My fiance came up to me today telling me that I should quit smoking, to which I told her that smoking and vaping are completely different. She told me that if I can vape, then she can smoke, because in her mind, they're exactly the same. I pointed out the burnt smell, the nasty flavor, and the cost, and she said it never bothered her when she was smoking, and she enjoys the smell and taste. So, i'm at a standstill, how do I get her to contract her statement and realize smoking is really bad for her. She put on a few pounds after she stopped, but her skin was so much nicer afterwards, and i've told her that many times. The only thing I can figure out to do is agree to switch to 0mg, which wouldn't be a big deal. But, I have a good amount in that it'd be pointless to just drop it all. I can see where she is coming from, with vaping and smoking having the same nicotine delivery (which was her only valid point), but she refuses to see things from my perspective and make a rational judgement!
Help! Fiance want to smoke!
- Thread starter chrisrook
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Well, you've got to explain that this is YOUR way of giving up smoking. She obviously hasn't smelled any smokers recently.
Any talk of starting to smoke again is just silly; hopefully common sense and sanity will prevail.
Any talk of starting to smoke again is just silly; hopefully common sense and sanity will prevail.
Any possibility that she would take up vaping instead of returning to smoking?
Did you point out the risk of cancer and other lung ailments such as COPD and emhysema with smoking? It's the smoke, carbonmonoxide, stricnine, cyanide, and hundreds of other chemicals in tobacco smoke that are dangerous that are NOT in e-cig vapor.
The only common ingredient in both is nicotine. There is a huge difference between the health risks of smoking vs vaping.
Did you point out the risk of cancer and other lung ailments such as COPD and emhysema with smoking? It's the smoke, carbonmonoxide, stricnine, cyanide, and hundreds of other chemicals in tobacco smoke that are dangerous that are NOT in e-cig vapor.
The only common ingredient in both is nicotine. There is a huge difference between the health risks of smoking vs vaping.
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since she doesn't seem to understand the difference between the 2 yet, get her to research a bit more before she starts smoking again..
if she still thinks vaping/smoking are 'exactly the same' then there's a problem lol.
if she still thinks vaping/smoking are 'exactly the same' then there's a problem lol.
Self harm for spite? That's scary dude. If it were me, it would be enough for me to end the relationship. I do not do well with emotional blackmail which is exactly what this is. Unless she is really that ill informed and believes there is no difference. In that case I'd still run, if someone who claims to love me enough to marry me was willing to engage in the kind of cognitive dissonance necessary to ignore the ample evidence that the two are not in fact the same. Without knowing more then I do about the people involved I would guess that you are being manipulated.
I'm assuming that you were a smoker before yes? Explain to her the reasons why you personally switched to vaping. Her smoking is going to have an affect on you as well. If she's smoking around you, you get to smell like an ash tray again.
IMHO they aren't even close to the same nicotine delivery. Cigarettes contain over 4000 chemicals. Vaping has PG/VG Nic and flavorings.
IMHO they aren't even close to the same nicotine delivery. Cigarettes contain over 4000 chemicals. Vaping has PG/VG Nic and flavorings.
If she wants to smoke, then that's what she's going to do.
If she's going to make your choice to vape be the cause of that decision, that's also on her.
Good luck.
If she's going to make your choice to vape be the cause of that decision, that's also on her.
Good luck.
I'd trade her in for a couple Provari's or a GG vato.
Oh and if she's like this when you're engaged imagine how she'll be when your married!
Oye vey.
Oh and if she's like this when you're engaged imagine how she'll be when your married!
Oye vey.
Ask her what the real deal is behind her position. There has to be more than what she is telling you. Without question, she realizes the perils of smoking cigarettes.
- Andy . . . Challenge the day.
- Andy . . . Challenge the day.
I agree that this is emotional blackmail. Likely, switching to 0 nic wouldn't solve the problem as she probibly associates vapor with smoke. Would she be upset or make the same demands if you were using the patch or gum?
This seems like irrational thinking and might be associated with her own desire to go back to smoking. I know I have made very irrational justifications for my habits in the past and tried to make someone else culpable. Cunning and powerful.
Maybe try to have a conversation with her to set your boundaries. Ie I am vaping for my health. And if she wants to smoke encourage her to try vaping instead then get her something pretty.
This seems like irrational thinking and might be associated with her own desire to go back to smoking. I know I have made very irrational justifications for my habits in the past and tried to make someone else culpable. Cunning and powerful.
Maybe try to have a conversation with her to set your boundaries. Ie I am vaping for my health. And if she wants to smoke encourage her to try vaping instead then get her something pretty.
She vaped for a bit, was a hell and a half to get her to switch. She used to beg for a cigarette and I would tell her no. I know in her mind, nothing will replace cigarettes, but she hasn't given anything a chance. She is usually easily swayed on topics, and i've always been the one more set in stone. I do not want to give up vaping, but obviously I don't want to lose my fiance. She knows the risks of smoking. Her dad is an ex-smoker, and he has throat cancer that 3 doctors have said is incurable. The only thing smoke wise i'd be willing for her to do again is hookah, and i'd be willing to go to hookah for my nicotine intake and vaping for my flavors. This isn't the first time she's tried to take it back up, but the last time was my roommate/best friend who introduced her to 0mg vaping. I think the main reason for it is cause she has a horrible time dealing with stress and smoking was her stress relief, so it's mainly just a want to smoke on her behalf.
Wowwwww I really do not know what to say to all of this. Those sound like some very hollow rationalizations she's forming. The way I see it, she just doesn't want to quit for whatever reason. I think she must see the flaws in her own defenses. She'd have to be some combination of crazy and ignorant not to. And I really do not mean to offend when I say that. I'm just saying that there's probably something beyond what she's saying that's keeping her smoking... ...some deeper reasoning behind her actions. She seems conflicted. The wannabe psychologist in me could have a feild day with the info you've provided, but honestly I just don't know what it will take to bring the truth to the surface or what her true intentions are. That's something you'll have to work out and deal with amongst yourselves.
You're a good guy for sticking it out. If it were me, this would be the kind of behavior that would send up a red flag. I know that it can be hard to re-evaluate things when you've become so invested in a relationship with someone, but that's perhaps the best time to really be thinking about what being with that person means for you. I'm not saying you should break it off, but that something at the very least needs to change. It just ain't right for a significant other to act like that! Barriers like the ones she's throwing up are NOT okay.
You're a good guy for sticking it out. If it were me, this would be the kind of behavior that would send up a red flag. I know that it can be hard to re-evaluate things when you've become so invested in a relationship with someone, but that's perhaps the best time to really be thinking about what being with that person means for you. I'm not saying you should break it off, but that something at the very least needs to change. It just ain't right for a significant other to act like that! Barriers like the ones she's throwing up are NOT okay.
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You guys should actually work things out. "Fiance" means life-term partner, correct me if ima be wrong?
My case. fiance and me were heavy smoker 3weeks back, she started social but got affected by me. Thus resulted in her mimicking me whenever i lit a cigg. well to the extend of a pack or two/day.
Could'nt talked her thru anyways to lessen then, somehow ladies seems to be more stubbornish nowadays lol my bad.. to them, guys can do it, so can we..
Guilty as much as i love her for not ruining her health further, i ordered a pair of PV's for me and her as a gift. Upon seeing that i've made the effort to lift off cigarettes, she took it like a man too somehow.. did'nt insist her to get over analog in the beginning, but could see she does'nt feel comfortable reaching out for her pack infront of me. Eventually she grown to vaping. Tho, i could see she did'nt really like it. but could tell she's making the effort to make the change too.
It's not for her alone, or me myself anymore. it's US. topped her juices, charge her pv for her.. things like that set things right somehow.
Man & woman get coupled and settled down altogether aint easy.. so please stop making things more difficult and work things out already.
Stay firm man, if you'd to lose your fiance just by "smoking" trust me, that's not the worst-ever breakups reason.
Simply because you care for her and was trying to save your future wife's health, in which she selfishly chose not to understand.. but You'll definately walk as a great man! no doubt.
My case. fiance and me were heavy smoker 3weeks back, she started social but got affected by me. Thus resulted in her mimicking me whenever i lit a cigg. well to the extend of a pack or two/day.
Could'nt talked her thru anyways to lessen then, somehow ladies seems to be more stubbornish nowadays lol my bad.. to them, guys can do it, so can we..
Guilty as much as i love her for not ruining her health further, i ordered a pair of PV's for me and her as a gift. Upon seeing that i've made the effort to lift off cigarettes, she took it like a man too somehow.. did'nt insist her to get over analog in the beginning, but could see she does'nt feel comfortable reaching out for her pack infront of me. Eventually she grown to vaping. Tho, i could see she did'nt really like it. but could tell she's making the effort to make the change too.
It's not for her alone, or me myself anymore. it's US. topped her juices, charge her pv for her.. things like that set things right somehow.
Man & woman get coupled and settled down altogether aint easy.. so please stop making things more difficult and work things out already.
Stay firm man, if you'd to lose your fiance just by "smoking" trust me, that's not the worst-ever breakups reason.
Simply because you care for her and was trying to save your future wife's health, in which she selfishly chose not to understand.. but You'll definately walk as a great man! no doubt.
I'm gonna talk with her a little more and see where the cause of this all came from. It literally came out of nowhere today, so I don't know if it was something on her mind for a while, or if she just blurted it out.
Just an odd thought about your situation. Clearly, she needs to be (re) educated in the differences between inhaling all the crap from burning tobacco and what we get from vaporizing juice.
But perhaps some of her reluctance to vape is the the form factor of the device? Maybe cartos and stick batteries - maybe even autos, to truly mimic the smoking "experience" - could help? A LR (about 2 ohm) carto on a stick can still provide a decent vape. (Hey, decent, not great!
But perhaps some of her reluctance to vape is the the form factor of the device? Maybe cartos and stick batteries - maybe even autos, to truly mimic the smoking "experience" - could help? A LR (about 2 ohm) carto on a stick can still provide a decent vape. (Hey, decent, not great!
Ignoring the emotional blackmail for a moment... She's a smoker. She's going to think like one until she's ready to quit. Even if she isn't currently smoking, she obviously still wants to. Like a dry drunk if you will. All the cajoling in the world won't change her.
The blackmail is just another way to justify smoking again. Hopefully she'll turn the corner soon and see just how much vaping can help her. But, it's her choice and her body. She has to make the change. For you, just be ready when it happens and keep encouraging her. How many times did our friends and families try to get us to quit smoking? Did their words really do anything to stop us? It didn't for me, it took me to realize what I was doing to myself. Hopefully this all made sense.
The blackmail is just another way to justify smoking again. Hopefully she'll turn the corner soon and see just how much vaping can help her. But, it's her choice and her body. She has to make the change. For you, just be ready when it happens and keep encouraging her. How many times did our friends and families try to get us to quit smoking? Did their words really do anything to stop us? It didn't for me, it took me to realize what I was doing to myself. Hopefully this all made sense.
Not to be harsh, and really not my place to say after only reading a paragraph of your text but... what Mac said. Do not marry that woman.
Seriously.
Seriously.
So just to clarify, she wants to smoke and you won't let her?
I'm not sure how you could actually stop her, but again, I'm just trying to clarify.
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