Vaping and your kids (well, my kids, not your kids)

[Coelli]

Sorry if there is a better forum for this, but I couldn't really find one!

My boyfriend and I are new vapers but we did not start in order to quit smoking. He's an occasional social smoker, while I was a pack-a-day smoker for 17 years and quit cold turkey in 2000. We're vaping 0mg just for the fun and pleasure of it, though I really started in the hopes that it would help alleviate some of the hand-mouth thing that makes me overeat, especially now that I'm working from home.

The "problem" is that we have a 13 year old and an 11 year old, and they don't know about the vaping yet. I would like to be able to do it in front of them, but I don't want them to start. It would be easier if we could use the excuse of quitting. Instead, "It's fun and it tastes good and it's not really bad for you" all sound like great reasons for them to want to try it, especially since there's no nicotine. I should add that they spend every other weekend with their dad and his girlfriend and they both smoke cigarettes still.

So, any suggestions on how to approach this... or do we just keep trying to hide it forever?

Thanks!

 

[Myrany]

I am not a parent. I was however a high school teacher and found myself in the role of a parent to my students way more than I would have ever expected.

At 13 I would simply sit down with them and tell them the truth. Something along the lines of. "Before you 2 were born I used to smoke. There are some things that go with smoking I never got past. One is the hand to mouth habit. For my health I have decided to vape because without the vape my choice is to get fat and suffer the health consequences of that or to start slowly killing myself with cigarettes again. Is it safe? We do not know. Is it safer than cigarettes? Almost certainly. It is an adult thing and when you are an adult you can make your own decision on vaping. Until then it is not for you because we do not know for dead certain it is safe."

 

[Coelli]

Thanks for the input.

One of the reasons I haven't just said, "I'm doing this to try to help with my weight" is that my daughter is 11 and she's just hitting the self-conscious body image issues stage, where she's starting to think she's fat and talks about it. I would be concerned that she would also want to vape as a weight control measure. Also - my boyfriend is very fit, so he has no excuse other than he, like me, likes it.

It's really tricky. I'm torn between wanting to be the responsible parent and wanting to do something that really should be harmless; I know this is not actually smoking, but it just feels so much like it in so many ways that I feel horribly guilty for doing it, and I am not sure how to differentiate it to the kids.

 

[E_DeCastro]

I would treat it as non alcoholic beer. they still have to be 21 to drink it so they have to be 18 to vape. just let them know it's just to take care of the habit of smoking.

 

[Huckleberried]

Since you used to smoke, you could always bring up that you decided to try this out instead of smoking, and that it's helping the hand to mouth. I don't know, that's a tough one, since I'm not a parent, either. Great question, though.

 

[Myrany]

Thanks for the input.

One of the reasons I haven't just said, "I'm doing this to try to help with my weight" is that my daughter is 11 and she's just hitting the self-conscious body image issues stage, where she's starting to think she's fat and talks about it. I would be concerned that she would also want to vape as a weight control measure. Also - my boyfriend is very fit, so he has no excuse other than he, like me, likes it.

It's really tricky. I'm torn between wanting to be the responsible parent and wanting to do something that really should be harmless; I know this is not actually smoking, but it just feels so much like it in so many ways that I feel horribly guilty for doing it, and I am not sure how to differentiate it to the kids.

I totally understand. That is why I personally would stress you already have a problem with the hand to mouth. Then I would probably dig up some of the photos of celebrities when they were 10-11 and now. Show her the difference a few years of growing makes in becoming a sleek young woman.

I know several areas in California have passed or are trying to pass legislation to make vaping illegal to minors so there is another way to attack it.

I can only tell you what I learned teaching everyone elses teenagers in a ghetto school. When I talk to them I talk to them the same way I would another adult. I don't play games with my wording, I just matter of factly say what needs said. The kids really appreciated my showing that much respect to them and actually listened.

Only you know what your relationship is with your kids, so only you can judge. I would say that if you can generally trust them you can trust them with the truth.

You are an adult. You do not have to justify to them why you drink a beer when you want a beer. It is an adult thing and they know it. Vaping is no different.

 

[bluecat]

Your kids will be exposed it at school. That is just a part of life. My wife, as Myrany, is a teacher. These kids know a lot more than I ever thought possible.

My kids have always known I smoked and now know I vape. My wife and I come from different backgrounds which I think is a good thing. I am matter of fact with the kids (2 girls) she tends to be the opposite.

My 11 year old is 60 pounds soaking wet, rail thin. She is self-conscious as well and even had a girl at school call her fat. Put simply.... kids are mean at school. More than half of them have never received any punishment and think they can do whatever they want.

I always am honest in those type of situations. I want them to trust me as I can trust them.

I told them flatly when I smoked that they should not smoke because it isn't good for you. When they asked well why do you, I said because daddy was stupid. We can't change what has happened in the past and as their father I try to make sure they do not repeat the stupid things I have done.

 

[spawnsharks]

I am really, really glad to see responsible parents concerned about how their actions form the opinions and decisions of their children. Whatever you decide, and however you decide to do it, the decision will have been well thought out and considered with the children being the focus of that decision.

I vape in front of my 15 year old. However, he was aware that I smoked.. we talked about it, and I never really smoked in front of him, but I was always honest about it. Smoking is not something you can hide, whatever you may think. He encourages me to vape. He knows that he is not allowed to, and we talked about the similarities and differences between vaping and smoking, and how it's not really different than chewing nic gum, which I would totally do in front of him, discuss and that the gum would be off limits to him no matter how dry his mouth or fidgitey he was.

Glad to see conscientious parents out there with their children's best interest at heart. You are raising a good generation to replace this one!

 

[Coelli]

Thanks you guys - I'd really like to be open about this with them without sending the wrong message. They're JUST at that age where it's delicate; and my son is 13, the same age I was when I started smoking cigarettes and experimenting with all kinds of stuff. Luckily he's got a more stable home life than I did and less opportunity to get in trouble, but you know how it is.

I appreciate the thoughtful conversation. Thanks again.

 

[cathleenmarie]

I agree with omitting the hand to mouth part of the conversation. Just say you used to smoke and instead of smoking analogs again you decided to vape because the nicotine patch or other quit smoking methods don't work for you. Or something along those lines.

 

[AegisPrime]

I think you've gotten some good answers Coelli but I'd like to ask you a sincere question:

If your kids chose to vape, would it be a problem for you? I'm asking since you're equating vaping as a replacement for a smoking habit and the two are likely somewhat connected for you - but vaping isn't smoking and whilst none of us can say for sure what the long term effects of inhaling PG/VG/nicotine and flavourings are, there's a growing scientific consensus that it's *unlikely* to be harmful.

I guess if I was a parent and my kid(s) wanted to try something 'adult' (as many of us do when we're young), out of all the things a kid could pick up as a 'vice' is vaping really so bad? Just curious about what you really think, since I'm of the opinion that vaping should be a lifestyle choice and one we should be free to make without any stigma being attached to it (naive, I know ).

 

[r77r7r]

I have the same age kids. I haven't vaped around them, but after almost 3yrs, they kind of know. But I still don't. It's too easy to just go into another room to do my thing.

I still spend plenty of time with them, but at their age now they're wanting their own private time so that's when I vape.

 

[Rickajho]

Talk to them in order to demystify it. If there is one thing kids are attracted to it's anything they catch an adult sneaking around trying to do in order to hide it from them. You will get caught, so get ahead of the issue rather than try to explain why you were trying to sneak it behind their backs - that one never works out well.

The most obvious point I see is as a former smoker this is something to prevent you from relapsing back into that behavior. Rather than even having to touch the idea that it's something cool to do, just for the sake of doing it. It wouldn't be the first time an ex-smoker considered or actually did go back to smoking because of weight gain issues.

 

[stumpfreeman]

I have a 12 year old son that I vape in front of. He hated when I smoked and chewed tobacco so he was thrilled that I moved to vaping. Kids this age are smarter and more complex than you think. My son is well aware of the dangers of smoking and seems to completely understand my decision. I think it's OK for kids to see that adults struggle with things from time to time and that we are not perfect. As long as they understand that you/we are trying to make improvements to our lives. I truly believe that we as vapors vape to improve our lives.

 

[Coelli]

Aegis, they can vape when they're old enough - but right now it's still an adult activity, so at 11 and 13 they are not allowed. They're just too young yet. Even though it's not smoking, it LOOKS like smoking and it's hard to separate the two. I would MUCH rather that they vape than smoke, but I don't want them to get so used to vaping that they start smoking after school or something. They're both in the same middle school this year but next year my older one goes to high school. They also have easy access to cigarettes at their dad's place when they stay with him.

I do hope that vaping gets so common that everyone understands it's not smoking, we're just not there yet.

My boyfriend and I discussed it and I think here's how we'll play it out - my kids are off from school still and I work from home, so I'll just casually vape at my desk. When they notice and ask, I'll explain the difference between vaping and cigarette smoking and say we picked it up as an alternative to smoking that's not dangerous and doesn't trigger my daughter's asthma. And just take it from there. They're good kids and very smart. I'm sure it'll be cool. Certainly we're heading for worse conversations over the next few years!

 

[Coelli]

Just bumping to follow up (I am sure I won't be the only one with this problem).

This morning my daughter (11) was sitting next to me at my desk and I said "Okay, I'm going to show you something and don't freak out because I am NOT SMOKING." I took a puff and she started laughing because it was coming out of my nose. I told her I've been pretty stressed lately (I'm out of steady work) and I decided to try this instead of smoking or constantly snacking. I let her know there's no nicotine but you still have to be 18 to do it. She said it smells good and she thinks it's "cool" - this worries me, but she has asthma that's triggered by cigarette smoke so I am not as worried that she'll start smoking. She knows how she starts wheezing and has to use her inhaler at her dad's, but never here at home.

So that's one down, one to go. I'm not as worried about my older kid than I was about her - she's the smart inquisitive one who's going to be trouble when she's older.

 

[Baldr]

I would treat it as non alcoholic beer. they still have to be 21 to drink it so they have to be 18 to vape. just let them know it's just to take care of the habit of smoking.

The rules parents make about when their children can start drinking, smoking or having sex have very little to do with when those children actually start drinking, smoking, and having sex. If it were that easy, hardly anyone would smoke anymore because parents would tell their kids "Never start smoking, you'll regret it the rest of your life" and children would listen. It just doesn't work that way.

I think seeing mom and dad vape (or drink, or smoke) is going to make it more likely that they'll try it. I just don't see any way around that, no matter what you tell them.

I wouldn't encourage my kids to vape. But if they did, I'd deal with it. I'd be super, super ...... if I caught them smoking. (Disclosure : My kids are grown, and don't vape or smoke.)

I think the best thing for the OP to do is to tell them that you used to smoke, and you regret smoking, and that despite having quit, you still have an addiction, and these help keep you from going back to smoking.

 

[Coelli]

FWIW, in addition to these two younger kids I have a 25 year old son who doesn't smoke and never has, despite being raised around heavy smokers. I even smoked through the entire pregnancy with him. Hopefully I can raise these two right in that aspect, too.

 

[second2none]

I Think as far as kids go this we be smoking in the future. At a family Christmas Party a conversation came up with me using my Provari.Turns out his 17 yo son vapes and needed to be kept on the Down low from grandpa lol. His son eventually came out and turns out he vapes with zero nic . his parents do smoke.

 

[solace.discord]

my two girls are 17 and 9. both hated that I smoked, voiced it often. I started vaping a while back and did it while at home exclusively (most of the time). I told the little one right off what it was, what it was for, and that it was like "an adult beverage" - not for her. I would answer her questions, satisfy her curiosities, but it wasn't for her.

I keep my juice and equipment out of her sight and access, other than what I'm currently using. we've had no issues, thankfully.