Order 21011 has been shipped!
Oh gods of the time-space continuum...
Smile upon my package, and speed it to my doorstep. Protect it in its travels, for it has a destiny far greater than any normal package. Only THIS package will relieve the pitiful ache of my addiction, only THIS package will fill the hazlenut-shaped hole in my heart. A fortnight I have gone without, and a fortnight I have suffered... Through your divine intervention may I be reunited with my passion lost.
In USPS's name we pray,
Amen.