Losin' it...

[I am Nico]

I have been trying to go on with my life since the break up , but it seems every night im hit with this barrage of emotions that keep me up days at a time... i haven't been able to get a grip on my emotions. I am not weak willed... but just the severity of the situation and all the other petty stuff just keep piling up on me. I tried having a good time yesterday at a football game (49ers vs raiders) with this girl i met some time ago... and even the night cap was just a temporary relief of my frustrations. I've tried drinking my problems away , tried hanging with friends.. this girl was just that BIG a part of my life as my own family is. Granted she has her personal issues that she to deal with... but is it honestly that hard to let a guy know you no longer feel the same about him as he does you...instead of letting it carry over years and end up cheating on him... mannnnn wtf.... i don't regret helping her... but i regret getting emotionally involved with her... i hear that saying its better to have love and lost than to never have had at all... well really...thats a load of croc unless it applies to someone who was always there for you and would have never intentionally tried to hurt you. .... geez ... i never in a million years thought i'd see myself like this again. i thought it was done and over with. I'm not going to B.S and say i give up on relationships because i damn well know il end up lovin' again.. i once waited 3 years for closure from this girl who completely trampled over my heart in 9th grade, but the day i got it... man... i felt like a new person. Maybe that's what i need.. to get some closure to this b.s .. but i want nothing to do with this girl... at all.. i wish her no harm.. but i wish she felt what im feeling right now..

 

[sgupta]

Hi Nico,

Just wanted to say I'm very sorry to hear about the difficulties you're having right now...

Though I certainly don't know your situation personally, I've experienced having my heart trampled on before and know how painful it can be. There's no point in me trying to tell you to buck up and it'll feel better overnight - it won't, but the important thing is eventually, you WILL start to feel better, as hard as it is to imagine right now. Since this isn't your first breakup, I'm sure deep down you know that even if it seems like it can't be...

So my advice is to just...keep going for now, day by day, trying to enjoy the little things as best you can and not closing the door on any opportunities that come your way - sounds like you're doing okay with that already. The thing about the future is you never know what's going to happen next.

Also, just a suggestion, but be careful with distractions that could become problems when feeling vulnerable - I enjoy a bit of alcohol sometimes myself, and it can be nice occasionally when you're feeling sad, but using it as a crutch or too often is never good, and it can just make things more painful and drawn out instead of less. Also, there's no shame in talking about your situation with a friend/family or even a therapist - it really can actually help a bit, even if temporarily, to just get it out to someone.

As to "better to have loved and lost", I think that's a a prism that only makes sense in the prism of time. I remember when my heart was broken feeling that was a croc too, but looking back after years have passed, I can't say I regret the experience...and am a better person for it, even though I NEVER would have said that at the time and would have done anything to rip the pain from my heart.

This is just something you're going to have to make it though, so I'm confident you will do what you need to do to survive, and eventually, thrive again, possibly better than before. Good luck and my thoughts are with ya. You can do this, Nico!

 

[surbitonPete]

Hi Nico.....I feel for you...all I can tell you is that I am getting old and have been through it all myself so I understand what you are going through and although it never seems like it at the time, I can assure you 'all' your happiness will come back.
Interestingly virtually every female I have dated has cheated on me and already found another partner 'before' we have broken up but whenever I wanted to break up with a female I always did it 'before' even looking for another partner!! I guess it's because an attractive female will get hit upon almost wherever she goes, so it's harder for them.

 

[gashin]

It's normal man - this girl I was going out with for a few months just dumped me today for no reason.... she even introduced me to all her friends and they're still cool with me and I've actually been hanging out with them more and more than with her because she seemed to grow more distant from me as I befriended her friends - it's like the more I became closer with them the more she started rejecting me. I don't know how to deal with it because now I don't want to see this chick anywhere but then we have mutual friends. I felt bad the entire day today but it helped that her friends are really nice and I just hungout with a ton of my other friends at once today - it helped me a lot. You don't need closure - I've had many rejections and break-ups in the past... it's better that you forget her and what happened completely and bury it in your mind and cover it with a new relationship. Not seeking closure has another benefit too - when she realized what she lost she'll torture herself for years... I had a chick who broke off a relationship with me come crawling back after 2 years because I didn't accept her facade anymore - trust me it was a lot easier to deal with her when all my feelings and memories of her were blunted...

I have been trying to go on with my life since the break up , but it seems every night im hit with this barrage of emotions that keep me up days at a time... i haven't been able to get a grip on my emotions. I am not weak willed... but just the severity of the situation and all the other petty stuff just keep piling up on me. I tried having a good time yesterday at a football game (49ers vs raiders) with this girl i met some time ago... and even the night cap was just a temporary relief of my frustrations. I've tried drinking my problems away , tried hanging with friends.. this girl was just that BIG a part of my life as my own family is. Granted she has her personal issues that she to deal with... but is it honestly that hard to let a guy know you no longer feel the same about him as he does you...instead of letting it carry over years and end up cheating on him... mannnnn wtf.... i don't regret helping her... but i regret getting emotionally involved with her... i hear that saying its better to have love and lost than to never have had at all... well really...thats a load of croc unless it applies to someone who was always there for you and would have never intentionally tried to hurt you. .... geez ... i never in a million years thought i'd see myself like this again. i thought it was done and over with. I'm not going to B.S and say i give up on relationships because i damn well know il end up lovin' again.. i once waited 3 years for closure from this girl who completely trampled over my heart in 9th grade, but the day i got it... man... i felt like a new person. Maybe that's what i need.. to get some closure to this b.s .. but i want nothing to do with this girl... at all.. i wish her no harm.. but i wish she felt what im feeling right now..

 

[geeker]

Hey Nico,
No profound words of wisdom from me, the other posters have said all that can be said. Just want to let you know that we are here with you, and hoping you're able to work through this soon. Take care!

 

[I am Nico]

This girl just really wants to make my life a living hell., i told her i want absolutely want nothing to do with her and she keeps calling and my father told me she went looking for me at their house.., its b.s..,

 

[Flitzanu]

my recommendation for a bad breakup?

antidepressants. sometimes we have legal prescription drugs for a reason there's no need to feel upset when you can fix it with chemicals.

 

[BigJimW]

my recommendation for a bad breakup?

antidepressants. sometimes we have legal prescription drugs for a reason there's no need to feel upset when you can fix it with chemicals.

Dude, I do hope you're not serious with that reply.

 

[Moobyghost]

Big Jim, I am on antidepressants and it is the only thing keeping me alive right now brother.

 

[I am Nico]

absinthe... and marlboro lights... my anti-depression.. ,

 

[gashin]

Restraining order!@

this girl just really wants to make my life a living hell., i told her i want absolutely want nothing to do with her and she keeps calling and my father told me she went looking for me at their house.., its b.s..,

 

[Moobyghost]

Nico share your absinthe

 

[DaMulta]

Women, well I have one ATM that is kick .... Hot, loves the things I do, loves sex lol, and other things.

From the last one I didn't think that could be topped. I was down but I didn't let that stop me.

God if she reads this lol......


I say go out, and get laid then your problems will seem to be going away! There are plenty of fish in the sea, and some are way better than others. I have had 6 different women this year, and they all had their coolness, and had their faults.

You just have to remember this. Women are CRAZY!!!

It's true!

You just have to go with their crazy flow, and mix in your own; if you don't mix up your own their craziest will make you crazy too!


Screw the pills. You know what is bugging you, and fixing that is not always easy. If it was easy then people would not be popping pills trying to cover it up.


So go out, buy some beers, talk to some ladies, have some fun. Don't expect anything just go with the flow and have fun.

 

[Vaponator]

When I was going through my divorce I felt like this.

The cure?.......



I started dating her best friend. Yup that cured me.

Mastercard Priceless moment............

Picking up my daughter and leaving my phone on the table, it rings with her friends name on it and she see's it!!!

 

[ladyraj]

I have been trying to go on with my life since the break up , but it seems every night im hit with this barrage of emotions that keep me up days at a time... i haven't been able to get a grip on my emotions. I am not weak willed... but just the severity of the situation and all the other petty stuff just keep piling up on me. I tried having a good time yesterday at a football game (49ers vs raiders) with this girl i met some time ago... and even the night cap was just a temporary relief of my frustrations. I've tried drinking my problems away , tried hanging with friends.. this girl was just that BIG a part of my life as my own family is. Granted she has her personal issues that she to deal with... but is it honestly that hard to let a guy know you no longer feel the same about him as he does you...instead of letting it carry over years and end up cheating on him... mannnnn wtf.... i don't regret helping her... but i regret getting emotionally involved with her... i hear that saying its better to have love and lost than to never have had at all... well really...thats a load of croc unless it applies to someone who was always there for you and would have never intentionally tried to hurt you. .... geez ... i never in a million years thought i'd see myself like this again. i thought it was done and over with. I'm not going to B.S and say i give up on relationships because i damn well know il end up lovin' again.. i once waited 3 years for closure from this girl who completely trampled over my heart in 9th grade, but the day i got it... man... i felt like a new person. Maybe that's what i need.. to get some closure to this b.s .. but i want nothing to do with this girl... at all.. i wish her no harm.. but i wish she felt what im feeling right now..

Come on guys, this is all about power...some feel like they have it and other's want to get it back. As far as getting laid, what life situation doesn't look better after orgasm? Medication is usually good IF one is suffering a long-term low level depression or a short-term major depression. Situational factors, such as stress and grief over a break-up, are rarely "fixed" with meds, nor alcohol.

Evidently, this girl got caught and had to logically justify her actions, not only to you, but to herself as well. Most people find it difficult to acknowledge that may have acted badly and hurt another human being. A female may not want to be labeled as a cheater to your common friends or your family...so may use this line..."well I accidently cheated because I haven't felt as you do in the relationship". The statement is designed to make you question what you did in the time before her mess-up to make her cheat. The fault is then attached to you and is definitive of emotional blackmail.

We all feel kicked in the gut when a relationship ends and we didn't see it coming. Your choice is to take control of your emotions, decide what you wil and will not do with this girl, and get on with life. Do you want her back? That is the question that will be on her mind when you have a talk with her...and you will...you know it! Please know that she may not want to get back together...she simply wants to know if she has the power to draw you back in only to say No once again.

But these are the views of a crazy female!

 

[DaMulta]

WE NEEDS A MENS LOCKER ROOM LOL

lol

 

[Flitzanu]

haha multa, that "enter" pic is amazing.

ok, so yes, bigjim, to deny "medication" is helpful is...well, i don't think it means you "support" our enemy Big Pharma. headache? aspirin. stomach? pepto.

we take meds all the time to fix minor problems, but people seem to be up in arms if we want them for bigger problems.

another touched on this, that yes, this is SITUATIONAL and possibly short term depression/stress/anxiety and meds WILL take the edge off and let him focus on his life instead of pining over this chick day and night.

nonetheless, Nico you will have to get over it, simple as that (but not simply done). along the way though, there's no harm in easing your mind with whatever vice you choose. i've used them during very hard breakups as well, during times i never thought i'd make it through.

but you know what? i did. maybe meds aren't for you or for everyone, some people are wired differently. the day you can wake up and NOT think about her, you're on your way.

 

[Moobyghost]

well **** a monkey. That day hasn't happened for me yet.

 

[stevo_tdo]

haha multa, that "enter" pic is amazing.

ok, so yes, bigjim, to deny "medication" is helpful is...well, i don't think it means you "support" our enemy Big Pharma. headache? aspirin. stomach? pepto.

we take meds all the time to fix minor problems, but people seem to be up in arms if we want them for bigger problems.

another touched on this, that yes, this is SITUATIONAL and possibly short term depression/stress/anxiety and meds WILL take the edge off and let him focus on his life instead of pining over this chick day and night.

nonetheless, Nico you will have to get over it, simple as that (but not simply done). along the way though, there's no harm in easing your mind with whatever vice you choose. i've used them during very hard breakups as well, during times i never thought i'd make it through.

but you know what? i did. maybe meds aren't for you or for everyone, some people are wired differently. the day you can wake up and NOT think about her, you're on your way.

Meds are not the answer. It's a fact that antidepressants are being over prescribed. People should just deal with **** on their own.

DO I speak from experience? Yes, I do. The 2 years that they "attempted" to treat my schizophrenia were far worse than the last year of dealing with it on my own.

I'm apparently doing o.k. I could always be better though. I have a wife, a beautiful baby girl, and reside in this realm of the imagination for most of the time.

 

[Moobyghost]

The guy my ex-fiancee left me for is slightly schizophrenic he also got head from a dog once, the only thing she must see in him is that he has a big ****.

(shrug)