mtbakervapor

[Criticalmass]

It just sucks because I'm supposed to go blindly and support it. Isn't that enabling?
I had to say that because that was the whole reason behind what happened last night. But having read everything you guys said and the consensus being to just be nice regardless and let her screw up if she does I realize that the entire argument was my fault last night. I hate that! Now I'm screwed and I can't even say it wasn't my fault. I really didn't want to apologize today but it would appear I have no choice. I'm still not controlling the cigarettes anymore. That's too much and I can't handle being the bad guy if she doesn't want me to be the bad guy. Might be the all or nothing military mind frame that I have but to me saying I want one in the morning one at night means just that. And when I was given the pack and told to not give them up that was my intention. It's hard enough to have will power but to try to do it for someone else...
But today is a new day. When I gave up last night I told her where the hiding spot was so she's on it now. It was a great hiding spot too

IMO it is only enabling if you are buying them for her, etc. It is really an impossible line to walk because it can very easily become an issue about controlling the other person. I don't have to like it if she does something she shouldn't but arguing about it just causes a rift between us. And the same goes for when I do something I shouldn't.

She is an adult and has to make those decisions on her own otherwise they will never stick. IMHO.

Sent from my Astromech in a galaxy far, far away. The force is with me. so is Mr. chicken.

 

[Butch]

It just sucks because I'm supposed to go blindly and support it. Isn't that enabling?
I had to say that because that was the whole reason behind what happened last night. But having read everything you guys said and the consensus being to just be nice regardless and let her screw up if she does I realize that the entire argument was my fault last night. I hate that! Now I'm screwed and I can't even say it wasn't my fault. I really didn't want to apologize today but it would appear I have no choice. I'm still not controlling the cigarettes anymore. That's too much and I can't handle being the bad guy if she doesn't want me to be the bad guy. Might be the all or nothing military mind frame that I have but to me saying I want one in the morning one at night means just that. And when I was given the pack and told to not give them up that was my intention. It's hard enough to have will power but to try to do it for someone else...
But today is a new day. When I gave up last night I told her where the hiding spot was so she's on it now. It was a great hiding spot too

Now you talkin'. Life is way too short to sweat the little stuff & if somebody ain't bleedin' it's all little stuff

 

[Cob24]

I had to switch to full site to issue out some likes. Thanks guys. This is the friendliest thread!

By switching to full site I realize my counter is set to the wrong month as well. I shorted myself a whole month without. For me it wasn't the cigarettes that were the hardest to quit though, it was the Copenhagen. So it's really two different evils as well when it comes to trying to switch over. But I managed to quit both so anything is possible right?

 

[Ozwald]

Ozwald- I had no idea you frequented this thread

Oh crap I did it too. Good morning everyone. Christmas was great but the better half and I had a knock down drag out regarding her analogs last night and her desire to have more than the allotted amount. Destroyed the evening. She was doing so good too and I feel it's all shot. I'm officially done being the cigarette guardian now though because it's just not worth the anger anymore. I really hate cigarettes now, more than I ever have. They are such a horrible creation and they are capable of warping peoples minds to believe whatever they need to believe to rationalize having one.
I'm ranting I know. It was a really really long night.

I was doing an excellent job of lurking sitting in the corner staying quiet until you called me out! j/k I never kept up with this thread, but I enjoyed stopping by from time to time. Sorry about the analog situation. I was never able to ration them either. I either smoke zero or a pack/day, there was just never any in between for me.

Don't beat her up too much & don't let it get to you too much either. We are all different, I see lot of people say they quit the day they started vaping, but there are a lot like I was too. I vaped for a year before I finally had that last ciggy. That was Oct 20, 2011, can't imagine going back to them now. Just support her & let her go at her own speed...........you'll both be a lot happier.

I was a pretty similar situation. I tried my first gas station el cheapo about a year ago & it just didn't do it for me. Another guy on a woodworking forum convinced me to try some 808's a couple months ago & they worked a bit better - enough that I thought I could use them to cut down (but I never had any intention of quitting). Well, they were working well enough, except for the battery life. I had 3 batteries, 2 chargers & they still couldn't keep up. I got so frustrated that I ended up here. After just reading for a week or so, I signed up, and then IT happened. I saw a sig line that simply said, "All vaping roads lead to Provari." Hmm.. where's Provari? Must be in Italy somewhere, maybe I should Google it. That's when I found the Provari subforum & decided that I was going to make a go at it. I smoked my last cig on the day my Provari arrived, my official quit day. I can't even imagine going back now.

 

[mcol]

It just sucks because I'm supposed to go blindly and support it. Isn't that enabling?
I had to say that because that was the whole reason behind what happened last night. But having read everything you guys said and the consensus being to just be nice regardless and let her screw up if she does I realize that the entire argument was my fault last night. I hate that! Now I'm screwed and I can't even say it wasn't my fault. I really didn't want to apologize today but it would appear I have no choice. I'm still not controlling the cigarettes anymore. That's too much and I can't handle being the bad guy if she doesn't want me to be the bad guy. Might be the all or nothing military mind frame that I have but to me saying I want one in the morning one at night means just that. And when I was given the pack and told to not give them up that was my intention. It's hard enough to have will power but to try to do it for someone else...
But today is a new day. When I gave up last night I told her where the hiding spot was so she's on it now. It was a great hiding spot too

Enabling what? She was a smoker when you met her most likely. Smoking is still legal.
And you aren't buying her smokes.
She is an adult.
Sorry, but a husband should never teach a wife how to drive, or have total control
over something like this. The choice is hers.
Smoking analogs was the very one thing I had control over, no matter what happened.
And sometimes I smoked just to pi$$ people off (NOT my husband, he was never
on the wagon to get me to stop).

 

[Ozwald]

It just sucks because I'm supposed to go blindly and support it. Isn't that enabling?
I had to say that because that was the whole reason behind what happened last night. But having read everything you guys said and the consensus being to just be nice regardless and let her screw up if she does I realize that the entire argument was my fault last night. I hate that! Now I'm screwed and I can't even say it wasn't my fault. I really didn't want to apologize today but it would appear I have no choice. I'm still not controlling the cigarettes anymore. That's too much and I can't handle being the bad guy if she doesn't want me to be the bad guy. Might be the all or nothing military mind frame that I have but to me saying I want one in the morning one at night means just that. And when I was given the pack and told to not give them up that was my intention. It's hard enough to have will power but to try to do it for someone else...
But today is a new day. When I gave up last night I told her where the hiding spot was so she's on it now. It was a great hiding spot too

Even if it wasn't your fault, you need to apologize. That just comes along with the territory. She's a lady & she's putting up with you.

Just kidding, you're a good man & were trying to do the right thing.

 

[mcol]

Even if it wasn't your fault, you need to apologize. That just comes along with the territory. She's a lady & she's putting up with you.

Just kidding, you're a good man & were trying to do the right thing.

Absolutely. No matter what the man is always wrong.

 

[Cob24]

Enabling what? She was a smoker when you met her most likely. Smoking is still legal.
And you aren't buying her smokes.
She is an adult.
Sorry, but a husband should never teach a wife how to drive, or have total control
over something like this. The choice is hers.
Smoking analogs was the very one thing I had control over, no matter what happened.
And sometimes I smoked just to pi$$ people off (NOT my husband, he was never
on the wagon to get me to stop).

She came to me and put that control in my hand. She wanted the help. She knew how hard it was going to be and she asked me to keep her at one in the morning one at night. I never asked her to switch to an e cig. I knew better than to poke that bear and now hst been confirmed. I'm not controlling at all and never have been!

Oz- they're looking for you in the saloon.

 

[Khala]

Some wisecracks simply *must* be made.

That was one of them.

 

[Sambuca]

Enabling what? She was a smoker when you met her most likely. Smoking is still legal.
And you aren't buying her smokes.
She is an adult.
Sorry, but a husband should never teach a wife how to drive, or have total control
over something like this. The choice is hers.
Smoking analogs was the very one thing I had control over, no matter what happened.
And sometimes I smoked just to pi$$ people off (NOT my husband, he was never
on the wagon to get me to stop).

nice advice, mcol. good looking out.

just remember, we're guys. we can do and say stuff that is totally off the wall and completely unexpected. afterwards, all we can think is that it seemed totally logical at the time.

being a guy means having to say i'm sorry now and then and just supporting your wife no matter what she needs or wants to do. logic isn't always our strong suit. (even when we think we're being logical )

 

[Seanchai]

Training is a tough gig but I hope she does get the promotion. Does she have to "teach" them something as part of the interview process or do they go solely by the interview? I have sat in on several training interviews for our department (we require that they teach us something as part of the interview process to see how they handle interruptions and what they do to keep a person's attention focused). One prospect showed us how to make Sushi from scratch and we ate the result which was pretty tasty.

It should just be a matter of approval or denial - they've asked her to train people informally before, just never paid her for it. As far as dealing with interruptions, she's a school bus driver, so dealing with distractions is part and parcel of any portion of the totem pole... and since they've seen her manage 80 elementary schoolers at one time, they shouldn't really *need* to ask to see that again... but if they do, she can do that in her sleep. She's become the person they send anyone to if they're having problems with student management, because she's that good at it. (Always has been - there's a reason my sister and I rarely got in trouble, and part of it is that my mother is a very authoritative person... so on the bus, "her kids" all love her, but they know *very* well what the rules are too. They call her "the cool bus driver" because she watches Doctor Who and Top Gear and decorates her bus for the holidays, but none of them would dare get out of their seat before the bus stops, let alone anything else!)

She can definitely handle anything they throw at her, it's just a matter of whether they'll let her get a foot in the door or not. The application/resume is all sent in now, so it's just a waiting game from here.

Vaping some Dark Chocolate and Whipped Cream... good stuff. Can't wait to break into the Rainbow Sherbet sitting here, but it needs some time yet.

 

[Sambuca]

She came to me and put that control in my hand. She wanted the help. She knew how hard it was going to be and she asked me to keep her at one in the morning one at night. I never asked her to switch to an e cig. I knew better than to poke that bear and now hst been confirmed. I'm not controlling at all and never have been!

so, for one night, she didn't want you in charge. get over it. like mcol says:

Absolutely. No matter what the man is always wrong.

it's not like women aren't entitled to change their mind.

you know, cuz that never happens!

 

[kelli]

Absolutely. No matter what the man is always wrong.

if a man says something in the forest and there is nobody there to hear it, is he still wrong?

 

[mcol]

She came to me and put that control in my hand. She wanted the help. She knew how hard it was going to be and she asked me to keep her at one in the morning one at night. I never asked her to switch to an e cig. I knew better than to poke that bear and now hst been confirmed. I'm not controlling at all and never have been!

Oz- they're looking for you in the saloon.

I know.
Pat pat.
But next time that happens run the other way or tell her no.
Cuz it isn't working out so well is it?
How about something along the lines of telling her you just want her to
drastically cut the cigs down. Cuz you don't want her health declining.
Use a little psychology embedded with a helping of guilt.

When I first quit for the first few months I went through some pretty strong
emotions like you wouldn't believe. Most I kept to myself, but stuff like
feeling bouts of rage, panic, and anxiety. It was no fun. Cut her a little
slack.

 

[mcol]

if a man says something in the forest and there is nobody there to hear it, is he still wrong?

Absolutely

 

[mcol]

Oh and just a hint into the minds of women:

A knock out drag out fight releases the emotions and pent up
anxiety over wanting that cig. Get it?

 

[kelli]

When I first quit for the first few months I went through some pretty strong
emotions like you wouldn't believe. Most I kept to myself, but stuff like
feeling bouts of rage, panic, and anxiety. It was no fun. Cut her a little
slack.

i have those feelings to this day. oh wait....i have always had those feelings.

 

[mcol]

i have those feelings to this day. oh wait....i have always had those feelings.

I wish I had it as together as I sound. I quit smoking the same time
my son got his learner's permit the same time I hit menopause.
Oh my.
Surprised I'm not an alcoholic right now.

 

[Joie]

The bizarre thing is, mom works in a field that's predominantly women... but the bosses are quite the good old boys' club. She's got 20 years of experience in this particular job and about 30 years of experience as a commercial driver (including training others), so in terms of qualifications/experience, she should get the promotion no problem, especially because they're *desperate* for people right now (probably one of the only employers in the state that is hiring everyone they can get their hands on - a ton of their staff retired last year), so they *need* more people in training positions to train all the new folks coming in... but we'll see if the good old boys let her in this time around.

The main thing that made her hopeful enough to try again was that her supervisor had a quiet word with both her and the powers that be, recommending her for the position... and her supervisor is (of course) male... so we're hoping that will carry some additional weight, as ludicrous as it is that his word should make that much of a difference. He's a good guy trying to do the right thing, which we appreciate!

Unfortunately, he doesn't have any actual say in who gets the job, so we shall see.

Keeping my fingers crossed for her..........

 

[kelli]

end of man bashing. lord knows i deserve my share of it. but really......