MadVapes Weekly Contest - December 14 through December 18
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THEY ARE REALLY OUT THERE & So Are Their Stories . . .
(Must read them all to get to the real punchline at the end . . .)
ONE
Recently, I went to McDonald's and I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable but sadly true...)
(Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener and she said they didn't have any, only Splenda and sugar.)
TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine.
I picked up one of those dividers that they keep by the cash register andplaced it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the divider, looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.
(But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left)
THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her DVD drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they keptasking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM thingy.
(Keep shuddering!!)
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
Hmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift.
One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?'
'Just use paper from thephotocopier', the secretary told her.
With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.
A Brunette, by the way!!
SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants.
The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency right now!'
Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!!
Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't laugh.....it is all true...
NOW - Something to think about . . .
Perks of reaching 60 or being over 70 and heading towards 80!
1.Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2.In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3.No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4.People call at 8 PMand ask, "Did I wake you?"
5.People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6.There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7.Things you buy now won't wear out.
8.You can eat supper at 5 PM.
9.You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
11. You can't remember who sent you this list.
12. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
AND - LAST, But Not The Least >
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
(Must read them all to get to the real punchline at the end . . .)
ONE
Recently, I went to McDonald's and I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable but sadly true...)
(Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener and she said they didn't have any, only Splenda and sugar.)
TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine.
I picked up one of those dividers that they keep by the cash register andplaced it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the divider, looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.
(But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left)
THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her DVD drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they keptasking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM thingy.
(Keep shuddering!!)
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
Hmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift.
One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?'
'Just use paper from thephotocopier', the secretary told her.
With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.
A Brunette, by the way!!
SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants.
The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency right now!'
Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!!
Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't laugh.....it is all true...
NOW - Something to think about . . .
Perks of reaching 60 or being over 70 and heading towards 80!
1.Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2.In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3.No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4.People call at 8 PMand ask, "Did I wake you?"
5.People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6.There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7.Things you buy now won't wear out.
8.You can eat supper at 5 PM.
9.You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
11. You can't remember who sent you this list.
12. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
AND - LAST, But Not The Least >
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
And remember: Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night ! ! ! It is too awful to contemplate.
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