I have gone back to smoking. I am hoping that it's only temporary, and will try again on Sunday morning, to quit. My husband wants to quit his Copenhagen, but needs to see me succeed in order to know that he can do it. It's been a struggle, this past week, and I'd like to write about it. I'm not expecting any comments, so feel free if you don't want to read this, or comment on it. It's so that I can get all this stuff outta my head, and work on dealing with it, so that I can move on from it.
This is the last day of school, for my kiddo. He'll be moving on to 2nd grade, next year, and I'm super excited to see how much he's grown over the last year. But, the last 12 months have been hell on earth; a real struggle. Unfortunately, his problems started about a year before kindergarten.
In June 2009, my husband and I got a new puppy and a kitten. They were both about 6 weeks old, when we brought them home. The puppy was for him and Bobby. The kitty was mine, since I adore cats. Bobby had been struggling with anger since he was about 3, and he was struggling with the animals, at first. He warmed up to our puppy, Bear, easier than our kitten, Romeo. One morning, in late June, Bobby woke up before his dad and I did, and went to go sit on the couch. Romeo heard him, and came out to the living room to join him. As he tried to jump up on the couch, to snuggle up with Bobby, he scratched Bobby's leg. Bobby, in turn, got angry with Romeo and grabbed him by the neck and squeezed. When he realized what he had done, he panicked, bringing Romeo in to us, and letting us know what happened. We took Romeo to the vet, and found out that Bobby had broken the kitten's neck and he had to be euthanized. They didn't press charges (thank goodness!), but Bobby learned an important lesson that day. However, his behavior seemed to go downhill from there. We got him set up with a therapist, and he went every week to see her. He seemed to be doing better ... until kindergarten started up.
The beginning of his kindergarten year was great!!!! He was a great listener, always did what he was told; we very rarely had a negative report from his teacher. We took a trip to see my parents (TX to WI), for christmas, and even though Bobby didn't want to see my dad, his therapist insisted that we take him anyway (when my parents moved to WI 3 years ago, my dad seemed to drop off the face of the earth; bobby hasn't heard from him at all, and still hasn't. bobby was very close to my dad). After returning to TX, from Christmas break, Bobby's behavior deteriorated. We were getting negative reports, nearly every day, from his teacher. He was hitting the other students, putting his hands on their necks, trying to convince a fellow student to show him her "boos" and lifted his shirt for her, so that she wouldn't feel so uncomfortable. He was suspended from school for a full day, due to his behavior. I met with the school, just before the end of the year, to talk about his behavior, and the only thing we could attribute it to, was seeing my dad at Christmas. The real panic hit on the last day of school...........
The Tuesday of the last week of school, Bobby had mentioned a "secret" to his therapist. A "secret" he said he shared with a fellow student. She called the school counselor on Wednesday, and the school counselor called both boys into her office, to talk about the "secret". She ended up calling Bobby's therapist back on Friday morning, and his therapist called my husband. We needed to pick Bobby up from school and take him for an emergency evaluation at Northpointe. She informed my husband that Bobby had talked with the other student, about killing himself, and we needed him evaluated. I left work early, and drove the 20 minutes home, in tears. We got Bobby from school, and arrived at Northpointe. They asked the normal questions, and Bobby answered, honestly. He had a plan to kill himself, at the age of 6. He knew when, and how. With this information, they recommended the best thing for him: inpatient treatment at University Behavioral Health.
So, on the last day of kindergarten, instead of watching the children perform songs for their parents, we were checking Bobby into inpatient treatment, for suicidal thoughts. He spent 10 full days, and nights, at UBH, where they medicated his depression and diagnosed him with "Mood Disorder N.O.S". Looking at the pictures of his kindergarten class, from last year, he looked so miserable. The hardest part, for me, has been that we didn't see it!!! We didn't notice that there was anything wrong, other than his struggle with his emotions, and his anger. After his inpatient stay, they did outpatient care for 5 weeks, where he went to their offices from 7am until 2pm. They added another medication, for hallucinations. He was telling them he was seeing zombies in the corners, a cane walking by itself, and hearing voices. We always thought it was just his wild imagination (he's a very creative child, and super intelligent). We noticed that his hallucinations stopped after the new medication was added. They added a diagnosis of ADHD, but no medications for it.
So, needless to say, it's been hell on earth for about 2 years. The worst experience ever, is having to put your child in the hospital, to help him learn to talk about his feelings and not want to die. It took 9 months, to get him to stop calling himself stupid, or saying "I don't deserve to be here", or "I don't deserve to live". Things are looking up, now, and he's soooo much better than he was, before. His first grade teacher said that he's been telling jokes, and she's "never heard him laugh so hard before". What a change!!!!!!!
Thank you for listening. I needed to talk about it, so that I can feel comfortable with quitting again, and let go of all the emotions that are tied to this post. I've been crying, on and off, for the past week, unable to stop myself from remembering how much it hurt to check him into UBH. During this past Christmas, we did have him evaluated by a psychologist, who changed his diagnoses: ADHD (Combined type), and Major Depressive Disorder, single episode. Which means that he's now on medications for the ADHD, and the MDD was only because of his suicidal thoughts, but he's improving. The reports from this year have been great!!!!! After Christmas, when his ADHD meds kicked in, he was more attentive, able to sit still, able to deal with his emotions better.
Again, thanks for reading/listening. I appreciate all of you who took the time to look through this. If you want to leave a comment, feel free to. Just know that I am feeling better, now that I've been able to process through it all, and should be able to get back to quitting this weekend!
This is the last day of school, for my kiddo. He'll be moving on to 2nd grade, next year, and I'm super excited to see how much he's grown over the last year. But, the last 12 months have been hell on earth; a real struggle. Unfortunately, his problems started about a year before kindergarten.
In June 2009, my husband and I got a new puppy and a kitten. They were both about 6 weeks old, when we brought them home. The puppy was for him and Bobby. The kitty was mine, since I adore cats. Bobby had been struggling with anger since he was about 3, and he was struggling with the animals, at first. He warmed up to our puppy, Bear, easier than our kitten, Romeo. One morning, in late June, Bobby woke up before his dad and I did, and went to go sit on the couch. Romeo heard him, and came out to the living room to join him. As he tried to jump up on the couch, to snuggle up with Bobby, he scratched Bobby's leg. Bobby, in turn, got angry with Romeo and grabbed him by the neck and squeezed. When he realized what he had done, he panicked, bringing Romeo in to us, and letting us know what happened. We took Romeo to the vet, and found out that Bobby had broken the kitten's neck and he had to be euthanized. They didn't press charges (thank goodness!), but Bobby learned an important lesson that day. However, his behavior seemed to go downhill from there. We got him set up with a therapist, and he went every week to see her. He seemed to be doing better ... until kindergarten started up.
The beginning of his kindergarten year was great!!!! He was a great listener, always did what he was told; we very rarely had a negative report from his teacher. We took a trip to see my parents (TX to WI), for christmas, and even though Bobby didn't want to see my dad, his therapist insisted that we take him anyway (when my parents moved to WI 3 years ago, my dad seemed to drop off the face of the earth; bobby hasn't heard from him at all, and still hasn't. bobby was very close to my dad). After returning to TX, from Christmas break, Bobby's behavior deteriorated. We were getting negative reports, nearly every day, from his teacher. He was hitting the other students, putting his hands on their necks, trying to convince a fellow student to show him her "boos" and lifted his shirt for her, so that she wouldn't feel so uncomfortable. He was suspended from school for a full day, due to his behavior. I met with the school, just before the end of the year, to talk about his behavior, and the only thing we could attribute it to, was seeing my dad at Christmas. The real panic hit on the last day of school...........
The Tuesday of the last week of school, Bobby had mentioned a "secret" to his therapist. A "secret" he said he shared with a fellow student. She called the school counselor on Wednesday, and the school counselor called both boys into her office, to talk about the "secret". She ended up calling Bobby's therapist back on Friday morning, and his therapist called my husband. We needed to pick Bobby up from school and take him for an emergency evaluation at Northpointe. She informed my husband that Bobby had talked with the other student, about killing himself, and we needed him evaluated. I left work early, and drove the 20 minutes home, in tears. We got Bobby from school, and arrived at Northpointe. They asked the normal questions, and Bobby answered, honestly. He had a plan to kill himself, at the age of 6. He knew when, and how. With this information, they recommended the best thing for him: inpatient treatment at University Behavioral Health.
So, on the last day of kindergarten, instead of watching the children perform songs for their parents, we were checking Bobby into inpatient treatment, for suicidal thoughts. He spent 10 full days, and nights, at UBH, where they medicated his depression and diagnosed him with "Mood Disorder N.O.S". Looking at the pictures of his kindergarten class, from last year, he looked so miserable. The hardest part, for me, has been that we didn't see it!!! We didn't notice that there was anything wrong, other than his struggle with his emotions, and his anger. After his inpatient stay, they did outpatient care for 5 weeks, where he went to their offices from 7am until 2pm. They added another medication, for hallucinations. He was telling them he was seeing zombies in the corners, a cane walking by itself, and hearing voices. We always thought it was just his wild imagination (he's a very creative child, and super intelligent). We noticed that his hallucinations stopped after the new medication was added. They added a diagnosis of ADHD, but no medications for it.
So, needless to say, it's been hell on earth for about 2 years. The worst experience ever, is having to put your child in the hospital, to help him learn to talk about his feelings and not want to die. It took 9 months, to get him to stop calling himself stupid, or saying "I don't deserve to be here", or "I don't deserve to live". Things are looking up, now, and he's soooo much better than he was, before. His first grade teacher said that he's been telling jokes, and she's "never heard him laugh so hard before". What a change!!!!!!!
Thank you for listening. I needed to talk about it, so that I can feel comfortable with quitting again, and let go of all the emotions that are tied to this post. I've been crying, on and off, for the past week, unable to stop myself from remembering how much it hurt to check him into UBH. During this past Christmas, we did have him evaluated by a psychologist, who changed his diagnoses: ADHD (Combined type), and Major Depressive Disorder, single episode. Which means that he's now on medications for the ADHD, and the MDD was only because of his suicidal thoughts, but he's improving. The reports from this year have been great!!!!! After Christmas, when his ADHD meds kicked in, he was more attentive, able to sit still, able to deal with his emotions better.
Again, thanks for reading/listening. I appreciate all of you who took the time to look through this. If you want to leave a comment, feel free to. Just know that I am feeling better, now that I've been able to process through it all, and should be able to get back to quitting this weekend!
