Help How to Handle 89 Year Old Neighbor's Attack on E Cigarettes

[Projectguy]

Minefield

As a general statement I agree with you however in the context of the current thread I respectfully disagree. It just so happens that vaping is a handy target that few know about or understand.

I think a lot of older people are just plain angry and a lot of them have dam good reasons: unkept promises; relative poverty; loneliness; caregivers who couldn't care less; need I say more?

 

[Berylanna]

On the other hand, my middle-aged office partner, who is YOUNGER than I am, cross-examined me about my vaping. She thought it was fine when she saw a mini e-cig with a pretty blue light, but when she saw a ViVi Nova with nicotine-colored juice in it, she was horrified. (Come to think of it, *I* would have thought that was ugly before I found out how good it tastes.) She and my cousin and even my brother and a lot of other people "thought it was the nicotine that causes cancer." They are really SHOCKED to be told otherwise.

My suggestion (if your energy level will support it, which it might not) is to engage her in a hobby you might both like. And, if she shows ANY signs of political or social paranoia, let her in on the secret of the big companies lying about vapor if you get a chance.

I'm not talking about defending vaping, I'm talking about letting her into the conspiracy-aware community of pro-vapers.

Be aware that she might have been forced to give up all her old hobbies if she has arthritis or uncoordinated nerve endings in her hands. Mom had to. She's still sweet but she also gets to feeling discarded and useless, especially after we had to take her car away.

OTOH, I'm busy-enough with my Mom and grandchildren and job and this weird expensive obsession with buying things that make vapor, I might want to try to keep her from seeing me come home, in your place.

 

[Mindfield]

Minefield

As a general statement I agree with you however in the context of the current thread I respectfully disagree. It just so happens that vaping is a handy target that few know about or understand.

I think a lot of older people are just plain angry and a lot of them have dam good reasons: unkept promises; relative poverty; loneliness; caregivers who couldn't care less; need I say more?

Perhaps in some cases this is so, but it is still not an excuse to dismiss what you don't understand. Those who use age as the stick to close the door to their mind are those who already had the stick in hand when they were younger.

 

[Projectguy]

Perhaps in some cases this is so, but it is still not an excuse to dismiss what you don't understand. Those who use age as the stick to close the door to their mind are those who already had the stick in hand when they were younger.

You have to spend some time with an 89 year old

 

[~ puff ~]

UPDATE: No scenes today, thank goodness ~~~

I decided to do nothing until I read your posts, along with listening to some of my neighbors who know this woman better than I do.

The only thing I DID do is hold my tongue and not speak ill of the elder 89 year old. By early morning, people knew ~ or had heard ~ what happened the day before.

I did my best to just chill and let the situation cool down. (And I'm hoping it has.)

I found a little card given to me from a Canuck vendor, saying vaping is not smoking. A helpful neighbor enlarged it, making it easier to read, and we're going to put it up on the bulletin board.

Can't thank you all enough for your excellent comments INCLUDING those I didn't like cause it got me really thinking about how do I handle this?? I wanted to avoid 2 people shouting at each other at all costs.

So far, it's working.

Thanks again.

~ puff ~

 

[Loveridden]

I admit some of the things I said about my neighbors may seem like ageist comments, and I knew as I was typing how they might sound but I needed to bluntly vent about my neighbor issues, and I really felt much better after sharing with the OP and other ppl in this thread some of the problems I have had living here with primarily seniors. I am one of the last people to be discriminatory to people in any way, so it makes me feel really bad to now have some negative feelings like this because of the situation. I think when I move out of here such thoughts and feelings will disappear but right now I am bitter that I have to practically cower in my apartment some days in hopes of not being bothered and being able to live a normal life here. I stay out of everyone's way as much as I can and try to be extremely quiet and just act like I don't even live here. It is a pain to me, I am going way beyond being a typical good apartment neighbor but am still treated like poo. It's just quite frustrating.

And it's funny what a cycle it can be, I think that my senior neighbors had some discriminatory ideas about younger people before I came there, even on day one the neighbor I have the most problems with spoke to me and was asking me many questions when I came across her as I was moving in, one being about my noise level, even with using my TV. She wanted to know if I was going to be playing loud music and playing the TV loud. She already had ideas how I was going to be based on my age I believe and that made her unhappy. In turn, she has made me miserable, along with a few of her elderly friends, and now I am looking at them and thinking about them in an unpleasant way....it's a cycle. I just want to move, I hope to be moving shortly after Xmas and then I can go back to being able to breath again where I live without worry of a door or floor being pounded on or something else happening, and I can go back to enjoying people of all ages because I never had problems like this with seniors before, I know they aren't all like this....

 

[martinc]

But if we go with the mentality "wolfpack" the pack is more than likely go for nips here and there if you show too much submission...I`d go with the alpha mentality instead of the beta one. (without infringing anybody`s right,of course)

A bit of payback as well,like notes on corridors about bullying and their effects.

On the same note,you have as much rights to enjoy living there as they do,so if they regularly complain to your landlord,do the same...but think long and hard about doing it the most clever and composed way possible (several rights come with signing a lease,get informed...nobody has to endure bitter people)

 

[Not Iris]

I agree Martin. Bullies need to be pushed back with their own medicine, whether they are 5 or 100 yrs old. They will stop when they see that you will not let it happen.

 

[Projectguy]

I agree with all of you but lets separate the terrified 89 year old's from the ANTZ's and deal with each appropriately.

 

[chagrin]

But if we go with the mentality "wolfpack" the pack is more than likely go for nips here and there if you show too much submission...I`d go with the alpha mentality instead of the beta one. (without infringing anybody`s right,of course)

A bit of payback as well,like notes on corridors about bullying and their effects.

On the same note,you have as much rights to enjoy living there as they do,so if they regularly complain to your landlord,do the same...but think long and hard about doing it the most clever and composed way possible (several rights come with signing a lease,get informed...nobody has to endure bitter people)

Believe it's an omega that's the weakest member of a pack or social dynamic. Beta's are seconds or lieutenants depending on the social hierarchy.

I'd have to agree though, if you're constantly submissive (going with the above analogy) the group dynamic will be that to push the person out and I'd have to agree with what posted that if you stand up at least sometimes, it should get better. Of course it's matter of finding the balance to resolve conflict and not escalate it.

 

[CityLights]

You probably should Slap her!
Nicotine can help mitigate many symptoms of Alzheimer including brain function.
Slap her with a Nic patch!
..and when her brain is functioning better the next day educate her! lol

Could nicotine patches help Alzheimer's patients? - The Globe and Mail

 

[Mindfield]

Slap me some skin ... patches.

 

[WolfeReign]

Here is what it all comes down to now

Now Hunny Bunny spent a lot of time making these, enjoy

 

[Chronic Dripper]

The FACT is you don't have to grin & bear it !! If you look at your Rental Agreement, it states something along the lines of everyone being entitled to a non disruptive environment, this includes others voicing their opinion and generally disrupting your day without provocation. If she does it again remind her of this clause, and that she is in breach. Tell her next time you will make a formal complaint in writing. Depending on your agreement she could have her lease, or rental terminated on those grounds. ( usually takes an accumulation of a few incidents or complaints from others as well )You don't really have to go that far as she is ancient and will never change, but she doesn't have to know that. That should make her think twice.

 

[WolfeReign]

Well seeing as i thought this argument was over and done with and it seems pretty much the same as the vapors vs the smokers vs the non smokers in public and planes ....

o 0 (hmm i smell a movie that could be bigger then snakes on planes.....i need to confer with Dusty who can do the camera work and mind field who can lay the tracks down....just need thew actors...where was i again? oh yeah!............) 0 o

Lets see the Plaintiff is a 85 year old woman.....who lives in a apartment building dominating mostly by seniors......who should have our respect as they have been there, done that, seen so much......kind of like the Veterans of war....you dig?

 

[CityLights]

Oh! Can the films opening shot be, "Vapes on a plane" at night looking at the pretty City Lights!
Next shot, Custom inspector giving a vaper the 3rd degree over a box mod and Liquids.

 

[WolfeReign]

So we have the opening shot, Halo Theme (MJohir mix -- yes i am a huge Halo/Red VS Blue fan) plays,the camera does a slow dramatic zoom out showing dramatic lighting and shadow in the back ground, then does a epic 360 turn around you, letting way to a cross fade to........HC interrogating the owner of MLV (think i saw him on stikam a few nights back, really nice guy)....Halo Theme at it's peak of dramatic flair slow fades so as we can hear the HC official say.....


Serious...i do not know about you, but i seriously think i need a hobbyotherthen vaping...i am stuck in script editing mode for some reason

 

[Dhevil]

Wow good thread and good read. I would have to say im pro ageist. We have a wonderful country and a wonderful way of life thanks to our elderly. Yes they gave us a few issues to deal with but when i look at other countries I think we got off easy. It has been my experience that overly boisterous elderly are lonlely. Take a week to see if your neighbor has company or family that visits them. You may find that there is no one that visits which can lead the elderly to resent the situation they are in. The next time your neighbor hollars try and find some common ground. Comments like "Its nice to see you out and about" or similar can go a long way. Offer to help them if you see them laden with groceries/laundry ect.. Studies show that people are cranky for a reason and many times not the reason they are expressing there crankiness over. I strive to always have civil discussions about vaping and to be the better man if someone takes offence to it. Remember for everyone you piss off you have to please 10. We are a small community growing everyday. Give it time soon we will be less outnumbered.

 

[amienichole]

I agree with some others...she is probably lonely. Maybe you can just kill her ( not literally ) with kindness.

 

[otrpu]

Buy her a dozen roses and tell her have a nice day. JMHO

Cheers,
otrpu