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lol cute.
i was like "why highlight it?"
then realized most people are probably using the white version of the site
What do you like to play?
Pokemon. POKEMON POKEMON POKEMON POKEMON.
What do you like to play?
pokemon! POKEMON POKEMON POKEMON POKEMON!
ya see, the kids they listen to the rap which them the brain damage. Ya see?
with their hippin and the hoppin and the pimpin and the poppin so they dont know what the jazz is all about ya see?
Not really a joke but entertaining nonetheless
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaYGAT-TuO8#movie_player
Pokemon. POKEMON POKEMON POKEMON POKEMON.
What do you like to play?
pokemon! POKEMON POKEMON POKEMON POKEMON!
ya see, the kids they listen to the rap which them the brain damage. Ya see?
with their hippin and the hoppin and the pimpin and the poppin so they dont know what the jazz is all about ya see?
Not really a joke but entertaining nonetheless
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaYGAT-TuO8#movie_player
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Cop: Your eyes look bloodshot, have you been drinking?
Driver: Your eyes look a glazed over, have you been eating donuts?
Actually had a buddy get out of a ticket using that line. Cop laughed so hard he let him go.
Driver: Your eyes look a glazed over, have you been eating donuts?
Actually had a buddy get out of a ticket using that line. Cop laughed so hard he let him go.
A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated the wife and daughter. So the daughter said " Mom, how many kinds of penises are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and looks at her daughter and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, his penis is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only!"
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated the wife and daughter. So the daughter said " Mom, how many kinds of penises are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and looks at her daughter and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, his penis is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only!"
A man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, I've got a problem, but if you're going to treat it, first you've got to promise not to laugh."
"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," the man said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest member the doctor has ever seen. Unable to control himself, the doctor fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.
"I'm so sorry," he said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen."
"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," the man said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest member the doctor has ever seen. Unable to control himself, the doctor fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.
"I'm so sorry," he said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen."
The other day, my friends and I went to a ladies' night club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his .... cheek!
Not to be outdone, another friend pulled out a $20 bill. She called the guy back over, licked the $20 bill, and stuck it to his other .... cheek. In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulled out a $50 bill and called the guy over. I was worried about the way things were going, but she licked the bill and just stuck it to one of his .... cheeks again.
My relief was short lived. Seeing the way things were going, the guy gyrated over to me! Now everyone's attention was focused on me, and the guy was egging me on to try and top the $50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do?
I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ..., grabbed the 80 bucks, and went home.
Not to be outdone, another friend pulled out a $20 bill. She called the guy back over, licked the $20 bill, and stuck it to his other .... cheek. In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulled out a $50 bill and called the guy over. I was worried about the way things were going, but she licked the bill and just stuck it to one of his .... cheeks again.
My relief was short lived. Seeing the way things were going, the guy gyrated over to me! Now everyone's attention was focused on me, and the guy was egging me on to try and top the $50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do?
I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ..., grabbed the 80 bucks, and went home.
Marcus staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy.
He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom,
but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister,
his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle
in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Marcus sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked
in the hall mirror to see that his .... cheeks were cut and bleeding.
He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting
a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the
now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Marcus woke up with searing pain in both his head and ....
and Mary staring at him from across the room.
She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"
Marcus said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"
"Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass
at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house,
it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom,
but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister,
his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle
in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Marcus sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked
in the hall mirror to see that his .... cheeks were cut and bleeding.
He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting
a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the
now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Marcus woke up with searing pain in both his head and ....
and Mary staring at him from across the room.
She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"
Marcus said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"
"Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass
at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house,
it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
So a lady was caught out be hide a store eating some peaches she had stolen from the store.
At court in front of the judge she pleaded guilty but asked for forgiveness and a light sentence because she was starving and might have died if she had not eaten then.
The judge said “well how many peaches did you eat”. The lady said "there was 6 pieces of peaches that I eat". The judge said "Well 1 day in jail pre piece so 6 days in jail".
"Your honor" calls out her husband "She also stolen a can of peas"
At court in front of the judge she pleaded guilty but asked for forgiveness and a light sentence because she was starving and might have died if she had not eaten then.
The judge said “well how many peaches did you eat”. The lady said "there was 6 pieces of peaches that I eat". The judge said "Well 1 day in jail pre piece so 6 days in jail".
"Your honor" calls out her husband "She also stolen a can of peas"
A lady goes to see her doctor about getting implants. The doctor tells her "we actually have a new pill that you might like. When ever you want your breast to become bigger all you do is flap your arms like a chicken and they inflate on command" So the lady agrees to take the pills and that night she goes out with the girls to a club. After only an hour a guy is about walk by and she noticed how cute he is so she start flapping till she's got a nice pair of C-cups. The guy walks by without noticing and heads to the bar. He orders a drink and then heads back to his sit. Frustrated she flaps even more till she is large D-cups. Once again the man walks by without noticing. P***ed she flaps even more till she feels top even and walk over to his table and says "Didn't you notice anything about me?"
The man stands up and says "Yea I noticed we see the same doctor" and then he begins swiveling his knees outward then back inward again a few times and smiles
The man stands up and says "Yea I noticed we see the same doctor" and then he begins swiveling his knees outward then back inward again a few times and smiles
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you
expect me to show it to you!"
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you
expect me to show it to you!"
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are in a swimming competition - They must do the breaststroke across an Olympic-sized pool and back. The brunette comes in first place, with the redhead a very close 2nd. Finally HOURS later the blonde gets out of the pool.
"What took you so long?!?!" Everyone asks
"Well, I don't want to tattle," said the blonde, "but I think those other two girls cheated..."
(hehe... Get it?)
"What took you so long?!?!" Everyone asks
"Well, I don't want to tattle," said the blonde, "but I think those other two girls cheated..."
(hehe... Get it?)
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: 'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.' She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.' 'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.' She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that:
1, you have to be single and
2, you must be Catholic.'
The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!' 'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.' The nun fulfils his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a ...... blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. 'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?' 'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.' The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a fancy dress party.
1, you have to be single and
2, you must be Catholic.'
The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!' 'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.' The nun fulfils his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a ...... blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. 'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?' 'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.' The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a fancy dress party.
Is black humour allowed? That's the only jokes i know!
As long as that's black as in twisted, bring it on!
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