Been away from here for a while, and not doing very good :(

[Rickajho]

If you just need someone to talk to - and it does help. ~> Warmlines

 

[Rickajho]

There is also this part of ECF too. ~> Wellness: Wrecked & Bonkers

 

[CDMC]

Hi,

I don't know you, so don't know what friction you may have here in the past, nor do I care about that. I can sympathize with your situations, coming from a family that had depression issues, having suffered minor depression (but not like you are having), and having panic attacks that started 10 years ago that I still have to take medication for, or else they come right back.

From your post, it is hard for you to reach out, but please, please call your doctor back and tell them how hard of a time you are having. There is no shame in it, this is not something you picked or chose to have happen. You doctor can hopefully get you in with a Psychiatrist promptly, who may be able to better target medications to help get your feeling better faster.

Please know that there are people out there who completely understand how you are feeling and how hard it is to see that this will pass. Take it one step at a time reminding yourself it will get better, because it will.

 

[TheJakeBailey]

Hey there Circa. I remember you well. I know that everyone's experience with this is different. I've got a bit of a family history, and watched my father struggle with this for many years. There was a time that I had accepted that he wouldn't be around much longer, and to this day I get nervous if my Mom calls and doesn't leave a message. That being said, the worst of it was almost 20 years ago... When I was younger, I thought like all kids that I had very little in common with my father. As time goes on, I see more and more of him in myself, and the good and bad go hand in hand. It's not something i worry about, but it IS something I think about.

I have the utmost compassion for you my friend. I've witnessed this struggle, and the struggle is very real. Anyone who judges you based on this, can quite frankly go to hell. This is not a weakness issue, or a matter of pride. All you need worry about is taking it day by day, focusing on the next step, and the one after that. Smoking is a non issue. vaping will be here for you when you are ready.

I wish you the best, and I know that you can do it!

 

[rothenbj]

Thanks for the support, guys. I know that it's completely off topic, but I figured I'd share it anyways. If it needs to get modded or moved, that's fine. I know it takes time for these kinds of meds to start to effect me, but I'm just hoping it's not too long to where there's a possibility of losing my job. And thanks to all for the FMLA info, I never really knew much about it since I never read too much into it since I never thought I'd need to use it, so it puts me at ease a bit about my job status.

I even tried to go out shopping with my girlfriend today, and after driving for 5 minutes, a few blocks down I told her to let me out in some neighborhood and pick me up when she's done. I just broke down on the curb. I know there is hope, but my mind just tells me that there isn't.

I can't say it will work as well for you as it does me but Swedish snus leveled my depression and anxiety out pretty quickly. I never felt as bad as you're describing but I gladly accepted the relief I got after using my first portion and it kept me away from getting back on cigarettes. I vaped for six months while still smoking a handful of cigarettes and started feeling anxious so I started smoking more. Then I started asking questions on here that led me to checking on snus and decided to give it a try. tobacco with its 5 or 6 alkaloids has a natural MAOI effect and snus leveled me out pretty quickly. It's much slower in effecting you, maybe 10 minutes, but lasts much longer. It might work better than smoking, you never know.

Hang in there.

 

[BigEgo]

Like others said, don't worry about smoking. We are not going to harass you if you smoke analogs. We are not "Quitters Inc." (If you haven't seen that, it's an old short story by Stephen King that was turned into a film in the 80's. It was about a stop smoking clinic, where if you didn't comply there were serious consequences).

 

[WharfRat1976]

I would consult with your doctor and get a program in place to help you. Godspeed bro.

 

[fishj]

Circa, you are a courageous person for opening up about anxiety and panic attacks. Most panic attacks are caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. You know the meds work so hang in there, smoke, do whatever waiting for them to kick in. Some people are just susceptible to this. You are one of many. Will be thinking about you. Do not stress about anything, if you can.

 

[Rotowoman]

First of all, it took a boatload of courage for you to post about your issues here. Other members have given you good advice about taking a leave of absence from your job. Do what you need to do to get better. That is all that matters right now is you getting better. If it takes for you to hit the cigarettes for a little while, the so be it. Nobody is going to fault you for that.

I've been down the road you are on right now. It feels like it will never get better, but it WILL!! My heart hurts for you right now because I've traveled that road and know how it feels. Your first obligation is to yourself right now. It might be wise to take that leave of absence and take the time you need to get on that road to recovery. Keep telling yourself that it will get better.

 

[orion7319]

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. If I had to guess your in your mid 20's to early 30's. It affects people in that age group the most and is the most intense during that period of life for some reason. I'm in my 40's now and haven't had an episode in over 20 years. Back then the science was pretty new and my doctors didn't seem to know what they were doing. I pretty much had to go it alone. You're basically afraid of going out of the house because you don't know when the panic attack is going to hit you (people who haven't had one before have no idea how physically painful they are) What I found was that if I felt one coming on then for some reason I could stop it within the very first couple of seconds of beginning to feel it. Eventually I got so good at stoping them, I wasn't afraid to go out and live life anymore, when I wasn't afraid to go out and live life, I quit having anxiety issues all together. What your going though won't last forever..your not broken, your not a screwed up individual. You're just unlucky enough to have certain brain chemicals cascading out of control. And yes, nicotine helps... It's why I used to smoke three packs a day. Do what you gotta do to get better, but it's not going to ruin your life for ever.