Not too long ago I did some consulting for an Aerospace company in Southern California. I was called in to assist in the modernization of their existing CNC department. It wasnt hard to shine because the company was stuck in the 80s. The Ownership of company liked what I brought to the table and ended up being offered a Full Time position as the head of the New CNC department. The K was too much to pass up so I took the position.
I had been with the company about a year. I worked directly under the General Manager who was a difficult person. Ex-Military. Tough as Nails. Never smiled and Completely unforgiving of failure. He was the type that would fire someone, at any level, for the slightest indiscretion. We called him Axe. I never thought he really like me much especially after Ownership overruled him in favor of an idea I had regarding a machinery purchase. This was a person to look out for.
To make things worse, the GM had a personal secretary named (The name has been changed to protect the Obnoxious.) Gail . She was pure Evil Incarnate. The type of person who relished in other peoples misfortune. Perhaps forty five, divorced, what a surprise?, a little fat, not very good looking and always had a Smirk on her smug face. Someone who you always found lurking around a corner listening to what other people were talking about. It was common knowledge that Gails sole purpose was too collect gossip and rumors and then to report back to Axe. No one liked Gail or even really talked to her if you didnt have to. We called her Shelob.
As with all companies, there are certain lunch routines that are immutable. Our company was no different. The last Friday of the month, the department mangers would meet at McFarneys, a restaurant / micro brewery for lunch and drinks. The official purpose was to discuss operational issues, but of course, all we ever did was talk sports and check out the Hotties serving food and drinks.
This particular Friday I got to McFarneys late. Getting there late was the worst because you had to take the chair at the table with your back to the room. Not a good viewing position for Hottie scoping. It was a great lunch of Prawns and Honey ale. Everyone was about on their fourth or fifty drink when I heard someone say Gail.
I looked up and said, Gail? You mean Shelob. What a Witch. She doesnt look a day over Seventy if you ask me. I know she is Axes minion but I dont see how he can stand to look at her? No one at the table seemed to be laughing so I took it up a notch. You dont think Axe and Shelob are doing the Wild Thing on Axes desk after work? Even If I was stuck on a desert island for about three years I dont think I could do it with her.
Nothing. No one was laughing. In fact they all had this strange look on their faces like they just found a cockroach in the bottom of their beer glass. I said What and the Quality Control manager across the table from me raised his hand every so slightly and point behind me.
I turn around and at the table behind ours was the Company CFO, The Head of Payroll, AXE and Shelob.
HOLLY F_CK !@!&!!
They were all just staring at me as the waitress came up and gave them menus. I was paralyzed like a deer in the headlights. Like a deer that was about to get smacked by a Cement Truck with a Full Load. I was so freaked I thought I might piss in my pants. I somehow got up and stumbled out of McFarneys like a zombie back to my car.
I didnt get fired but it did cost me two days off without pay. I became somewhat of a hero of sorts too some people at the company. I also dont think that I was able to go a full day for the next three weeks without some saying,
Not a Day Over Seventy, Classic !
