"Make 'em laugh" Contest by Vermillion River

[Adrena]

After several pitchers of beer, the leprechaun runs over to a large, mean-looking guy, sticks out his tongue and spits all his legs. The guy reaches out to grab the leprechaun, only to miss him as he jumps back to his seat.

"If you know what's good for you, don't come near me again, or I'll rip off your little tallywagger," yells the mean-looking guy.

After a few more pitchers, the leprechaun runs over to the mean-looking guy, sticks out his tongue and spits all over his legs again. This time, the guy successfully catches the leprechaun.

"All right, I've got you this time. I warned you -- now I'm gonna rip off your little tallywagger!"

The leprechaun laughs, "You can't do that."

"Why not?" asks his captor.

"Because," giggles the leprechaun, "leprechauns don't have tallywaggers."

"Whadda ya mean you don't have a tallywagger?" growls the angry man, "How in the hell do you pee?"

"Just like this," laughs the leprechaun as he sticks out his tongue and spits.

 

[ZooKansas]

Seen on a bumper sticker:
Auntie Em...Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog.
-Dorothy

 

[sheryder]

Excuse I gave at work once many many years ago.

I went fishing with my hubby this morning with the full intention of being back in time for work. We were having a great time catching nothing. I cast one last time as it was almost time to get ready for work and low and behold I caught something!! I was so excited that I was jumping in the boat trying hard to reel "it" in but it was tough going. All of a sudden I lost my balance and stumbled just as "it" tugged on my line and over I went into the lake. The fish line was wrapped around my body so I couldn't get away as "it" kept pulling me down. I entered this wierd underwater city that was colorful and beautiful but I was awed because I could breathe and see as if I were on land! "It" turned out to be a huge fish dressed in scarlet robes. It took me to their king where I received a sound scolding for fishing and taking their family members with no regard for the families these fish left behind. They took me around to meet the orphaned children and widows of all the fish I'd taken. Once I promised to never fish again and to throw bait into the water whenever I came near it to help offset the suffering, I was taken back to land and released. I then hurried home and into dry clothes so I could get to work.

My boss laughed at the story, made me write it all down, forgave my tardiness, and bought me a coke for lunch.

True story.

Just thought I'd share. Hadn't thought about this event in years.

 

[uba egar320]

Sounds like the story of Ol Gregg lol

 

[thehangdude]

#10, oops, really #11. dnc
Some people are like clouds. Once they leave, its a beautiful day.

Some people are like seagulls. They fly in, make a lot of noise and crap on everything.

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for much, but bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.


EDIT: This post dnc. I went through my 10 posts, and found I had two #8s. This is a bummer, as I love the Slinkies quote.
Thanks for the fun(ny) contest, and good luck to the judges. You have your work cut out for you. This thread has made me really lol, made me rotfl, and even made me roll my eyes and groan.

 

[zerominusone]

Weenie Test

Three 3rd Graders: an Irish kid, an Italian kid and a Black kid are on the playground at recess. The Irish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest weenie," he says. "Okay." They all agree. The Irish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. "That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his out, and proudly shows that his is at least an inch longer.
Not to be outdone, the Black kid whips his out. It is by far, not only the biggest, but the fattest. That night, eating dinner at home, the Black kid's mother asks him what he did at school today. "Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test, and read out loud from a new book, and then during recess, my friends and I played a new game called 'Let's see who has the largest weenie." "What kind of game is that, honey?" asks the mother. "Well, me, Anthony and Patrick each pulled out our weenies, and I had the biggest! The other kids say it's because I'm Black. Is that true? "No, Leroy. It's because you're eighteen!"

 

[pringles13]

Entry #6

Bill QWOPsby Sweater

And if you don't know what QWOP is.... QWOP

 

[pringles13]

Entry #7... this one had me laughing until I cried... so funny trying to pronounce them

 

[pringles13]

Entry #8... just had to...

 

[dspin]

Funny?? or Depressing

[/IMG]

 

[BryanL]

This one is full of all kinds of FAIL...

1. FYI this is Boston Bruins Rookie and playoff hero Brad Marchand
2. StaRley Cup ChampiAns? Really now?!?
3. Every letter of Boston Bruins is a different size
4. Shouldn't a professional athlete be able to afford some ink that wasn't done in some dudes garage?

 

[BryanL]

A married couple are lying in bed watching TV. The husband keeps flipping the channels back and forth. He looks at her and says, "I can't make up my mind what to watch, porno or golf?" After thinking for a second....




She Replies:




"Watch porno, you're already good at golf."

 

[Old Guss]

Thank you all for making this contest a lot of fun, it has been great to have all this laughing stuff in one place. The poor judges that agreed to pick the winners are going to have a very difficult task ahead of them. As this comes to the end on Friday I am posting a list of all the random post winners so far. If you see your name on this list and did not get a PM from me, please PM me to let me know. Thanks again and have a great day.

1. mfraz25
2. CatLady007
3. pryan67
4. Sallana
5. musiceqlslife21
6. Adrena
7. keelalagirl55
8. thehangdude
9. harley41
10. hollyberry
11. uba egar320
12. sophie_lapin
13. woody55
14. tyleris12
15. The Rebel
16. lynleestar
17. prole
18. MaxUT
19. spacekitty
20. laura99
21. chimney55
22. BryanL
23. pringles13
24. sheryder
25. ZooKansas
26. aziffel
27. Optimo
28. Spazmelda
29. vikki59
30. MASTER0FDAMPF

PS. Still more Random Winners through Friday

 

[MissP]

Sooo disappointed ......

 

[dspin]

Hey Gus, if I don't win something, this is what I'm going to do, now I ask you, isn't this funny Ha Ha Ha

 

[sheryder]

Thank you! Haven't won anything before and this will be a treat. Thanks for having this contest. It is lots of fun reading all the posts. Some had me laughing out loud so my pup was looking at me like I lost my mind!

Good luck to everyone and and congrats to all the winners-Random or not!

 

[Spazmelda]

Thanks Gus! I ordered my sample!

 

[incantius]

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'

So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

and THAT'S how the fight started...

 

[incantius]

A man dies and goes to Heaven. Upon arrival he sees 2 lines for the men's entrance one line is MILES long with a sign over the gate that says For men who are hen-pecked and he looks over to the other gate that says For men who are not hen-pecked & there's one guy standing there alone at the gate. Curiousity got the best of him and went to ask the guy "Why aren't you over here with the rest of us?" the guy replies "My wife told me to stand here"

 

[kashmoney]