Vaping Satire

[CarolT]

This is a couple of years old, but I couldn't find it in this forum after a cursory search. It's funny.

vaping Youth Pastor Fills In For Broken Fog Machine

PORTLAND, OR—After Chainbreaker Church’s fog machine sputtered to a halt in the middle of the second service Sunday morning, youth pastor Bryan “The Vaped Crusader” Foster boldly stepped up to the stage, pulled out his vape, and produced an equivalent quantity of vapor into the darkened sanctuary so that the service could continue.
Vaping Youth Pastor Fills In For Broken Fog Machine

 

[HauntedMyst]

Babylon Bee for the win.

 

[CarolT]

I found another one.
College Ministry Building Converted Into vape Lounge
The venture is also said to be a lucrative fundraising project for the church as a whole. “College students typically don’t give very much in offering,” Chapman said. “But they’ll drop hundreds on the latest vaping gear, so this project should pay for itself in roughly six months.”
College Ministry Building Converted Into Vape Lounge

 

[smoked25years]

Never been to a church that used a fog machine.

 

[CarolT]

Holy Spirit Unable To Move Through Congregation As Fog Machine Breaks
Holy Spirit Unable To Move Through Congregation As Fog Machine Breaks

 

[Nermal]

Never been to a church that used a fog machine.

I agree, but then again, I haven't spent much time in churches.

 

[brad-man]

I agree, but then again, I haven't spent much time in churches.

You're not missing much. Their chicken isn't all that good anyway...

 

[bombastinator]

I agree, but then again, I haven't spent much time in churches.

I’ve been to quite a few and I haven’t seen a fog machine once. I have seen a few censers though.
Censer - Wikipedia

 

[DeloresRose]

I’ve been to quite a few and I haven’t seen a fog machine once. I have seen a few censors though.
Censer - Wikipedia

Raised Catholic. I can smell that word.

 

[CarolT]

I’ve been to quite a few and I haven’t seen a fog machine once. I have seen a few censors though.
Censer - Wikipedia

Um, it's spelled censer with an e, not censor with an o.

 

[GOMuniEsq]

Well he did link the right article so my money's on autocorrect.

 

[smoked25years]

You're not missing much. Their chicken isn't all that good anyway...

Haha! I remember Churches Chicken! Haven't been there since I was a student!

Um, it's spelled censer with an e, not censor with an o.

Well he did link the right article so my money's on autocorrect.

Maybe the forum censors the word "censer".

 

[bombastinator]

Um, it's spelled censer with an e, not censor with an o.

Autocorrect snuck another in it seems

 

[dreamvaper]

Holy Spirit Unable To Move

this

Their chicken isn't all that good

so they give chicken in US? Now I understand why black Americans love to go to church.
here the max you get is a "host" - tasteless piece of a chip.

 

[CarolT]

this


so they give chicken in US? Now I understand why black Americans love to go to church.
here the max you get is a "host" - tasteless piece of a chip.

Maybe after church. Otherwise:

"After blessing the congregation at New Words of Life Church with a prayer of benediction to close the service Sunday, Pastor Ron Meade opened his eyes to discover the entire congregation had already exited the building, made their way to the parking lot, and been seated at a nearby Applebee’s restaurant, sources confirmed Tuesday."
Pastor Opens Eyes From Benediction To Find Whole Congregation Already At Applebee's

"According to sources, Meade worried for a few moments that he had perhaps missed the rapture..."

 

[brad-man]

You're not missing much. Their chicken isn't all that good anyway...

Wow. I guess @Izan really likes Church's chicken. The Big Red X...

 

[CarolT]

New one. "Hipster Church Introduces Vape Organ," "a specially modified pipe organ that pumps out delicious vape flavors throughout the sanctuary."
Hipster Church Introduces Vape Organ

 

[DavidOck]

 

[stols001]

I have NEVER been to a church with a fog machine.....

BUT I totally WOULD. LOL. Especially if they fed me Chicken the whole time. Because I could just forget all that "get up/sit down" at the right times nonsense and focus on my chicken. Not to mention being able to NOT have to mouth the words to the hymns because I don't want to add to the horror with mah perfect pitch.

Nope, I would be chowing down on my chicken.

I think I also just listed MOST of the reasons church is just not that fun. I like to pray at home, and alone. If the spirit moves me to sing I can sing. If the spirt moves me to eat chicken, I can.

I usually save my most reverent hymns and prayers for like, cleaning out the fridge.

Kind of hedging my bets. If there ain't no afterlife, at LEAST I got something accomplished, you know?

Sometimes I will add to my hymns... For some reason Tenacious D goes GREAT with fridge cleaning.

Also , if we all do it the "come back" way I am fairly certain I would LOVE to come back as Jack Black's wife. SO again, hedging.

Anna

 

[dreamvaper]

I would LOVE to come back as Jack Black's wife

OK the dude is a sinner but I'm not sure if he's sinned enough