bingo problem solved and no hurt feelings. To this day I think they still think I have allergies and I have none but that's O.K. Two little girls are now grown up with no humiliation scars caused by me...this pleases me.

 

[WCSR]

Lol is that a baseball helmet.

Nope... That's actually a bicycle helmet. Notice the strap under the chin? Baseball helmets don't have chin straps.

That's a picture from the movie Benchwarmers.

 

[gtrthang]

It is difficult situation and basically comes down to a values question. We all want our kids to be around others that have the same values as us. Our kids are all 5 and under, so we have some more control still, but the only kid around us that is near out oldest kid's age has a family that just keeps a filthy house. In general, they are good people, but we just hate for him to go over there. So, in this case, we invite him over to our house to play more than anything and just put up with it when he goes over there. The boys will be friends so we live with it.

I would hate it if anyone smoked around any of my kids, but no more than a 1000 other things that I don't want them to be exposed to. Smoking is just more obvious/noticeable.

 

[progg]

Thanks for all the great replies, advice and suggestions! It's really made me think about some things. I have decided to let my son go to their home and not say anything about the smoking. Her son is here right now and he's a great kid... well mannered, polite and they're having a ball. I don't believe that being in the presence of cigarette smoke for a few hours here and there will make any difference in his health since he doesn't have asthma and is healthy. I can always wash his clothes. I think it's more important to let this friendship continue than it is to forbid him to go to their house and say something to the Mother. If he were younger it might make a difference, but he's 13. When they want to get together, I'll try to steer them here but I'm not going to keep him from going there.

It was just that I was initially horrified when she came out of the house with a cigarette.. I would have been equally horrified if it would have happened and I still smoked. I have not had this situation come up before and I didn't know what to think or what to do. I've listened to everyone's opinions and it helped me take a step back and ask myself what I needed to do.

I remember 19 years ago when my daughter was a baby... I took her over to my next door neighbor, an elderly man I'd known all my life.. he was terminally ill and not going to last much longer. He always had a cigarette in his mouth and did when I took the baby for him to see. Even though I smoked (outside, at night) I still kept her away from cigarette smoke. When I took her in the house, he reached for her...with a cigarette in his mouth. I let him take her, hold her and tell me how beautiful she was and the cigarette never bothered me at all.. it was part of him and it didn't hurt her at all. It was only for a few minutes. I thought it was more important for him to see her, this man I had grown up with, than it was to keep him from seeing her just because it would mean she would be exposed to cigarette smoke for a bit.

................

 

[CommaHolly]

I've smoked for years, but I did not smoke around my grand children unless it is well ventilated (outdoors). I think if the smell is so bad that you had to wash the clothing several times, there's more than just the occasional cigarette being smoked in that house. I wouldn't want my child there, to be honest.

Now how to tell them without hurting them,,,,,,,,I'd simply say something like "I'd love the boys to get together, but to be honest, my son had a headache (runny nose, whatever) the last time he was here from the smoke, so I'd LOVE it of Danny could come to our house to play!"

It's none of your business if their house stinks,,,,or if she smokes 800 cigs a day in her home. But it IS your business if you do not want your son around it.

 

[mwplefty]

My neighbor used to smoke. She only smoked in the laundry room away from her two girls; the twins even put "No Smoking" signs on their bedroom doors. I indirectly helped her to finally quit on May 15, 2008. However, even when she smoked, my mother, who grew up with two smoking parents and hated my siblings and I being exposed to secondhand smoke, did not mind sending us over to my neighbor's home to visit. We used to spend most of our time in the kitchen and basement, two places where my neighbor NEVER smoked. Choosing a designated area inside your home to smoke is probably the best way to prevent your children from being exposed to harmful tobacco smoke. That way, if you are smoking, they know where NOT to be.

 

[dragonbone]

By the way, sorry to be slightly off topic here... Aren't there way more 'harmful' things than some occasional second hand tobacco smoke. Wow!!! After all most of us here on this forum smoked for many, many years... A lot of us grew up with smoking adults around us... We are still here.

Aren't the chemicals and additives in all the junk food and canned food and practically every kind of food in the US, apart from fresh fruit and vegetables, much more harmful? How about pollution and chemicals in our clothing and lotions and soaps and air fresheners etc. People have been smoking for a very long time, and although millions have now quit, and are terrified (and horrified lol) of a whiff of someone's cigarette, people in general are much, MUCH sicker!! Much much fatter too!!

 

[kingcobra]

I'm an ex smoker but I will probably always be very sympathetic to smokers since I was one for so long. This whole business with second hand smoke is blown way out of proportion. It is said that being exposed to second hand smoke is no more dangerous than drinking a glass of milk a day. I don't have kids, but if I did and I was still smoking, they would be exposed to it because I smoked. We have cats instead, who are our kids so to speak, and they breathed in a ton of smoke over the years, and none lived less than 16 years.

Now whatever your thoughts on this, we're only talking about occasional exposures to smoke. That to me borders on paranoia, to be honest. To think that these odd exposures would have some sort of significant impact on your children's health is pretty far out. However they are your kids and I guess you can tell them what to do for now, maybe, enjoy that while it lasts