Thanks Ian! I've bookmarked it. Nice of you to think about this problem!
Not sure if it would help me though - if I can focus on work I'm easily tired enough to sleep 8 hours after a few pages of a book. It's the motivation and concentration that I need back ...the ability to sit down and apply myself totally and unwaveringly to work - to create new compositions and continue to work on a piece for hours, stopping only to eat or do a few other jobs and then get back to it again. I was literally driven by my work ..it really can be a driving force.
You can imagine how frustrating and sad it can make me.
I do sit down with the best of intentions, and a few hours later find nothing or very little done because I can't drag anything together: something tangible to begin a piece of work, and then find myself wandering off into doing other things!
I had a very traumatic experience some years ago, and 'they' in their infinite wisdom decided that a daily dose of Valium and a weekly session of hypnosis with a psychiatrist would do the trick. I well remember sitting there, eyes closed, and analysing what the psychiatrist was saying in order to supposedly achieve this elusive state.
All it achieved was to give me a quiet sit down for an hour once a week. A few weeks later, I developed psoriasis as my body's way of dealing with stress! It always finds an out, no matter what other means they use to mask it, and in doing so they landed me with a life-long skin problem. Had I been allowed to work through the trauma and stress under my own steam, I may have come through it far better.
I'm truly glad that not everyone gets a negative side to giving up cigarettes.
I do believe that the length of time we've smoked and how many will be a factor in it, and I smoked for 20 years longer than you (assuming you likely started in your teens). In the last two years that I smoked, I was getting through around 36 every day too. To me, whatever it is in tobacco that is the brain stimulant, it fired up my energy and stamina and made me tick. Like fuel to an engine, it made me work!
Don't think there's much wrong with my brain itself though ...I answered at least 10 questions correctly on University Challenge tonight! That's about the same as I managed 20 or 30 years ago!
My urge to run has left me - when the VG or PG causes problems, it's all I can do to go upstairs without feeling suffocated! If I don't use any for an hour, I'm heaps better! So it has to be the liquids and flavourings. I am trying to make a conscious effort to use less and make sure I don't inhale. If I'm watching TV or reading something, I do forget sometimes though!
If I can get my focus and concentration back, I think I'll find it easier to use much less!