Just need to get it off my chest.

[tnt56]

This may be moved to another part of the forum, and that's ok. I alway's trust the Moderators judgement on these things.
Now for the VENT!!!!! Yesterday was the 39th year to the day that my Mother passed on from Cancer. Yesterday and every year it's an emotional time for me. I fight with it everyyear. It's become part of my life. I spent most of the day trying to keep my head together, start to lose it, go 10-6 (busy), drive across the street (not allowed to use "e-cigs on property because of the policy" Vape hard and heavy, no results, light a cigarette, smoke, light another, smoke, vape hard and heavy. Drive back to the property go 10-8 (on duty). Spend the day hiding out from others. Mainly being a hermit with over 2,000 people around you. Answer calls when asigned. Back across the street for the second go of the first routine. Back at work. Finally get it all together and hand my resigination letter into the Chief. A shake of the hands and now I have 6 days of duty left, plus one after the first of the year. Woke up this morning with an anxiety attack from H^%l. Chest pains, shortness of breath. Called out from work. I got three days to get it together. Maybe I'll get cleaned up, feel better and go to the local B/M shop and get my t-shirt, and chat with the owner for a bit. Maybe not. Girls have gone to the Y for their Friday swim. Quit house and needed to get this off my chest.
As for the chest pains, anxiety, and shortness of breath,,,,, well it happens when you try to smoke cigarettes like a frieght train when you should have been vaping like a steam engine.
Best thing was I got a personal message from a vendor about some WTA juice and he gave me his phone number to call, I also received a wonderful PM from another member, and to top it off I got my F@H title also.
Such uncertain times right now, but I'm still going to get up and get ready for a new start for a new life.
Thanks ECF and Merry Christmas to all and a wonderful Happy New Year. It's time to start over

 

[kmk]

Keep moving forward brother, don't look back.

 

[love_leigh]

*hugs* rough times come, but they also pass. Keep fighting the good fight and don't beat yourself up over the cigs, just keep vaping

 

[Soundhunter]

Keep rollin Boomer Sooner - No retreat and God Bless!

 

[Mookie]

Sorry you are going through difficult times. I'm glad you feel comfortable to come here and vent. Sometimes letting it all out is the best medicane. Changing or losing a job is a major stressor, top that with the anniversary of you mother's passing away and trying to quit smoking, that is a massive load to be carrying around.

Keep vaping like crazy and know that "this too shall pass". I wish you the best!

(((hugs)))

 

[Caridwen]

Yup. Gotta say good bye to the old

And in with the new!

 

[BrokenLung]

Not exactly sure whats going on with the job. But you cant change the past so no need to feel bad about it, i know thats a lot easier said than done but telling yourself that can help at times. Look towards the future and feel for that.

 

[fourthrok]

Ummm..I hope that was a joke about the 50mg. or 100mg. nicotine. Eeek!!!!! Deadly stuff!

I feel your pain, tnt56. My mother passed 6 years ago on Halloween afternoon. It still hurts, and I imagine it always will. Can never quite view Halloween the same way now. Then a year later my father passed away the day after Christmas. It's not easy.

As for the job situation...uncertain times are always difficult. Keep on keeping on. This too will pass.

And like many have said...don't go into flagellation mode over the cigarettes. No wonder you didn't feel so hot this morning! Poor guy! But again, this too will pass. Keep the faith. Hang in there and have a wonderful Christmas and may the New Year bring you blessings you never imagined!

 

[SissySpike]

A couple of years ago I was working on a project , at Fort Sam in San Antonio It is the main hospital they were bringing solders who had there limbs blown off. We were adding a new building to the extincting hospital. We were transferring some materials from the loading dock to the to the floor we were working.
Some nurses were rolling a kid by in his early 20s no arms or legs My self and the three other Iron Workers were all looking at the floor to avoid looking the guy in the eye.
The kid asked the nurses to stop and he thanked us for all of the work we were doing and smiled and said have a great day and work safe!
From that day on I have no problems really compared to that kid. If he can smile and be happy in his circumstance I should be grateful for just being able to walk and pick up my mod!

 

[tnt56]

Keep rollin Boomer Sooner - No retreat and God Bless!

Sorry OSU ALL THE WAY. Not really a football fan but the smart one went to OSU. That's the ONLY reason I support them

 

[tnt56]

A couple of years ago I was working on a project , at Fort Sam in San Antonio It is the main hospital they were bringing solders who had there limbs blown off. We were adding a new building to the extincting hospital. We were transferring some materials from the loading dock to the to the floor we were working.
Some nurses were rolling a kid by in his early 20s no arms or legs My self and the three other Iron Workers were all looking at the floor to avoid looking the guy in the eye.
The kid asked the nurses to stop and he thanked us for all of the work we were doing and smiled and said have a great day and work safe!
From that day on I have no problems really compared to that kid. If he can smile and be happy in his circumstance I should be grateful for just being able to walk and pick up my mod!

Now that's what it's all about. Thank you for that story. I've had fights at work over our disabled troops who are willing to freely give their life for us. Someone parks in a handicap spot and then argue about the ticket when I see a VETERN from our armed forces trying to get his wheelchair out so he can go to college. God bless all of them and their families. And God bless those who created and watch over this forum. I tried to fight the policy at work. It's my PV not an ecig. I set it on the table and ask the question. " how does that look like a cigarette?" It was an itaste. The answer was " because we said so". They shove the healthy lifestyle down your neck but won't help. Well after 7 more working days they can have it. Hope the next group will be as willing to give their life as I was. Sorry I just went to far.

 

[SissySpike]

I here you bro I will let them run me off I refuse to follow rules just because! I park in the back always Im healthy I can walk the extra 20 or even 100 feet I leave the front spots for elderly and people with small children. Yes its very despicable some jerk parking in a handycap spot! I will call them on every time.

 

[tnt56]

Thanks members. And to those who don't already know this. THIS IS WHY I CONSIDER THIS GROUP A FAMILY. Because people really do care. A lot more than those pretend people in the real world. I did have a brief chat with my new boss. Told him what I did and his response was "SWEET". Guess tomorrow I go down and get my shirt for the new job. All I want to really do is help people. The old job use to be all about that till the rules changed. Before the change, I was a state certified first responder and darn proud of the pin I wore to prove it. Scored an 83% on the test. Yea it was hard cause I worked nights at the time and did the class during the days. Lots of 20hr days involved. I've done more than I ever dreamed possible. But with the change, all they want to do is give a bandad or ice pack. Still the training is inbedded in me now. Those who perform this kind of duty to help and save someone they never met will understand. And I hope to provide protection and support to my new job, with the pride I take when I try to help new members in this forum. Thanks again to each and everyone of you.

I just got a email about my schedule for next month. LOL. Good luck with that cause I won't be there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll be busy doing something that might help others quit cigarettes. And I'll be the one in the great big steam fog while doing it.
Side note. I actually had the soon to be boss ask me to come down with my kicked SB and show some others the difference. Was a happy and good time for all. And the Provari is always looked at by all of the customers and staff. Sorry I got to show off and help promote a great product. (now if I could only afford the precieseplus and kicklet)..........

 

[RoseB]

Hope things start to smooth over for you on the plus side you have a wonderful wife and the two of you are happy. That's really saying something at this day in age. Take care

 

[tA71ana]

Hi tnt56,
My condolences regarding your Mother. I know how it is to lose someone so precious.
It sounds as though leaving the job is probably the best thing you can do because continual stress can keep you on the stinkies...you can use a break today! A job is not worth anyone's Peace, Dignity and Well-Being.
As for any ensuing uncertainties, I can tell you from experience that the uncertainty and the anxiety that may come with starting anew has a shelf life. A less stressful situation will provide opportunities for you to be able to concentrate on those people and those things that are important to you.
The best is yet to come

 

[steved5600]

Hang in there Bro. It will get better. Keep your sig in mind. Not the top part the bottom. LOL

 

[steved5600]

A couple of years ago I was working on a project , at Fort Sam in San Antonio It is the main hospital they were bringing solders who had there limbs blown off. We were adding a new building to the extincting hospital. We were transferring some materials from the loading dock to the to the floor we were working.
Some nurses were rolling a kid by in his early 20s no arms or legs My self and the three other Iron Workers were all looking at the floor to avoid looking the guy in the eye.
The kid asked the nurses to stop and he thanked us for all of the work we were doing and smiled and said have a great day and work safe!
From that day on I have no problems really compared to that kid. If he can smile and be happy in his circumstance I should be grateful for just being able to walk and pick up my mod!

Use to live in SA. Miss it. Also use to work in hospitals and was always next to or near ER for some reason. I was in IT. Man saw some bad stuff in those ER's. Living in SA will give you a love of Vets. Every time I went to the airport there were recruits coming and going. Yep I have no problems. Thanks for sharing. OH seeing those guys makes the point that not all war is push button. No matter the vids you see first rule of war. Young Men get hurt and die. No button is going to change that.

 

[Kopfstimmen]

I can't say much more than everyone else has, tnt. I think the change in work will be good for you, and will make it a lot easier to put down the cigs. I think WTA will help, too - and you can always cut back on that once you've stopped smoking. What steved said - keep the bottom of your signature in mind.
My condolences on your mother...

 

[bentandshallow]

You are in my prayers.

 

[stressmama]

Not much new I can add to this thread, but will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You're leaving behind a bad situation and moving into something you enjoy. While change is always scary, leaving behind the stress will be good in the long run.