make me laugh!
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It was a beautiful, sunny Sunday afternoon while Moses, Jesus, and another guy were out playing golf. On the first tee-box, Moses pulls out his driver and blisters a shot up the right side of the fairway, rolling fast towards a water hazard. Moses quickly raised his club, parting the water while his ball rolls through to the other side safely.
Next up on the tee, Jesus hits a really long drive right towards the very same water hazard. His ball came to rest dead center of the pond, hovering just over the surface of the water. Jesus casually walks out onto the pond, and chips it up onto the green within a couple feet of the flagstick.
Not impressed, the third guy steps up to the tee without taking any time and just randomly whacks at the ball. Rightfully so, the ball is hit with a nasty hook that clears the left OB markers and goes over a fence into oncoming traffic. It bounces off a truck's windshield hitting a nearby tree, bounces onto the roof of the greenkeeper's shed, back out onto the fairway and towards the same pond that Moses and Jesus hit. Before it gets wet, the ball ricochets off a small rock and bounces onto a lily pad on over the water when a bullfrog jumped up and ate the ball. Right at that moment, a bald eagle swoops down and grabs the frog, flying away. As it flew over the green, the frog squeals with fright and drops the ball right next to the flag stick, taking one bounce and landing in the cup for an astounding hole in one.
In disgust, Moses then turns to Jesus and says, "I hate playing with your Dad."
Next up on the tee, Jesus hits a really long drive right towards the very same water hazard. His ball came to rest dead center of the pond, hovering just over the surface of the water. Jesus casually walks out onto the pond, and chips it up onto the green within a couple feet of the flagstick.
Not impressed, the third guy steps up to the tee without taking any time and just randomly whacks at the ball. Rightfully so, the ball is hit with a nasty hook that clears the left OB markers and goes over a fence into oncoming traffic. It bounces off a truck's windshield hitting a nearby tree, bounces onto the roof of the greenkeeper's shed, back out onto the fairway and towards the same pond that Moses and Jesus hit. Before it gets wet, the ball ricochets off a small rock and bounces onto a lily pad on over the water when a bullfrog jumped up and ate the ball. Right at that moment, a bald eagle swoops down and grabs the frog, flying away. As it flew over the green, the frog squeals with fright and drops the ball right next to the flag stick, taking one bounce and landing in the cup for an astounding hole in one.
In disgust, Moses then turns to Jesus and says, "I hate playing with your Dad."
A penguin was driving his Camaro (all pengiuns drive Camaros, you know) across the Arizona desert when thick white smoke began billowing out from underneath his hood. He pulled into a gas station on the side of the interstate and asked them to find out what was wrong. The mechanic told him it'd be about an hour before they could give him an estimate.
Being the Arizona desert, it was extremely warm and the penguin wanted to cool off. Fortunately for him, there was an ice cream shop right next door to the gas station. He waddled in and ordered a big bowl of vanilla ice cream, his favorite.
Now, penguins don't have hands like you and me, so he was unable to eat his ice cream properly with a spoon - instead, he used his flippery arms, which as you can imagine, wasn't the tidyest way to eat. He was soon covered nearly head to toe with melting ice cream.
Once he was finished, he waddled back over to the gas station, where the mechanic had just finished diagnosing his car's problem.
'It looks like you blew a seal,' said the mechanic.
'Naw,' said the penguin, 'it's just ice cream.'
Being the Arizona desert, it was extremely warm and the penguin wanted to cool off. Fortunately for him, there was an ice cream shop right next door to the gas station. He waddled in and ordered a big bowl of vanilla ice cream, his favorite.
Now, penguins don't have hands like you and me, so he was unable to eat his ice cream properly with a spoon - instead, he used his flippery arms, which as you can imagine, wasn't the tidyest way to eat. He was soon covered nearly head to toe with melting ice cream.
Once he was finished, he waddled back over to the gas station, where the mechanic had just finished diagnosing his car's problem.
'It looks like you blew a seal,' said the mechanic.
'Naw,' said the penguin, 'it's just ice cream.'
And Slogan Mis-translations from American Advertising Compaigns in Other Countries and languages
In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out in Chinese as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the grave".
When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say "It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you". However, the company mistakenly thought the Spanish word embarazar meant embarrass.
Instead the ads said: "It won’t leak in your pocket and make you pregnant".
Frank Perdue’s slogan "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken" sounds much more interesting in Spanish. A photo of Perdue with one of his chickens appeared on billboards all over Mexico with a caption that explained:
"It takes a hard man to make a chicken aroused" (or) "It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate".
Coors translated its slogan, "Turn it loose", into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from ........".
Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign:
"Nothing sucks like an Electrolux".
The Microsoft ad slogan, as translated into Japanese: "If you don’t know where you want to go, we’ll make sure you get taken".
Clairol introduced the Mist Stick, a curling iron, into German only to find out that Mist is slang for poop. Not too many people had use for the Poop Stick.
When Chevrolet developed the Chevy Nova, they decided to market it heavily in Mexico, where the name translates as "doesn’t go". The car was later renamed Caribe.
Ford had a similar problem in Brazil when the Pinto flopped. The company found out that Pinto was Brazilian slang for tiny penis. Ford pried all the nameplates off and substituted Corcel, which means horse.
The Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan finger-lickin’ good came out in KFC’s first Chinese campaign as eat your fingers off.
Hunt-Wesson introduced its Big John products in French Canada as Gros Jos before finding out that the phrase, in slang, means big breasts. But in this case, the name problem did not seem to have a negative effect on sales.
In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.
When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the beautiful baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what’s inside, since many people can’t read English.
In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out in Chinese as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the grave".
When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say "It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you". However, the company mistakenly thought the Spanish word embarazar meant embarrass.
Instead the ads said: "It won’t leak in your pocket and make you pregnant".
Frank Perdue’s slogan "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken" sounds much more interesting in Spanish. A photo of Perdue with one of his chickens appeared on billboards all over Mexico with a caption that explained:
"It takes a hard man to make a chicken aroused" (or) "It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate".
Coors translated its slogan, "Turn it loose", into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from ........".
Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign:
"Nothing sucks like an Electrolux".
The Microsoft ad slogan, as translated into Japanese: "If you don’t know where you want to go, we’ll make sure you get taken".
Clairol introduced the Mist Stick, a curling iron, into German only to find out that Mist is slang for poop. Not too many people had use for the Poop Stick.
When Chevrolet developed the Chevy Nova, they decided to market it heavily in Mexico, where the name translates as "doesn’t go". The car was later renamed Caribe.
Ford had a similar problem in Brazil when the Pinto flopped. The company found out that Pinto was Brazilian slang for tiny penis. Ford pried all the nameplates off and substituted Corcel, which means horse.
The Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan finger-lickin’ good came out in KFC’s first Chinese campaign as eat your fingers off.
Hunt-Wesson introduced its Big John products in French Canada as Gros Jos before finding out that the phrase, in slang, means big breasts. But in this case, the name problem did not seem to have a negative effect on sales.
In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.
When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the beautiful baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what’s inside, since many people can’t read English.
A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.
"Fred," he replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.
The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
The biker replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.
"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
"Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
"Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my 'Johnson', so now, I'm, Just Fred."
The officer walked away in tears, laughing.....
"Fred," he replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.
The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
The biker replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.
"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
"Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
"Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my 'Johnson', so now, I'm, Just Fred."
The officer walked away in tears, laughing.....
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"
My wife received an e=mail from her mom who was just learning to text. It asked what is IDK, TTL, LY? My wife responded I don't know, talk to you later, love you. Her mom replied Never mind, I will ask your sister,
I was in a pub on Saturday night. Had a few....
I noticed two large women by the bar.
They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey, are
you two ladies from Scotland ?"
One of them chirped: "It's WALES, you friggin' idiot!"
So, I immediately apologized and said, "Sorry, are
you two whales from Scotland ?"
That's the last thing I remember...
I noticed two large women by the bar.
They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey, are
you two ladies from Scotland ?"
One of them chirped: "It's WALES, you friggin' idiot!"
So, I immediately apologized and said, "Sorry, are
you two whales from Scotland ?"
That's the last thing I remember...
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