Cigarette Newbie

[fabricator4]

Helloooo....I'm an ocelot. I weigh about 20 pounds which means my brain is smaller than a tangerine. You wrote "lumps," was I supposed to read it as "humps?" Well I didn't. I read lumps, which made me think of sugar; which made me think of tea; which now I want, but can't have because I have to go to sleep.

Thanks

Caffeine: The other nicotine

 

[e-pipeman]

OP, just buy the cigar. I wish I had listened when I first started smoking. I wasted a lot of money trying to get the same effect with cheap knock-offs, not understanding what all the hype was about.

Hey, thanks for this! I know that everyone says that cigars are cool, but I'm so rocking out on my Benson right now...Maybe later, huh?

 

[e-pipeman]

OP - you need a twist cigar. View attachment 220841
Nothing else is the same in a Lamborghini.

But I drive a Kia - will I not get the full flavour? Oh man...

 

[e-pipeman]

I just carry mine around on a suitcase with wheels, I don't mind if people stare, it gives me an excuse to educate them about my new hobby.

Yay - education is the KEY! I'm so WITH YOU on this!

 

[e-pipeman]

Yes, if you're really serious about attracting women. There are other threads all over the internet regarding this topic, but be warned, googling for them will hijack your computer with endless popups that will require the purchase of a new computer to get rid of.

Oh, that's what that is, then? I must hit Ebuyer...(dontcha just LOVE pop-ups? I think it's really considerate of those guys...)

 

[fabricator4]

Ok the fanboys have convinced me, I want a twisted cigar and pink & black striped colored Lamborghini that is a plug in or hybred like a Prius, can anyone tell me the best place to order this set up??? Cost is a problem, someone that takes payments for several years! bnrk

I have that exact setup but I stopped using it because I couldn't get the tyres to stay on the road. You might have better luck with it. PM me an offer if you're interested.

 

[e-pipeman]

I've been looking for the perfect wallpaper for my phone.. i believe we have a winner. ground beef erupting out of a beautiful cigarette! How often do you see something that says: "yes the smokes will kill you but the beef will speed up the process."
Thank you Ocelot

It's a Sunday in England. Beef is not optional.

 

[e-pipeman]

There you go again. I turn my back for 3 and a half minutes and the pro-cigar Lamborghini guys are back.

Newbie poster, do NOT listen to these guys. You don't need a cigar, you don't need a twist cigar, you don't need a variable voltage/wattage, self-filling, automatic immolation-stopping cigar with an incorporated rate of combustion chart. You don't need to line the domestic cigar mafia's pockets...

Ok, so maybe you WANT one 'cause all the cool cats got 'em, and they come in these neat collectible tins, and all, but no, I beg and plead, don't fall for all that tinsel.

How do you smoke tinsel? Can you get it from fasttech?

 

[e-pipeman]

What's a beedi and where can I get one?

India. Yes.

 

[e-pipeman]

It does if its military grade tin.

Is that the kind of tin that you're about to send to Syria?

 

[e-pipeman]

Eeeewwwweee... toilet tissue is not that expensive. Just throw it away, your health is more important than a couple of dollars!

No, the free market tells us that dollars are more important. You'll be glad of that saucer of spit and tobacco fragments when a rainy day comes...

 

[chellemmm]

Hey, not to go threadjacking, but had anyone ordered from K? I pre-ordered a K-mod about 6 months ago. It was only $600 and came in the coolest altoid box. He said he would have it to me in about 6 weeks, I was order number 301A, but I NEVER heard from again. Someone told me his wife was sick, but then she died, so he must not be too busy, right? Everyone who ordered #210-215B have received their orders, Payfriend told me i was too late to file a dispute. I saw him on some vapor internet show! I wonder if he went back to vaping and that is where all my money went.
I can't pay my rent and the electricity has been shut off, but I really need my K-mod. I even bought tobacco and a wrap for it. It was supposed to be the real wood grain. PLEASE let me know if anyone has heard from him. I think he might be banned.

 

[e-pipeman]

If you don't BUY it from the weird OLD couple with the store down the lane off the MAIN road at twice the price, the government Freemasons will COME to your house whilst you are out and SPRAY a thin layer of yellowish tar over all YOUR belongings.

Can I have beige tar? Or are there no options here?

 

[e-pipeman]

DUH, that's what the "email me when back in stock" button is for! That way, you'll always be 4 hours late checking you email. This is information all newbies should learn, right off the bat. Trust me kid, go to directly to the manufacturer, but buy a "blemished" cigar. Odds are, you'll never notice the defect.....

I bought a blem but all I got was a bag full of metal fragments and an assembly diagram. How hard can it be?

 

[e-pipeman]

Payments are "childrens party gift".

Is that the same as "party hats"?

 

[e-pipeman]

They sell alot of great knockoff Lamborghinis at discountlamborghinis.com. Also, I tried peeling my eyes but could only do about half of them and couldn't reach the other part in the back.

You need a sharp hook for the back bit. And a bucket.

 

[e-pipeman]

I got the Limbogoonie from (MODERATED) for $1.57 delivered, it's pedal powered but looks just like the real thing. I do feel bad for the American Mom or Pop who die whenever one is ordered though.

They don't really die because they live in our memories forever.

 

[e-pipeman]

You have to do it yourself, just order pedals, I prefer the protected XYZ12345 pedals but others say the ABC54321 pedals are better or there is the LMN98765 pedal which rotates easier but can take the skin off your shins.

In the search for a perfect smoke the skin on your shins is a technicality.

 

[Ref Minor]

In the search for a perfect smoke the skin on your shins is a technicality.

If you prefer a meatier smoke, you can use it as rolling papers

 

[e-pipeman]

Sometimes I can't believe the nerve of some people, those vapers go too far. There I was standing outside the door of Wally World and trying to finish my custom mod cigar and coughing in such bliss. Next thing I know some vaper came out of the store and handed me an e-cig, brand new and told me to keep it. He even smiled at me and patted me on the back. The nerve of that person, trying to pass their bad habit along to me. Not to mention they did it in front of my 12 kids who were all with me!

People like that should be thrown into a room full of electrified razorwire. I feel your pain.