Why have my farts...
- Thread starter Worutaa
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If you want really really bad smelling gas, eat some sugarfree lifesavers. Even my dog runs away
I'd hate to be that's preacher's wife. There's no way them skid marks are coming out in the wash! Imagine if the internet could transmit smells as data packets. My laptop would be a pile of melted plastic and steel right now!
Hmm funny when I blow rank rear air there are NO BARK MARKS!
I do not fart or temp them IF I ever eat sugar free candy.. It is asking for a preemptive load of WTF!!
I find a beer or a dozen with spiced food and pickled eggs a good source of humor for next week.
I do not fart or temp them IF I ever eat sugar free candy.. It is asking for a preemptive load of WTF!!
I find a beer or a dozen with spiced food and pickled eggs a good source of humor for next week.
dude i just ordered mine and the way i see it is if im breathing better and nobody else can breathe over my farts it kinda evens the playing field .... lol
LOL...I have not noticed this...
Im from New Orleans.....have a huge bowl of red beans and rice and get back to me.....hahaha
Im from New Orleans.....have a huge bowl of red beans and rice and get back to me.....hahaha
Farting - Fart - Flatulence: is the expulsion through the rectum of a mixture of gases that are byproducts of the digestion process of mammals and other animals. The mixture of gases is known as flatus, (informally) fart, or simply gas, and is expelled from the rectum in a process colloquially referred to as "passing gas" or "farting". Flatus is brought to the rectum by the same peristaltic process which causes feces to descend from the large intestine. The noises commonly associated with flatulence are caused by the vibration of the .... sphincter, and occasionally by the closed buttocks.
Any other questions?
Leave it to you BigJim, that analysis sounds worse than just stating the obvious, we eat, we fart, gets worse with age too
My farts still stink.
I didn't say I was ashamed of them.. it's quite humorous to let an SBD go near my manager then camp out a spot and watch the expressions on her and other people's faces when they walk into the hot zone.
Or saving them for when a very chatty person comes up (you know the ones you don't really like, but don't want to be mean, so you end up talking to them for what seems like an eternity).. let it go and watch their fake smile turn into a look of absolute horror.
I'm sure a lot of it has to do with actually being able to smell things.. but it isn't just the smell.. They *feel* different. I'd try not to go into too much detail on this, but that wouldn't be fun. They feel warmer... like there's more gas to them... idk definitely different.
Can't complain though.. it's nice to be able to smell what's cooking before I open the door to my house, or when I walk into a bakery actually being able to tell what I'm smelling... oh.. and I didn't realize how great women actually smelled.. or how horrible bums do. I guess you gotta take the good with the bad.
I didn't say I was ashamed of them.. it's quite humorous to let an SBD go near my manager then camp out a spot and watch the expressions on her and other people's faces when they walk into the hot zone.
Or saving them for when a very chatty person comes up (you know the ones you don't really like, but don't want to be mean, so you end up talking to them for what seems like an eternity).. let it go and watch their fake smile turn into a look of absolute horror.
I'm sure a lot of it has to do with actually being able to smell things.. but it isn't just the smell.. They *feel* different. I'd try not to go into too much detail on this, but that wouldn't be fun. They feel warmer... like there's more gas to them... idk definitely different.
Can't complain though.. it's nice to be able to smell what's cooking before I open the door to my house, or when I walk into a bakery actually being able to tell what I'm smelling... oh.. and I didn't realize how great women actually smelled.. or how horrible bums do. I guess you gotta take the good with the bad.
You got to stop, i now got coffee all over my desk thanks to you.
By the Way, I heard about the liquid ... on the O&A show, is it really that bad?
I haven't changed my diet either, and I have found that it is becoming much more of a common occurance. As for smell, I found they are much more potent than before, but again, it could be because my sense of smell has returned.
I did make my bosses eyes water the other day, which made me proud!
Okay, quick story...walking through Walmart the other day, and there was a kid (probably about 10, so he should have known better) being a total PITA to his folks raising all kinds of hell...I totally crop dusted him as I walked by....he went from screaming and ranting, stopped momentarily, and began whimpering. I looked back to see him rubbing his eyes...I couldn't hear him from four lanes away after that.
Glad I live in a log cabin, cause the paint would definitely be peeling off the walls!
I did make my bosses eyes water the other day, which made me proud!
Okay, quick story...walking through Walmart the other day, and there was a kid (probably about 10, so he should have known better) being a total PITA to his folks raising all kinds of hell...I totally crop dusted him as I walked by....he went from screaming and ranting, stopped momentarily, and began whimpering. I looked back to see him rubbing his eyes...I couldn't hear him from four lanes away after that.
Glad I live in a log cabin, cause the paint would definitely be peeling off the walls!
You got to stop, i now got coffee all over my desk thanks to you.
By the Way, I heard about the liquid ... on the O&A show, is it really that bad?
Well seeing people violently retch and vomit from the stink I would say ya it is that bad.... Soo thanks for reminding me I need to get a bottle and "ENHANCE" the bathroom at work.
We have an overflow drain in there and it gets umm like smelling like a dead rat rolled in poo but the manager will do nothing about it... I just ordered my bottle and am eagerly awaiting it hopefully before xmas to spread some holiday cheer.
And Worutaa I have noticed the velocity and warmth of my own has increased also, I could have sworn last night a small bomb went off but alas it was my expulsion.
Oh with that a true story...
This week I was kicking back in the bedroom watching tv late at night, sitting on the floor enjoying some holiday spirits. OK I was drinking my .... off on some mulled spiked wine goodness that I had whipped up.
Well it was last night about 130ish and was enjoying the awesome buzz and warmth spreading about my person.
I let the abomb of rectal revenge go, no joke it was the most painful violent expulsion of flatus I have ever had the joy of letting loose. So much pressure it hurt and I did check for marks and possible blood later.
So after dropping the Abombs of abombs which lasted a good 20 seconds I hear my downstairs neighbor pounding on the wall.
I got a call from the manager this morning about moving furniture late and night and dropping it.. seems I woke her up with the rumbles.
I felt vindicated that it was a fart and the manager was laughing to darned hard to actually file a noise complaint. I did however had to promise her that no I did not scorch the carpet and no I did not drop a turd on the carpet.
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I think people finally put their heads together and came up with a better word for vaping.
Been vaping since February past. Can't say as my farts have changed any but this joke cracks me up and this seemed like a good place to share it.
An elderly lady goes into the doctor.
"Doctor, I don't know what the problem is, but I've been farting all the time. It's not really a problem socially because they don't make any noise and don't smell. I just can't stop farting all the time. In fact, while I've been in here I must have farted at least 20 times."
The doctor nods and gives her some pills. "Here take these for two weeks and come see me again when you are done."
So she takes the pills and returns two weeks later as instructed.
The lady is very angry. "What kind of medicine is this? I'm still farting just as much. They still don't make any noise, but now they stink terribly!"
The doctor nods, "It's alright, now that we have your sinuses cleared up, we'll work on your hearing!"
An elderly lady goes into the doctor.
"Doctor, I don't know what the problem is, but I've been farting all the time. It's not really a problem socially because they don't make any noise and don't smell. I just can't stop farting all the time. In fact, while I've been in here I must have farted at least 20 times."
The doctor nods and gives her some pills. "Here take these for two weeks and come see me again when you are done."
So she takes the pills and returns two weeks later as instructed.
The lady is very angry. "What kind of medicine is this? I'm still farting just as much. They still don't make any noise, but now they stink terribly!"
The doctor nods, "It's alright, now that we have your sinuses cleared up, we'll work on your hearing!"
Thanks for such an enjoyable reading experience! I haven't laughed so hard in a while. Those were some awsome stories!!! It's good to see that there's still some humor left in the world.
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