Q2v3 giveaway!!!

[kritter]

#1 fer today
Prove that the crocodile is longer than it is wide.

Lemma 1. The crocodile is longer than it is green: Let's look at the crocodile. It is long on the top and on the bottom, but it is green only on the top. Therefore, the crocodile is longer than it is green.

Lemma 2. The crocodile is greener than it is wide: Let's look at the crocodile. It is green along its length and width, but it is wide only along its width. Therefore, the crocodile is greener than it is wide.

From Lemma 1 and Lemma 2 we conclude that the crocodile is longer than it is wide.

 

[kritter]

#2

1. A total of 4000 cans are opened around the world every second
2. Ten babies are conceived around the world every second
3. Each time you open a can, you stand a 1 in 400 chance of becoming pregnant

 

[440BB]

#1
Several professionals were asked the following question: What is 2 x 2 ? Here were the responses.

A trained mathematician:
“4.”
A poorly trained mathematician:
“I don’t what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer exists.”
A physicist, after consulting technical references, and setting up the problem on his computer:
“It lies between 3.98 and 4.02.”
An engineer, after consulting his slide rule:
“3.99.”
A philosopher:
“But what do you mean by 2 x 2 ?”
An accountant, after closing all the doors and windows, in a whisper:
“What do you want the answer to be?”
A computer hacker, after 2 hours of breaking into the NSA super-computer:
“4.”

 

[440BB]

#2
A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form.

A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says “Here’s a pill for English literature.” The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!

“What else do you have?” asks the student.

“Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history,” replies the pharmacist.

The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.

Then the student asks, “Do you have a pill for math?”

The pharmacist says “Wait just a moment”, and goes back into the storeroom and brings back a pill the size of a watermelon, and plunks it on the counter.

“I have to take that huge pill for math?” inquires the student.

The pharmacist replied “Well, you know math always was a little hard to swallow.”

 

[loxmythe]

Not an entry just want to say Happy Birthday

 

[toto1013]

#1

A pastor, a doctor, and a mathematician were playing a Saturday morning round of golf together. When the greenskeeper saw that the threesome was perturbed by a particularly slow foursome ahead of them, he came over to offer an explanation. "The four players in front of you are blind former firefighters," he said. "Several years ago, a fire started in our clubhouse, and these four were able to put it out. Unfortunately, in doing so, they all were injured and lost their sight. In recognition of their bravery, we invite them to play a free round once a year."
"That's terrible!" said the pastor. "I will say some prayers for them in the hope that their eyesight improves."

"How awful!" said the doctor. "I will speak to my opthamologist friends and see if they have any suggestions on how to restore their vision."

"Hmmmm," said the mathematician, "The situation is unfortunate, but why don't you just ask them to play at night?"

 

[toto1013]

#2

An investment firm is hiring mathematicians. After the first round of interviews, three hopeful recent graduates - a pure mathematician, an applied mathematician, and a graduate in mathematical finance - are asked what starting salary they are expecting.
The pure mathematician: "Would $30,000 be too much?"
The applied mathematician: "I think $60,000 would be OK."
The math finance person: "What about $300,000?"
The personnel officer is flabberghasted: "Do you know that we have a graduate in pure mathematics who is willing to do the same work for a tenth of what you are demanding!?"
"Well, I thought of $135,000 for me, $135,000 for you - and $30,000 for the pure mathematician who will do the work."

 

[lettucehead]

6/6

#1

What kind of meals do math teachers eat?
Square meals

Good morning, Paislia!
Happy Birthday!!

 

[lettucehead]

6/6

#2

Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor?
Student: You told me not to use tables.

Thank you for the game, Paislia!
Again, I hope you have a wonderful birthday!!!

 

[Desert Willow]

The math professor explained to her students that there would be no acceptable excuse for missing the final exam. “Unless you or a loved one dies, I expect you to be here,” she told them. “No other excuse will suffice.”

“What about sexual exhaustion?” asked the class clown, which made several of the other students snicker.

“Sorry, Johnny,” the professor said. “You’ll just have to write with your other hand.”

 

[Desert Willow]

Q: What do you get when you take green cheese and divide its circumference by its diameter?

A: Moon pi.

Happy Birthday!

 

[toto1013]

#1

The math professor just accepted a new position at a university in another city and has to move. He and his wife pack all their belongings into cardboard boxes and have them shipped off to their new home. To sort out some family matters, the wife stays behind for a few more days while her husband has already left for their new residence.
The boxes arrive when the wife still hasn't rejoined her husband. When they talk on the phone in the evening, she asks him to count the boxes, just to make sure the movers didn't loose any of them.
"Thirty nine boxes altogether", says the prof on the phone.
"That can't be", the wife exclaims. "The movers picked up forty boxes at our old place."
The prof counts once again, but again his count only reaches 39.
The next morning, the wife calls the moving company and complains. The company promises to check; a few hours later, someone calls back and reports that all forty boxes did arrive.
In the evening, when the prof and his wife are on the phone again, she asks: "I don't understand it. When you count, you get 39, and when they do, they get 40. That's more than strange..."
"Well", the prof says. "This is a cordless phone, so you can stay on the line and count with me: zero, one, two, three,..."

 

[440BB]

#1

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

– Albert Einstein

 

[toto1013]

#2


A math student is pestered by a classmate who wants to copy his homework assignment. The student hesitates, not only because he thinks it's wrong, but also because he doesn't want to be sanctioned for aiding and abetting.
His classmate calms him down: "Nobody will be able to trace my homework to you: I'll be changing the names of all the constants and variables: a to b, x to y, and so on."
Not quite convinced, but eager to be left alone, the student hands his completed assignment to the classmate for copying.
After the deadline, the student asks: "Did you really change the names of all the variables?"
"Sure!" the classmate replies. "When you called a function f, I called it g; when you called a variable x, I renamed it to y; and when you were writing about the log of x+1, I called it the timber of x+1..."

 

[440BB]

#2 Thank you for this contest!!! This is a great way to turn your Birthday into an extended party!

A highly effective pickup line:

I'm attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun - with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared.

 

[Paislia]

OK, time's up!! Thank you soo much for helping me celebrate my Birthday!!! Winner announcement in just a few!!!

 

[RippleInStillWater]

OK, time's up!! Thank you soo much for helping me celebrate my Birthday!!! Winner announcement in just a few!!!

Great contest, paisla.....

 

[loxmythe]

And the winner is Post #90

View attachment 106613

 

[Paislia]

CONGRATS KELLYMCM!!! I will PM you! Thanks again EVERYONE!!! Some real gems in this here thread!!!

 

[440BB]

Congratulations KELLYMCM and thank you Paislia for a great contest for your birthday!