Where to draw the line...

[ctourtelot]

Ok, so I'm a bit irritated right now and need to rant for a second.

My BF's father used to live in the area and he always gave us a hard time about vaping and was convinced they were more harmful than smoking.

He recently relocated to Florida and has gotten a sudden interest in vaping. He got one of the dreaded free trial offers from the tv and fortunately he called us right after he received it. He thought it was $9.95 for the trial and $20/mo for refills. Turns out it was $99.95 after 15 days and $79.99/mo for refills. Fortunately, we caught it in time before the initial charges hit his card. He called customer service and was able to cancel and they allowed him to keep the sample kit.

Anyhow, I spoke with him at length on the phone that evening and the next morning put together a comprehensive email with links to the beginner's info on ECF, vendor recommendations and video tutorials. I gave him a couple model recommendations based on his smoking habits and lifestyle and directed him to the most cost efficient sources.

So far I've spent about 5 hours of my time talking to him and putting information together. So he calls back the other night (at near midnight, no less) and starts asking my bf questions. My bf had originally had me talking to him because I'm more well versed in the industry than he is. I do all the research and ordering for us both.

When my bf asked him about the info I'd sent, his reply was "I can't be bothered to go through all that." GRRRR

Keep in mind, he's unemployed and does nothing but surf the web all day.

So I'm torn. I really want to help him get off cigarettes and I don't mind helping him, but on the other hand I feel like I'm spinning my wheels if he won't lift a finger to help himself.

<end/rant>

Ok, I feel better now. Thanks for listening.

 

[cskent]

Keep in mind that this stuff can be quite overwhelming at first, and I'd suspect he just said that he can't be bothered with it to avoid looking dumb. Anyway, I think if it were me I'd just buy the stuff for him and be done with it. If you can't afford to do that just make one recommendation that you think will work. Too many options can be just as bad as not enough. That's my 2 cents.

 

[Rudy956]

It seems you have done everything possible from your end. Sometimes we have to determine if the other person wants the help and is willing to do some work from their end. Best of luck to you hopefully he changes and it all works out.

 

[grandmato5]

(((hugs))) to you ctourtelot You are doing a good thing by trying to help this man stop smoking, but ya, you will be spinning your wheels until the man understands he has to take control of his own destiny and put time and effort into switching to vaping. If he cant be bothered to read what you put together for him now he is not going to be bothered to fiddle with whatever ecig he ends up with when its not working quite right for him and we all know that even when things go right most of the time, there are times we all have to do some fiddling.

 

[ctourtelot]

Thanks for the replies. I did offer 2 options. 1 was the SI Volt, but warned him of the battery life and suggested the passthrough as he's always online. I also suggested the KGO if he didn't mind a larger model. I made things as specific as possible in order to not confuse him or overwhelm him.

I talked to my bf about it and from what I understand, he's this way with most things. He asks for help on what kind of computer to get and sends 20 emails of links to ones he's interested in. My BF narrows it down to 1 or 2 for him, then he goes and still buys a POS and 2 days later is calling my BF for help on making it work.

I guess I thought since I was dealing with him that he might react differently, but it doesn't seem to be the case. I worked for over a year in an ecig retail store and I've set up hundreds of vapers with their first kits and got them started on the right track so I do have quite a bit of experience dealing with brand new vapers.

This just really frustrates me because I could have easily set him up when he was still here. When he asked about ecigs several months ago, we told him to call when he was ready and we'd help him get set up yet he still turned around and got a free trial (which we explicitly told him to steer clear of.)

Like I said, I'm trying to be patient with him, but he refuses to do any of the footwork himself yet keeps arguing with me over things he really has no clue about. For instance, the free trial he got is a standard mini 3pc..probably a 4081 and he's convinced he needs to fill it with a syringe and wants to know how many ml the syringe should be.

After 45min on the phone, I couldn't even get him to understand that 1. He didn't need the syringe to fill it and 2. that the capacity of the syringe isn't what mattered, it was the gauge of the needle.

At that point (which was after I'd just come off a 16 hr film shoot and was already exhausted), I just threw my hands up and gave the phone back to my bf and told him to deal with it.

I feel really guilty about it, but aside from buying the kit myself (which I can't afford) and driving down to Florida to give him hands on instructions, I'm at a loss of how else to help at this point.

 

[Hoosier]

A zebra cannot change its stripes. A frog cannot take wing and fly. You should not try to teach a pig to sing as it only frustrates you and annoys the pig.

Now you can love things for what they are instead of hating them for what they are not, or you can watch some videos of babies laughing. I find videos of babies laughing is usually be best course of action after I've resigned from choir director over the pig pen.

 

[ctourtelot]

A zebra cannot change its stripes. A frog cannot take wing and fly. You should not try to teach a pig to sing as it only frustrates you and annoys the pig.

Now you can love things for what they are instead of hating them for what they are not, or you can watch some videos of babies laughing. I find videos of babies laughing is usually be best course of action after I've resigned from choir director over the pig pen.

lol always such words of wisdom Hoosier

 

[erictho]

i started my vaping adventure without guidance as well, and i've led a few people towards vaping in order to get them off the stinkies. one person (whom i love), i gave 30 ml of juice, two cartos, two 650 mah batts, etc. i put together an email with links to each product i personally use and found easy to use. when two of my current converts shopped, they did not get any of the cartos i had recommended. they had ordered the ce3s, then didn't know how to fill them. then complained to me that it was too much of a hassle, to the point where the person i set up with my old stuff may quit.
i understand they may make their own choices, and it's a vast vaping world...but still. i feel bad, yet sort of frustrated.

 

[JmeMcG]

Hang in there ctourtelot! I get a LOT of what you are dealing with, not just about ecig stuff, but just the general frustrations of trying to help someone (who has asked for the help) only to do the opposite of what you suggest. I have come to believe that some people just like to "think out loud" and like to have a sound board to bounce their thoughts off of. A lot of times people will pretty much have their minds made up as to what they are going to do before they even start "asking advice".

Not that this is going to help much, but I have started to notice a common denominator regarding "problems" with people who try to help others get started vaping (aka.. us) and those who "want to try" vaping, but don't have the time or interest to even basically educate themselves on ecigs. For whatever reason, the scenario does not work well. I believe it has to do with the ones "who want to try, but don't really have much real interest".
Here is my personal example: I decided to go the ecig route back at the end of January. My husband and I are (sorry, correction... I was...) both smokers. I made the decision to purchase the first starter kit (KGO). Husband and I over the years had tried other methods to quit smoking together (patch, gum... nightmare...) which of course never worked. Anyway, this was a decision I made, talked to him about it, suggesting we should do it together. No real comment or anything from him. I decided to go for it anyway. Spent hours and hours doing research, watching videos, etc. Fortunately found this fourm, which was the biggest plus ever. Got the PV, started using it, he tried it... started pretty good, so I ordered another kit, so we could both be vaping and at least had one spare batt each. Vaping stuck with me since day one... Husband vapes, but went back to smokes pretty quickly. He has cut down tremendously, which is great and I don't poo poo him for smoking, although I really wish vaping would "work" for him like it has for me. My husband has not spent one minute reading/watching/learning anything about vaping himself. I order everything and trying to figure out for him what is going to work, well, is not working. He really has no interest in doing any of it for himself, which confirms to me that he was not really ready to quit, like I was... even though he always says he "wants/needs to quit". I firmly believe to be "succesful" at making the transition from smoking to vaping takes dedication and determination. Even though this is the easiest way I have ever personally used (which worked 100% for me) I really wanted to quit. Because of that, I have invested the time and energy to make it work for myself. Chances are probably pretty good IMO that if your boyfriends dad does not have the "time" to do anything on his own, it's probably not going to matter what you suggest anyway, as frustrating as that can be.

Should you not help, no. Just realize that you can spend a lot of time and energy "helping" to no avail. This may sound a little "cold" and of course it is your call, but I would probably start giving very short answers (yes,no..) and let him know that you have given him some great suggestions and have pointed him in the right direction to help him get started, but the rest of it is up to him, as there is a learning curve and we all know (at least speaking for myself) that it is good to have help and suggestions, but there is also a lot of trial and error before he may even find "the one" that works for him. This is where the self education and owning his choices are going to benefit him and give him a better chance of vaping success. Not saying I would be rude, I just wouldn't spend a ton more time before they started showing me some self motivation to understand things. Know what I mean, jellybean?

Hoosier summed it up well... as usual Also rember the old saying about "leading a horse to water... "

Peace and good luck. Try not to get too frustrated. Feel good about what you have done and let him go from there.

 

[Oneida]

A zebra cannot change its stripes. A frog cannot take wing and fly. You should not try to teach a pig to sing as it only frustrates you and annoys the pig.

Now you can love things for what they are instead of hating them for what they are not, or you can watch some videos of babies laughing. I find videos of babies laughing is usually be best course of action after I've resigned from choir director over the pig pen.

You should change PV Master to Zen Master.

 

[tidegirl]

Jme- Don't give up on your husband yet. Some people approach this differently. If he is still vaping and has cut down, there is still hope. While there are many people who never looked back from their first vape, it is not always that simple. Plenty of us smoke and vape until the vape finally wins out. I think this approach is why I have been successful with vaping when all the other methods failed. When I bought my first kit I did so on a whim and decided to commit to trying it and if I wanted to smoke, I would smoke. That was in December, and I continued to buy the occasional pack of smokes through Feb. I haven't bought a pack since then, but I do still have the occasional smoke if I am around people smoking. Knowing that if I want an analog I can have one has made this much easier than the all-or-nothing approach for me.

The same thing could apply to his lack of interest in information about pv's. I am like you... when I get interested in something I dive in head first and want to learn everything I can and talk about it constantly. Some people just want a pv and some juice and don't need to know everything there is to know about it.

ctourtelot- ??? Good luck. Maybe just give him one link and say here, buy this. And stick to one word answers, as previously suggested.

 

[ctourtelot]

After thinking about this, I don't think I'm going to get anywhere with him. Considering he's well into his 60's and still relies on his parents (now in their 90's) to support him, I don't see him taking the needed initiative. I'll answer what questions I can, but I think I'm done going over and above. The stress and frustration it causes isn't worth it.

My bf and I started on ecigs at the same time and they were more successful for me than him at first and he went back to smoking within a week. I went back after 2 weeks (because my equipment died) but I've always been the one doing the research and finding new things. I also DIY his liquid for him because he's nervous about handling the nicotine and making an error in the calculations. We've both been smoke free for well over 2 years now so sometimes it just takes awhile.

It is good to know that I'm not alone with this situation so I appreciate everyone's responses.

 

[DC2]

Considering he's well into his 60's and still relies on his parents (now in their 90's) to support him...

That sounds like a nice gig, can I sign up for that?

I'm only 46 but I'm trying to plan ahead for my future.

 

[JmeMcG]

Thanks tidegirl. No way I'll ever give up on hubby... LOL! I am really happy he has cut back from 2 PAD to 1 pack a week. He works around a lot of guys who smoke and such and I think he may get "teased" a little at work... being the only one vaping. IDK. That is why I said I don't poo poo him for still smoking. The decision to go electronic was mine and I was pleasantly surprised that he even wanted to try it, let alone cut down as much as he has. I have resigned myself to the fact that I cannot find the perfect set up for him and as much as I would like him to quit smoking completely, he needs to be checking into what he thinks would work best for him if he wants to quit via vaping. If he never quits smoking completely... well, hey... He's a big boy and I'm not his momma... LOL! I know he likes vaping and is happy he has cut back as much as he has, I guess I just feel a little bummed because it has worked well for me and I would really like to see it work as well for him. Not going to sweat it... we have certainly been through a hell of a lot worse together, so I think I will stick it out with him for a while longer... LOL!

One of these days soon (I hope...) my SS VTube I ordered will arrive. Yeah, I was one of the ones to order from Apollo back in March... still waiting... sigh. No biggie deal, really. My KGO has served me fine and honestly don't *think* I really *need* to get started in VV land, but hell... I want to... LOL! Maybe this next PV will wet hubby's whistle a little better. IDK... It's all good. It's clear around my house who is more into PV's and all the neatness of vaping vs. smoking... I just feel like maybe the real interest I have is what has given me a great advantage.

 

[ctourtelot]

That sounds like a nice gig, can I sign up for that?

I'm only 46 but I'm trying to plan ahead for my future.

LOL planning ahead is always a good idea

 

[V_Joe1981]

With me I do the research into anything vaping and the gf looks to me for advice instead of doing the leg work herself. At first it was a little frustrating when she started her vaping journey in November, but now she has a great hold on what she's doing and cut the smokes way back to non existent with my help .

I currently taught her the basics of DIYing and she loves it. A little goes a long way teaching someone about the vaping world I found in my experience

 

[Dana A]

OP You are a wonderful person for trying to help another. I am in the same boat with my aunt. She bought a starter kit but when I went to see her the other day I saw she was smoking. She got me to order her liquids the 1st time and that was ok with me but like others have said there is a learning curve to vaping that even the nicest person can't learn for someone else. Good luck and please don't let this sour you to helping more people along the way because there will be more.

 

[Bullwinkle]

If you actually give a crap and want him to quit smoking, get the money from him. Buy him a mod or kit with what he needs for at least a year. Inform him that after the initial pro bono work, consulting fees will be billed at $150 an hour with an hour minimum.

End of problem.

 

[damselle]

Ok, so I'm a bit irritated right now and need to rant for a second.

My BF's father used to live in the area and he always gave us a hard time about vaping and was convinced they were more harmful than smoking.

He recently relocated to Florida and has gotten a sudden interest in vaping. He got one of the dreaded free trial offers from the tv and fortunately he called us right after he received it. He thought it was $9.95 for the trial and $20/mo for refills. Turns out it was $99.95 after 15 days and $79.99/mo for refills. Fortunately, we caught it in time before the initial charges hit his card. He called customer service and was able to cancel and they allowed him to keep the sample kit.

Anyhow, I spoke with him at length on the phone that evening and the next morning put together a comprehensive email with links to the beginner's info on ECF, vendor recommendations and video tutorials. I gave him a couple model recommendations based on his smoking habits and lifestyle and directed him to the most cost efficient sources.

So far I've spent about 5 hours of my time talking to him and putting information together. So he calls back the other night (at near midnight, no less) and starts asking my bf questions. My bf had originally had me talking to him because I'm more well versed in the industry than he is. I do all the research and ordering for us both.

When my bf asked him about the info I'd sent, his reply was "I can't be bothered to go through all that." GRRRR

Keep in mind, he's unemployed and does nothing but surf the web all day.

So I'm torn. I really want to help him get off cigarettes and I don't mind helping him, but on the other hand I feel like I'm spinning my wheels if he won't lift a finger to help himself.

<end/rant>

Ok, I feel better now. Thanks for listening.

Sounds like he's looking for the easiest way. Too bad u didnt. Know that from the start maybe if u just send info on the easiest beginners kit and say "start here"....

All of this can be pretty overwhelming at first and if one is not really committed to quitting smoking, it's easy to give up.

 

[NC_Fog]

First of all, it seems like he doesn't have any respect for you. Until then, he would be on his own!!! Some folks just aren't worth it. Congrats to you and your BF.