First of all, I can't like your comment enough. It makes me feel very good that you put so much thought into responding. And I almost choked up over your victorious morning. That is me! First thing I do in the morning is turn on the coffee maker, grab a cup of coffee and smoke a cig. I've told my bf numerous times that mornings will be the hardest for me. So I totally get the celebratory feeling you must have today.Hi,
I wanted to reply to your post, because I empathize a great deal with it. I'm bipolar type I also, struggle with anxiety and also take meds, and have been smoking steadily since age 18, stopping ONLY when pregnant and nursing. I too have cut back a great deal using an e-cig, and it's been hard, I too made several errors regarding nic level and whatnot.
The first thing I need to say is that I've TRIED nicotine replacement in various fashions, and it hasn't worked well. I quit for two or 3 weeks using an e-cig when they were pretty new.... But it was at a point in my life that I was not stressed, as I wasn't working.
This may help you or not, but the NIH (Mental health division) did a study on the reasons why putting down a cigarette can be tough even WITH nicotine replacement--- this was done a few years ago but I could probably find the link-- few people know this, but a tar cigarette, the tar itself is an anti-depressant also, it's an MAOI, which is one of the more powerful anti-depressants out there. KNOWING that was helpful for me, as I was like, "Well, if I can get through the first few weeks, I can deal with the MAOI fading away, and get used to just vaping (which is, as far as hand to mouth, far more satisfying than any other nic replacement.) I even considered asking my pdoc to give me EMSAM which is a transdermal MAOI for the first few weeks but then I was like, "Don't be an idiot, Anna, that's just ridiculous." That being said, as an MI person myself, though my quit date is Sunday, knowing I've already cut back if I start feeling drastic, I will take a hit or two off a cigarette and not beat myself up for it. The half pack I'm smoking? I already don't usually finish the whole cigarette. If you are worried, and financially strapped, grab one of those packs of cigarettes and use it ONLY with the understanding that hey, I will take a puff or two, put it somewhere safe, and puff on it later if I MUST). Yeah, yeah, they say relighting cigs is bad but this is a TRANSITION period. I bet smoking 1 or 1.5 cigs a day that way won't kill you, at this point. Also, there are great threads re: nicotine withrawal and how to figure it out, treat symptoms, etc.
Again, don't be too hard on yourself. There have been times when depressed/manic I've smoked up to 3 ppd, and cigarettes have been my best friend, for life. Until the past 2 years when I have gotten repeated, increased, horrible pneumonias and I know I'm headed for COPD if I don't stop--that's motivating
THIS MORNING was the FIRST MORNING in my life, it seems like, that I didn't head STRAIGHT for the cigs, which I usually do upon awakening, (with coffee), and this morning I bathed, did laundry, hit my vape, and THEN finally smoked a cigarette! What a victory! It's amazing what can be achieved with the right tools, motivation, and support. This is a fantastic site, and I really hope it helps.
Also, I'm not sure how much you are aware are your options for treating anxiety (which will probably rise, during the initial quit phase...) There are plenty of non-habit forming anxiety meds that you can consider, or talk over with your doc. I hate benzos too, they just make me freaky and disinhibited, sigh. I use Neurontin daily and it TRULY helps with the anxiety, and it's a daily med where I don't have to up the dosage. Also, Seroquel in TINY doses (maybe XR if you have to go places, function, and whatnot) helps me just become a non-anxious blob on the sofa, I use it during episodes where I'm just CRAZY anxious, that being said you have to be careful as some of the atypical-antipsychotics change how nicotine and cigs are processed in your system....
There are also tons of anxiety coping skills. I use the one called "Mammalian diving reflex" when I'm just NUTS.... You get a big bowl of water with ice-cubes in it and you close eyes, hold nose and breath, and suspend yourself up to your ears, a couple times. Whales and other diving mammals have this reflex-- it decreases pulse, respiration, etc., all things anxiety related, so that mammals can hold breath for a long time under water-- humans have it TOO, though we don't use it much. I was skeptical to try it (I hate cold water, but it WORKS). I plan to use this if I'm really fretting for a real cigarette, as it just kind of CHILLS you out completely-- THE best coping skill I've found (I'm a therapist) as far as sheer physiology. Buying the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook might benefit you-- it's full of great stuff, you can do it by yourself or with your BF/therapist or even on your own, it's a cornucopia of excellent tools for anxiety. You can get it used fairly cheaply. I use these skills often.
If you want more info on meds or coping skills, I'd check out site crazyboards.org, they will educate you as a consumer as far as what might help you stabilize your meds, while you quit, and how to talk to your doc about it.
And finally, don't give up! I'm actually really excited with my morning progress. Be gentle to yourself and good luck! Finding the right e-cig for you will really give you a leg up and this site for sure did that!
Take care,
Anna
I haven't tried the ice water, but I do splash ice cold water into my face when I start getting extra anxious or panicky, it kind of jolts me back into a better place. I actually learned about doing that on pinterest and was surprised how well it works. My mom give me essential oils for calming too. I don't know how much I really believe in oils but I think smelling something strong is a lot like a grounding technique and it does help. Pretty much tho, the biggest thing I've done with my anxiety is just go with it. The more I fight against it the more worked up I become until I have a total meltdown. I've learned that at some point there really isn't much I can do to make it go away. So I like to chant to myself, when I'm about to do something hard "just get it over with" it's stupid, but it actually helps.
I'll need to reread to get the spelling of nerontin but I've heard of it before and am going to google. And it does help to know about the tar being an antidepressant. Thank you so much! x
