It was a shock to the system when she finally told me. Up to that point I was starting to think she was just a little wackadoo about some things because I had never encountered it before. once she told me and I did some studying up it all started to make a lot more sense to me.
I've sort of accidentally "collected" quite a few adult friends who are on the autistic spectrum... all along the spectrum from "doesn't handle change well" to "can't look people in the eye at all, can only wear one brand of shirts, doesn't understand idioms, and would rather write notes back and forth than have a conversation, because talking is exhausting."
One day one of my ablebodied, neurotypical friends asked why I was an autistic spectrum magnet, not realizing that one of the other guys we were out with was himself on the spectrum. The latter replied, "Probably because we don't have to explain anything!"
That said, every time I think I have a good understanding of how my sister works, I discover something that reminds me I don't have a clue. Some things you might be interested in, Doug, and that your wife may or may not experience:
I was reading a blog by an autistic woman one day - she's a very successful employee at a major computer company, designs their chipsets, I believe. Yet, she's *severely* autistic (nearly nonverbal)... but old enough that she didn't get diagnosed till she was in her 50s, so she'd just learned to cope... with some things better than others. Anyway, she now advocates for kids with autism, especially vis-a-vis the school system. I was reading through some of her materials one day, and she was explaining that she doesn't think in words - she drew out what's actually in her head when she thinks a simple concept like "time for bed," and it was a swirl of abstract colors and shapes. Then she diagrammed out why that image meant "time for bed," - and it is an actual "language" in her head, by the definition of language. Just not something translatable to any other language - yet, every time she speaks or types, she's "translating" to English... but she's not translating words! In her case, it's like trying to translate maroon to cheese. Holy crap, no wonder many autistic people have a "language deficit" or difficulty expressing themselves... they're doing twenty times the work!
Intrigued by this, I went to my sister and said, "Hey, what do you think of when you're hungry?"
Her: (long pause) What's that stuff at the museum that gets spiky next to a magnet?"
Me: Iron filings?
Her: Yeah, that.
Me: Really? Do you know why?
Her: Maybe cause it looks like the refrigerator. Why?
Me: Well, cause when I'm hungry, I think "Hm, I'm hungry."
Her: Whoa. You think in WORDS?
Me: Sure. Most people do, at least some of the time.
Her: Why would anybody *do* that? That would be so much *work*.
The autistic woman referenced above also cleared up for me the *specifics* of why my sister can't handle physical change (like, say, switching the furniture around). According to her, any time an area is unfamiliar, including if the room has just been rearranged, her vision gets a digital camo/pixelated effect... so she *literally* can't see where everything is for several minutes, until her brain "remaps" the room.... and that effect persists each time she re-enters, until the room has been "remapped" enough times to not do the digital camo thing at all. I immediately called my sister out and showed her the example pictures on the blog, and she went, "Yeah, DUH... why, do other people not have that?"
*That* makes complete sense to me, since my feet/legs also have to "remap" if my usual markers change. The human brain is *so* weird, and it gets exponentially weirder if the slightest thing gets tweaked.
Vaping some Bavarian Cream now.
