Yesterday scientists in the USA revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them lost all sense of reasoning, started talking nonsense, and couldn"t drive.
Jokes of the week
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I HAD A BAD DAY
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change
the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into
Heaven, you had to have a really bad day the day you died. The policy
would go into effect at noon the following day. So the next day at
12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven.
The angel at the gate, remembering about the new law, promptly told
the man, "Before I can let you in, I need you to tell me about the day
you died."
"No problem." said the man. "Well, for some time now, I've thought my
wife was having an affair. I believed that each day on her lunch hour,
she'd bring her lover home to our 25th floor apartment and have sex
with him. So today I was going to come home too and catch them. Well,
I got there and busted in and immediately began searching for this
guy. My wife was half-naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire
apartment. But, damn it, I couldn't find him! Just as I was going to
give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that
there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of
that guy to think he could hide from me! Well, I ran out there and
promptly stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground.
But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some bushes that broke his fall
and he didn't die. This ...... me off even more, so in a rage I went
back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at
him. And oddly enough, the first thing I could grab was the
refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony and
heaved it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him!
The excitement of the moment was so great that right after that I had
a heart attack and died almost instantly."
The angel sat back and though for a moment. Technically, the guy DID
have a bad day, and it was a crime of passion, so he announced, "OK,
Sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up. "OK, here's the rule. Before
I can let you in, I need to hear about the day you died."
"Sure thing" the man replied. "But you're not gonna believe this. I
was out on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily
exercises when I got a little carried away and accidentally fell over
the side! Luckily however, I was able to catch myself by my fingertips
on the balcony directly beneath mine. When all of a sudden this crazy
man comes running out of his apartment and starts cussing and stomping
on my fingers! Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes on
the way down which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm
laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating
pain, I see the man push his refrigerator, of all things, over the
ledge and it falls directly on top of me and kills me!"
The angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his
story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself.
"Very well," the angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,"
and he lets the man enter.
A few seconds later the third man in line comes up to the gate. "Tell
me about the day you died," said the angel.
"OK, picture this, " says the man. "I'm naked inside a
Refrigerator......."
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change
the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into
Heaven, you had to have a really bad day the day you died. The policy
would go into effect at noon the following day. So the next day at
12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven.
The angel at the gate, remembering about the new law, promptly told
the man, "Before I can let you in, I need you to tell me about the day
you died."
"No problem." said the man. "Well, for some time now, I've thought my
wife was having an affair. I believed that each day on her lunch hour,
she'd bring her lover home to our 25th floor apartment and have sex
with him. So today I was going to come home too and catch them. Well,
I got there and busted in and immediately began searching for this
guy. My wife was half-naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire
apartment. But, damn it, I couldn't find him! Just as I was going to
give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that
there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of
that guy to think he could hide from me! Well, I ran out there and
promptly stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground.
But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some bushes that broke his fall
and he didn't die. This ...... me off even more, so in a rage I went
back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at
him. And oddly enough, the first thing I could grab was the
refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony and
heaved it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him!
The excitement of the moment was so great that right after that I had
a heart attack and died almost instantly."
The angel sat back and though for a moment. Technically, the guy DID
have a bad day, and it was a crime of passion, so he announced, "OK,
Sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up. "OK, here's the rule. Before
I can let you in, I need to hear about the day you died."
"Sure thing" the man replied. "But you're not gonna believe this. I
was out on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily
exercises when I got a little carried away and accidentally fell over
the side! Luckily however, I was able to catch myself by my fingertips
on the balcony directly beneath mine. When all of a sudden this crazy
man comes running out of his apartment and starts cussing and stomping
on my fingers! Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes on
the way down which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm
laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating
pain, I see the man push his refrigerator, of all things, over the
ledge and it falls directly on top of me and kills me!"
The angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his
story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself.
"Very well," the angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,"
and he lets the man enter.
A few seconds later the third man in line comes up to the gate. "Tell
me about the day you died," said the angel.
"OK, picture this, " says the man. "I'm naked inside a
Refrigerator......."
Doctor Bob had sex with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
Every once in a while, however, he'd hear that soothing voice, within himself, trying to reassure him: "Bob, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go."
But invariably another voice would bring him back to reality: "Bob, you're a veterinarian!"
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
Every once in a while, however, he'd hear that soothing voice, within himself, trying to reassure him: "Bob, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go."
But invariably another voice would bring him back to reality: "Bob, you're a veterinarian!"
A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied the interviewer. 'And, now you sir?', he asked the second man.
'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said the interviewer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed.' He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' he said.
Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.
Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is .........'
'WHAT!?' said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already s**t my pants.'
BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied the interviewer. 'And, now you sir?', he asked the second man.
'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said the interviewer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed.' He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' he said.
Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.
Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is .........'
'WHAT!?' said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already s**t my pants.'
BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!
How to lose weight
At a gym, there were 3 weight loss plans offered;
1-lose 10lbs in a week
2-lose 20lbs in a week
3-lose 40lbs in a week
There goes a man, very fat and out of shape thinks, "hmm, I want to lose weight but don't want to work that hard. I'd go for 10lbs." And signs up for the first course.
Then he was lead to a small room with a pretty girl who said, "if you catch me, you can do whatever you want to me" And started running around.
In no time the man lost 10lbs
He returns to the gym the following week and signs up for losing 20lbs course.
He was lead to a big room, about size of school gym where a really sexy girl said, "if you catch me, you can do anything you want to me" and starts running around.
In no time, guy loses 20lbs.
After those experiences, he thought to himself, "girl in lose 20lbs course was better than the lose 10lbs course, so lose 40lbs course should be even better" And signs up for that course and he was lead to a huge room the size of football field.
There stood a huge muscular black guy who said, "if I catch you, I'll .... you in your ..."
And he started running for his life...
At a gym, there were 3 weight loss plans offered;
1-lose 10lbs in a week
2-lose 20lbs in a week
3-lose 40lbs in a week
There goes a man, very fat and out of shape thinks, "hmm, I want to lose weight but don't want to work that hard. I'd go for 10lbs." And signs up for the first course.
Then he was lead to a small room with a pretty girl who said, "if you catch me, you can do whatever you want to me" And started running around.
In no time the man lost 10lbs
He returns to the gym the following week and signs up for losing 20lbs course.
He was lead to a big room, about size of school gym where a really sexy girl said, "if you catch me, you can do anything you want to me" and starts running around.
In no time, guy loses 20lbs.
After those experiences, he thought to himself, "girl in lose 20lbs course was better than the lose 10lbs course, so lose 40lbs course should be even better" And signs up for that course and he was lead to a huge room the size of football field.
There stood a huge muscular black guy who said, "if I catch you, I'll .... you in your ..."
And he started running for his life...
The following is an important announcement...
Police warn all clubbers, partygoers, and unsuspecting bar regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date rape drug on the market called "beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men.
The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs."
"Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.
After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking "beer," men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage."
Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.
For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.
Police warn all clubbers, partygoers, and unsuspecting bar regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date rape drug on the market called "beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men.
The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs."
"Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.
After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking "beer," men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage."
Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.
For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.
Dirty one about Santa!
One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde. She said "Santa, will you stay with me?", Santa replied, "Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good girls and boys."
So she took off her night gown, wearing only a bra and panties, she asked "Santa, now will you stay with me?"
"Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to .... girls and boys."
She takes off everything and says "Santa, now will you stay with me?"
Santa replies "Gotta stay, gotta stay, can't get up the chimney with my .... this way!"
like, comment and follow!!!!!! xD
One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde. She said "Santa, will you stay with me?", Santa replied, "Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good girls and boys."
So she took off her night gown, wearing only a bra and panties, she asked "Santa, now will you stay with me?"
"Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to .... girls and boys."
She takes off everything and says "Santa, now will you stay with me?"
Santa replies "Gotta stay, gotta stay, can't get up the chimney with my .... this way!"
like, comment and follow!!!!!! xD
Working With The FBI
The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is
hiding ......... inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust
open every piece of wood, but find no .......... They swear at
Thibodeaux and leave.
The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house.
"Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is
hiding ......... inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust
open every piece of wood, but find no .......... They swear at
Thibodeaux and leave.
The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house.
"Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
There was this American lady married to an Asia gentleman and they
lived in Singland. The poor lady was not very proficient in Chinese,
but managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose
whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't
know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her
skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went
home with pork legs.
The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know
how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her
breast. The lady got what she wanted.
The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way
to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
What were you thinking? Helloooooooooo, her husband speaks Chinese!!
end
lived in Singland. The poor lady was not very proficient in Chinese,
but managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose
whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't
know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her
skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went
home with pork legs.
The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know
how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her
breast. The lady got what she wanted.
The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way
to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
What were you thinking? Helloooooooooo, her husband speaks Chinese!!
end
She's Getting The Raise
A Mexican maid asked her boss for a pay increase.
Her boss was anoyed at this and asked, 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'
Maria: 'Well, Senorita there are three reasons why I want an increase... The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you..'
Wife (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No Senorita, the gardener did.'
Wife: 'So how much do you want?'
A Mexican maid asked her boss for a pay increase.
Her boss was anoyed at this and asked, 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'
Maria: 'Well, Senorita there are three reasons why I want an increase... The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you..'
Wife (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No Senorita, the gardener did.'
Wife: 'So how much do you want?'
female vs male friend
Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her
husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his
wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that
he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10
best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.
Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her
husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his
wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that
he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10
best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.
A man buys a lie detector robot which slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner.
Dad: Son, where were u today during school hours?
SON: at School. {Robot slaps son!} Ok, I lied, I went to the movies.
DAD: Which one?
SON: Toy Story. {Robot slaps son again!} Ok, it was a day with porn star.
DAD: What?! When I was your age, I didn't even know what porn was..{Robot slaps Dad!}
MOM: Ha ha! After all he's your son. {ROBOT SLAPS MOM..!}
Dad: Son, where were u today during school hours?
SON: at School. {Robot slaps son!} Ok, I lied, I went to the movies.
DAD: Which one?
SON: Toy Story. {Robot slaps son again!} Ok, it was a day with porn star.
DAD: What?! When I was your age, I didn't even know what porn was..{Robot slaps Dad!}
MOM: Ha ha! After all he's your son. {ROBOT SLAPS MOM..!}
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.
The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."
The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."
The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.
The nun agrees but asks for .... sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.
After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "
The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"
You HAVE to hit like if you:
1) Get it
2) Laughed
3) Never heard this before
The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."
The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."
The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.
The nun agrees but asks for .... sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.
After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "
The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"
You HAVE to hit like if you:
1) Get it
2) Laughed
3) Never heard this before
Anakin Skywalker was deployed to a certain planet for a peacekeeping mission by the Jedi Council.
He set off thinking to himself: 'Ahh.. another boring mission. I could do this with no trouble!"
Upon touching ground, he started moving towards his redenvouz point to meet up with his Master Obi-Wan Kenobe. As clumsly as he is.... always, he had his LightSaber accidentally dropped on the road along the way and a huge heavy vehicle ran over it which totally smashed it up into pieces. Cursing himself on his badluck but he still carry on to his meeting point.
"At last my Padawan! You sure took a long time. What happened to you?" asked Master Kenobe and Skywalker start to explain everything. "Losing your LightSaber again to me, it's kinda a normal ritual to me. You tend to to either lose or break it in every mission you go and that does not surprise me. I will help you contact the Jedi Council and see what they can do. Meanwhile just stay low and keep out of trouble."
Servaral days passed and a written memo came in. After reading it, Master Kenobi tells Skywalker: " Anakin, seems like your stuff is here already but there's some kind of a problem. Could you go down to this place and retrive it as I'm busy with something?"
"I be on my way" replied Skywalker and just before he step out of the door, his Master says: "May the Force be with you....."
Skywalker reaches the address stated on the written memo and he was led into a room. Inside the room were a big table with a few other people around it.
"Have a sit, Mister."
Skywalker took his seat and look around him.
"I believed I have something here which belongs to you..... Sir?" Says one of the person around the table which introduce himself as Mr A. He took out the item and place it on the table.
Skywalker immediately recognise the item as his Lightsaber and answered: "Yes it is. That's MINE item. I have requested from the Jedi Council to delivered it to me."
This time, another person introduced as Mr B says: "So... you DO admit that this thing BELONGS to you huh?" Pausing for awhile, Mr B starts reaching below the table and takes out a 'ProBerry', 'Grey Bullet', 'CCTS', 'Onega', 'Buss Pro' and a few other similiar stuffs.
"You know, Mister. These items is considered illegal in this planet. Trying to bring in this item into this planet will breach our law" says Mr C. The 3rd person around the table
A surprised Skywalker quickly answers back: " But I do not know what are you all are talking about. I'm a Jedi and the Federal Law allows me to carry this with me all the time. On this table I only recognise that one only item. The rest of these item somehow does look alike but I do not remember seeing them anywhere??"
"These E-cigarette is prohibited into our planet Mister, and you clearly is trying to in bring this item which you claimed it is yours here. Now we have caught you redhanded and all evidence against you. We are going to confiscate your item and detain you for futhur investigations." Says Mr A with a smile.
Anakin clearly irritated, raise his eyebrow and retort back: "I do not know what is E-Cigarette! All I know is you guys have my Lightsaber and right now it's sitting on the table over there! I have no idea what you people are talking about. That lightsaber is my weapon and I demand that my lightsaber to be returned to me right now!!"
"No No, That is not acceptable to us Mister. You are in our planet, You have to follow OUR law!, we cannot allow any other people to start coming into our planet and carrying all sorts of things in here! You say you do not know what is E-cigarette? We will show you what is E-cigarette!!!" Mr A, B and C takes the ProBerry, Grey Bullet and CCTS from the table and vaping.
"Whohoo. This ProBerry gives GREAT TH!!"
"Nah, this Grey Bullet has more vapour!!!!
"Haha, my CCTS wins in terms of both!!!!"
Mr A, B and C clearly enjoying the device and very soon they cloud the whole room with vapour.
A fustrated Skywalker, being angered by the 3 man's comments and finally snaps. His bloodshot eyes were looking at the 3 man.
"Unforgiveable!!!!"
Skywalker quickly stood up, extends out his right arm, using the force and draws his lightsaber to him. He remains motionless at the other end out the table breathing heavily. Slowly he approaches the 3 man and activates his lightsaber.
Behind the closed door, Screams were heard. Buzzing sound of the lightsaber swinging around. And then... silence.
Soon a small laughter was heard and the BMG of the Imperial March was played........
****The above short story is fictional. Any resemblance or similarities in real life is purely coincidental*****
He set off thinking to himself: 'Ahh.. another boring mission. I could do this with no trouble!"
Upon touching ground, he started moving towards his redenvouz point to meet up with his Master Obi-Wan Kenobe. As clumsly as he is.... always, he had his LightSaber accidentally dropped on the road along the way and a huge heavy vehicle ran over it which totally smashed it up into pieces. Cursing himself on his badluck but he still carry on to his meeting point.
"At last my Padawan! You sure took a long time. What happened to you?" asked Master Kenobe and Skywalker start to explain everything. "Losing your LightSaber again to me, it's kinda a normal ritual to me. You tend to to either lose or break it in every mission you go and that does not surprise me. I will help you contact the Jedi Council and see what they can do. Meanwhile just stay low and keep out of trouble."
Servaral days passed and a written memo came in. After reading it, Master Kenobi tells Skywalker: " Anakin, seems like your stuff is here already but there's some kind of a problem. Could you go down to this place and retrive it as I'm busy with something?"
"I be on my way" replied Skywalker and just before he step out of the door, his Master says: "May the Force be with you....."
Skywalker reaches the address stated on the written memo and he was led into a room. Inside the room were a big table with a few other people around it.
"Have a sit, Mister."
Skywalker took his seat and look around him.
"I believed I have something here which belongs to you..... Sir?" Says one of the person around the table which introduce himself as Mr A. He took out the item and place it on the table.
Skywalker immediately recognise the item as his Lightsaber and answered: "Yes it is. That's MINE item. I have requested from the Jedi Council to delivered it to me."
This time, another person introduced as Mr B says: "So... you DO admit that this thing BELONGS to you huh?" Pausing for awhile, Mr B starts reaching below the table and takes out a 'ProBerry', 'Grey Bullet', 'CCTS', 'Onega', 'Buss Pro' and a few other similiar stuffs.
"You know, Mister. These items is considered illegal in this planet. Trying to bring in this item into this planet will breach our law" says Mr C. The 3rd person around the table
A surprised Skywalker quickly answers back: " But I do not know what are you all are talking about. I'm a Jedi and the Federal Law allows me to carry this with me all the time. On this table I only recognise that one only item. The rest of these item somehow does look alike but I do not remember seeing them anywhere??"
"These E-cigarette is prohibited into our planet Mister, and you clearly is trying to in bring this item which you claimed it is yours here. Now we have caught you redhanded and all evidence against you. We are going to confiscate your item and detain you for futhur investigations." Says Mr A with a smile.
Anakin clearly irritated, raise his eyebrow and retort back: "I do not know what is E-Cigarette! All I know is you guys have my Lightsaber and right now it's sitting on the table over there! I have no idea what you people are talking about. That lightsaber is my weapon and I demand that my lightsaber to be returned to me right now!!"
"No No, That is not acceptable to us Mister. You are in our planet, You have to follow OUR law!, we cannot allow any other people to start coming into our planet and carrying all sorts of things in here! You say you do not know what is E-cigarette? We will show you what is E-cigarette!!!" Mr A, B and C takes the ProBerry, Grey Bullet and CCTS from the table and vaping.
"Whohoo. This ProBerry gives GREAT TH!!"
"Nah, this Grey Bullet has more vapour!!!!
"Haha, my CCTS wins in terms of both!!!!"
Mr A, B and C clearly enjoying the device and very soon they cloud the whole room with vapour.
A fustrated Skywalker, being angered by the 3 man's comments and finally snaps. His bloodshot eyes were looking at the 3 man.
"Unforgiveable!!!!"
Skywalker quickly stood up, extends out his right arm, using the force and draws his lightsaber to him. He remains motionless at the other end out the table breathing heavily. Slowly he approaches the 3 man and activates his lightsaber.
Behind the closed door, Screams were heard. Buzzing sound of the lightsaber swinging around. And then... silence.
Soon a small laughter was heard and the BMG of the Imperial March was played........
****The above short story is fictional. Any resemblance or similarities in real life is purely coincidental*****
Wife: Listen, your best friend is getting married to a really horrible girl. Why dont you stop him?
Husband: Why should I stop him? He never stopped me!!!
Husband: Why should I stop him? He never stopped me!!!
There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and
she told her grandmother about it.
Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young
boys. "He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but
don't let him do that."
She continued, "He is going to try to feel your breast; you are going
to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his
hand between your legs; you are going to like that, but don't let him
do that.
Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going to try
to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like
that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the family."
With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her date
and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.
The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as the
old lady said.
She said, "Grandmother, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he
tried, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family."
she told her grandmother about it.
Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young
boys. "He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but
don't let him do that."
She continued, "He is going to try to feel your breast; you are going
to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his
hand between your legs; you are going to like that, but don't let him
do that.
Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going to try
to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like
that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the family."
With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her date
and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.
The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as the
old lady said.
She said, "Grandmother, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he
tried, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family."
Did not create this
A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, " Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ? She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says, " Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate." St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?" The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says, " Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate." All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St.Peter says, "Reeva, What seems to be the rush?" The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica dips her ... in it.
LIKE AND GET MORE JOKES
A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, " Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ? She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says, " Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate." St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?" The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says, " Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate." All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St.Peter says, "Reeva, What seems to be the rush?" The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica dips her ... in it.
LIKE AND GET MORE JOKES
Mother Superior was taking a bath. There's a knock on the door.
She says, "Who is it?"
A male voice responds, "The blind man."
After a few moments of deliberation the nun says, "Come in."
The man enters and says, "Nice boobs, Mrs Nun. Where do you want me to hang the blind?"
She says, "Who is it?"
A male voice responds, "The blind man."
After a few moments of deliberation the nun says, "Come in."
The man enters and says, "Nice boobs, Mrs Nun. Where do you want me to hang the blind?"
- Status
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