And the coffin went away!!!

[sawlight]

It was a dark and foggy night as little Timmy walked home alone, a creepy feel was in the air, but nothing he understood. As he walked he started to hear a quiet "thump.... thump" behind him. Timmy looked behind him, but didn't see anything in the dark fog. He walked on, the "Thump..... Thump" got louder, and closer! He walked faster, the "Thump. Thump" got faster! He was scared now, but still couldn't see anything behind him in the fog! He started to run, poor Timmy was really scared now, the "Thump, Thump, Thump" got faster and closer! He turned to look and saw a coffin chasing him! A full size coffin was running after Timmy! He ran as fast as his legs would carry him, but still the "Thump, Thump, Thump, Thump" matched his every speed!
He got to his house, rushed in the door slamming it shut and locked it tight! He could hear the "Thump, Thump" as the coffin crossed the front porch of his house! Then all of the sudden "BANG, BANG, BANG!!" The coffin broke down the front door! In fright, Timmy ran up the stairs, but right behind him he heard the "Thump, bump, thump, bump, thump bump" as the coffin followed him up the stairs!
In total horror Timmy runs into the bathroom and locks the door behind him! "Bang, Bang, Bang!" The coffin breaks down the bathroom door!
Timmy is shaking as the coffin closes in on him, he's trapped! What to do? What can he do to help himself now? He looks and looks for a weapon of some sort, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! In total desperation he throws the bottle at the coffin and closes his eyes!
Then the coffin went away!

 

[sawlight]

Two men walk into a bar, the third guy ducked.

 

[EleanorR]

It was a dark and foggy night as little Timmy walked home alone, a creepy feel was in the air, but nothing he understood. As he walked he started to hear a quiet "thump.... thump" behind him. Timmy looked behind him, but didn't see anything in the dark fog. He walked on, the "Thump..... Thump" got louder, and closer! He walked faster, the "Thump. Thump" got faster! He was scared now, but still couldn't see anything behind him in the fog! He started to run, poor Timmy was really scared now, the "Thump, Thump, Thump" got faster and closer! He turned to look and saw a coffin chasing him! A full size coffin was running after Timmy! He ran as fast as his legs would carry him, but still the "Thump, Thump, Thump, Thump" matched his every speed!
He got to his house, rushed in the door slamming it shut and locked it tight! He could hear the "Thump, Thump" as the coffin crossed the front porch of his house! Then all of the sudden "BANG, BANG, BANG!!" The coffin broke down the front door! In fright, Timmy ran up the stairs, but right behind him he heard the "Thump, bump, thump, bump, thump bump" as the coffin followed him up the stairs!
In total horror Timmy runs into the bathroom and locks the door behind him! "Bang, Bang, Bang!" The coffin breaks down the bathroom door!
Timmy is shaking as the coffin closes in on him, he's trapped! What to do? What can he do to help himself now? He looks and looks for a weapon of some sort, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! In total desperation he throws the bottle at the coffin and closes his eyes!
Then the coffin went away!

I fully expected the "thumper" to turn out to be Lassie!

Hey Saw, did you know that two-thirds of a pun is PU?

 

[sawlight]

Yup! My mom told that to my 7 1/2yo son the other day, I thought it was worth sharing!

 

[JenJen]

I had to read the second one twice before I got it! Proof positive, I am a blonde! lol

 

[dedi]

mmmmmmm, I am not blond but still had to read twice

 

[magus7091]

Two guys walk into a bar. The third, completely ruining the punchline, walks into it as well.

 

[HarmonyPB]

A doctor, a lawyer and a cowboy walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "This is a joke right?"

 

[BHam]

Saw I just got this this morning (facepalm). I didn't get the play on word AT ALL . This morning it just clicked. Apparently I only get Halloween jokes in November.

It was a dark and foggy night as little Timmy walked home alone, a creepy feel was in the air, but nothing he understood. As he walked he started to hear a quiet "thump.... thump" behind him. Timmy looked behind him, but didn't see anything in the dark fog. He walked on, the "Thump..... Thump" got louder, and closer! He walked faster, the "Thump. Thump" got faster! He was scared now, but still couldn't see anything behind him in the fog! He started to run, poor Timmy was really scared now, the "Thump, Thump, Thump" got faster and closer! He turned to look and saw a coffin chasing him! A full size coffin was running after Timmy! He ran as fast as his legs would carry him, but still the "Thump, Thump, Thump, Thump" matched his every speed!
He got to his house, rushed in the door slamming it shut and locked it tight! He could hear the "Thump, Thump" as the coffin crossed the front porch of his house! Then all of the sudden "BANG, BANG, BANG!!" The coffin broke down the front door! In fright, Timmy ran up the stairs, but right behind him he heard the "Thump, bump, thump, bump, thump bump" as the coffin followed him up the stairs!
In total horror Timmy runs into the bathroom and locks the door behind him! "Bang, Bang, Bang!" The coffin breaks down the bathroom door!
Timmy is shaking as the coffin closes in on him, he's trapped! What to do? What can he do to help himself now? He looks and looks for a weapon of some sort, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! In total desperation he throws the bottle at the coffin and closes his eyes!
Then the coffin went away!

 

[spacekitty]

An Irishman walks out of a bar....

Hey, it could happen!!

 

[sawlight]

Not very likely, unless it's closing! (I'm Irish, I can say that!)

 

[HarmonyPB]

Bars close? You don't live in the right area.

 

[sawlight]

I know! I was in heaven in Key West, for the first three days at least

 

[sawlight]

Three nuns are in a car wreck and die. They get to Heaven and meet St. Peter at the Pearly gates. St. Peter says "To get in I have to ask each of you one question and you have to correctly answer it to get in. But as you have led pure and dedicated lives, I'll keep the questions easy for you."
He goes to the first Nun, "What was the name of the first man on Earth?" "Oh, that's easy!" She replies, "That was Adam!" Lights flash, bells ring, lightning strikes, the gates open and she walks in.
He goes to the second Nun, "What was the name of the first woman on Earth?" "Oh, that's easy!" She replies, "That was Eve!" Lights flash, bells ring, lightning strikes, the gates open and she walks in.
He goes to the third Nun, "Hmmmm, what to ask you, Oh, I know! What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" She thinks and thinks for a bit and replies "Oh my, that's a hard one!" Lights flash, bells ring, lightning strikes, the gates open and she walks in.

 

[BHam]

LMBO! That's hilarious! I just remember my catholic school days and how telling this joke would have gone terribly wrong

 

[HarmonyPB]

BAHAhahahahaahahaha Saw!!!! Nice!

 

[incantius]

How much did the pirate pay to have his ears pierced? A Buck an Ear(buccaneer)

 

[Kaisu]

As you might know, Ghandi walked everywhere. He went on multiple starvation diets and was committed to eating simple meals. This combination of a huge expenditure of calories and poor diet played havoc with his teeth and gums, and he had bad breath. This made him .... are you ready for it?.....

A super calloused fragile mystic plagued by halitosis....

 

[BHam]

Thank you for the laugh this morning!

As you might know, Ghandi walked everywhere. He went on multiple starvation diets and was committed to eating simple meals. This combination of a huge expenditure of calories and poor diet played havoc with his teeth and gums, and he had bad breath. This made him .... are you ready for it?.....

A super calloused fragile mystic plagued by halitosis....

 

[HarmonyPB]

What do you call a midget fortune teller that escaped from jail?

A small medium at large