OT: Has anyone on here adopted a kid?

[krazie_Kid]

I am wondering if anyone here has adopted a child, because I was thinking in the future instead of having my own child to adopt one. I know there are plenty of kids out there that need the love and care of out there, and I would be willing to do it, but I have a few question's, and these question's run through my head a lot.

1) Were you worried that it would feel weird that since it was not your "own" child, by birth that you would not love it as much as your own? If so, how did you get over it?

2) Do you let the parent(s) visit the child?

3) How old is the child? I would like to do what my adopted aunt did with my cousin, adopted right from birth.

There is a few reason's I am asking this, and I have been open in the past about myself, so here it goes. My Girlfriend can not physically have children, and personally, with my history of depression, I would rather not pass it on to them. She also has a slight case of depression as well, so yeah, even if we could have a child we would not want to pass that on.

Like I said, I am just curious because I would rather adopt, but I am worried because of the bond you have from giving birth to the child, and the bond a father has as well with that child.

I know this does not belong here, on a vaping forum, but to be quite honest, besides my Aunt, who I rarely talk to, I do not know where else to ask this, because this is the only forum I belong on, and I trust a handful of you guy's on here that I can ask question's about something and tell you guy's about myself.

 

[Clover~]

I am adopted. My brother is adopted. My sister was a miracle child. I'm pretty sure my parents love us all the same...


honestly I don't know if you should have kids right now at all.

 

[Moonflame]

I'm adopted and so is my brother. I gave birth to my children. I don't think I love my kids any more than my adopted parents love my brother and I. There are so many kids that need good homes and bonding comes from time and love dedicated to a child, not just from biology. There is a poem my mother wrote in my baby book that has a line that I've always loved, "You didn't grow under my heart, but in it." I think that says it all.

 

[krazie_Kid]

I am adopted. My brother is adopted. My sister was a miracle child. I'm pretty sure my parents love us all the same...


honestly I don't know if you should have kids right now at all.

Well I did say it would be in the future, not any time soon. It is more of me worrying if I would care for them, like someone would care for their own.

I'm adopted and so is my brother. I gave birth to my children. I don't think I love my kids any more than my adopted parents love my brother and I. There are so many kids that need good homes and bonding comes from time and love dedicated to a child, not just from biology. There is a poem my mother wrote in my baby book that has a line that I've always loved, "You didn't grow under my heart, but in it." I think that says it all.

Moon, that is quite touching, and your response is exactly what I wanted to hear. I am not too worried anymore. I am really looking forward to when I am older and having my own child.

 

[keyzygirl]

KK,I look at it this way.There are alot of parents who did not want children and have them.Then there are alot of people who want children so badly their hearts hurt and they cant have them.Which family would you rather be a part of?

 

[Clover~]

Well I did say it would be in the future, not any time soon. It is more of me worrying if I would care for them, like someone would care for their own.

How bout I call up my dad and ask him if he loves me or my sister more....

 

[Prism]

That was beautifully said Keyz

 

[ThankU4Vaping]

I have a friend who adopted an infant girl in 2006, when her only son was ten. She went through two IVF cycles that did not produce a child. She then used an adoption agency and she and her DH were selected by a 16 year old girl "in trouble" from a neighboring state. This was an open adoption and the mother of the pregnant girl wanted to hide the fact that her daughter was pregnant from her community and her church. To accomplish this, the young mother-to-be lived in the adoptive parents' house for the last three months of her pregnancy and they were with her during the birth and up to three days after. Under their agreement, contact between birth mother and adoptive family would include correspondence for five years. That little girl is loved no less than her older brother, and I am sure of it.

I know someone in her forties who was adopted at 3 days old, and was the only child her parents had. This adoption was closed and there was no contact with the birth mother. Yes, they loved her and treated her as if she was "their own" because the truth is she is "THEIR OWN." Giving birth is not what bonds a child to their parents, unconditional LOVE is the bond.

In both cases, the similarity is that the adoptive parents wanted to love/raise a child and be real parents more than anything else in the world. They wanted it REAL BAD for a long time. They were ready physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially to be parents. Birth parents have children, while real parents raise children.

There was a recent story in the news about 2 twelve year old girls with a "switched at birth" story. They were told the truth and were asked what they wanted to do about it. They each chose to stay with their real parents, and not their birth parents. They knew their real parents, and were loved and cared for by them and had "that bond" already.

You speak of the future. Good! You have lots of time, don't rush into the most important job you will ever have!

 

[waylonjessi4ever]

My gf and her husband couldnt have kids so they adopted one from the "system " i.e. mother was an addict and father wasnt' around .She was about 1 1/2 ,the process in cali took several years ,depends on the case .Anyway yes they love her as their own and so does her aunts and uncles and extended family .They adopted a boy a couple years later and they are both very much loved .Usually if you want them ,there is no difference ,except family resemblance .They have been wonderful parents .Kids are almost grown now .I would have done it even after my biological child if i had had the means to give them what they deserve ,not just what they need .Its a fabulous thing to do .

 

[Iowa Gal]

I can't speak as an adoptive parent...but when my son got married a little over a year ago I got my grandson Jack who is 7. In March our grand daughter Gabriella was born...in my eyes I have two beautiful grandchildren and there is no difference in my love for them. When you are ready to take on that responsibility.. it wouldn't matter. Children need love, acceptance, discipline not a dna report.

 

[krazie_Kid]

I have a friend who adopted an infant girl in 2006, when her only son was ten. She went through two IVF cycles that did not produce a child. She then used an adoption agency and she and her DH were selected by a 16 year old girl "in trouble" from a neighboring state. This was an open adoption and the mother of the pregnant girl wanted to hide the fact that her daughter was pregnant from her community and her church. To accomplish this, the young mother-to-be lived in the adoptive parents' house for the last three months of her pregnancy and they were with her during the birth and up to three days after. Under their agreement, contact between birth mother and adoptive family would include correspondence for five years. That little girl is loved no less than her older brother, and I am sure of it.

I know someone in her forties who was adopted at 3 days old, and was the only child her parents had. This adoption was closed and there was no contact with the birth mother. Yes, they loved her and treated her as if she was "their own" because the truth is she is "THEIR OWN." Giving birth is not what bonds a child to their parents, unconditional LOVE is the bond.

In both cases, the similarity is that the adoptive parents wanted to love/raise a child and be real parents more than anything else in the world. They wanted it REAL BAD for a long time. They were ready physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially to be parents. Birth parents have children, while real parents raise children.

There was a recent story in the news about 2 twelve year old girls with a "switched at birth" story. They were told the truth and were asked what they wanted to do about it. They each chose to stay with their real parents, and not their birth parents. They knew their real parents, and were loved and cared for by them and had "that bond" already.

You speak of the future. Good! You have lots of time, don't rush into the most important job you will ever have!

Thank you for your response, it really did help me understand a lot. I am really looking forward to having a child in the future, but I am always scared about a lot of things, especially not being a good parent. But hearing the two (techinally 3 stories) you have posted is an inspiration to me.

KK,I look at it this way.There are alot of parents who did not want children and have them.Then there are alot of people who want children so badly their hearts hurt and they cant have them.Which family would you rather be a part of?

That is very true Keyzy, I know for a fact that the person I am with (ANd who knows if we will last? Not me or anyone) But she can not have kids. But I personally would rather adopt after hearing everyones stories and replies.

I can't speak as an adoptive parent...but when my son got married a little over a year ago I got my grandson Jack who is 7. In March our grand daughter Gabriella was born...in my eyes I have two beautiful grandchildren and there is no difference in my love for them. When you are ready to take on that responsibility.. it wouldn't matter. Children need love, acceptance, discipline not a dna report.

Iowa Gal, that is very true. And parent's now a day's do not know how to discipline their children. They scream and whine when they do not get what they want. My parent's said I was never like that when I was a child.

 

[Nana2B]

KK...My brother & Sister-in-law tried every thing available to have biological children back in the late '70s early '80s. When they finally decided to adopt our whole family was giddy with anticipation..even more than if S-I-L was pregnant. When their first daughter arrived from Korea at 3 mos. old it was as if God had given us all a gift none of us was worthy of. 2 years after that they adopted another baby girl with some medical problems, also from Korea. These children were wanted so much I can't describe it. Do my 2 daughters love their cousins less because they are adopted & Korean? NO....do I love them less? No...2 years ago my brother & Sis-in law became grandparents to a redheaded baby boy. Is he less of a grandson because he doesn't have their blood? NO...because he has their hearts.

 

[krazie_Kid]

KK...My brother & Sister-in-law tried every thing available to have biological children back in the late '70s early '80s. When they finally decided to adopt our whole family was giddy with anticipation..even more than if S-I-L was pregnant. When their first daughter arrived from Korea at 3 mos. old it was as if God had given us all a gift none of us was worthy of. 2 years after that they adopted another baby girl with some medical problems, also from Korea. These children were wanted so much I can't describe it. Do my 2 daughters love their cousins less because they are adopted & Korean? NO....do I love them less? No...2 years ago my brother & Sis-in law became grandparents to a redheaded baby boy. Is he less of a grandson because he doesn't have their blood? NO...because he has their hearts.

I thank you for sharing your story, and I am so happy to hear that your family was so excited!!!

I do thank you all for sharing your stories here, it is... Quite a relief to hear how loving and caring a family can be with an adopted child. I am not worried anymore, nor am I afraid of not loving the child.

I am just hoping to be a parent that is going to be able to say no when I have to, and not spoil my child, and be able to discipline them. I have seen kids that are not disciplined and how when they grew up they were getting arrested and doing drugs...

My aunt passed away from drugs, and I would never want to see my child ever do that.

 

[Kanza]

KK...blood might be thicker than water but LOVE is MUCH thicker than blood If it weren't, our spouses would be way down the list of "people we love in life"

My husband and his sister are adopted (closed) and it wasn't a happy family...but that's simply the "luck of the draw" because every family is different

No one is prepared for parenthood...you just try to do the best you can and reach out for help when you need it You'll know when the time is right - be it next week or a decade from now Kids need security and love...LOTS of love and even more LOVE

 

[krazie_Kid]

KK...blood might be thicker than water but LOVE is MUCH thicker than blood If it weren't, our spouses would be way down the list of "people we love in life"

My husband and his sister are adopted (closed) and it wasn't a happy family...but that's simply the "luck of the draw" because every family is different

No one is prepared for parenthood...you just try to do the best you can and reach out for help when you need it You'll know when the time is right - be it next week or a decade from now Kids need security and love...LOTS of love and even more LOVE

Heh, hopefully it will be about a decade from now when I am ready. I do not think anyone is "fully" ready for children, if that makes any sense, but most are ready when they have a child. And I noticed how a child can be... Distant, if that is the word I am looking for, without love...

Love and Discipline, two things kids now a day's need. "These young whipper snapper's do not know what discipline is" Is what my grandpop always said, and it is true. Look when "Lil Johnny" is with mommy and daddy in a store, and he throws a tantrum, or walks away, what do the parents do? "Lil Johnny come here, Lil Johnny" Man, if that were me, I would have my .... handed to me so fast.

 

[redheadone]

First I want to commend you on wanting to adopt. There are so many children out there that need loving homes. Just make sure it is the right decision for you and your girfriend. There are a lot of adopted kids out there who were raided by adoptive families and were loved just as much as if they were thie own. I have a few friends that were adopted and have nothing but good things to say about thier parents. i was adopted myself and I love my father very much although he has passed now. I wish i could say the same about my adoptive mom. I don't know what the problem was but for some reason she just couldn't love me the way she should have. Good luck in your endeavor and like I said give it a lot of thought and make sure it is the right time and also make sure that you can love your child like it was your own. If you have any doubts at all then I wouldn't.

 

[incantius]

if you wait until you're completely ready you never will both of my kids were "unexpected delights" (i.e. not planned lol) but even though we've had some tough times i can honestly say i wouldn't trade a thing. my nephew was adopted when he was like 2.5 years old. if you even hinted to anyone in my family that he wasn't really family...you'd get shot! (but of course i'm from the backwoods in 'Bama what else would you expect )

 

[KrisBKream]

I skipped a bunch of responses, sorry. I was adopted as was my sister. We were told before either of us remembers and it has been no issue at all. The only downside is not having a medical history at the doctors' offices, and that's beyond petty next to a loving family. My wife and I were in the process of researching adoption when she got pregnant to our mutual surprise and delight. I understand any hesitation you feel though. My wife had the same concerns while I kept saying "once you hold your child there is no doubt that it is YOUR child, no matter where he/she lived for 9 months."

 

[KrisBKream]

Love and Discipline, two things kids now a day's need. "These young whipper snapper's do not know what discipline is" Is what my grandpop always said, and it is true. Look when "Lil Johnny" is with mommy and daddy in a store, and he throws a tantrum, or walks away, what do the parents do? "Lil Johnny come here, Lil Johnny" Man, if that were me, I would have my .... handed to me so fast.

Love, discipline, and tenacity. For me, the urge to throw my hands up and say "whatever" and walk away is the biggest hurdle. My daughter is only 2 so I haven't seen the results of my theory, but my theory is this: As long as I never stop trying to do my best to shape my child into a healthy adult, and as long as I forgive myself for my mistakes and move on to the next one, I will always be able to say I was the best parent I could be

 

[Darth Skirata]

My sister and I are both adopted from birth (different biological parents). We were both told from before we can remember that we were adopted and it was never been an issue. Adoption is a great choice, because there are a lot of people out there who have children that really can’t take care of them. My biological parents were teenagers from broken homes. So because of adoption, I got to grow up with great parents who loved me and in an environment much much better than where I would have been.