And now my massive post from june 2007
I wrote a qutting story to say goodbye...
I wrote this poem in march when i had quit and was doing really well, lasted two weeks and then i gave in and have been struggling ever since. Just wanted to share some thoughts and journal writings that had helped they are taken from different pages , the stories on here have given me much more, so i thought i might add a few. At the bottom i have included a personal entry from my writing journal which i normally never share with others, but i feel this is the perfect place to share with us all on the same path, it just feels right , even if it means something to one person then that is something worth sharing for. THis is my 6th time trying to quit and its been pure evil when you know you need to quit but you cant because i am a nicotine addict and like many others on this site am going through the harsh stages and gripes and holds it has on me. The stories already that i have read tonight have given me the support that i need and stupid as it sounds didn't look for it before so thankyou to all of you for sharing your personal journeys. Here is a leaf out of my journal, even if it only touches one person that will make me smile 10/3 its been 3 months since i last gave up and i've recognised that all it took was that one smoke, im hooked, hook line and sinker. Im so sick of this, sick of your feeling, want to be my own person , elimate my fear, override this point override this ride from hell. Today would have been one of those make excuses day, where i would make promises to myself that i could smoke one a day and still be fine, I dont think so, I dont think that is really going to work, it never does and hasn't before, so what is going to make it any different now. I should be angry at them for ruining my life , they have robbed me of 15yrs and $28000, my almost dead organs hold $28000 worth of nothing, but its me who took that step and me that now must take back my life and me that must encourage myself day by day to a healthier and richer life. Im learning to say no and find that there are others around me encouring and helping through the struggles but its so hard when they are all still smoking, or havent smoked at all, im finding it hard to find friends and talk to people who have been there for that kind of support. I've put in a lot of hard work trying to quit and was feeling fabulous for a little while, and now back to smoking everyday. This is round 6 , so just like a dream journal, once again i have wipped out the no more smoking journal, and highlight one day at a time i got though the day , got through the first 12hours and so on. Reward and congratulate yourself every step of the way, for it makes all the difference in the progress and achieving the goal. I always thought that the alarm bells would ring and tell me i dont want to smoke anymore and i could just quit, but im working on my issues that while my body wants to quit and my mind wants to quit , i am now dealing with the emotional and mental physical challenges of quitting. As they say it takes 3 weeks to form a habit..... its one habbit i know i need to be without. I have now realised that that day will never come to say its time , i must make that decision now. I know sounds weird, but i sit in the middle of really enjoy them and the other half of me doesn't want it at all. So i am making the decision to now quit. I must keep up with the writings its helping so much to re-read all that i've been writing, its what i've been looking for its staring right back at me. My support. The chewing gum is helping so much, but unfortuanlety not agreeing with my teeth, the patches are great but are really itching at the moment, so went to the next step but they make me feel funny. The tablets help but taste like crap, this is really helping during the day reminding me that this aweful taste is just aweful and no way in the world im going to inhale a cigarette today. As long as im taking it one day at a time, this is working for me. Weeks ahead scare me so baby steps from here on . I am a little shocked that the cigarette follows me everywhere, like to the coffee machine, to the laundry, in the car, in the carpark at work, out of the car, to the computer room after work. The time i had during the quitting time has far outweighed itself like gold than what its weighing it at now. So on the journey im begining again. I wish you all luck and support, and thankyou all also for sharing and taking the time to write your stories.
Titled "Goodbye No ones friend"
Once where the light surrounded ones world, now is filling up with darkeness not leaving much behind. Once upon where one felt comfortable a means to do in bored spaces, is now succumbed to only darkness. Not feeling the the affects of ones actions, thy time has come, must serve myself now, must be strong and not deliver thy evil that has manifested itself in its throws. Now i am tired, tired with this strain of thought that has been consuming me. The little voice is becoming weeker, needing to eraser this little man, he cannot be given words no longer, he must not be given fuel to burn his thoughts within me. Must recognize to breathe life, I am not alone, i must battle this ever consuming fear that is attacking my ever waking moment. Waking moments, exercise candy for the mind, make of it what you will. I am no longer what i was. Goodbye no ones friend.
How is Lexi?
