Found wife is cheating, no not on me :)

[Myrany]

We are married, not room mates, she goes in my wallet, goes on my computer, uses my phone, to me not nosey in marriage.

Been married happily 25+ years here.

If you had found them, walked in the house, said "Hey honey I found these in the garage. Are you having a problem?" I'd have been fine with it. When you checked how many were missing etc? That is going too far and into you want a reason to be mad about it. For me thats a fight waiting to happen as it would feel more like a dad checking up on me than a concerned hubby.

Remember she felt she had to hide it. Shes uptight on the issue to begin with. Adding any fuel to the fire? Not good in my opinion.

The best answer might be to ask if they could possibly be the kids. Gives her a safe way to fess up.

 

[InTheShade]

Start burying money in your yard. When the wife asks about it, bring up the missing cigarette discovery.

ROFL, I don't think that you're helping the OP much, but you've given me a great idea.

 

[Jayvaps]

Sorta off topic here.

But I was doing some cleaning last night, and moved a couch that rarely gets moved and found an open pack of smokes. Looked inside to see 5 old and stale smokes sitting in there. blech. They went in the garbage real quick, but sort of on topic....I am the only one in my house, but I still opened them up and counted how many smokes were in there and smelled them to confirm that they would be really stale. lol

 

[CommaHolly]

He knew everything he needed to know when he found an open pack. Anything else was being nosey and pushing it. I personally would be ...... to high H that he felt the need to be that nosey.

How about you quit trying to exaggerate what I said into drama.

no he didn't,,,,,,,,they could be over a year old for all he knew at that point,,,,,,,,,,and as pointed out earlier, they might not even BELONG to her,,,,,,,,

I'd have checked too,,,,,,,,,and it's not like he was searching for them,,,,,,,,going through coat pockets and picking locks or anything.

He's supposed to see them and his first instinct is supposed to be to freeze, not touch them, not be curious??? most people's brains don't work that way.

 

[CommaHolly]

and I have been guilty of opening DH's wallet,,,,,,,,I never have cash, and sometimes I just want a few bucks so I don't have to use the CC and he's sleeping,,,,,,,I don't want to wake him up,,,,,,

and I could care less if he went in my purse,,,,,,

 

[toddrhodes]

I know my wife's purse as well as she does. She gets motion sickness in cars so she is always driving us around. I frequently get to be the concierge to retrieve sunglasses, gum, meds, WMD's, and cures for the common cold. Idle suspicion does not jump to blatant mistrust in an instant. It's a complex scenario.

 

[Myrany]

Obviously my opinion is unwanted and unappreciated here. I said my piece and am out.

 

[beckdg]

i won't go in the wifes purse. peeves her off pretty good at times. "honey, can you get the ___ out of my" "NO!"... GRRRRR...

but counting cigs. :squeeze: one missing.... :sniff: they're fresh. better not toss 'em....

no problem. i'd dare her to take offense.

though... she gets baccy in bulk. 5 pound bales. i'd need a digital gram scale that works up to 5.5 pounds. and counting tubes in a 200 count carton... when you have no idea how many extras come in the carton... NO fun at all. i'd have to be inspector gadget to pull it off. would be pretty tough to explain if i were sneaking "inspections". i imagine tossing flour everywhere and doing it in a frilly apron with a rolling pin in my other hand.

 

[Grad]

Be really careful "confronting" her. Not that I am assuming you'll be nasty about it at all, but just imagine how hard it will be for her to be outed. Even if the other person is totally understanding, it can feel like failure. Think about it, she already wasn't able to drop her nic levels as fast as you, and now she's even had an analog(s). She might be already beating herself up and wondering why she's not having the same success as you are. In reality, each of us is different, but it is so hard not to compare.

I've had to fess up to my mother that I had relapsed after she had quit cold turkey several years before. I had been hiding it, and she had some suspicions. She really only asked me because we were planning a trip and she needed to know if I would need to be accommodated for the smoking. She was totally understanding about it, but I felt quite awful having to admit to it.

For a different approach, have you considered maybe copping to your own struggles with the change? Perhaps discussing a bad craving and looking to her for support? Perhaps knowing that you're not superman will help her feel a little more comfortable discussing her own issues.

 

[toddrhodes]

Be really careful "confronting" her. Not that I am assuming you'll be nasty about it at all, but just imagine how hard it will be for her to be outed. Even if the other person is totally understanding, it can feel like failure. Think about it, she already wasn't able to drop her nic levels as fast as you, and now she's even had an analog(s). She might be already beating herself up and wondering why she's not having the same success as you are. In reality, each of us is different, but it is so hard not to compare.

I've had to fess up to my mother that I had relapsed after she had quit cold turkey several years before. I had been hiding it, and she had some suspicions. She really only asked me because we were planning a trip and she needed to know if I would need to be accommodated for the smoking. She was totally understanding about it, but I felt quite awful having to admit to it.

For a different approach, have you considered maybe copping to your own struggles with the change? Perhaps discussing a bad craving and looking to her for support? Perhaps knowing that you're not superman will help her feel a little more comfortable discussing her own issues.

I've been on the other side of the coin, hence my posts. I was quit for about 3 months and started a new job. Wife and I had just moved into a brand new house, everything was great but the job was, and still is, quite stressful. Wife thought I was still quit (this was back before e-cigs existed, mind you) but from time to time could smell it on me. She didn't confront me at all. Then one day she asked why I was going out to the garage after she had gone to bed (she wasn't asleep like I thought she'd be). I fessed up and she understood, told me if she could do anything to help she would and I just asked her to understand and that was the end of it. I smoked from that time until I picked up ecigs the first time. Sneaking around ultimately leads to getting caught. At least with this scenario you have the ability to at least *try* to keep this on her own terms. If you randomly walked out on her smoking, that could escalate quickly where in this situation, cooler heads can prevail.

 

[tA71ana]

It's been awhile since I have been married but the situation would probably go like this:
"Hon, I found these in the garage and thought maybe you may need to up your nic, so I bought you some 24mg nic juice to see if you would like it If you don't that's cool. If you feel the need to have a cigarette now and again in addition to the vape that cool too.
I love you sweetie ^_^ *hug*"

 

[CommaHolly]

It's been awhile since I have been married but the situation would probably go like this:
"Hon, I found these in the garage and thought maybe you may need to up your nic, so I bought you some 24mg nic juice to see if you would like it If you don't that's cool. If you feel the need to have a cigarette now and again that cool too.
I love you sweetie ^_^ *hug*"

LIKE!


ten char,.

 

[tA71ana]

I just added "in addition to the vape" in the edit but the spirit is the same
I have been vaping over a year now at around 18mg but am finding that something isn't doing it fo me and I suspect that I need to raise my nic and keep searching for a good delivery system.
This may be where the wife is at.
Sometimes one needs a little extra 'oomph' to the vape.

 

[jfango]

I hope you're correct that it's not your daughter experimenting, since lots of us started that young. I was smoking at age 10. I wouldn't be a bit concerned if it's the wife, since only one is gone, and a real one once in a while is no biggie, I do it sometimes, "just for the hell of it." It's not because I crave an analog or feel the e-cig isn't good enough, and the up front real time comparison makes me like the e-cig all the more. For me at least, it reinforces my desire to stay put with e-cigs.

 

[Baldr]

Maybe she needs more nic than she's getting. I had trouble quitting at 24, and then bought some 30mg juice. After that, quitting was easy.

But you're asking the wrong people. You need to talk to her, not us. We can't tell you what is going on with her. It shouldn't be a "confrontation!", just a question.

 

[Mark Anthony]

Maybe they are the kids!!! Just kidding.... I would just approach her about it. Some people slip up now and then.... if you look an the positive side, she didn't have them with her on the trip to the zoo. Sometimes when people slip after vaping for a while they realize how disgusting cigarettes taste and never go back.... that could be the reason why there are still 19 in that pack. Don't be hard on her... offer her a chance to talk about it and then be supportive.

 

[Dusif]

no teens, the oldest is 11, very highly doubt it is her.

I was younger than that when i sneaked my first package... I made it an art to steal cigarettes wherever i was and when i was 12 i could even conceal beer bottles in my shirt and keep it there unnoticed while grocerie shopping with my mom...

But i would sneak attack the wife with a
"oh man i really had the urge for an analog the other nigh!... Know what i mean?"


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[Nailz]

OK I'm a dumbass , just talked to her, she looked at me blank faced confused as hell, so took her out to them, and she said they must be old, I said they are fresh, 'look' pulled one fully out and squeezed it, it was dry as hell, I didn't take one fully out when looked earlier, guess I was squeezing near the filter, so sorry but was a false alarm, she said she is very happy with vaping and got no desire to smoke at all.

I do appreciate all the replies and advice though

 

[Mark Anthony]

All's well that ends well........

 

[HybridTea]

I think you did the right thing. If she'd been smoking and hiding it, that's addiction behavior and comes with a lot of guilt. Guilt doesn't thrive in sunlight, so best to get things out in the open. There's a big difference between respect of privacy and secret-keeping.