Valley View Vapes - Win a FREE Polypropylene Tank

[Nosha]

4#

A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her husband's best friend.

They make love for hours and, afterwards, while they're just lying there, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:

"Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful.... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh" she replies, "That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

 

[Nosha]

#5

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your ....!'

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the Hell is this??' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out. 'April,' he hollered into the bathroom, 'why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'

She replied with a snicker...'It's not talcum powder......It's 'Miracle Grow'

 

[proudlion]

#1
Adam complained to God that he was very lonely.

God said, "I can make a woman for you."

Adam replied, "What is a woman?"

God said "She will be beautiful, never spend your money without asking, bear your children and never ask you to get up with them. She will never have a headache when you feel amorous."

Adam asked, "What what will it cost me?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Adam thought for a moment, then asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

 

[proudlion]

#2
Abraham comes running home and calls out to Sarah and Isaac, "Look here, I've got Windows 7!".
Isaac says, "But Dad, we don't have enough memory."

Abraham says to Isaac "Have faith my son, The Lord will supply the RAM!"

 

[proudlion]

#3
A pastor decided to visit his church members one Saturday. At one house it was clear to the pastor that someone was home, but nobody came to the door. The pastor knocked several times and finally took out his card and wrote on the back:
Revelation 3:20 - "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and dine with him and he with me."

The next day the card showed up in the collection plate. Below the pastors message was another scripture passage: Genesis 3:10 - "I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked and I hid myself."

 

[proudlion]

#4
A priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!"

The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"

The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody."

 

[proudlion]

#5
While attending mass one Sunday, a little girl became restless as the Priest's sermon dragged on and on.

Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OT

Thanks to all who have made this thread available and for the great laughs!

Good luck everyone!

 

[FunkyVapes]

#1

What's the difference between smokers and vapers?

Smokers carry a lighter, vapers carry a lighter wallet!

"Rimshot"

 

[RayN]

******End of contest******

 

[RayN]

This weeks Winner Post # 33

Congrats to ShelleSha!!

#3
Where do you find a one legged dog?


Where you left it.

 

[proudlion]

Congratulations ShelleSha!!!

Thanks Dan for the fun contest

 

[RayN]

Dan?


LOL

I'll be closing this thread so that I can start a new contest soon.
As always, the contest will be announced in my Official Info and Chit Chat Thread found here:
http://www.e-cigarette-forum.com/forum/e-cigarette-suppliers-forum/322829-valley-view-vapes-official-information-chit-chat-thread.html