Lack of Support

[z3r0]

Hey guys,

This is kinda personal, however I need to vent...

I am 21yrs old and I have been smoking analogs since I was 14/15 ... something like that and have been trying to quit since i started... Call it lack of will-power, but I enjoy smoking a lot, I usually smoked anywhere between 5-10 a day, so it really had no serious affects on my body... yet...

It wasn't til I found out about my baby boy (4 months til the birthing lol) that I didn't take quitting seriously... It was 2 weeks ago that this started, I phased out analogs with oral tobacco (dip) for a week until I eventually ran out of both... at which point I quit cold turkey...

I was a week strong into quitting and was starting to feel the nasty habit drift away in my mind, (but the memory of the enjoyment that i got from it never disappeared), that i stumbled across E-cigarettes...

I did all my research and I was visually hooked... Soon i found out my friend had a Smoke51 (two piece design e-cig) laying around that she let me try, now I was physically and mentally hooked...

Now for the actual problem, I brought this up to my wonderful wife ( I swear she is damn near perfect) and got completely SHOT DOWN!!!!

Her argument was that I had already quit, it is a waste of time and money, and its stupid, its just like cigarettes and if I want one that bad to "not waste our money on this crap and go buy a pack"

Ouch ... I know ... the thing is I no longer have the want to waste my health on analogs ... I just wanna vape...

Any input would be awesome, even though I have tried explaining everything I know about vapping (healthier cheaper ... heehee coolier)

anyways ... thanks for listening,

z3r0
a.k.a. Josh

 

[Elle]

sorry to hear about your experience josh (congrats on your soon to arrive baby )

i used to "dip" too for a while, but my husband (and myself actually) found it extremely unbecoming on me

was your wife ever a smoker? if not, this may explain her lack of enthusiasm. sometimes its hard to relate if you've never been through it. or even if she was a smoker in the past, sometimes with enough time empathy can turn to apathy... and especially with a baby on the way, she might not find the idea of ecigs a valid appropriation of funds.

my only suggestion is to look at every objection as her saying "i haven't heard whats in it for me yet" (can you tell i'm in sales ). while it sounds like you've tried your best to highlight all the positives of esmoking, i think when you're both relaxing together and she's in a favorable mood, it would be a good time for you to explain why you're giving up tobacco and choosing an alternative that will keep you off cigarettes.

i'm sure with taking a little time to yourself you could come up with some things to say that would spin your choice as a positive for HER and your BABY. i'd also suggest referencing where you'll get the funds from (for example, i don't know if you drink or not, but "since i'm serious about staying healthy for you and the baby, i'm going to quit buying those 6 packs. i'll be healthier and i won't be taking any extra money from our household" or something like that.)

best of luck, wish i could be more help

 

[TribbleTrouble]

Hey guys,

This is kinda personal, however I need to vent...

I am 21yrs old and I have been smoking analogs since I was 14/15 ... something like that and have been trying to quit since i started... Call it lack of will-power, but I enjoy smoking a lot, I usually smoked anywhere between 5-10 a day, so it really had no serious affects on my body... yet...

It wasn't til I found out about my baby boy (4 months til the birthing lol) that I didn't take quitting seriously... It was 2 weeks ago that this started, I phased out analogs with oral tobacco (dip) for a week until I eventually ran out of both... at which point I quit cold turkey...

I was a week strong into quitting and was starting to feel the nasty habit drift away in my mind, (but the memory of the enjoyment that i got from it never disappeared), that i stumbled across E-cigarettes...

I did all my research and I was visually hooked... Soon i found out my friend had a Smoke51 (two piece design e-cig) laying around that she let me try, now I was physically and mentally hooked...

Now for the actual problem, I brought this up to my wonderful wife ( I swear she is damn near perfect) and got completely SHOT DOWN!!!!

Her argument was that I had already quit, it is a waste of time and money, and its stupid, its just like cigarettes and if I want one that bad to "not waste our money on this crap and go buy a pack"

Ouch ... I know ... the thing is I no longer have the want to waste my health on analogs ... I just wanna vape...

Any input would be awesome, even though I have tried explaining everything I know about vapping (healthier cheaper ... heehee coolier)

anyways ... thanks for listening,

z3r0
a.k.a. Josh

Dude, that is some tough stuff. I seriously feel for you. I have the type of wife that would say something like that to me (even though I love her more than life itself). My wife wasn't down with vaping either, but I chose to stand my ground. You are thinking about the right things (your baby) and tobacco just cannot be allowed to be involved with him. You may go through a little pain now, but the reward is a tobacco free home for your child. Trust me, I started at the same age you did. When I was 21, I smoked about as much as you did. I am now 36, and when I received my first Personal Vaporizer(e-cig) I was smoking 2 packs a day. You need to take this opportunity now while you are young. Time will get the best of you, and smoking will rule your life. Tell her you are thinking about the baby, and that this really means a lot to you. I'm sure she will get it soon. Good luck!

 

[ed_bollix]

watch the classifieds. You can get yourself a used 901 or something for next to nothing. Perhaps she will get on-board if you don't start smoking again due to these clever devices. i can't do without vapor now... But I am a lot happier than i was when I was smoking.

 

[JustJulie]

I have quit many times, a few times for about a year at a time . . . and each time, I wound up right back with the analogs. I continued to miss cigarettes THE ENTIRE TIME. Nope, the cravings never got any better. Didn't matter if I had nicotine patches slapped over my entire body, I still craved cigarettes.

This time, however, I feel confident that I really have quit. I have an occasional craving, but I'm generally able to vape through it fairly easily. The difference is that this time, I am replacing the smoking habit with something that is very similar . . . not the same, but close enough that it works for me.

My point is that if you explain to your wife that you're worried about starting up again, maybe she'll relent.

I've been married 25 years to a wonderful man. We pretty much agree on most things, but occasionally we don't. One of the things that you learn during the course of a marriage is the art of compromise--give and take. If my husband wants something and I think it's stupid or unnecessary, I'll say so (in the kindest possible terms, though). However, if he pushes a bit more and explains why he wants it and it's clear he wants it badly, then I'll give in without a whimper. If it's important to him, then it's important to me.

I suspect that at least part of your wife's problem with this is finances. Having a baby can be kind of frightening. Once they get here, they're not exactly free. She may be quite understandably concerned about your picking up a habit that costs money when right now you appear to have kicked the habit completely. But if she understands where you're coming from and if, as Elle suggested, you let her know how you intend to finance this habit, well, maybe that will make a difference.

Also, since you're already off of nicotine, you could probably quite comfortably vape no nic solutions that are extremely easy to make on your own. For less than $25 in ingredients, you could basically keep yourself in no-nic vapes for months and months. Then your only cost would be hardware, and you can limit your costs by buying from a vendor with a good warranty so that what you spend upfront on your equipment is all you'll be spending for however many months the warranty runs (plus an occasional shipping cost to return a broken/defective item).

 

[The Wiz]

z3r0........My opinion only.....If your going to vape...and you have already quit analogs,I would start with zero nicotine.Believe me it should give you the feeling you used to get when you smoked without renewing the nicotine addiction. you can find no nicotine juice and carts at most of the sites listed here on the forum.If you decide you like it,you can always make your own no nic juice( which is very in-expensive to make).As far as the wife goes,after 18 years of marrige,smoking the whole time,my wife is happier to have me doing this. Unfortunatly you will have to fight your own battle there. Best of Luck The wiz!

 

[z3r0]

Thank you guys so much for you thoughts and opinions, it sure makes me feel better when I know some one that has gone through what I'm going through, and or showing support when in need ...

Thanks again,
Josh

 

[Mr.Vape]

Just tell'er to mind'er bidness and go make you a sammich.

 

[SupplierX]

My wife = your wife, but now I own an e-cigarette company. My suggestion is to find something she can relate to. My wife takes baths, I compared smoking to baths(without the health risk). It is not something you need, but is something you get pleasure from. Tell her that you just want to enjoy the aspects of smoking, without the health risks. My suggestion would be to buy a disposable, both for you to try and to show her how unoffensive it is to bystanders.
Good Luck

 

[LaceyUnderall]

z3r0 - wow... you are an amazing man. even though your wife doesn't smoke, did you know that most women who fail to quit smoking during pregnancy it is because their husbands continue to smoke? What you are doing is wonderful! So don't forget that.

I give you one more thing to think about: Don't forget that your wife, although she might not be showing it, is scared, freaked out and extremely hormonal. She probably is thrilled about being pregnant and bringing this joy into the world, but she has also watched her body and her mind completely disappear and her sense of self change. She isn't sure what to think and frankly, is probably wrapped up in herself. (I know from experience!)

Draw her a warm bath, get her a glass of her favorite non-alcoholic beverage and let her relax while you rub her feet. Explain to her that you are craving a cigarette and while this might have some upfront cost, you never want to go back to tobacco and this could be your answer. You have smoked for a long time so for you to just stop, well... that's easier said then done. You two might even come up with another alternative OR she might actually see that you are paining here and that her continuing your pain is something that she just can't be a part of... she might see the light.

Congrats on the new baby! They are trying and wonderful and the best things ever!

 

[TropicalBob]

it is a waste of time and money, and its stupid, its just like cigarettes and if I want one that bad to "not waste our money on this crap and go buy a pack"

You've encountered a very common reaction among non-smokers. Step back a moment and look at smoking (and e-smoking). What is "cool" about sucking on a tube and blowing smoke or vapor out? Nothing. And perceptions of smoking get worse every day. It's "stupid". E-cigarettes are "pretend cigarettes" for addicts too weak to quit. That's a very common perception.

If you want to prevail, educate yourself on the known benefits of e-smoking and rationalize your desired practice to her. Promise also to not e-smoke in the house. Treat these as you would real cigarettes. That's how she -- and huge numbers of people -- see e-smoking. No smoke, but that doesn't matter to them. It's junky addict breath! The world will be a better place without junky addict breath.

If you can quit, do. If you can't, compromise with her, as we are going to have to compromise with higher authorities. What would be acceptable to her, short of giving up a pleasure you've found? See if you can find a middle ground. Good luck.

 

[snf]

just do it behind her back, she wont know a thing since one of the beautys of ecigs is no smell ^.^

 

[yoLS]

I kno i'm prob gonna hear it from all the women on the site but what u need to so is MAN UP and start making your own decisions... you're only 21 years old and you're already letting your wife control your every move, i'm sorry but thats just sad...

 

[Elle]

OH YES- deeeeefinitely follow the advice of snf and yols.

and please do let us know how that goes over

 

[yoLS]

that should make for an interesting follow-up lol

 

[CandyGirl]

indeed...
you're sure to discover the best thing about esmoking.
one free hand. lol.

 

[CssReb]

one free hand. lol.

LMAO

Good one CandyGirl

 

[z3r0]

lol... thanks guys ... some really good opinions... others not so much ...

however, i am placing my order on my first e-cig right about .... now

thanks again for yalls help!

 

[Blue Knight Max]

Tough Love..

I can understand where you're coming from with the "desire to smoke just for the oral fixation and other enjoyments" minus the tobacco and nicotine.

I'm going to be very honest with you dude.....

1. If you start vaping, DO NOT GET THE NICOTINE, YOU WILL GET HOOKED.

2. If your wife is going to give you drama about spending money on vaping, my advice to you is don't try it, stay away from it and fight the urges to smoke just for the sheer pleasure of smoking.

Being honest and I'm sure the majority of vapors on this forum and others can tell you, once you get hooked on this thing, you'll start a collection of different e-cig models, different flavors, atomizers, batteries etc etc etc. After a while, when you add it all up, you'll find yourself having spent alot of money on this new, healthier, way to smoke. And I mean...ALOT OF MONEY.

Also, you'll find yourself spending alot of time in front of your computer constantly researching everything about e-cigs and on these forums. Gathering info about this topic is in itself very addicting. That will be something else for her to complain about.

Even if you explain everything to her in detail and let's say she gives you the ok, when reality sets in on how much your spending in cash each month and the amount of time you are taking away from her because you are always online "researching", she will make an issue out of it.

The best way to work with a person is to better understand where they are coming from. Find out where she is coming from with regards to this topic. What is she afraid of? Once you know that, you can adjust your persuasion strategies to accomodate her and yet, get what you want which is in this case just to vape. You need to be sensitive to her feelings and opinions. Sometimes putting your foot down will do nothing but magnify EVERY small issue you have with her (we all have little issues here and there in our marriages) and cause more problems than what you already have.

If I were you, I would just forget about the idea for now and ask her to support you in your efforts to combat the urge to smoke. If she lacks in support, then there you have a case that you ca bring up to go to vaping an e-cig.

Many of us men have wives that are very strong in character, others have wives that are very easy going (like mine). However, regardless of the type of wife you have, you married her because you feel that she is the one for you right?

What's more important to you, your wife or your will to vape?

You be the judge.

Max

 

[Blue Knight Max]

I almost forgot,

Off topic here for a moment.

It was mentioned earlier for you to "Man Up".

Look, I am a sole believer that in a marriage it should be 50-50 and that is how my wife and I have done it for the last 10+ years. No one has the final say, it is always a mutual agreement. If the issue at hand can not be resolved, it is left alone to bring up again at a later time.

However, if your wife is running all over you like a dictator and you are only 21, dude, you really need to get this resolved one way or another.

I know alot of guys that are at the whim of their wives. When they say jump, he says "How high honey? They go out to hang out with friends and daddy always stays home to watch the kids. When daddy wants to have a once a year get together at a local bar with some friends, she says NO!!!

On the flip side, there are alot of women that find themselves with the same issue (Ladies, I'm not leaving you out now)

Remember..50-50 no more, no less

Max