Good Morning Mt. Baker! I hope your week has been a pleasant one so far! It's moving fast and time for "Terrible Joke Wednesday" already! Here we go......
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. “What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room. “What are you down here at this time of night?” The husband looks up from his coffee. “Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?” he asks solemnly. “Yes, I do,” she replies. The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. “Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car ?” “Yes, I remember” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued. “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, “Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for twenty years?” “I remember that, too” she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said “I would have been out of jail today and a free man!“
A man bought a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. “There’s no way they can catch a Mercedes,” he thought to himself and opened up further. The needle hit 90, 100…..Then the reality of the situation hit him. “What am I doing?” he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. “It’s been a long hard day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday. I don’t feel like more paperwork, I don’t need the frustration or the overtime, so if you can give me a really good excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.” The guy thinks about it for a second and says, “Last week my nagging wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!” “Have a nice weekend,” said the officer.
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful
parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
“Why so little?” she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that
this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says
some pretty vulgar stuff.”
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird
anyway.
She took it home and hung the bird’s cage up in her living room and
waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, “New house, new
madam.”
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought,
“That’s really not so bad.”
When her two daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, “New
house, new madam, new girls.”
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh
about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been
raised.
Moments later, the woman’s husband ‘Keith’ came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said,
“Hi, Keith!”
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: “What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?”
Tom says: “I would switch one train to another track.”
“What if the lever broke?” asks the inspector.
“Then I’d run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there”, answers Tom.
“What if that had been struck by lightning?” challenges the inspector.
“Then,” Tom continued, “I’d run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box.”
“What if the phone was busy?”
“In that case,” Tom argued, “I’d run to the street level and use the public phone near the station”.
“What if that had been vandalized?”
“Oh well,” said Tom, “in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo”.
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, “Why would you do that?”
“Because he’s never seen a train crash.”
Smile...and have the best of days everyone!