Thanks, I really appreciate your advice though, it was probably the best advice I've gotten on this - from either on this forum, or from people I know in person.
I'm Looking/Hoping For Couch-Space (And Temporary Work) Across The Country
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Thanks, I really appreciate your advice though, it was probably the best advice I've gotten on this - from either on this forum, or from people I know in person.
Take it from someone a helluva lot older than you are -- you need to find YOU. I've been there, done what you're now doing. The original chameleon, that's me! I lived my life being who everyone else wanted me to be.
It's a long difficult journey, (which I'm still going through) but it's worth it. You will find, you are a pretty cool person to be. And in turn people will realise that too. And someone who appreciates who YOU are, will be there and love and accept you for WHO you are. But until you find you, they can't do that. If you haven't found you, no one else is going to be able to, either.
Good luck with your summer journey, I hope you enjoy it and start on the way to finding you.
~Yira
Glad to help, DC.
And, the way you stated your plan of action in post 18 made it sound like you aren't running from all the familiar now, it sounds more like you have your plan of what can make you happy, and help you grow, and realize a dream. And yeah, it sounds like it would be a good time to follow this dream
For those reasons, among others, that I feel good about wishing you the very Best, and I think that the traveling will actually be a huge benefit to you.
The part about not loving yourself still bugs me, but when you're on the road and making your own way in the year or so to come, you'll grow to know yourself more, and that will be a great start.
Just keep this in mind, that even as you find yourself, don't become too much of your own person.
Any time that we relate to other people, it involves a lot of give and take. Meaning, don't become so much of "you" that you can't compromise your ideas or become "too set in your ways". Not if you ever want to have another partner and be able to treat her fairly.
Know what I mean ?
So Enjoy the ride, DC
P.S> - Get yourself a "USB stick" and put portable apps on it before you leave.
You'll be able to plug it into any computer and have your bookmarks like e-cig forums, and your emails and stuff all on the USB stick. Plug it into any Windows computer ( like at a library ) and say Hi once in awhile.
Are you still going to finish those classes before you start out ?
And, the way you stated your plan of action in post 18 made it sound like you aren't running from all the familiar now, it sounds more like you have your plan of what can make you happy, and help you grow, and realize a dream. And yeah, it sounds like it would be a good time to follow this dream
For those reasons, among others, that I feel good about wishing you the very Best, and I think that the traveling will actually be a huge benefit to you.
The part about not loving yourself still bugs me, but when you're on the road and making your own way in the year or so to come, you'll grow to know yourself more, and that will be a great start.
Just keep this in mind, that even as you find yourself, don't become too much of your own person.
Any time that we relate to other people, it involves a lot of give and take. Meaning, don't become so much of "you" that you can't compromise your ideas or become "too set in your ways". Not if you ever want to have another partner and be able to treat her fairly.
Know what I mean ?
So Enjoy the ride, DC
P.S> - Get yourself a "USB stick" and put portable apps on it before you leave.
You'll be able to plug it into any computer and have your bookmarks like e-cig forums, and your emails and stuff all on the USB stick. Plug it into any Windows computer ( like at a library ) and say Hi once in awhile.
Are you still going to finish those classes before you start out ?
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Glad to help, DC.
And, the way you stated your plan of action in post 18 made it sound like you aren't running from all the familiar now, it sounds more like you have your plan of what can make you happy, and help you grow, and realize a dream. And yeah, it sounds like it would be a good time to follow this dream
For those reasons, among others, that I feel good about wishing you the very Best, and I think that the traveling will actually be a huge benefit to you.
The part about not loving yourself still bugs me, but when you're on the road and making your own way in the year or so to come, you'll grow to know yourself more, and that will be a great start.
Just keep this in mind, that even as you find yourself, don't become too much of your own person.
Any time that we relate to other people, it involves a lot of give and take. Meaning, don't become so much of "you" that you can't compromise your ideas or become "too set in your ways". Not if you ever want to have another partner and be able to treat her fairly.
Know what I mean ?
So Enjoy the ride, DC
P.S> - Get yourself a "USB stick" and put portable apps on it before you leave.
You'll be able to plug it into any computer and have your bookmarks like e-cig forums, and your emails and stuff all on the USB stick. Plug it into any Windows computer ( like at a library ) and say Hi once in awhile.
Are you still going to finish those classes before you start out ?
Thanks, and yeah, I'm going to finish them all to try and see if I can salvage a couple of them at least. There's only 2 or 3 weeks left anyway.
As far as the USB stick, I was just going to bring my lap-top. I plan on taking lots of pictures and it would kill me not having photoshop to edit them with. It's not an expensive lap-top, and it's a few years old and really slow, and all my photos are backed up on CDs.
Hope it doesn't rain on you and your laptop when you're hitchin' a ride ~
Real smart plan to finish the classes too.. it'll help out when you someday decide to finish it all up
I'm not hitch-hiking, I'm not that insane, at least not yet. I'm driving my trusty '91 jeep cherokee, and crossing my fingers that if any repairs need to be made that I can do them myself. That's why I'm looking for temporary work, so I can make money for gas along the way. At least if I drive my jeep I can pack a ton of luggage so I don't have to worry about not having clean clothes while I'm between houses, and I'll also have someplace to sleep while I'm between couches.Hope it doesn't rain on you and your laptop when you're hitchin' a ride ~
Real smart plan to finish the classes too.. it'll help out when you someday decide to finish it all up
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Sorry, my post came off a bit harsh there. Ive had my heart destroyed after being cheated on in a 5 year relationship, followed by being cheated on in a 2 year relationship. So I apologize for coming off like that. I took a 5 year hiatus from serious dating until I met my now wife, and things have been great! And my offer still stands!
There's no need to apologize; you didn't know all of the circumstances, and I could easily understand why you might be a bit cynical about this from the pain you've gone through. Especially since your women left you for another man without you having any say in the matter, whereas I let her go mess-around with another man. So honestly, I'm surprised that your anger about this hasn't built up and been directed at me yet. Thanks again for the offer though, I think I might take you up on that once I'm going to California, ("...with an aching in my heart, la da dah dah"). First I think I'm going to Florida. At least now I have a half-way point when I'm ready to go out to California though. Do you know of any local work that I could do for a few days while I'm there at your place?
You've got to focus on the positive. Everything happens for very specific reasons.
Be thankful she's out of your life and have faith that there's something better that awaits you. Or maybe you needed time to focus on your own future instead of someone elses. Whatever, think of it as a positive thing!
Good luck D, and if you're around Nashville I'll help any way I can.
Be thankful she's out of your life and have faith that there's something better that awaits you. Or maybe you needed time to focus on your own future instead of someone elses. Whatever, think of it as a positive thing!
Good luck D, and if you're around Nashville I'll help any way I can.
Do what you have to do.
Live your life.
Experience different cultures and situations.
I am a few hours away to start your journey, we have Rock Band and Still young enough to party if ya want(31 yrs)
I can tell ya stories too in my experience of traveling, went from carnival to vermont and hitched to atlanta. Fun trip (or should I say TRIP) either way let me know as soon as you know so I can prepare.
Dirt
Live your life.
Experience different cultures and situations.
I am a few hours away to start your journey, we have Rock Band and Still young enough to party if ya want(31 yrs)
I can tell ya stories too in my experience of traveling, went from carnival to vermont and hitched to atlanta. Fun trip (or should I say TRIP) either way let me know as soon as you know so I can prepare.
Dirt
Well, not that I recommend this to anyone, but you could do like I did...
Throw all your savings into one account, with ATM access. Sell anything material, that is not of any "emotional value". Store what you feel you may want to keep for another point in time, with a relative. (Don't leave anything with friends, it will be gone, damaged, stolen, forgotten, or reclaimed.)
buy a good traveling vehicle, like a wagon. (For me it was a 50cc scooter.) Pack only what you need to live, and can wash along the way. And jump on the open road, "Destination, someplace else." For me, it was, "Destination, someplace warmer." (More like... some place that didn't get -20F every damn winter... for months at a time.)
http://www.isawhim.com/scooter/journey.htm
Helps to have a destination, but summer is here, and there are a lot of great camp-out sites. (Summer is the time to travel. But keep north if you melt at high temperatures.)
Jump into any library, and you can beg to use the internet. It is easy to find shelters for emergencies, and if worst came to worst... police can always direct you to a sleeping quarters. (Though you may have to convince them you are drunk. LOL.)
Ok, so journeys are not for everyone... I have a lot of luck, and great persistence. If I want something, I get it. Lucky for this world... I don't want a lot, and I need even less. It just works-out in my favor.
When you have nothing, everything is a gift. When you expect nothing, everything is accepted. When you live on the top, every move is down. When you live on the bottom, every move is up. It is the horizontal motion I hate.
Wish I could offer you a place to chill... because you sound like I was... several years ago... Trapped in land that keeps replaying itself, but things keep falling out of reach, leaving only others things within grasp and sight. (I assume you see everything there as "Yours and hers", but now see it as, "Was ours"... There is no more "Yours", to the things around you. While all new things are, "Could have been ours"...)
Don't "get over her", she was a monumental point in your life and memory. However, you don't want to stop time there... no matter how much you wish you could, or think you can. Be glad you had a moment like that... many of us never do. You already have something that others will never have.
Eventually, you may try to give another person, what was given to you. Because you can, when you know what it was that you had.
Throw all your savings into one account, with ATM access. Sell anything material, that is not of any "emotional value". Store what you feel you may want to keep for another point in time, with a relative. (Don't leave anything with friends, it will be gone, damaged, stolen, forgotten, or reclaimed.)
buy a good traveling vehicle, like a wagon. (For me it was a 50cc scooter.) Pack only what you need to live, and can wash along the way. And jump on the open road, "Destination, someplace else." For me, it was, "Destination, someplace warmer." (More like... some place that didn't get -20F every damn winter... for months at a time.)
http://www.isawhim.com/scooter/journey.htm
Helps to have a destination, but summer is here, and there are a lot of great camp-out sites. (Summer is the time to travel. But keep north if you melt at high temperatures.)
Jump into any library, and you can beg to use the internet. It is easy to find shelters for emergencies, and if worst came to worst... police can always direct you to a sleeping quarters. (Though you may have to convince them you are drunk. LOL.)
Ok, so journeys are not for everyone... I have a lot of luck, and great persistence. If I want something, I get it. Lucky for this world... I don't want a lot, and I need even less. It just works-out in my favor.
When you have nothing, everything is a gift. When you expect nothing, everything is accepted. When you live on the top, every move is down. When you live on the bottom, every move is up. It is the horizontal motion I hate.
Wish I could offer you a place to chill... because you sound like I was... several years ago... Trapped in land that keeps replaying itself, but things keep falling out of reach, leaving only others things within grasp and sight. (I assume you see everything there as "Yours and hers", but now see it as, "Was ours"... There is no more "Yours", to the things around you. While all new things are, "Could have been ours"...)
Don't "get over her", she was a monumental point in your life and memory. However, you don't want to stop time there... no matter how much you wish you could, or think you can. Be glad you had a moment like that... many of us never do. You already have something that others will never have.
Eventually, you may try to give another person, what was given to you. Because you can, when you know what it was that you had.
I can't be thankful that the girl of my dreams is out of my life, especially when I showed her that door. I just thought that it was a revolving door and not a fire exit. And her future was my future; she was as much a part of me as my own soul is. There was something big missing from my life when we met, and I was very unhappy at the time, she filled that gap though and gave me happiness. I guess that was the first mistake I made - using her and our relationship as a means to fill the void instead of working on that on my own and then beginning our relationship.
Thanks for the offer to help though, I'll be taking you up on that, so come up with a list of work I can do around your home to pay for my stay. That is if you meant I could stay when you said "help in anyway I can." If I misunderstood, my mistake, and it's not a big deal.
I'd love to hear about your stories. I'm hoping that this traveling will give me a lot of material to draw upon for writing my first novel, so getting to hear stories adds so much to that material. The book is going to be fictional, because obviously no one wants to read the travel memoirs of someone they've never heard of, and fiction or "story-truth" (as Tim O'Brien refers to it) is often the more realistic way to tell a story then the actual happening truth, but even though it will be fiction, these experiences will be invaluable when I sit down to type.
I prefer the company of older people anyway, most people my age are so immature andI just can't put up with it. Furthermore, most of them have never really experienced much of life's potential; and finally, most of them are just too dumb and ignorant for me to put up with. But as I said in another thread, people tell me that I have an "old-soul."
Now that you offered me a place to stay, I now have two offers for places to stay in PA. So I think I'm going to go on a short trip to Florida before it gets too hot and humid, and I'll start out at one of your houses or the other for that trip, and then I'll stay with the other for my cross-country trip with the destination of Southern California.Or I'll just do it all at once and stay with one of you at the start and one of you at the end. Once I get some exact dates I'll talk to you both and see whom it would be a better time for.
Thanks for the advice. You're pretty much right on 100% about the "mine and hers"/"was ours"/"could have been ours." Just today I passed Adventureland (yes, the one that the movie is based on) and I thought to myself, "I never took Lisa there, we could have had some good memories there." And there's so many things already that I can't do and so many places that I can no longer go because of the whole "was ours" thing. I really appreciate you and the others who've been in similar situations trying to help me work through this, and just from that one paragraph I know that you know how I feel. I made this thread just to make some travel contacts so I had a place to sleep, shower, and cook a hot meal, and then Bam! everyone wants to make me feel better. I love this community. I hope we don't lose this tight-knit charm and friendship as the forums continue to grow.
Do you guys think it would be a bad idea to try the whole "let's be friends" thing when I get back from my travels? I realize that it probablly will be painful at times but I thought that this could maybe be the quickest way to get her back, by showing her that I can be a strong, independant man by myself, and by reminding her of how well I took care of her.
I think there is no harm in letting her know "we can be friends".
It really depends on where she is at in her life. She might hear you say that you are going on a trip and actually realize that she misses you when you are gone. Or she might be happy for you and think that you have something special about you that another guy might not be like. It is up to her what she thinks and saying or doing anyhting might not influence her to do or think any one thing.
Just remember whatever plays out was meant to happen, so don't get mad or even. Just let everything flow into whats going to happen. Don't get upset or beat youself. This might just be what you were looking for "in a nutshell". Well, then again she might wanna come along! Maybe not, but I just had to add that.
Anyway, live your life and don't let anyone hold you up!
Dirt
Hey Dan,
I just read this thread and im all torn up inside, seriously I feel for you man. Its lucky you are young, there is a lot of living and good times ahead of you... (dude I went through a lot of kleenex reading this thread).
and to anyone that can help out, fyi I met Dan 2x, I met his mom and his little bro yesterday and they are all good and caring people and I couldnt speak highly enough about them...
Maybe we can figure out some local way to help you out...all the members that went to the vapers club meeting will probably give you full support and maybe someone knows someone locally who can hire you for a few weeks so you can get some $$$ to start your journey, even though the economy sucks.
We wish you the best of luck and keep your chin up, I believe that everything happens for a reason and though at times it doesnt make any sense, in the long run it will, none of us know what is down the road or what path to take. Things will be better for you, I guarantee it.
Peace,
Josh
I just read this thread and im all torn up inside, seriously I feel for you man. Its lucky you are young, there is a lot of living and good times ahead of you... (dude I went through a lot of kleenex reading this thread).
and to anyone that can help out, fyi I met Dan 2x, I met his mom and his little bro yesterday and they are all good and caring people and I couldnt speak highly enough about them...
Maybe we can figure out some local way to help you out...all the members that went to the vapers club meeting will probably give you full support and maybe someone knows someone locally who can hire you for a few weeks so you can get some $$$ to start your journey, even though the economy sucks.
We wish you the best of luck and keep your chin up, I believe that everything happens for a reason and though at times it doesnt make any sense, in the long run it will, none of us know what is down the road or what path to take. Things will be better for you, I guarantee it.
Peace,
Josh
"Turn the Page" Wasn't that from a White Snake Song? And remember no matter where you go there you are. I know it sounds cliche but it's the truth. We are a product of our experiences and where we choose to be. Allow this to make you a richer person; after all you can't run from the past but you can sure build on it. Camp grounds are great and cheap when you're on the move. Likewise the YMCA can provide shelter in many cities. You'll find many friends along the way if you just look for them. And, I feel I would be remiss if I didn't mention to lean on God during this time. Look at Abraham's journey in the Old Testament but remember he was following God's direction. Finish school (as if you needed any more advice)! You can analyze anything to death and it's usually not worth the trouble. Just get on with living!
Maybe.
It depends on how YOU feel when you get back.
( Sounds like you got to talk to her recently )
When she says Let's be friends, she probably Means it. Which means that;
If you are still In Love with her, You won't be able to Just be her 'friend'.
Over time, you'll naturally find yourself pestering her to try again, and if she isn't responsive to that, then you'll be setting yourself up for more heartache, you'll be jealous of all her dates, you'll eventually piss her off, you'll frustrate yourself, and you'll likely end up Not being much of a friend to her and alienating her from you.
But, if you find that you just Love Her as a person when you return, then you can probably be a real true friend to her.
And that, in turn, may or may not someday see her looking at you in a better light.
The "just be friends" idea gets a bad rap about never working out because, although it is oftentimes just a way for her to ease her conscience and try to ease your pain for you, the one who is still In Love is hoping for so much more, and ends up making a fool of themselves while trying to mend the fences. Not to mention dragging out the heartache.
So, if you can truly be Just a Friend when you return, if you just want to be a true friend, with [honestly] no expectations of anything else, then being friends could work. Your love for her as just a person and your genuine caring for her well being would be great for you both.
Expect anything more, though, and you can expect to hear her say " This isn't going to work out" before long.
Then you get to start the heartache all over again. And she'll be really mad at you. And maybe herself too.
For now, I'd tell her that you like the idea, and that if you can find yourself in the right frame of mind for such a change in your relationship with her when you return, that you'd certainly give it a try.
But also For now, don't make any promises. You don't yet know how you're going to feel when you return.
You'll need to be prepared to just be able to be a honest true blue friend to her with No other expectations. For Real..
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Personally... I think she will be a good friend forever... Just not a close, "Buddy buddy", type of friend.
Chances are... She sees more in you, and quite possibly felt that she was holding you back, or just leading you on. (Perhaps she didn't actually want to get married. It is hard for some people to politely say no, and so they perform a whole sabotage routine, or just live unhappy.)
There must be something more to the story, but that is irrelevant to the situation at hand. You are still holding on to the one that is "Almost", the right one for you. Perhaps she will be in the future and was in the past, but at this point in time, she is not.
I never understood the whole... "Drinking away pain"... but I do know that those who do it, often that is the whole issue. (That is not something that one does as a solution, out of the blue. It is a learned habit, which only works for people with certain chemical rewards. Most people drink and get no relief, just headaches and black-outs.)
Time to pick-up where you left-off. You stayed there for her, now she is not part of the equation. get back into your classes while you still have the years ahead of you. While your mind is not saturated by too much of life, or alcohol. (There will be plenty of that back in school, if you go.)
If anything, see if you are still able to take-up that scholarship. (Not that specific one, as it is no longer around, but if you qualified once, you may still have a shot at it, or a similar one.)
If you are serious about traveling, and want to do the school thing too... there is always the... um... Navy, Air-force, Military, Coast-guard, etc... (Don't forget that they employ a lot of non-military contract services too. You don't have to actually join, to work for them. They will push you all around the states, and possibly other countries.)
What was the scholarship for, anything specific?
Chances are... She sees more in you, and quite possibly felt that she was holding you back, or just leading you on. (Perhaps she didn't actually want to get married. It is hard for some people to politely say no, and so they perform a whole sabotage routine, or just live unhappy.)
There must be something more to the story, but that is irrelevant to the situation at hand. You are still holding on to the one that is "Almost", the right one for you. Perhaps she will be in the future and was in the past, but at this point in time, she is not.
I never understood the whole... "Drinking away pain"... but I do know that those who do it, often that is the whole issue. (That is not something that one does as a solution, out of the blue. It is a learned habit, which only works for people with certain chemical rewards. Most people drink and get no relief, just headaches and black-outs.)
Time to pick-up where you left-off. You stayed there for her, now she is not part of the equation. get back into your classes while you still have the years ahead of you. While your mind is not saturated by too much of life, or alcohol. (There will be plenty of that back in school, if you go.)
If anything, see if you are still able to take-up that scholarship. (Not that specific one, as it is no longer around, but if you qualified once, you may still have a shot at it, or a similar one.)
If you are serious about traveling, and want to do the school thing too... there is always the... um... Navy, Air-force, Military, Coast-guard, etc... (Don't forget that they employ a lot of non-military contract services too. You don't have to actually join, to work for them. They will push you all around the states, and possibly other countries.)
What was the scholarship for, anything specific?
She's not the one who asked if we could still be friends, I was going to, because if I lose both my best friend and the girl of my dreams in one fell swoop, I'm going to end up in a really bad place mentally and emotionally. I'm already unable to eat or sleep; in the past 2 weeks I've lost 10 pounds and got maybe a total of 14-16 hours of sleep.
And the I don't think the scholarship was for anything specific as far as requirements, it was just that in my acceptance letter they offered me a few thousand dollars. I assume it was because of my SAT score though, since otherwise I was a pretty average student with an overal average of 88. But like I said before, when you'r transfering to another college, they no longer care about your SAT scores, they just go by your GPA, and mine isn't too great.
I really appreciate everyone being so willing to try and talk me through this, and I love you all for wanting to make me feel better and wanting me to get through this okay, but I'd really rather not talk about this anymore. So please keep posts pertinent to this upcoming trip from now on. Thank you.
And the I don't think the scholarship was for anything specific as far as requirements, it was just that in my acceptance letter they offered me a few thousand dollars. I assume it was because of my SAT score though, since otherwise I was a pretty average student with an overal average of 88. But like I said before, when you'r transfering to another college, they no longer care about your SAT scores, they just go by your GPA, and mine isn't too great.
I really appreciate everyone being so willing to try and talk me through this, and I love you all for wanting to make me feel better and wanting me to get through this okay, but I'd really rather not talk about this anymore. So please keep posts pertinent to this upcoming trip from now on. Thank you.
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DC , if i could offer you a place i would but it is not my place to offer but if you are in my area and want a vapper to vape with or maybe have a drink or two just send me a pm my thoughts are with you and your situation hope your travels answers those internal questions and helps you find the new center that your chakra needs and the new you that must be found
Vape on
mage
Vape on
mage
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