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MadVapes Weekly Contest - June 15 through June 19

Discussion in 'MadVapes' started by Crowedude654, Jun 15, 2015.

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  1. spartanstew

    spartanstew ECF Guru Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Jun 29, 2013
    Wylie, Texas
    [​IMG]
     
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  2. Panorama911

    Panorama911 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 24, 2012
    Kansas
    495dd6d3b10ece28dc6d1d4f2a1a799c.jpg
     
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  3. Panorama911

    Panorama911 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 24, 2012
    Kansas
    ecig-huh-enjoy.jpg
     
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  4. Panorama911

    Panorama911 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 24, 2012
    Kansas
    maid.jpg
     
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  5. sharkey

    sharkey Senior Member ECF Veteran

    Jun 4, 2009
    New York City
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  6. Panorama911

    Panorama911 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 24, 2012
    Kansas
    505d2e1d76e05cd7abc25b5c5ffde785.jpg
     
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  7. Panorama911

    Panorama911 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 24, 2012
    Kansas
    47239452022c300a760f262f942ba1f7.jpg
     
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  8. Panorama911

    Panorama911 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 24, 2012
    Kansas
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  9. Panorama911

    Panorama911 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 24, 2012
    Kansas
    noob.jpg
     
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  10. Panorama911

    Panorama911 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 24, 2012
    Kansas
  11. Panorama911

    Panorama911 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 24, 2012
    Kansas
    COMPUTER TERMS - TEXAS TRANSLATION:
    LOG ON: Making a wood stove hotter.
    LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.
    MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the wood stove.
    DOWNLOAD: Gettin' the farwood off the truck
    MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerful gettin' the farwood
    FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood
    RAM: That thing tha splits the farwood
    HARD DRIVE: Gettin' home in the winter time
    PROMPT: What the mail ain't in the winter time
    WINDOWS: What to shut when it's cold outside
    SCREEN: What to shut when it's black fly season
    BYTE: What them dang flies do
    CHIP: Munchies fer the TV
    MICRO CHIP: What's in the bottom of the munchie bag
    MODEM: Whatcha did to the hay fields
    DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife
    LAP TOP: Where the kitty sleeps
    KEYBOARD: Where ya hang the dang truck keys
    SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knives
    MOUSE: What eats the grain in the barn
    MOUSE PAD: That's hippie talk fer the mouse hole
    MAIN FRAME: Holds up the barn roof
    ENTER: Northerner talk fer "c'mon in, y'all"
    RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: When ya can't 'member what ya paid fer the rifle
     
    • Like Like x 1
  12. Panorama911

    Panorama911 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 24, 2012
    Kansas
    General Motors issued a press release (by Mr. Welch himself) stating:

    If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

    1. For no reason at all, your car would crash twice a day.

    2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

    3. Occasionally, executing a manover such as a left-turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, and you would have to reinstall the engine.

    4. When your car died on the freeway for no reason, you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

    5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought 'Car95' or 'CarNT', and then added more seats.

    6. Apple would make a car powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would run on only five per cent of the roads.

    7. Oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single 'general car default' warning light.

    8. New seats would force every-one to have the same size butt.

    9. The airbag would say 'Are you sure?' before going off.

    10. Occasionally, for no reason, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed the radio antenna.

    11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of road maps from Rand-McNally (a subsidiary of GM), even though they neither need them nor want them. Trying to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 per cent or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

    12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

    13. You would press the 'start' button to shut off the engine.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  13. RaceGun59

    RaceGun59 Vaping Master Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Sep 5, 2013
    Owensboro, KY
    [​IMG]
     
    • Like Like x 2
  14. Panorama911

    Panorama911 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 24, 2012
    Kansas
    True story from a Novell NetWire Sysop:
    Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
    Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
    Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my
    warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
    Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
    Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
    Tech: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because
    I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade
    show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any
    trademark on it?"
    Caller: It came with my computer. I don't know anything about
    promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point, the Tech Rep
    had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it. He was
    laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of
    the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  15. Panorama911

    Panorama911 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 24, 2012
    Kansas
    Apple Inc. has developed a new high tech toilet. The details are not yet clear, but the company is torn between two names for the new device: Either the iPood, or the iPeed.
     
  16. Panorama911

    Panorama911 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 24, 2012
    Kansas
    You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
    You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"

    That's Direct Marketing.


    You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
    One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you and says,
    "He's very rich. Marry him."

    That's Advertising.


    You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
    You go up to her and get her telephone number.
    The next day you call and say, "Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me."

    That's Telemarketing.


    You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
    You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour
    her a drink.
    You open the door for her; pick up her bag after she drops it,
    offer her a ride, and then say,
    "By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"

    That's Public Relations.


    You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
    She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich."

    That's Brand Recognition.


    You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
    You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
    She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

    That's Customer Feedback!!!!
     
  17. Panorama911

    Panorama911 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 24, 2012
    Kansas
    There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan." So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and -- WHAM!!!" -- knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from Sears.
     
  18. MattMann228

    MattMann228 Senior Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Feb 13, 2013
    Gulf Coast, MS
    A blind man walks in a bar and takes a seat on one of the bar stools. He orders a drink and then asks the bartender if he wants to hear a blonde joke. The bartender stops him and say the woman on your left is blonde and a professional female body builder. The guy on you right is blonde and weighs 300lbs and can bench 700lbs and there are 2 other guys at the end of the bar who are blonde and professional fighters and I am also blonde. So the bartender asks if he still wants to tell that blonde joke? The blind man replies with; not if I have to explain it 5 times....
     
    • Like Like x 2
  19. Panorama911

    Panorama911 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 24, 2012
    Kansas
    I should not have a mouthful of liquid when i read good jokes!:lol:
     
    • Like Like x 1
  20. MattMann228

    MattMann228 Senior Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Feb 13, 2013
    Gulf Coast, MS
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