Hi Paislia and happy birthday! #1 for well, Monday I guess!
View attachment 105869
Thanks for the contest!
View attachment 105869
Thanks for the contest!
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A woman comes home to find an envelope lying in the livingroom. She opens it and reads:
My dearest wife,
We have been married for nearly thirty years, and I still love you as much as on the day I proposed. You must realize, however, that you are now 54 years old and no longer able to satisfy certain needs I still have. I very much hope that you are not hurt to learn that, while you're reading this, I'm in a hotel room with an 18-year-old freshman girl from my calculus class. I'll be home before midnight.
Your husband, who will never stop loving you.
When the professor returns from the hotel shortly before midnight, he also finds an envelope in the living room. He opens it and reads:
My beloved husband,
You may recall that you, too, are 54 years old and no longer able to satisfy certain needs I still have. I thus hope that you are not hurt to learn that, while you're reading this, I am in a hotel room with the 18-year-old pool boy.
Your loving wife.
P.S. As a mathematician, you are certainly aware of the fact that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, don't stay up and wait for me.
My dearest wife,
We have been married for nearly thirty years, and I still love you as much as on the day I proposed. You must realize, however, that you are now 54 years old and no longer able to satisfy certain needs I still have. I very much hope that you are not hurt to learn that, while you're reading this, I'm in a hotel room with an 18-year-old freshman girl from my calculus class. I'll be home before midnight.
Your husband, who will never stop loving you.
When the professor returns from the hotel shortly before midnight, he also finds an envelope in the living room. He opens it and reads:
My beloved husband,
You may recall that you, too, are 54 years old and no longer able to satisfy certain needs I still have. I thus hope that you are not hurt to learn that, while you're reading this, I am in a hotel room with the 18-year-old pool boy.
Your loving wife.
P.S. As a mathematician, you are certainly aware of the fact that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, don't stay up and wait for me.
"Copernicus, when are you going to come to terms with the fact that the world does not revolve around you?"
#2
A bit old, but still fun...
Three people check into a hotel. They pay $30 and go to their room.
The manager discovers that the room rate is only $25 so he gives $5 to the bellboy to return to the guests.
On the way to the room, the bellboy realizes that it will be difficult to split $5 three ways so he pockets $2 and gives $1 to each person.
Now each person paid $10 and got back $1 each, so they paid $9 each, totaling $27. The bellboy has another $2, totaling $29.
Where is the remaining dollar?
A bit old, but still fun...
Three people check into a hotel. They pay $30 and go to their room.
The manager discovers that the room rate is only $25 so he gives $5 to the bellboy to return to the guests.
On the way to the room, the bellboy realizes that it will be difficult to split $5 three ways so he pockets $2 and gives $1 to each person.
Now each person paid $10 and got back $1 each, so they paid $9 each, totaling $27. The bellboy has another $2, totaling $29.
Where is the remaining dollar?
A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form.
A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!
"What else do you have?" asks the student.
"Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.
Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for maths?"
#2
The pharmacist says "Wait just a moment", and goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the counter.
"I have to take that huge pill for maths?" inquires the student.
The pharmacist replied "Well, you know maths always was a little hard to swallow."
A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!
"What else do you have?" asks the student.
"Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.
Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for maths?"
#2
The pharmacist says "Wait just a moment", and goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the counter.
"I have to take that huge pill for maths?" inquires the student.
The pharmacist replied "Well, you know maths always was a little hard to swallow."
My father has this T-shirt. This is my life LOL
Good morning witty PIF'ers!!! Thanks again for all the birthday greetings!!!!!
Q: How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?
A: `If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times...'
A: `If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times...'
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One for today -- dang, I love joke conests!!! 
The Planes Indians practiced polygamy, and one chief had three squaws. The first squaw lived in a teepee of elk hide, the second in a teepee made of buffalo hide, and the youngest in a teepee of hippopotamus hide. Then he slept with each wife on the eve of his great hunting trip. He was gone nine moons and when he returned, he went into the elk hide teepee and found that his wife had borne him a son. Likewise, in the buffalo hide teepee, that squaw, too, had borne him a son. So, imagine his surprise when he found twin baby boys in the hippopotamus hide teepee.
This just proves that ... The squaw of the hippopotomus is equal to the sum of the squaws of the other two hides.
The Planes Indians practiced polygamy, and one chief had three squaws. The first squaw lived in a teepee of elk hide, the second in a teepee made of buffalo hide, and the youngest in a teepee of hippopotamus hide. Then he slept with each wife on the eve of his great hunting trip. He was gone nine moons and when he returned, he went into the elk hide teepee and found that his wife had borne him a son. Likewise, in the buffalo hide teepee, that squaw, too, had borne him a son. So, imagine his surprise when he found twin baby boys in the hippopotamus hide teepee.
This just proves that ... The squaw of the hippopotomus is equal to the sum of the squaws of the other two hides.
#4-second for today
Math and Alcohol don't mix, so... PLEASE DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE
Motto of the society: Mathematicians Against Drunk Deriving
Math and Alcohol don't mix, so... PLEASE DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE
Motto of the society: Mathematicians Against Drunk Deriving
Today's entry #2
Q: Why didn’t the dog star laugh at the joke?
A: It was too Sirius
Thanks for the contest.
And HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Q: Why didn’t the dog star laugh at the joke?
A: It was too Sirius
Thanks for the contest.
And HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6/4
#1
If I had only one day left to live, I would live it in my statistics class: it would seem so much longer.
Happy happy birthday!!!
#1
If I had only one day left to live, I would live it in my statistics class: it would seem so much longer.
Happy happy birthday!!!
6/4
#2
(Statistics math)
It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest. -- S. den Hartog, Ph D. Thesis Universtity of Groningen.
Happy birthday, again!!
#2
(Statistics math)
It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest. -- S. den Hartog, Ph D. Thesis Universtity of Groningen.
Happy birthday, again!!
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