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Madvapes Weekly Contest - October 19 through October 23

Discussion in 'MadVapes' started by Crowedude654, Oct 19, 2015.

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  1. Kprthevapr

    Kprthevapr Vaping Master Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Jan 1, 2015
    On the River, GA
    image.jpg
     
    • Like Like x 4
  2. Kprthevapr

    Kprthevapr Vaping Master Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Jan 1, 2015
    On the River, GA
  3. Diver9543

    Diver9543 Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Feb 26, 2015
    Oklahoma City, OK, USA
    scuba_diver.gif
     
    • Like Like x 1
  4. faeriekitsune

    faeriekitsune Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Aug 9, 2014
    So. MD
    [​IMG]
    Everything a father needs...
     
    • Like Like x 4
  5. faeriekitsune

    faeriekitsune Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Aug 9, 2014
    So. MD
  6. faeriekitsune

    faeriekitsune Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Aug 9, 2014
    So. MD
  7. faeriekitsune

    faeriekitsune Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Aug 9, 2014
    So. MD
    And the one that makes me lmao every time....

    [​IMG]
     
  8. mmsjs5

    mmsjs5 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 29, 2009
    Illinois
    scientists.jpg
     
    • Like Like x 1
  9. olscratchy

    olscratchy Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    FB_IMG_1436403372921.jpg
     
    • Like Like x 6
  10. 5spike

    5spike Super Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Jan 30, 2014
    WI
    upload_2015-10-19_22-16-1.png
    Oh you said funny, I thought you said scary.
     
    • Like Like x 4
  11. Krisma

    Krisma Vaping Master Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Jul 4, 2014
    Australia
    [​IMG]
     
    • Like Like x 5
  12. Kprthevapr

    Kprthevapr Vaping Master Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Jan 1, 2015
    On the River, GA
    image.jpg
     
    • Like Like x 2
  13. Kprthevapr

    Kprthevapr Vaping Master Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Jan 1, 2015
    On the River, GA
  14. MackBolan

    MackBolan Senior Member ECF Veteran

    Sep 8, 2014
    Ashburn, VA
    Here is a really funny one I found a few years back. Thanks for the giveaway's.


    My trip to Home Depot
    I went to Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure that course
    of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive
    quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to crap yourself road-kill
    chili. Tasty stuff, although hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a
    written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your
    butt cheeks WILL fall off..

    Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of
    you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement.
    Despite the chillies swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was
    unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as
    'thunder and lightning'.

    Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I
    bravely set off for Home Depot, my quest being paint and supplies to
    refinish the deck. Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal.
    I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for
    purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the toilets
    that the pain hit me.

    Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about.
    I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, crap, gotta go' pain that always seems to
    hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different.
    The chillies from the night before were staging a revolt.
    In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small
    intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could
    take one step in the direction of the toilets which would bring sweet
    relief, it happened. The chillies fired a warning shot.

    There I stood, alone in the paint and stain section, suddenly enveloped in
    a toxic cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded.
    I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me.
    Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my
    body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a red aproned
    clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help.
    .
    I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction
    would be to the toxic non-visible fog that refused to dissipate.
    Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally?
    Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to
    relate. I could've warned that poor clerk, but didn't.
    I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently
    indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all he could do before
    gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving
    his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees.
    This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh.
    .......BIG mistake!!!!!

    Here's the thing.
    When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I
    mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region.
    Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other
    aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing
    off a shotgun. Suddenly things were no longer funny.
    'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the toilet,
    laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the
    grand explosion took place. Luck was on my side.
    Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my
    God', floating above the toilet seat because my ... is burning SO BAD,
    purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true
    meaning of 'Shock and Awe'. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Son-of-a-*****!, did it
    smell that bad when you ate it?', then quickly left.

    Once finished and I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart
    intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me
    and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes.
    It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store.
    The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which
    ought to take care of the problem.'

    My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape
    me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his
    nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then
    ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly
    not to return.

    Home again without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat
    but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Lowes.
    I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole
    matter. They claim they're going to have to repaint the store.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  15. mmsjs5

    mmsjs5 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 29, 2009
    Illinois
    10245507_821136797903980_5220337265396039755_n.jpg
     
    • Like Like x 1
  16. Prism

    Prism PIF MODERATOR Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Jun 4, 2010
    Wisconsin
    KFC.jpg
     
    • Like Like x 2
  17. drthunder

    drthunder Senior Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    May 18, 2014
    NY
    hey-guys-remember-when-i-was-batman.jpg
     
    • Like Like x 1
  18. Slowone2

    Slowone2 ECF Guru Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 12, 2011
    Virginia
    image.jpg
    Thank you for the chance
     
  19. mattiem

    mattiem ECF Guru Verified Member ECF Veteran

    5 night drunk

    On the first night when I came home,
    drunk as I could be.
    I saw a horse in the stable,
    where my horse ought to be.

    I said, come here my little wifey
    and explain this thing to me,
    how come there's a horse in the stable
    where my horse ought to be.

    she said, O you fool, you drunken ol' fool
    Cain't you even see,
    Ain't nothing but a milk cow
    My granny gave to me.

    Well, I've searched this whole over
    A thousand times or more
    but a saddle on a milk cow
    I ain't never seen before.
    ---------------------------------

    On the 2nd night when I came home,
    drunk as I could be.
    I saw a hat on the hat rack,
    where my hat ought to be.

    I said, come here my little wifey
    and explain this thing to me,
    how come there's a hat on the hat rack,
    where my hat ought to be.

    she said, O you fool, you drunken ol' fool
    Cain't you even see,
    Ain't nothing but chamber pot
    My granny gave to me.

    Well, I've searched this whole over
    A thousand times or more
    but a hat band on a chamber pot
    I ain't never seen before.
    ------------------------------------

    On the 3rd night when I came home,
    drunk as I could be.
    I saw a plate in the table,
    where my plate ought to be.

    I said, come here my little wifey
    and explain this thing to me,
    how come there's a plate in the table,
    where my plate ought to be.

    she said, O you fool, you drunken ol' fool
    Cain't you even see,
    Ain't nothing but frisbee,
    My granny gave to me.

    Well, I've searched this whole over
    A thousand times or more
    but a pork chop on a frisbee
    I ain't never seen before.
    -------------------------------------

    On the 4th night when I came home,
    drunk as I could be.
    I saw a pair of pants on the chair back
    where my pants ought to be.

    I said, come here my little wifey
    and explain this thing to me,
    how come there's a pair of pants on the chair back
    where my pants ought to be.

    she said, O you fool, you drunken ol' fool
    Cain't you even see,
    Ain't nothing but an ol' dish towel,
    My granny gave to me.

    Well, I've searched this whole over
    A thousand times or more
    but a zipper on an ol' dish towel
    I ain't never seen before.
    -------------------------------------

    On the 5th night when I came home,
    drunk as I could be.
    I saw a pair of boots by the headboard,
    where my boots ought to be.

    I said, come here my little wifey
    and explain this thing to me,
    how come there's a pair of boots by the headboard,
    where my boots ought to be.

    she said, O you fool, you drunken ol' fool
    Cain't you even see,
    Ain't nothing but a butter churn,
    My granny gave to me.

    Well, I've searched this whole over
    A thousand times or more
    but boot spurs on a butter churn
    I ain't never seen before.
    ------------------------------------

    Thanks for another great contest. Good luck everyone.
     
  20. garyoa1

    garyoa1 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    10922619_10153120201031840_8675892957386955290_n.jpg
     
    • Like Like x 4
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