Sorry this is so long. If you're up for a read, vape em if you got em and have one, if you have the time. I need to let it out.
So, about a month ago I slumped into my doctor's office on the verge of defeat. I had quit smoking a few weeks earlier and was sucking on nicorette lozenges like ET going for Reese's pieces and it worked about as well as Reese's Pieces would. Ugly, dark depression was again taking hold of my life. And depression brought back memories of the last time I quit smoking, for 12 years, from 1988 to 2000.
My doc talked about dopamine and nicotine and wellbutrin, an antidepressant I knew well that targetted dopamine receptors. I had been on it before and, like the dozen or so other antidepressants doctors decided to try on my condition, it did little to nothing for the depression. What did do something drastic for my depression back then was starting to smoke again in 2000.
I dunno, doc. I've been on wellbutrin before but I guess I have to try something. This isn't working. Every day seemed worse than the last.
He wrote me a script.
The next day, I was on reddit and read an extensive post on vaping and the Ego-T. The poster was very specific about what to get and what to do with it. He said that he went straight from analogs to vaping and hasn't looked back. What??!? I thought e-cigs were some inneffective ploy from a chinese manufacturer with the only intent being to make money, not to save lives. I went straight to the links the poster suggested, which was cignot.com, and ordered what he suggested.
Then came the weekend. It was horrid. I was doing my best at watching time pass, hoping that someday, I'll feel better. Time obliged my expectations by ekeing its way across the day in long cello-ish sobs.
I started the wellbutrin. Almost immediately, my spirit declined. In taking the pill, I felt like I was giving up. Surrendering to the depression. Admitting I was again out of control and would forever tie myself to the medical establishment with endless refills and chemicals that I never really liked and won't really work for me. 12 years of dosing with these meds messed me up in ways I'll never recover Now I had returned to just that. Who knows. Maybe the depression would have been worse without all the drugs, back then. I tend to doubt it.
Monday morning came and I was back at work. But I couldn't work. I couldn't talk to people. I couldn't concentrate. I felt horrible inside. Ugly and alone. I started worrying. Do I just leave? Do I go to an emergency room? A mental hospital? I was really in bad shape, folks. Those close to me at work could see it and the worry on their faces didn't help.
I told my closest confidante at work what was going on. I mentioned the ecig kit I ordered. She lit up. She knew someone who replace smoking with ecigs and it worked. She asked when my ecig kit would arrive. Dunno. I checked the email and went to the tracking website. It indicated my ego-t kit was sitting at my front door. It had been delivered. That's when everything changed.
I can never describe that day effectively. But the turnaround was amazing. My spirits immediately lifted with the glimmer of hope that there was a box, sitting at my house, that just might help me out of this mess. It was 1 PM. I had 3 hours to go before I'd know if I was going to be ok or not.
I left work a little early. The worry started. I remembered that redditer mentioning not to forget to order some juice. Had I. What did I order? I tried to ease my worries. I followed that guy's suggestions well. But what state of mind was I in when I ordered? Did I have enough wits about me to get it right? That was Friday morning. It's now Monday afternoon. I couldn't remember.
I got home and found the package waiting at my doorstep. I immediately tore into it with a strength I didn't know I had and peeked inside. Aha! I saw a bottle of liquid. I did order some juice. The remainder of the packaging went by the wayside in no time flat and, laid out before me was an array of attys, cartridges, batteries, and other assorted accoutrements of vaping.
I knew exactly what to do after having watching several youtube vids and spending a lot of time reading posts, here. It actually came with cartridges loaded with a tobacco flavored 10 mg juice. I assembled everything with shaking hands, hoped the battery had a charge, and pushed the button and inhaled.
Memory's a funny thing. I remembered a moment in 2000, sitting on my porch, playing with a pouch of Drum tobacco I had laying around from a wayward Y2K stash I had made, just in case. I took out some papers, rolled one up, lit it, and inhaled. What happened then was repeated with that first inhale of my ego-t. Everything changed, drastically and immediately.
Now here I was again. Only different. There was no smoke. Only a rather pleasant tasting vapor. From that moment on, things improved in my life. I would no longer wake with that dread hanging over me. I can accept that I need nicotine. I recognize my clinically depressed situation and can medicate it legally and effectively. I had found solace-a place where the misery can be moderated. I no longer needed to take the wellbutrin, not that it would have helped much anyway.
Yesterday, I returned to my doc for a follow-up med check on the wellbutrin. He came in and asked how I was doing. I lit up (figuratively). I explained that I purchased an e-cigarette kit and that it had an immediate and profound effect, so much so that I stopped the wellbutrin and have not thought about it anymore.
He was completely supportive. He asked me about the device, the cost, and what if feels like to use. I mentioned that I was probably getting too much nicotine and that my next bottle of the liquid would have half the dose. He said, well, you do have to titrate medication to get it right. Holy cow. Medication? He called it medication!
In talking further with him, I learned that he had heard about e-cigs and had come across a few patients who used them. He said the the problem with the nicorette lozenges/gum is one of absorbtion. He had no qualms that I was inhaling glycerine and PG along with the nic.
I left with a bit of a skip to my giddyup, got into my car and vaped up. I didn't know what he would think of all this before I went in. I think the drastic change in my demeanor impressed him. Someday, he may suggest vaping to some other poor sap down in the doldrums of no nic.
So you see, vaping is extremely important to me. I will fight against any legislation against it. I will keep my doctor in the loop. I will offer up any help I can give to others going down a similar path. Plus, it's a gadget, and I love gadgets. So I've crawled through a minor hell since January and have emerged on the other side.
Vaping is an amazing analog to actually smoking. I never imagined such a thing. Once I get my nic level settled, I can do it all day long if I want. I sneak vapes at work. I even snuck one while waiting for my doc to come into the room. It's been almost a month and there's no letting up in my enthusiasm. It works. Period.
Whew. I told you it was long. If you made it this far, thanks for listening. And thanks to everyone here. Every last one of you. You were an important part of this, for me. And to that redittor who specifically pointed folks to cignot's ego-t, I cannot thank enough. Cignot's speed of delivery was also commendable. I ordered on a friday morning and had it Monday. Just in the nic of time.
So, about a month ago I slumped into my doctor's office on the verge of defeat. I had quit smoking a few weeks earlier and was sucking on nicorette lozenges like ET going for Reese's pieces and it worked about as well as Reese's Pieces would. Ugly, dark depression was again taking hold of my life. And depression brought back memories of the last time I quit smoking, for 12 years, from 1988 to 2000.
My doc talked about dopamine and nicotine and wellbutrin, an antidepressant I knew well that targetted dopamine receptors. I had been on it before and, like the dozen or so other antidepressants doctors decided to try on my condition, it did little to nothing for the depression. What did do something drastic for my depression back then was starting to smoke again in 2000.
I dunno, doc. I've been on wellbutrin before but I guess I have to try something. This isn't working. Every day seemed worse than the last.
He wrote me a script.
The next day, I was on reddit and read an extensive post on vaping and the Ego-T. The poster was very specific about what to get and what to do with it. He said that he went straight from analogs to vaping and hasn't looked back. What??!? I thought e-cigs were some inneffective ploy from a chinese manufacturer with the only intent being to make money, not to save lives. I went straight to the links the poster suggested, which was cignot.com, and ordered what he suggested.
Then came the weekend. It was horrid. I was doing my best at watching time pass, hoping that someday, I'll feel better. Time obliged my expectations by ekeing its way across the day in long cello-ish sobs.
I started the wellbutrin. Almost immediately, my spirit declined. In taking the pill, I felt like I was giving up. Surrendering to the depression. Admitting I was again out of control and would forever tie myself to the medical establishment with endless refills and chemicals that I never really liked and won't really work for me. 12 years of dosing with these meds messed me up in ways I'll never recover Now I had returned to just that. Who knows. Maybe the depression would have been worse without all the drugs, back then. I tend to doubt it.
Monday morning came and I was back at work. But I couldn't work. I couldn't talk to people. I couldn't concentrate. I felt horrible inside. Ugly and alone. I started worrying. Do I just leave? Do I go to an emergency room? A mental hospital? I was really in bad shape, folks. Those close to me at work could see it and the worry on their faces didn't help.
I told my closest confidante at work what was going on. I mentioned the ecig kit I ordered. She lit up. She knew someone who replace smoking with ecigs and it worked. She asked when my ecig kit would arrive. Dunno. I checked the email and went to the tracking website. It indicated my ego-t kit was sitting at my front door. It had been delivered. That's when everything changed.
I can never describe that day effectively. But the turnaround was amazing. My spirits immediately lifted with the glimmer of hope that there was a box, sitting at my house, that just might help me out of this mess. It was 1 PM. I had 3 hours to go before I'd know if I was going to be ok or not.
I left work a little early. The worry started. I remembered that redditer mentioning not to forget to order some juice. Had I. What did I order? I tried to ease my worries. I followed that guy's suggestions well. But what state of mind was I in when I ordered? Did I have enough wits about me to get it right? That was Friday morning. It's now Monday afternoon. I couldn't remember.
I got home and found the package waiting at my doorstep. I immediately tore into it with a strength I didn't know I had and peeked inside. Aha! I saw a bottle of liquid. I did order some juice. The remainder of the packaging went by the wayside in no time flat and, laid out before me was an array of attys, cartridges, batteries, and other assorted accoutrements of vaping.
I knew exactly what to do after having watching several youtube vids and spending a lot of time reading posts, here. It actually came with cartridges loaded with a tobacco flavored 10 mg juice. I assembled everything with shaking hands, hoped the battery had a charge, and pushed the button and inhaled.
Memory's a funny thing. I remembered a moment in 2000, sitting on my porch, playing with a pouch of Drum tobacco I had laying around from a wayward Y2K stash I had made, just in case. I took out some papers, rolled one up, lit it, and inhaled. What happened then was repeated with that first inhale of my ego-t. Everything changed, drastically and immediately.
Now here I was again. Only different. There was no smoke. Only a rather pleasant tasting vapor. From that moment on, things improved in my life. I would no longer wake with that dread hanging over me. I can accept that I need nicotine. I recognize my clinically depressed situation and can medicate it legally and effectively. I had found solace-a place where the misery can be moderated. I no longer needed to take the wellbutrin, not that it would have helped much anyway.
Yesterday, I returned to my doc for a follow-up med check on the wellbutrin. He came in and asked how I was doing. I lit up (figuratively). I explained that I purchased an e-cigarette kit and that it had an immediate and profound effect, so much so that I stopped the wellbutrin and have not thought about it anymore.
He was completely supportive. He asked me about the device, the cost, and what if feels like to use. I mentioned that I was probably getting too much nicotine and that my next bottle of the liquid would have half the dose. He said, well, you do have to titrate medication to get it right. Holy cow. Medication? He called it medication!
In talking further with him, I learned that he had heard about e-cigs and had come across a few patients who used them. He said the the problem with the nicorette lozenges/gum is one of absorbtion. He had no qualms that I was inhaling glycerine and PG along with the nic.
I left with a bit of a skip to my giddyup, got into my car and vaped up. I didn't know what he would think of all this before I went in. I think the drastic change in my demeanor impressed him. Someday, he may suggest vaping to some other poor sap down in the doldrums of no nic.
So you see, vaping is extremely important to me. I will fight against any legislation against it. I will keep my doctor in the loop. I will offer up any help I can give to others going down a similar path. Plus, it's a gadget, and I love gadgets. So I've crawled through a minor hell since January and have emerged on the other side.
Vaping is an amazing analog to actually smoking. I never imagined such a thing. Once I get my nic level settled, I can do it all day long if I want. I sneak vapes at work. I even snuck one while waiting for my doc to come into the room. It's been almost a month and there's no letting up in my enthusiasm. It works. Period.
Whew. I told you it was long. If you made it this far, thanks for listening. And thanks to everyone here. Every last one of you. You were an important part of this, for me. And to that redittor who specifically pointed folks to cignot's ego-t, I cannot thank enough. Cignot's speed of delivery was also commendable. I ordered on a friday morning and had it Monday. Just in the nic of time.
