Morning forced self out of bed at a reasonable hour despite going to bed late but I have to reclaim my formerly pretty decent sleep schedule BEFORE job stress happens again. Got an update we are still getting your visit scheduled email which has to be a good thing. I hope it happens soon. Hanging with kid this afternoon/evening for the last time in a LONG time probably.
I don't do goodbyes well I sort of mentally shut off all my emotions I hate them so much. I had to explain that to the kid yesterday, don't want him thinking the wrong thing. Of course he immediately offered to stay until August (found out later that the poor sweetie pie actually consulted the husband about how to tell me he was so upset at the idea of leaving when I was I a bad place) and he immediately said, "I can stay until August!"
I immediately replied, "Don't be a doofus, I am just explaining my actions because I want you to know I love you and will MISS you, and besides, if you delayed until August, it would be the exact same thing THEN."
Man, did I ever luck out with that kid, he's the best, I love him SO much and quite frankly I sometimes think my Creator sort of offered him up in recompense for the bipolar thing, like yes, I will give you a horrible virulent disease, but I will ALSO give you a kid whom you understand, who understands you, and that you admire for his many great attributes." LOL if this WAS the case, well, I think I made the right choice. Poor little thing was out sobbing saying goodbye to the dog and whatnot, I had to go coax him out of there.
I'm kind of praying for some actual emotion for my last and final visit but you know how it goes, man, I mean, I've like turned off emotions for SO LONG now, well, I'm just going to have to do the best I can.
So yes, I'm up I wrote a long email last night to jail staff hence my tardy bedtime, but I finally decided, "Perhaps you should review this while NOT under the influence of sleep meds," and I'm glad I decided that. It will be shorter, just kind of an FYI thing so they can't claim job abandonment and etc., and OH MY GOD I hope I hear soon from that other job, who did email me yesterday and state they were working out schedules as the CEO or whatever has been traveling for a month. So fingers firmly crossed on THAT.
Oh my, the kid... Well hopefully SOME day I will have the ability to like, have money and go visit. This is gonna suck, truly, but I am just trying to stay happy for HIM (I am, honestly he didn't want to wait until August and he is all excited) and not sad for me. Because, I don't know what sort of kid could be better than mine (and I sort of wish more families felt that way) and I had him for 21 years, I'm lucky.
Now, I'm just praying he finds a good job in Colorado, that plus a GF who is worthy of his sweet nature and etc.
LOL.
Anna