Hang in there bro, there is always a better tomorrow , as long you have hope. Btw, stay strong, and don't even think about hitting analog up
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Off to court tomorrow :(
- Thread starter Wicked84
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Court is over! It didn't turn out exactly how I hoped but I have my kids 12 nights per month and my wife has them 16 nights per month. This is a temporary order and is up for review in 4-6 months. I really wanted to get them at least one more day per week but I was being threatened with only having them every other weekend. In the eyes of the law that would have been acceptable temporary custody so I had to agree with it. I think this will work out okay for now but I will be fighting for more time every step of the way.
I had to take a huge financial hit to get them that much but that's what happens when people chase after money instead of worrying about what is best for the kids. It literally makes me sick. Bottom line is I'm going to have to put about $600 per month on my credit card to make it through to the next month. I have my friends and family searching the area for furniture because I also agreed that I wouldn't take anything other than my personal belongings when I leave on the 16th. I have no idea how I'm going to make it but where there's a will, there's a way!
I want to sincerely thank everyone for the positive comments from last night. I was looking at having my world destroyed today. I don't know how I made it through this day in one piece. A HUGE THANK YOU to each any every one of you.
Going to go hang out with my kids for a bit before it's bedtime. I'll be back around later this evening.
I had to take a huge financial hit to get them that much but that's what happens when people chase after money instead of worrying about what is best for the kids. It literally makes me sick. Bottom line is I'm going to have to put about $600 per month on my credit card to make it through to the next month. I have my friends and family searching the area for furniture because I also agreed that I wouldn't take anything other than my personal belongings when I leave on the 16th. I have no idea how I'm going to make it but where there's a will, there's a way!
I want to sincerely thank everyone for the positive comments from last night. I was looking at having my world destroyed today. I don't know how I made it through this day in one piece. A HUGE THANK YOU to each any every one of you.
Going to go hang out with my kids for a bit before it's bedtime. I'll be back around later this evening.
Stay strong Wicked! Good things will happen. You are a great father and those kids will always know that!! In a few years, when they are old enough, they will be able to decide for themselves where they want to live and I think things will drastically change for the better at that time. You'll see!!
My prayers are with you and your kids. I know how difficult this has been for you and will continue to be difficult at times in the future. Just be the best Dad you can be and over the years your children will know how much you loved them. Stay strong and God Bless.
I'm sorry things didn't go better, but I'm really happy they weren't as bad as you feared. Furniture is replaceable. Kids are forever. 
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I'm actually surprised that you even got 12 days.
Custody battles almost always go way in favor of the mother. Even in cases where the mother has significant issues -- inadequate employment, or even severe mental illness or drug addiction -- the mother often gets full or near-full custody and the father is left out to dry.
I know that ~42% custody was not quite what you were hoping for, but like you said, it wasn't near as bad as it could have been. Try not to let these results get the better of you -- it is not in any way an indication that you aren't as good of a parent as the mother. I know a great father that got only (very) partial custody who began to question himself, got even more depressed, and this eventually led to the mother getting full custody, which only made things worse for the father in some horrible feedback loop.
This is going to be a difficult time for everyone. Try to keep your spirits up, and things will eventually work out for the best.
Custody battles almost always go way in favor of the mother. Even in cases where the mother has significant issues -- inadequate employment, or even severe mental illness or drug addiction -- the mother often gets full or near-full custody and the father is left out to dry.
I know that ~42% custody was not quite what you were hoping for, but like you said, it wasn't near as bad as it could have been. Try not to let these results get the better of you -- it is not in any way an indication that you aren't as good of a parent as the mother. I know a great father that got only (very) partial custody who began to question himself, got even more depressed, and this eventually led to the mother getting full custody, which only made things worse for the father in some horrible feedback loop.
This is going to be a difficult time for everyone. Try to keep your spirits up, and things will eventually work out for the best.
Man I feel you. Been in your shoes. The only thing I can say is that it WILL get better as time goes on. Your kids will still love you!! I've been where you are and I don't wish that on anyone. Keep vaping and hang in there for you kids. Don't go back to cigs. Be a loving father and things will work out. Good luck to you!
Stay strong, live long and Vape on. Your deal beats the dickens out of the deal I got 24 years ago. 4 days a month and 2 weeks in the summer....Things ARE changing even though it still feels unfair sometimes. I'm happy with what you walked away with...Congrats
After talking with my friends and family who have experienced the same thing it sounds like I should be very thankful that things turned out the way they did. I still have to admit that I want more. To be perfectly honest I want them in my life every day. I want to pick them up and hug them and tuck them in every night and tell them I'll see them when they wake up. I have until the 16th to "vacate the marital home" and my heart is already shattered at the thought of that. I hope this feeling passes and by the 16th I feel confident and strong. My kids are young enough that I'm going to try to make it enjoyable for them to have a second home. My daughter is 10 so she is going to understand what has happened. My son is 6 so he's right at that age where it kind of makes sense and kind of doesn't. All I really ask for is that my kids remain happy and healthy. On the inside I am devastated but my kids will only see a positive, happy, and strong father. I know it's only a matter of time before we start to fall back into the groove of things.
@Jersey_EMT - Thank you for the percentage on that. I swore that I was not going to settle for anything less than 50%. After being scared to death that I was only going to see them 8 times per month I can learn to appreciate a percentage of 42%, for now.
@Jersey_EMT - Thank you for the percentage on that. I swore that I was not going to settle for anything less than 50%. After being scared to death that I was only going to see them 8 times per month I can learn to appreciate a percentage of 42%, for now.
I wish more fathers were like you. Hang in there, it does get better.
When I divorced my youngest son's father, we lived in different counties in California and he got to have our son every other weekend and 2 weeks a year. I never denied him to be with our son even during the week if he had wanted to but unfortunately he didn't have the time for that. He would tell my son he was going to pick him up on his weekends and wouldn't show up nor call.
I called him once when our son had a bad reaction to a shot when he was about 15 where he fainted in the doctor's office. I called my ex to let him know and his answer was "what do you want me to do about it?"
He did two tours of duty in Iraq and when our son was 19 I lost my job and I had to move in with relatives. I asked him if he could please let our son move in with him and he agreed. Since then has been somewhat the father I wish he would have been all along. I am grateful he changed, not for my sake but for our son's.
Sometimes it's better for our children to not be around the fighting and bickering that can happen when a marriage goes bad, so I'm sure your children are better off in the end.
When I divorced my youngest son's father, we lived in different counties in California and he got to have our son every other weekend and 2 weeks a year. I never denied him to be with our son even during the week if he had wanted to but unfortunately he didn't have the time for that. He would tell my son he was going to pick him up on his weekends and wouldn't show up nor call.
I called him once when our son had a bad reaction to a shot when he was about 15 where he fainted in the doctor's office. I called my ex to let him know and his answer was "what do you want me to do about it?"
He did two tours of duty in Iraq and when our son was 19 I lost my job and I had to move in with relatives. I asked him if he could please let our son move in with him and he agreed. Since then has been somewhat the father I wish he would have been all along. I am grateful he changed, not for my sake but for our son's.
Sometimes it's better for our children to not be around the fighting and bickering that can happen when a marriage goes bad, so I'm sure your children are better off in the end.
Thank you for the kind words and for sharing, Rosa!
I have come to learn that the only reason she was trying get me to accept the absurd custody schedule she was asking for was because of MONEY. I can't even begin to comprehend how the thought could even enter someone's mind, let alone vocalize and demand it. These are kids, they are not it any way shape or form a bargaining chip to extract money. Trying to take my kids away from me for no other reason that MONEY?? I've been with my wife for 15 years, never it my wildest dreams (nightmares) could I have imagined she would have even attempted something like this. Just when you think you know someone...
Hey there Wicked, 30 mile neighbor...I "went thru it" back in 1990, but I did get custody of the kids as the mom "abandoned" the home to go stay with her new man (a co-worker) and by her leaving me and the kids, even temporarily, that opened the door for "a man" to get the kids. Back then only 1 out of 10 guys would get the kids, today they say its better, like 2-3 out of 10. Still sucks, those odds, but hang in there cause if theres one thing I've learned, you put the time in with the kids and they will "know it" when they are older. And you may find that once the stress of the divorce is over, your ex will relax and let you have the kids more than you can know today. I gave my ex every weekend if she wanted and a month in the summer and she didn't even do that, she would "call off" last minute, leaving me to take them more. I was very liberal, would have let her see them all she wanted, she just didn't want to. You may find that if the ex starts "dating" (another can of stress worms for you to swallow--have vape juice ready then too) she may "want" you to take the kids more....just smile and take them. I chaperoned EVERY field trip my two went on from kindergarden to 9th grade, never missed a one. my ex never made one trip so.....be "that dad". You'll see, the nerves are all raw right now but eventually you and the kids will laugh at how smooth things can turn out if you have positive attitudes. (Just wait, you still gotta work out a "holiday schedule" with your ex...that can be tough too, but try to remain a willow rather than an oak and things will work out)
eta: and buy a good camera, right now, take TONS of pictures of EVERYTHING you do with your kids....mine are now 25 and 29 and they still want to look at the pics and videos of when they were small...they don't remember half the things they saw we did, but we got pictures and they LOVE em!!!
eta: and buy a good camera, right now, take TONS of pictures of EVERYTHING you do with your kids....mine are now 25 and 29 and they still want to look at the pics and videos of when they were small...they don't remember half the things they saw we did, but we got pictures and they LOVE em!!!
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my prayers are with you..divorced after 33 years. i still have the college senior with me...if you make the best of whatever situation you find yourself in... in the long term that will be the best solution to the situation. best, D. <*}}}>{
I have not been a member here very long, but I feel for you wicked. I am going through nasty custody stuff at this minute. Going for full custody of my 6 year old daughter, and I think I might pull it off. Its hard when you are thr dad, because the mom has to royally screw up for you to have any shot of anything other than 50 50. Things will turn out for the better. The best advice I can give is to be the best dad you can be, and be patient. Things will always look up eventually.
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The personal stories you guys share with me inspire nothing but hope for the future. Pictures are one thing that I will certainly have to start doing. My wife was always the one with the camera ready and when I leave in a couple of weeks I'll have very few of those pictures to take with me. Maybe she'll do the right thing and let me get the albums professionally copied once I'm able to keep a few cents in my pocket. I wish I could fast forward a year and have all of this pain and heartache behind me.
I would tell you, today, tonite, or tomorrow, if you have a printer that "scans", start scanning everything and then you can keep a digital copy of all of them. That way if she wont let you get a copy, you can make your own one day down the road (and everything's going digital now anyways, so it will never hurt you to have folders of pictures on your laptop/computer.) Don't sweat the professionally copied, if your scanner is any good you'll be able to photoshop any scans you make and they will come out better than the "analog" pics...
Try not to let yourself "freeze" up and play the wishing game about a year from now....trust me, time will move fast enough. Engage and do positive things NOW; like scan pictures before you are out of the house, and you will feel better than if you just "zombie" out "wishing" stuff. I'm not pickin' on you, just speaking from experience....I lost about a year there in the beginning where I wish I'd been more pro-active instead of reactive....
That is actually very good advise. I am going to do my absolute best to pull myself out of this fog as soon as possible. I certainly refuse to let my children see any of the negative side of things but I will do everything in my power to get my s**t together and grab life by the horns. I always have in the past so I see no reason why I can't continue down that path. I was really taken back and caught off guard by this, the experience I had today was not anything I anticipated. I'm back to work tomorrow and that will certainly help me feel "normal" for a while. I'm sure I can grab that feeling and lock myself back down.
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