make me laugh!
- Thread starter ogredog
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If you don't find it funny, I hope it warms your heart!!
http://www.cbs.com/late_night/late_...w__6B_FMfzRMFp_6TipkvDon&play=true&vs=Default
sorry about the tiny little ad. I don't know how to remove it.
http://www.cbs.com/late_night/late_...w__6B_FMfzRMFp_6TipkvDon&play=true&vs=Default
sorry about the tiny little ad. I don't know how to remove it.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off
Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.
woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ''But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.
Q: What do you call the operation where a woman becomes a man?
A: Adadictomy
Q: What do you call the operation where a man becomes a woman?
A: Lopitophomy
A: Adadictomy
Q: What do you call the operation where a man becomes a woman?
A: Lopitophomy
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, If Im going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.
She removes all her clothing and asks, Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, Here, iron this!.
She removes all her clothing and asks, Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, Here, iron this!.
The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, “Put those on.”
The bride replies, “I can’t wear your trousers.”
He replies, “And don’t forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!”
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, “Try those on!”
He replies,”I can’t get into your knickers!”
“And you never bloody will if you don’t change your attitude.”
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, “Put those on.”
The bride replies, “I can’t wear your trousers.”
He replies, “And don’t forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!”
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, “Try those on!”
He replies,”I can’t get into your knickers!”
“And you never bloody will if you don’t change your attitude.”
...... walks up to a guy in a bar and whispers in his ear, "I'll do anything you can say in 3 words for 50 bucks."
Man says, "Paint my house."
Man says, "Paint my house."
There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand…nothing. So, I tried with my left hand…nothing. My wife tried with her right hand…nothing. Her left hand…nothing. Her mouth…nothing. Then my wife’s friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth….still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife’s friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn’t get the lid off of the specimen cup.
An elderly couple are driving cross-country. The old man looks at the fuel gauge and notices it's almost on empty, and says to himself, 'Hmm, almost outta gas.'
The old lady next to him leans over and screeches 'EEEEHHHH?'
The old man turns and yells, 'I SAID WE'RE ALMOST OUT OF GAS!'
The old lady nods, and goes back to her knitting.
About 10 miles later, the old man sees a gas station off in the distance. 'Good, there's a station,' he says to himself.
The old lady next to him leans over and screeches 'EEEEHHHH?'
The old man turns and yells, 'I SAID THERE'S A GAS STATION!'
The old lady nods, and goes back to her knitting.
They pull into the gas station, and as the attendant is filling up the tank and wiping the windshield, he notices that the car is from Arizona. He leans into the driver's side window and says to the old man, 'Y'know, the lousiest lay I ever had was a lady that came from Arizona.'
The old lady next to him leans over and screeches 'EEEEHHHH?'
The old man turns and yells, 'BOY SAYS HE KNOWS YA!'
The old lady next to him leans over and screeches 'EEEEHHHH?'
The old man turns and yells, 'I SAID WE'RE ALMOST OUT OF GAS!'
The old lady nods, and goes back to her knitting.
About 10 miles later, the old man sees a gas station off in the distance. 'Good, there's a station,' he says to himself.
The old lady next to him leans over and screeches 'EEEEHHHH?'
The old man turns and yells, 'I SAID THERE'S A GAS STATION!'
The old lady nods, and goes back to her knitting.
They pull into the gas station, and as the attendant is filling up the tank and wiping the windshield, he notices that the car is from Arizona. He leans into the driver's side window and says to the old man, 'Y'know, the lousiest lay I ever had was a lady that came from Arizona.'
The old lady next to him leans over and screeches 'EEEEHHHH?'
The old man turns and yells, 'BOY SAYS HE KNOWS YA!'
This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window…
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
“Do you know what I am doing?” asks the doctor?
“Yes, checking for abnormalities.” she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, “Do you know what I am doing now?”, she replies, “Yes, checking for cancer.”
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, “Do you know what I am doing now?”
She replies, “Yes, getting herpies – thats why I am here!”
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
“Do you know what I am doing?” asks the doctor?
“Yes, checking for abnormalities.” she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, “Do you know what I am doing now?”, she replies, “Yes, checking for cancer.”
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, “Do you know what I am doing now?”
She replies, “Yes, getting herpies – thats why I am here!”
How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag?
You take the "S" out of safe and the "f" out of way.
You take the "S" out of safe and the "f" out of way.
Old man goes up to old woman and says, 'Betcha can't guess how old I am!'
Old woman says, 'Open up your fly, I'll tell you.'
Old man opens up his zipper, the old lady reaches in, and feels around for about 5 minutes.
Upon withdrawing her hand, old lady says, 'You're 87 years old.'
Old man says, 'That's amazing! How did you know that?'
Old woman says, 'You told me yesterday.'
Old woman says, 'Open up your fly, I'll tell you.'
Old man opens up his zipper, the old lady reaches in, and feels around for about 5 minutes.
Upon withdrawing her hand, old lady says, 'You're 87 years old.'
Old man says, 'That's amazing! How did you know that?'
Old woman says, 'You told me yesterday.'
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