The costs of running this huge site are paid for by ads. Please consider registering and becoming a Supporting Member for an ad-free experience. Thanks, ECF team.
  1. Volunteer to help with beta testing!

    We’re working on getting the site updates ready, but we’ll need your help to check the changes, make sure everything makes sense to you, and report any issues you see. If you'd like to volunteer to help with beta testing, click the link below. The first 20 people to respond to this thread will be added to the team!

    View thread
    Dismiss Notice

Funny Quotes for the Day!

Discussion in 'BreezEsmokes' started by butterbean03, Aug 3, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Image has been removed.
URL has been removed.
Email address has been removed.
Media has been removed.
  1. butterbean03

    butterbean03 Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Mar 17, 2009
    Central Texas USA
    I hated it when my creepy old aunts would come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and gleefully proclaim, “You’re next!” Needless to say they stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
     
  2. butterbean03

    butterbean03 Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Mar 17, 2009
    Central Texas USA
    Why do receipts need to be 75 feet long? I reach into my pocket thinking I have a wad of cash, turns out I just bought a soda earlier.
     
  3. butterbean03

    butterbean03 Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Mar 17, 2009
    Central Texas USA
    If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
     
  4. butterbean03

    butterbean03 Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Mar 17, 2009
    Central Texas USA
    If you are in a vehicle going the speed of light, what would happen if you turned on your headlights?
     
  5. butterbean03

    butterbean03 Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Mar 17, 2009
    Central Texas USA
    Why do people at a busy bar never know what they want to drink when the bartender gets to them? I've known since yesterday.
     
  6. butterbean03

    butterbean03 Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Mar 17, 2009
    Central Texas USA
    "Just kidding!"- Most popular lie in the world. It use to be "I Agree to the Terms of Service...". And before that was "The Check is in the Mail!"
     
  7. butterbean03

    butterbean03 Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Mar 17, 2009
    Central Texas USA
    When they offer you “instant credit”, don’t they really mean “instant debt”?
     
  8. butterbean03

    butterbean03 Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Mar 17, 2009
    Central Texas USA
    “In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, the oxygen masks will drop from overhead. For $15, you can activate it.”
     
  9. butterbean03

    butterbean03 Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Mar 17, 2009
    Central Texas USA
    Today I saw a baby with a bib that said “This idiot put my cape on backwards.”
     
  10. butterbean03

    butterbean03 Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Mar 17, 2009
    Central Texas USA
    Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I’m typing this with my middle finger.
     
  11. hairball

    hairball ECF Guru Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Sep 17, 2010
    Other Places
    “I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you."”
     
  12. hairball

    hairball ECF Guru Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Sep 17, 2010
    Other Places
    “Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.”
     
  13. butterbean03

    butterbean03 Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Mar 17, 2009
    Central Texas USA
    I wish somebody would invent a Slim Fast beer.
     
  14. butterbean03

    butterbean03 Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Mar 17, 2009
    Central Texas USA
    Yawning is your body’s way of saying 20% of battery remaining.
     
  15. butterbean03

    butterbean03 Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Mar 17, 2009
    Central Texas USA
    Having trouble with your iPhone saying “No Service”? Just put your shirt and shoes back on.
     
  16. butterbean03

    butterbean03 Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Mar 17, 2009
    Central Texas USA
    WTH?? I just opened this can and there was ONLY ... inside.
     
  17. butterbean03

    butterbean03 Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Mar 17, 2009
    Central Texas USA
    My bride said that she didn't mind if I bounced a few ideas off of her that I thought might increase our sales but that was before she knew that I had written my ideas on golf balls.
     
  18. butterbean03

    butterbean03 Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Mar 17, 2009
    Central Texas USA
    If I ever won the lottery, the first thing I would buy is a pot to piss in. I've always wanted one of those.
     
  19. butterbean03

    butterbean03 Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Mar 17, 2009
    Central Texas USA
    I hate people that say, "He's a nice person once you get to know him." They might as well just say, "He's a jerk! But you'll get used to it."
     
  20. butterbean03

    butterbean03 Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Mar 17, 2009
    Central Texas USA
    The economy is so bad that Exxon laid off 25 Congressmen.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page