"my husband is kind of an idiot.."

[Happy Domino38]

I was inspired by Vrubin's comment on another thread. Hellen A. Handbasket then countered that, if we opened a Social Group under THAT name, there'd be 500 members in under 5 mins.

I, on the other hand, think THIS Social Group is the best one on ECF, (suck up to MK after starting that 'Nekkid Angus' thread yesterday...)...so let's hear your stories!!

 

[VRubin]

Woohoo!!!! I love this!

 

[Ghetto_Cowgirl]

Reposting my earlier story...without hijacking contest threads....
Outside just 5 mins ago....looking at the tiki torches and the cap to put the flame out is under the oil holder...
I figure I'll watch him try and get it out, never did he realize the oil container lifts out....he tries to break it...I'm yelling he's saying shut up! I run on over take the oil holder out and LMAO at his sheepish grin....sigh....

 

[VRubin]

Heres a good one for ya..

About 8 or so years ago my husband and his best friend thought it was a good idea to light a fire, place some aerosol cans all around, and shoot the cans... BOOM! Fun right? Nooottt soo muchhh...

The fire was petering out, so hubby went over to kinda kick things around and get it started again. Little did he know that there was can that hadn't been shot yet.. guess what? yep.. KA-BOOM!!!! Blew up right in his face. He was airlifted to the Springfield burn unit... still can't be in the sun for too long!

MY HUSBAND IS KIND OF AN IDIOT!! - MHIKOAI!

 

[Hellen A. Handbasket]

LOL... yay!

Mine is pretending to do yard work today... he doesn't have a clue what he's doing. He's picking up leaves and bean pods from a tree in the front yard, cleaning it out of the crushed granite rock yard. It requires him to use a broom and blower vac. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I'll re-do it tomorrow.

 

[beebopnjazz]

..but it would be hilarious!

I was inspired by Vrubin's comment on another thread. Hellen A. Handbasket then countered that, if we opened a Social Group under THAT name, there'd be 500 members in under 5 mins.

I, on the other hand, think THIS Social Group is the best one on ECF, (suck up to MK after starting that 'Nekkid Angus' thread yesterday...)...so let's hear your stories!!

 

[Happy Domino38]

Heres a good one for ya..

About 8 or so years ago my husband and his best friend thought it was a good idea to light a fire, place some aerosol cans all around, and shoot the cans... BOOM! Fun right? Nooottt soo muchhh...

The fire was petering out, so hubby went over to kinda kick things around and get it started again. Little did he know that there was can that hadn't been shot yet.. guess what? yep.. KA-BOOM!!!! Blew up right in his face. He was airlifted to the Springfield burn unit... still can't be in the sun for too long!

MY HUSBAND IS KIND OF AN IDIOT!! - MHIKOAI!

Wow, and I thought that BRIAN was dangerous!

 

[beebopnjazz]

One day while at work I get a call from DH (who was unemployed at the time) - he sounds hurt and he says "hon, you have to help me find a job before I kill myself!"

Seems he was at the top of the steps in his slippers. When going to take his first step he didn't realize he was stepping on the back of the 1 slipper. So here comes this 6'3" heavy man- coming from the top step all the way down - he realizes that there's a wine table near the bottom of the steps with a glass top and it's going to be a big mess when he reaches it....so, he puts his arms out in front of him like Superman and as he nears the bottom of the steps he "curves" his body - narrowly missing the wine rack......as he's laying crumpled on the floor wondering if he's just bruised and battered versus anything broken - he sees the large .... of our over-sized and overweight wire hair fox terrier Buster exiting the screen door (oops he hadn't latched it right) -

Buster was the neighborhood bully - he hated people, he hated other animals and he hated most of all - children.

So, seeing Buster's big .... leaving the house has set off enough alarms in DH's head that he better collect his bruised self and chase after that dog! So he gets up and is barreling outside - having leaned over trying to catch this dog (who isn't running but trotting himself to the park around the corner) - DH is praying no other dogs are being walked in the park....meanwhile, our friend and neighbor across the street sees what's happening - and knows he can't help because Buster is Buster after all and would chew him up and spit him back out - while DH lunged for the dog on the sidewalk - he was too far forward and - splat on the sidewalk - adding more bruises and brushburns to those he collected on the stairs - our neighbor - not wanting to embarrass DH - goes inside and - closes his door.

Buster makes a right at the alley - toward the park - and oh no! Another neighbor is coming back from the park with her little Skipper Kee! This particular neighbor doesn't seem to like anyone and now he's afraid that not only is Buster going to go after that Skipper Kee and the owner when she tries to stop the fight- she'll end up suing us. - the dogs just start tangling when DH - dives for the dog and gets him by his collar - the neighbor - who wasn't mad at all - just said 'dogs will be dogs"......DH drug Buster home - collected himself - surveyed the bodily damages and made that call - "hon, you have to help me find a job before I kill myself".

 

[UntamedRose]

A while back we had to replace the water pump on the hubbies truck
(I might note that I'm the mechanical one of the family...but I was pregnant at the time...somehow that means I shouldn't do anything "male" according to the hubby. IDK some weird instincts thing, thank god he got over it)

Anyway..2 hour job...turned into a three day all weekend event with tons of idiot moments.
But the kicker is when he came in announced it was all done and he was going for a test drive.
Comes back and there is rusty water all down the side of the truck...pop the hood.
Guess who forgot to put the radiator cap back on!

 

[VRubin]

lmao.. good one!!

 

[Fudgey]

Before we got married DH and stepson were in the process of doing some re-modeling in the bathroom. My daughter and I were painting her soon to be bedroom, windows were open. All of a sudden I hear "somebody help me", in a girlish type yell. So we all run out side, he says I need water quick. Step-son gets a pictcher of water out of the kitchen, dh says thats not enough water, while slapping at the fire on his shirt! Meanwhile I am going for the water hose, all my daughter is doing is standing there LHAO because of the way he sounded when he yelled. He had set a table in the garage on fire where he had used turpentine trying to get paint off of a scaper (he spilled it), that didn't work so then he proceeded to grind the paint off, grinders make sparks!! He singed all the hair off of his arms and burnt a hole in his shirt.
Thank goodness the garage didn't burn down. The kids will never let him forget that one.

 

[beebopnjazz]

LOL fudge!

 

[beebopnjazz]

Dh was a funny man. Early in our marriage he was a routeman- for a linen company and worked his way up into management. He, as a supervisor, was running someone's route in southern Ohio as they were either on vacation or ill.

It had poured - and it was hotttttt - he had the passenger sliding door open and the rear doors open trying to get some air to move in that truck. Step vans are somewhat top heavy - and he was well aware of that - he started to lose control of the truck - hydroplaning and was grappling with keeping the truck upright - the truck moved into the ditch - almost on its side and was still going pretty fast - as all the mud from the ditch plowed inside the van.....

 

[Hellen A. Handbasket]

You all have some "special" guys!

My DH is "special"... sighhh. Oh, and yeah... I've heard that funny Help Me voice before too! LOL Here are a couple (of many) stories that comes to mind.

Just before we got married... I had just put new silver gray carpet in my entire house 2 days before deciding to paint the family room. Of course, he is going to help right?

We spread out 6 feet wide painter's cloth and open cans of paint. Not 2 swipes into the painting, he backs up and knocks over a full bucket of Navajo White paint. It is on the cloth... right? *Buzzer Noise* NOPE. He had moved it to the edge of the cloth so when he knocked it over it spills over on to a huge 15' x 30' thick wool 1930's fringed Karastan area carpet.

He yells expletives and freaks out the dogs. Both jump up and start barking and of course, run right THROUGH the paint and through the ENTIRE HOUSE of new carpeting. He runs after them screaming "Stop! STOP!!" which only makes them run from him through every newly carpeted room.

I'm now crying...

I yell at him to stop chasing the dogs and help me drag the huge wool carpet outside and spray water (thank God for water base paint!) through the carpet to get the gallon of paint out of it. Then I spent the next two hours on my hands and knees sobbing and scrubbing white dog foot prints out of my new carpet while he twirled around without a clue what to do.

Does he paint anymore? Nope. He also breaks everything that he tries to fix...

Part of an evil idiot plan if you ask me.

If the kids broke something, they brought it to me to fix... not Dad. He isn't allowed to touch the tools around here anymore either.

Several years after the carpet incident a pan of oil caught fire in the kitchen while I was attending to a child that got hit in the mouth with a baseball (and put his teeth through his lip). What did DH do when he saw the fire? Screamed FIRE (in that girly voice) and grabbed the flaming pan, throwing it on top of a pile of clothes that were sorted to be washed (and laying on the floor in front of the washing machine). I came in and the pile of clothes was on fire along with the floor. I put it all out. Not only did I have to replace the wallpaper on the wall from the oil fire on the stove, now we (ME) had to replace the entire melted linolium floor and throw away tons of clothing.

The pan lid was sitting right next to the stove on the counter the whole time.

Oh, and the yard work today? I asked him if he cleaned the front porch and removed cobwebs. He gets a funny look on his face (so I know he didn't do it at all!) and says "Oh, I thought you wanted me to leave spider webs so they eat the other bugs?"



IDIOT...

 

[Fudgey]

Oh Hellen I am sorry

 

[Hellen A. Handbasket]

Yeah... me too! LOL

He makes up for it in other ways. There are a few things he actually is good at!

 

[VRubin]

LMFAO.. Hellens husband gets the IDIOT AWARD OH MY GOD !!!!!!!!! BAHAHAHAHA!!!

 

[beebopnjazz]

OMG Helen - he BETTER be good at other things!

 

[beebopnjazz]

I had an idiot moment myself last summer- my DH always handled the power tools and when we bought this house he had told me what brush/grinding ends to use on the drill to use on the wrought iron which is in dire need of paint. So I did learn to use the drill with the various attachments to make the wrought iron out front ready for rustoleum.

Last summer- it's time to move on to the wrought iron at the back door - I pull my supplies and start grinding away - I'm standing on the landing and bending over the railing to reach the other side so I don't have to get a ladder out and plant it in the dirt......my son keeps telling my granddaughter to stay away from the door (paint dust) and he goes into the basement- next thing I knew my hair has been taken up into the motor - so here I am with a drill attached to my head - and no one is around - I'm trying to unplug the drill with one hand (and it's knotted at the extension cord so it doesn't unplug easily while being used) - finally I call Michela and tell her to find her daddy - my son arrives in the kitchen - takes 1 look at me with the drill next to my head - and it's all he could do not to bust out laughing. He tried to salvage my hair - but it's long and curly and that motor really, really liked it.

I still have a section to do -

 

[Mary Kay]

My husband loves power tools..he has a garage full after 34 years of marriage. But when we were first married, he only had a few..that was more then enough!

I asked him to please take the shower sliding doors off because there was a small crack in one side and with two young kids..it WOULD get bigger! So he gets out his handy dandy drill with a reverse feature for taking out screws. 3 trips to the medium size box store (no big box at that time) he finally had the "right" drill bit. I was working in the bedroom next door when I hear him happily unscrewing stuff..then I hear the plinking start..plink Stop! Plink..oh NO! Plink..she gonna kill me! Plink..MARY!
As he unscrewsd stuff the tile started falling off.
This was not a new house and there was no match for the tile..we had to find a complimentary color and make a pattern.

A year later..I asked him to put up my new over the stove microwave..he calls his buddy with experiance. When we left that house I wanted to take my microwave. WE couldn't get it down..his buddy used very very large wing somethings...as far as I know 20 years later it's still there!

Hubby took the dog to the vet about 25 years ago. He is driving my new Hyundai..don't laugh it's the same car as a dodge colt but thousands cheaper. He takes the dog in and somebody screams..out he runs and sees my car rolling down the slope into traffic.. A very big truck flattened it. It seems the old Hyundai's let you take your keys out without putting the car in park. It was replaced but a 2 door and no moonroof. That car lasted me 15 years!

About this time for Christmas I have my hubby a shiny new great big red tool box..with a phonebook in it!